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Love and passion. Passion and love. It seems like such a simple thing. You love someone and feel passion for and about them. But it doesn't always work that way. I love him I really do. He makes me happy and is good for me. He loves me and I make him happy. Why then isn't there passion. He's my best friend. That shoudln't preclude passion. I spend all my time with him and enjoy doing so. That shouldn't preclude passion. We don't fight... ever. I like how easy thing are with him. But I don't burn for him. I know what it is like to feel that kind of passion. Even in anger there is this frisson.. this energy. A casual touch gets your entire attention. I could blame it on the fact this is the longest relationship I've ever had. Even in the begining though it wasn't there. I didn't get that feeling when lying in his arms of being whole and protected. of my whole world coming to focus on the contact. He's a good man... and I feel bad about not having this passion for him and wanting it. I think about what it would be like had I not married him... not given him my promise... not given up my life. I feel terrible for thinking such things. I think about sex with my ex and how mind blowing it was and I think about how sex with him is just good and fun. I feel terrible for thinking such things. I wonder what it would be like if he died or left or cheated and I don't seem to mind the thought and I feel terrible for it. I think about the loves I might have had... that I might have if I wasn't his. He would never leave me and I would never drive him away. I don't know how to create this passion I want... how to create the energy. I talk with another who I once and still burn for. I listen to his passion for another and I envy them both. Him for having it and her for being the object. She is the love of another life and I wish it had been I. In the stories of his pasts I want to have been there... to have him remember another me. I feel terrible for thinking such things. I want him to be happy with her. I want him to turn to me instead. I feel terrible for thinking such things.