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Just How Much Did Luke Staley Cost PSU?

By DAVID ZOOK
Unbiased Observer


- Who: PSU(0-2) at The Football Team(1-1)
- When: 3:30 p.m. Saturday
- TV: CBS
- Line: Football Team by 50

Palmetto State University ascended to the top of the CCFFL football universe last year led by all-american Luke Staley. However, recent developments have cast a shadow on last years astonishing turnaround. 

The rumblings of trouble began months ago on rival Duff Beer University chat rooms. Wild claims suggested that last years PSU success was tainted. Those rumors were given new support this week when it was discovered that CCFFL investigator Bubba Franks was indeed in the Palmetto State asking questions about the eligibility of Luke Staley among other things. 

"We've been recently notified that there is a CCFFL special investigator who is currently in the state asking questions," said PSU AD Charlie Tisdale. "We fully expect that they won't find a damn thing because we already paid off all of the involved parties."

PSU head coach Sterling Sharpe lashed out at the media this past tuesday. "I don't know where you people in the media got the idea that you can ask these sorts of questions. I am becoming violently upset." Sharpe's anger quickly turned to tears after the press conference. In a one on one interview Sharpe broke down into tears and cried out "why can't the CCFFL just leave us alone. Do they not see what state this team is this year. Is that not enough for them? Must they piss on us when we're down? We've already paid for our sins!"
PSU's Lance Rice about to beat some poor helpless Foggy Bottom fratboy after the FBU victory. (Tony Crumpton/The State - 09/07/02) 


Read Yesterday's Complete Article on the Staley Investigation.
  

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 * CCFFL game
Away Score Home Score
PSU * 0 The Football Team* 0

- From The CCFFL's Sports pages

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Tony Hollings - Worth a Million Dollars?... CCFFL investigators find twice that in a his bank account
Lee Suggs - "I want out damn it... backfields way to crowded.. I'm a star"
DBU 76.5 points a game - yeah like they'll keep that shit up
Burlington - Do they have a team this year?... haven't hear a damn thing about them
Lance Bass found dead: Randy Miller primary suspect
Sam Adams U- How to fight the boredom of winning every week
College - oh how the mighty have fallen.. has Williams arogance caused the fall?
Bacardi - could the WR play been any more Howryble (boooo)
Cinncinnati - Oh NO!!! Dinwiddles down... and so is Walls and Johnson!!
Rare Interview with reclusive AD: Dallas explains why no UT wideouts were drafted.
TFT AD Jason Derrick breaks media silence to say "I'm not talking to you."
Foggy Bottom U Blows away competition, literally.
Bite Me curses, Slacker cheers... no Reggie Williams this week.