Lord, I've Felt Like A Worm For So Long,
It's Hard To Think Like A

Butterfly!

Forward by Joan Wilson

(For all the Christians who can fly
but don't know it)

I was depressed

Healing came, as all true healings do, in a flash of understanding, in seeing life not from my tiny peephole, but from God's grand view. All my hurts, I saw, whether caused by others or my sin, are used by God to fashion and form a new person, a new me!

The truth was liberating, and I jumped up from the couch. "Mary, I'm going to write a book some day, and I'm going to call it, "Lord, I've Felt Like A Worm For So Long, It's Hard To Think Like A Butterfly!"

We both laughed, reveling in the joy of the moment. Then she sobered and said, "I do think it would be a good idea for you to keep a daily journal. Write your thoughts, any Bible verses you find, your prayers --- just whatever comes to mind. It will help you see what God is doing in your life, and it also will help you see your real self. You don't have the slightest idea who you really are."

Two weeks later, I sat in bed one night, reviewing my journal. The days when I managed to get my work done, be kind to everyone, pray, and read the Bible, were "good." days. If I yelled at the kids and didn't get much done, then it was a "bad," day.

While I was mulling over this self-imposed grading system, a thought came suddenly, penetrating my thoughts. It came as a question

Why don't you like yourself?

The question intrigued me. Until that moment I didn't know I didn't like myself. But it was true.

since I had become accustomed to writing my thoughts, I jotted the question in my journal and then wrote a reply. Another question came, another reply, and not until I finished the converstation did I realize I had been talking with the Lord!

astonishing! Had it really happened? Was it really the Lord Jesus talking or was I making it all up? Perhaps it was just one of those marvelous onetime miracles He gives when we need a special boost.

You can bet I was ready the next night, pen in hand, just in case it happened again. It did. Again, and as often as I would listen, He was ready to speak. Never audibly, of course, but always inside my thoughts, imparting truth I could never have imagined.

That was sixteen years ago. (Now twenty-two). I wish I could say I am always faithful since to listen, but sometimes I lose faith to believe it is really Him. Sometimes I get very busy to avoid Him and the change that comes from hearing Him. For I have listened often enough to know the experience can be radically tranforming

Listening is not just a safe and easy way to gain insights to Scripture. Listening causes confrontation with the only true Revolutionary, the Person of Jesus Christ

Listening is the "better part," that Jesus commended Mary for choosing. In contrast, her busy sister, Martha, was corrected for worrying about all the work she had to do.

while Martha fretted and fussed, Mary sat quietly at the Lord's feet. I don't think she was sitting there taking notes, working on her theological degree. She just enjoyed being with Jesus. (Luke 10:38-42)

Though she heard what He said, she was learning the Man, and it was by being with Him that she was transformed— without doing anything at all!

I was asked "what is your purpose in publishing your book?" My answer is, to make disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ. Though pastors and teachers are God's wonderful gift to us, if we are disciples of men and not the Man, Jesus. For a true disciple is one taught personally by the Lord Himself.

So I encourage every Christian, whether old, young, rich, poor, smart, or simple, to dare to believe Jesus Christ can and will talk to them personally. After all, He promised, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and he with Me." (Revelation 3:20.)

this verse draws a picture. I see two people, both at ease and enjoying the other's company. The next thought is so overwhelming I can hardly bear it. I see both seated on an equal level! Not one standing serving, nor kneeling before the other, but I see two friends, beloved companions!

This is the Heart of the Gospel. The Good News is, Jesus Christ is not far off in Heaven somewhere, way above us, lording it over us.

He is here now. Through His Spirit, He has taken a low place again and is sitting at the kitchen table of our hearts. He has come and made His home in us!

Joan Wilson