drowned - jennifer w.

Drowned

wavy blue-

i can just make you out,

long dead

at the bottom of the sea.

you'd think that once it killed you,

i would have left-

put on my clothes

and walked away...

but i'm still checking your pulse

even though your arm rotted off long ago

and i'm still sucking your cock

even though it's all been swallowed.

i'm still treading water,

holding my breath ,

looking for pennies

in the muck at the bottom.

and i'm not moving on

and i'm just beginnnig to realize

that this isn't some mysterious sea

but possibly a fucking swamp.

and maybe i'm not a mermaid

and maybe you weren't my prince

and maybe i need to breathe

or maybe i need to drown...

it's always so cold

when i get out of the water

so i dive right back in

where it's comfortable.

i'm comfortable here-

in your watery grave.

i've forgotton how to breathe.

i've forgotton how to swim.

i've forgotton everything-

except for you

and you stay with me

and you won't just die...

once i looked up and saw the surface-

the garish sun beating down.

i can't live there.

i can't even die there.

i can't find my way out.

i can't find the shore.

i don't even know

which direction it is in.

i don't know what humans do-

i don't know how to touch

someone that touches back.

i don't know how to move

without fighting

the resistence of this water,

this weight, this burden

this pile of deep shit you left me in.