†Ethan's House†
Our Angel.....
Alec Jordan
October 16,1994 to October 27,1994
Alec Jordan was born with a congenital heart defect called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (underdeveloped left side of the heart). We did not know about Alec's heart until five hours after birth when he started showing signs of distress. My pregnancy had been uneventful, including an ultrasound at 18 weeks where we were told everything looked great; as you can see it was quite a shock.
Alec was sent immediately to a city hospital that was able to give medical care to babies with severe heart defects. Alec was scheduled to have surgery--a three-stage operation ( which usually ends up being more). Alec had to wait three days for the first operation (the surgeon was out of the country). However, on the second day in the ICU Alec started losing oxygen because the meds to keep a part of his heart open stopped working. Alec seized and suffered brain damage and neuromuscular disease. He was no longer a candidate to have the surgeries because his chance of survival was slim. We painfully had to make the decision to not go through with the surgery and to let Alec be held and loved his last few days like any other baby. It was the hardest decision we had to make in our lives, even though we knew we really had no other choice. We were told Alec would only live a few hours to a day, but he kept hanging in there, which was so hard. He lived for nine more days. I am now glad that I had those nine days to hold and love my baby.
Alec's short life changed my life so much; I am not the same person I was before we lost him. I had not experienced a painful loss before Alec. I lost my innocence the day he died; it was like the world turned upside down--babies aren't supposed to die. My entire life changed in a flash. My daughter was born 14 months after we lost Alec; I wanted to give my surviving son a living sibling and add another child to our family. I am more protective and nervous about my surviving kids. I am always afraid that something can happen to them, since I have learned that nobody is immune to tragedy.
Alec affected my whole family. My oldest son was then 2 1/2, and he saw and held Alec before we knew of his heart. Alec's death really affected his life. I had to explain to him why his baby was not coming home. He was a mature two-year-old, and he understood a lot of what was going on. He knows that death is permanent. Our oldest is now 5 1/2 years old and worries about everyone and their health. He talks a lot about his brother and even asks to see pictures at times. He is a caring, loving brother to his younger sister..
My husband is very private and dealt with Alec's death in his own way, different then me. I wanted him to grieve the same way as I did. I learned that different is not wrong. He grieved his son more than I actually thought. Our family was supportive of us. My entire family came to the hospital to see Alec and hold him . . . he touched everybody's life. Of course months after his death everyone wanted me to go on; it hurt them to see me still hurting. I have great friends who sat and listened to me talk about my son over and over again through the years.
Each year, we go to the memorial at the hospital where Alec died, and we visit his grave on his birthday and leave a pumpkin for him that his brother and sister decorated. I light a memorial candle in his memory during different holidays during the year.
I think about Alec each day, and the hole he left in our lives will never be filled. We go on with our lives, we learn to laugh, to live again, but we never forget and we never get over his death . . . we just keep working through it.
To newly bereaved parents: just take it day by day, and give yourself a pat on the back for just getting through each day. The road of grief is a bumpy one. All are bad days at first, then one okay day pops up mixed in with all the bad ones, and then a few more good days--its that old saying, "Time . . ." I found it helpful to talk to anyone who would listen to me speak about Alec. It also helped to talk to other parents who have also gone through a loss because they "really" understand.
Copyright 1997,98 Ethans House,
Inc.
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