Slackers' Lounge

Features

Thoughts.
This is the most intimate, though seemingly the most random portion of the site. Here, the slackers share with us what's on their minds in the midst of the night. Please remove hats and shoes...heck, all clothes before entering.

forthelove

10-24-01 Janet.
Listening to "Son of a Gun" by Janet Jackson. I wonder why its so empowered for her to write a song like this, but a guy who gets done wrong in the same fashion really is only allowed to be upset. I mean, I know women are treated badly a lot, but so are guys. Oh well, don't get upset or anything. Just a thought.

03-16-02 Hamlet
Now might I do it, pat, now he is a-praying.
Ay, and now I'll do't.
And so he goes to heaven, and so am I revenged. That would be scann'd:
A villian kills my father, and I his sole son do that same villain send to heaven?
Why, this is hire and salary, not revenge.
He took my father grossly, and full of bread
with all his crimes broad blown, as flush as May,
and how his audit stands, who knows save Heaven.
But in our circumstance and course of thought
'tis heavy with him. And am I then revenged
to take him in the purging of his soul?
No.
Up, sword, and know thou a more horrid hent.

When he is drunk asleep, or in his rage,
or in th' incestuous pleasures of his bed.
At game a-swearing, or about some act
that has no relish of salvation in't.
Then trip him that his heels may kick at heaven
but his soul is damn'd and black as hell
whereto it goes. My mother stays.
This physic but prolongs thy sickly days.

6-05-02 Politics
There are so many things coming out now about security failures concerning the 9-11 attacks. It really gets me heated. We already know there were security failures. That's why there have been so many good and also ill-advised reforms in laws, security procedures, and government policy. So shut up about the screw-ups, huh?

5-24-03 To Live is to Die
I have in the past months become a very big fan of Metallica, but I am going to sidestep all of that for the moment. The band used to have a bassist in its earlier times named Cliff Burton. He was killed in a bus crash that the rest of the band survived. In his memory, they included on the album ...And Justice For All a track entitled "To Live is to Die". This is a track that I was, for a very long time, afraid to listen to because of all the emotion that must surely have been poured into it. I eventually faced it and I found that I was right. It is a song composed almost completely of sadness and it pulls at your heart. But as a fan, I still listen to it and I "enjoy" it, not only in Cliff's memory, but because it is an incredible piece of music. As rich as it is with sadness, it is rich with symbolism. The way poetry and visual art may be so endowed with meaning that you can't ignore it, so too is this music filled with explanation. This is why it contains only spoken words, which Cliff himself had said before his death. I just...I guess I just love the song.

9-27-04 The Big Long Letter 1:51am EST
Why is it that all those urges come at night? I mean the good ones...right now I want to plug up the sewage pipe that empties above my life and Change my whole deal around. I want to clean up my room and get free of the styrofoam cups and boxes and all the plasticware wrappers...every useless reciept and all the clothes strewn about. I want to organize and straighten...to rearrange and neaten...to vacuum and fold. But its 110am and I have myriad assignments I should be doing before my self-imposed and already violated bedtime of 2am. This wish was it...the one I was going to make come true...I was going to be a whirlwind across my own little world and from my room I'd spread out and fix my school life and my romantic situation...my friendships and my family...I was going to fix my own big world all starting with one room and one set of old and empty soda cups.

But I won't let me.

I can already feel my feet slipping as begins the slide into depressed anger...if there is or could be such a thing. I've made so many radical and rash stands already in the past month...and the past week...and the past day. I don't know if my accounts can handle another bold step. Can I afford the time? The money? The grade effect? Can I afford to invest in not giving up on fixing things? For the uninitiated (read: everyone), I have completed no assignment in the past month and a half of class...for anyone. I've spent myself down into money that isn't really mine, and I have made every one of my non-family relationships subject to question. So do I have enough HP left to fix up my broken down self?

{smiles} This is where things get really long.
My unencumbered and very literal self would say 'Of course! You can have whatever you want as long as you are willing to give all there is for it.' The idea being, of course, that if I'm willing to not care if I fail out, go broke, or lose my friends over the prospect of putting my life back together, then I'll be right as rain in actually a very short time.

Of course though, I do have other things I want to take care of. I've survived 2 full years of college and 4 years of highschool and I don't like the idea of quitting so late in the race. I put my name down to be in charge of a long and taxing process of planning and executing a national convention. A coworker of mine for the past couple of summers said once 'It always sucks worst when you know you can't just let things go to shit.' Well...its true.

But you know what? I'm so sick of this room being so dirty that I'm going to fucking clean it, no matter how late it is and no matter what else I have or haven't done. Just like all my other 'spontaneous' decisions, this one is made in an instant after a long deliberation. Expect me to write more later.