†Ethan's House†
Our Angel.....
Andrew Tyler
January 24th, 1997 Born Still
Andrew was born still due to fetal maternal hemorrhage. Andrew's blood was found in Joann's when they ran tests on her after Andrew was born. Our high-risk doctor concluded that he had a hemorrhage, but he doesn't know why. He said it is very rare (it only happens in one in 1,000 stillbirths). The doctor said Andrew lost about 70 percent of his blood. Apparently, half of the time that this happens it is a result of a serious trauma (for example, a very bad car accident); the other half of the time, there simply is no explanation. The doctor also said there is no reason to believe this will happen again. If it does, he said, we will be a case study.
The only memories we have of Andrew are pregnancy ones. We remember him playing games with his father; Matt would touch him, he would run away. He loved watching football and baseball on T.V. When he was born, he was the most beautiful thing either of us ever had seen. He had a full head of black hair and soft skin. We held him and took pictures. All four of his grandparents also got to hold him. We were all so happy to see his beautiful face but sad that this wonderful child wouldn't be coming home with us to live.
Andrew's death has put everything in perspective for us. We now know how precious life is. As a married couple, we have grown closer together. As believers in God, we have grown closer to Him. As children, we have grown closer to our parents. As siblings ... well, you get the picture. Most of our family has been wonderful. We thank God for the wonderful group of people he has given us for support. There are a few family members who haven't been as supportive as we would like. Some don't seem to want to talk about him. They are afraid they will be opening a can of worms, we guess.Both sets of grandparents acknowledge Andrew as their grandchild. We have gained many wonderful new friends through this loss, too. We don't have any family members in the immediate vicinity (about an hour away is as close as anybody is), but some of our friends are as close to family as they can be.
We will never forget Andrew. We will always love him. He was our firstborn, our perfect child. We have come a long way in the past three years. We were at the bottom of the barrel when we found out. While we're not on Cloud Nine yet, we are somewhere in between.
We still are attending a support group once a month, and it has helped immensely. It was scary going for the first time, but not anymore. Joann joined several online support groups. Ethan's House has been a place where she found support, comfort and always someone that understands.
For his first birthday, most of our family members came over. We went ice skating and visited Andrew's gravesite. We had a huge lunch of homemade pizza, then Andrew's grandfather made beef stroganoff (Andrew's favorite meal). We had a Mass said for him at our church that day, and all of his family attended. We did a lot of praying. When other important dates come (Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.), we usually visit the cemetery and leave special things on his headstone. We gave him a poinsetta, a little Christmas tree, a nativity and several other Christmas-type things for Christmas.
Never ignore or try to sweep your loss under the rug. No matter what anybody says, your baby was important. Don't be afraid to talk to your close friends and family members about your feelings and about your child. As couples, talk to each other. Make memories for your baby. Strongly consider joining a support group. If that is not enough, get professional help. Most importantly, put your trust in God. He will ease your pain.
Copyright 1997-99 Ethans House,
Inc.
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