Saxophones Jokes

Why did the lead alto player play so many wrong notes?

Because he kept ignoring the key signature-- he thought it was a suggestion.

If lost in the woods, who do you ask for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?

The out-of-tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate that you're hallucinating.

What's the difference between a lawnmower and a tenor sax?

1. Lawnmowers sound better in small ensembles.

2. You can tune a lawnmower.

3. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawnmower and don't return it.

4. The grip.

What's the difference between a bari-sax and a chain saw?

1. Vibrato.

2. The exhaust.

You may be a redneck saxophonist if...

...you have an old bass sax up on blocks in your front yard.

...you spell it "saxaphone."

...you think the bell of your instrument is a great place to hold a longneck during a gig.

...the gun rack in your pickup truck holds a couple of old Buesher sopranos.

...you think that Boots Randolph is the greatest Jazz musician who ever lived.

What do a saxophone and a baseball bat have in common?

People cheer when you hit them with a bat.

You are in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and Kenny G. You have a gun but only two bullets. What do you do? Shoot Kenny G twice... just to make sure.

What is the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

How do you tune a saxophone and a trumpet?

Shoot the saxophone.

How many saxophones does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, it takes at least 20 to figure out the lights are even out.

What's the difference between a baritone saxophone and a chain saw?

The exhaust.

The soprano, not being smart enough to use birth control, says to her saxophophonist lover, "Honey, I think you better pull out now." He replies, "Why? Am I sharp?"

Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones.