Evangelion and their characters are owned by GAINAX 



	*Spoiler warning for those who haven't seen End of Eva*


	This fanfic is based on the last scene of End of Eva. I have 
been wanting to write a fanfic for quite a while now, but I've never had
an idea to start with. That was until I watched the second screening of
End of Eva at the UNSW anime club. After I'd seen it, I was struck it 
an idea for the meaning of the last scene. What if what most people 
thing is wrong. That Asuka was not resurrected along side Shinji because 
Shinji wished it. It's true that he had control, but basically from all 
that you can really tell, is that he wished to return. What if he wished 
to be alone, where no one could hurt him. And what if, it was Asuka 
herself, who decided to follow Shinji back to the world. Whilst everyone 
else decided to remain in the form of LCL...

By the way, for those who haven't already figured it out, this is my 
first fanfic.

Well this is it, as seen from the eyes of one Shinji Ikari.



________________________________________________________________________ 

		LAST SCENE: NO WHERE LEFT TO RUN 


version 1.03
by Mekat 


------------------------------------------------------------------------




I laid there for what seemed like an eternity. 
I could feel the cold sand beneath me, the brightness of the red sky 
assaulted my senses even as I tried my hardest to shut it out. What was 
I to do now. Where was I to go. I stay behind when I could have gone 
with them. I stayed because don't believe happiness was there. I stayed 
because I believed that my happiness would be found here. Was I wrong? 
How could I find it here? There is nothing here.....

.....

A sound...?

.....

There it was again....

Where was it coming from?

I forced my eyes open, but every motion came slowly. I felt like I was 
badly synchronized with my own body. Every movement, every heart beat 
had to be forced. It took all my strength to turn my head. But 
eventually I succeeded.

That's when I saw her.

Her. Her. Her.

What was she doing here? I did not want her here. Did I?

I remember that I returned on my own wish. I wanted to find my 
happiness by myself.

She was not meant to be here.

She would make this final refuge hell.

She is at the same time my ultimate desire but also my ultimate hell.

Rejection... Rejection... Rejection...

Like she has done before. She rejects me because I am a child. But 
she is a child herself. 

Anger surged in me like in the dream. Or at lest I call it a dream. 

But it was when I was still with them. And she was there too. I tried 
to help. I tried to understand. I tried to appease. But all she could 
do was to give me pain. To refuse me. So is that why I had grabbed 
her by the neck and started to squeeze? I really felt at the time 
that I wanted to kill her. To erase her from existence. To stop the 
pain.

Eliminate the pain. 

I can't stand the pain.

Dark whispers from the deepest parts of my consciousness.

The beast, the murderer, the monster which capable of the worst in me 
was brought to the surface.

My body moved of it's own whim.

My body was tried, tried of the pain.

It was tried of running away.

So it was reacting to the threat.

It would eliminate the threat.

I was tried too.

Tried of the pain.

Tried of running.

So I would let it be done.

I slowly picked myself up and moved towards her. I positioned myself 
on top of her. I placed my hands around her throat. I begun to 
squeeze.

To my surprise she took her time to react in any way. I could feel 
how cold she was. Her skin was as ice.

I continued on my set task. If she did not have the will to live did 
she deserve to live?

I eventually started to stare deeply into her eyes. I was soon lost 
in them.....

Sky blue....

What are you doing?

I am killing her.

Why are you doing it?

Because she causes pain.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Are you sure?

No.

Are you sure?

.....

Do you want to stop doing it?

Yes.

Then why don't you stop?

I'm too tried to fight.

Fight whom?

Myself.

Myself.

I cannot save her from myself.

Pain comes from closeness, comfort comes from closeness. I want to 
comfort her. But I cause her pain.

A war was starting to wage in my very core. All these experiences. 
All this pain. What sick monster has it turn me into? All this 
happiness. All this comfort. What life has it given me?

But did the happiness out-weight the sadness?

No matter the joy I've enjoyed ever since I've arrived to Tokyo-3. 
The one thing, which I have tried to win, but could never get to, 
was her heart. Sealed tighter than any safe or vault. But now I am 
killing her because she refused me for all this time. If only....

As if to answer my prayers she rose her hand slowly. I thought for 
a moment with hope that she would finally force me to stop. But 
she.... caressed me...

That was all she did. That was all that was needed....

My hold on her instantly relaxed.

Could it be?

Could it be that she is... not... refusing... me?

Now that I think about it, it was my choice to return. But did that 
stop anyone else from returning if they wanted to? If so, did it 
mean she... wanted... to?

What if she wanted to stay with me?

I pulled my hands away from her neck and buried my face in my palms.

I started to cry. I sobbed.

To let every closed up emotion flow out freely.

To express myself truly, without hindrance, without hesitation, 
without denial.

Happiness.

Sadness.

Comfort.

Fear.

Joy.

Horror.

Relief.

Anger.

Hatred.

Love....

"I feel sick" .

She was looking up at me. Whilst I was pouring my eyes out above 
her injured frame.

I knew it there and then, how she was still fighting to bring out 
her emotions.

But she was there. Which meant more to me than any words could 
express.

Yes. I would find happiness here. I have found what I wanted. I 
have found someone who would not leave me. Someone who would not 
abandon me...

More importantly, I have found 'her'.

Stay with me... Hate me... Love me... Use me....

But don't abandon me....

Stay with me...

Asuka...

I can't run anymore.

--------
FIN
--------

Many thanks to Axel Terizaki ( Author of 'The Child of Love' ) 
for being the first pre-reader and for inspiring me to write a 
fanfic.

Thank you to HadesUlt ( whoever you are ) for reminding me there
is a difference between 'tired' and 'tried'.

    Source: geocities.com/evacael/Fics

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