†Ethan's House†
Our Angel.....
Charles Richardson Samuel
December 1, 1998 to May 4, 1999
Charles Richardson Samuel-Sammy- was the most precious little baby a mother or father could ever want. He had the sweetest little smile that would melt your heart. My other two children are very sickly with asthma and other problems, and Sammy was supposed to be the child of ours that had "no" medical problems, and could lead a normal life.
Sammy was my joy, I had a pretty easy pregnancy with him, considering all the appointments and him thinking he wanted to show early in November instead of his due date of Christmas Eve. I remember the day he was born, he looked so sweet, so precious, I could have held him in my arms for hours on end.
Sammy was born on December 1, 1998 at 5:10 a.m, and began to get sick the next day.At 1 1/2 days old they diagnosed him with a Coarctation, and he had his first surgery at 4 days old at Children's Hospital in Seattle, WA.
Everything was looking great until about mid January, when the doctors found he had Bicuspid Stenois; they again operated on him January 28th, this time doing an angioplasty. He was fine again for about 3 weeks and then in February he became really sick and was in the hospital for two weeks on a ventilator, and they discovered he needed his Mitral Valve replaced or corrected.
His over all condition was named Shones Complex or Left Heart Abnormality and they scheduled his Mitral angioplasty for the end of March but he couldn't wait that long so they did it in the beginning of March instead.
Everything was go as planned and then on April 2, 1999, Sammy was put in the hospital for what would be his last time. He was hospitalized from April 2, 1999 to May 4, 1999, when he died from complications of too many infections.
Sammy should not have died; it could have possibly been prevented as I had begged the nurses to please get the doctor or a respiratory therapist to come look at him because he was looking really sick and not looking right for my comfort. They told me not to worry he would be fine, so I sat there holding him in my arms for the last time. I told them that by the morning they would have to ventilate him and they argued. When they paged me the next morning they had had to put the breathing tube down for him.
I remember going into to see him for the brief minute that they let me, sitting there with him holding my hand, he gave it one final squeeze and grinned at me and then closed his eyes. I think at that point he knew and that his angels were there to take him home to be with Jesus. I stepped out of the room to make a phone call and he coded right as I closed the door. They would not let me back in, working on him for 25 minutes before pronouncing him as dead. I remember them coming to tell me that he had died; I felt so numb I almost collapsed, wanting to hold him and love him. They let me take him into a private room where I and my family spent about five hours with him. My husband and I bathed him and dressed him, my mom sang his favorite song, "Jesus Loves you",pictures were taken and his foot and hands prints and molds. The hardest part of that day was when I had to hand him back to the nurses to take him away. I didn't want to let go but I had to.
I am now so empty inside and I never thought I could feel such a thing. I have two other children but my heart is so empty right now. I am more protective of the other two,cuasing my husband to some times think I have paranoia. But I couldn't bare to lose another child of mine, their my life. I have decided to do everything I can to fight for a cure, to find out why children get Shones Complex and can it be stopped, I hope to some day have a foundation called Shones Kids in Sammy's memory. He will live on maybe not in flesh but in our hearts and the hearts of those who help in this worthy cause.
Sammy loved the attention his brother and sister would adorn on him from day one. The other children love him like no one could believe, most kids would be jealous of a new sibling, but from day one that was "their" baby and nobody else's. Sammy was very close with his Grandma Cheryl which is my mom, everyone is taking this really hard. His brother and sister are very emotional at this time, wanting to know when their baby is coming home and its really hard to explain he wont be coming home. My oldest broke down and cried for the first time today as I sit here writing this, because I can't stop the tears, he knows what happened and its hard on him to show how he feels.
The day we buried Sammy, I released four balloons into the sky, on each one I wrote something, together they spelled "We Love You Sammy,rest in peace" I gave one to my mom, husband, and my mother-in-law and at the end of the service we each released them; it felt as though we were releasing Sammy into the Heavens and letting go. I plan on going to the cemetery on his birthday in December and having a party for him, and do other little things on other holidays.
As Hard as it may seem "go on" you need to go on, maybe not for your self but for the ones that love you, remember your child, don't let people tell you years down the road not to cry for your loss because its been awhile. Just because its been years, it doesn't mean that the pain is gone, the pain will always be there day and night. I remember when my husband and I got married, I had people telling me "oh Connie quit over reacting about your dad not being here, its been three years its time to get on" its never time to get on though, the pain will always be there day or night.
Please visit the Shones Kids Heart Foundation, ShonesKids, and Sammy's personal page Sammy.
Copyright 1997-2000 Ethans House,
Inc.
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