The EVIL SNAIL WOMEN present : The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. 6 DVD box Set Review
The most recent Rhino MST3K release is the Vol. 6 DVD box set. I'm excited by the episodes chosen for this release. Up until Vol. 4, the DVD releases had exclusively contained episodes that were previously released on VHS. Vol. 4 changed all that by containing the first Sci-Fi Channel episodes. Vol. 5 followed suit. Personally, I'm more of a fan of the earlier Comedy Central version of MST3K, but it was nice to see Rhino releasing different episodes than those available on VHS. Then a few months back, MST3K: The Essentials was released on DVD. This included the already-released Manos: The Hands of Fate and a previously unreleased episode from the Joel era: Santa Claus Vs. the Martians. While many MST3K fans probably already owned a DVD copy of Manos, it was a real event to see more Joel episodes released.
The newest Rhino MST3K DVD release is Volume 6, which contains Roger Corman's Gunslinger, completing the DVD set of episodes previously released on VHS. We also get Teenagers from Outer Space and Attack of the Giant Leeches, neither of which have been previously released in any format! Also included is Mr. B's Lost Shorts, previously available only through the MST3K Info Club. The movies shown in this set range in production year from 1936 to 1959, and you couldn't do much better at finding an older group of films in the MST3K library. Which suits me fine, as I couldn't be happier than I am while watching Joel (or Mike, but I prefer Joel) and the 'Bots watching awful, fuzzy black-and-white movies from the fifties. Unless it's watching Joel and the 'Bots watching awful, fuzzy black-and-white shorts from the forties!
DISC ONE:
UNDERSEA KINGDOM (Part 1) (1936): The oldest movie (in this case, half a movie) to air on MST3K. Ray "Crash" Corrigan shows his stuff in a wrestling ring, swings on gymnastic equipment, and eventually makes his way to the lost city of Atlantis, where his adventures are watched by bad guy Unga Kahn (?) and his henchman on a viewscreen. Crow is irritated. "I hate when they talk during the mov--oh."
ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES
(1959): Giant leeches are attacking (this summary is going well so far) the small backwater town of wherever this movie takes place. Dave Walker (played by Bruno VeSota) suspects his wife is cheating, catches her in the act, and inadvertently feeds his wife and her lover to the giant leeches while attempting to drown them. When the authorities inexplicably fail to believe his story, Walker hangs himself in his jail cell. Something's fishy about the suicide, and one of the characters opines, "Dave Walker wasn't the kind of a man to hang himself!" Crow agrees: "Nah, he was a blade man!" It's all misery and exposition and extended underwater action, Roger Corman-style. Fans will remember Leeches as the episode which contains the song "I'm a Danger to Myself and Others" and is one of the episodes in which the characters are inordinately obsessed with coffee. (Skydivers being the other) Overall a great episode, although it takes a while to get
going. Once the movie enters its final act, Joel and the 'Bots seem to really hit their stride. I won't spoil the ending by telling you the ingenious method the townsfolk use to defeat the leeches. A sign saying "No Swimming" would most likely have been reasonably effective.
DISC TWO:
GUNSLINGER (1956): It's a Bruno VeSota box set! Well, no, not really, although Wild, Wild World of Bat Woman is also available on DVD, so you can throw your own little Bruno VeSota MST3K Marathon. Bruno has a minor role in this one, with Beverly Garland in the lead role as Rose Hood, the wife of the sheriff of a small town who inherits her husband's position after he is brutally shot down in front of her. I had trouble following the plot (as is often the case with MST3K; you'd rather pay attention to Joel and the 'Bots than follow plot points), but when one of the main characters shoots an unarmed woman in cold blood, even Crow is surprised:
"Whoa! Guess he's not the hero any more." As in Attack of the Giant Leeches, the jokes get funnier as the episode goes on. One highlight of watching Joel-era episodes is the invention exchange near the beginning of each show, and this one has Joel and the 'Bots offering up a series of Whiffle items, to expand on the traditional Whiffle Ball concept of plastic stuff with a bunch of holes in it. Crow invents Whiffle Cheese, which is just ordinary Swiss Cheese. A series of Whiffle items are rattled off without being shown, and I'd just like to mention that Crow's Whiffle Replacement Hip made me chuckle. Another great sketch is one in which Tom Servo ridicules the movie's lack of interest in obeying the physical laws governing time and space by exiting stage right and entering stage left and back again a few times to demonstrate " quantum linear super-position."
DISC THREE:
MR. B's LOST SHORTS
Formerly only available directly from Best Brains, this collection is primarily a Joel affair, with four of the six shorts from Joel's era and two from Mike's. One might be tempted to assume that the selection of titles for this set indicate that the episodes they preceded are unlikely to see the light of day on DVD or VHS (at least, not any time soon):
War of the Colossal Beast (a personal favorite)
King Dinosaur
Bride of the Monster (Ed Wood! Bela Lugosi! Tor Johnson!)
12 to the Moon
The Rebel Set
Racket Girls
Anyway, on to the shorts:
MR. B NATURAL (1957): Probably the all-time favorite short film amongst MST3K fans. Words most likely cannot do this short justice, as you
simply must see it to believe it. Betty Luster is Mr. B Natural, a "shrill, peculiar succubus" (to quote the MST3K Amazing Collosal Episode Guide) who visits a young boy named Buzz to teach him some lesson or something about music, a short film financed by C.G. Conn Musical Instrument Manufacturing Company. (Servo (imitating Shatner from Star Trek II): "CONN!!") In her role as Mr. B, Ms. Luster wears her androgyny on her...well, on her...well nowhere on her, actually. She's very clearly a woman, albeit one with short hair, which must have made her look like a boy to 1957 audiences. Well, no, that isn't it, because her hair isn't any shorter than Bev Garland's hair in Gunslinger, released the year before. It's a trainwreck, basically. You can watch it over and over and not believe what a misfire this production is. Some highlights:
Servo: "So, I'm attracted to guys now?"
Crow: "Mr. Lady, I--oh, Miss…oh…"
Mr. B: "Do you think this is just a trumpet? No!"
Joel: "It's a bong!"
X MARKS THE SPOT (1944): I really enjoyed this weird little film; it was the first short riffed on MST3K. A reckless driver named Joe dies in a car crash and ends up in some weird heavenly court where he is judging on his safe driving skills. Another little piece of insanity that Joel and the 'Bots wouldn't even need to riff on for it to be hilarious.
HIRED! PART 1 (1940): Crow: "That's something you didn't hear very much during the Bush Administration!" Another personal favorite, this short film is intended to train car salesman on how best to sell cars. Door-to-door. On foot. Or something. Part 2 has been available for some time, preceding Manos: The Hands of Fate, previously available on DVD. I'd recommend watching Part 1 before part 2 (what a concept!) if only to fully appreciate the insanity of the sales manager's father with the
towel on his head. See, for some reason, this training film shows an inept car salesman performing poorly, then takes a left turn and follows his manager home so we can watch him smoke out on the porch with his father for a while, as his father convinces him that he might be able to train the new salesman better if he bothered to train him at all. This middle section must be seen to be believed, as the sales manager and his father belt out all of their dialogue back and forth at top volume. Crow imitates a neighbor: "Hey! Keep it down over there!"
DESIGN FOR DREAMING (1956): A commercial for, I don't know, cars, plus all kinds of strange kitchen appliances, which seems to exist in some other future world crazy I don't what kinda strange goofy thingy. A reasonably amusing few minutes, which left me wondering whether Mike is singing the Kiss version of Black Diamond or the Replacements version.
JOHNNY AT THE FAIR (1947): Young Canadian four-year old Johnny has quite a day at the fair indeed, once he ditches his parents. Johnny meets Olsen and Johnson, Barbara Ann Scott, and gets to sit on the knee of world heavyweight boxing champion Joe Louis. He also gets to see what's described as "a Gila Copter Airplane!" Servo: "What?!"
ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE? (1950): A really great short about a couple of dweebs who think they want to get married, so their parents recommend they talk to a counselor to determine if they're. *ahem*, ready for marriage. Reuben Hill, who plays Mr. Hall, was a research professor in Family Life at the University of North Carolina. He was also involved in the making of the short APPRECIATING YOUR PARENTS. Mike imitates a condescending counselor often throughout this one.
"This is the real thing!" Mike: "Heh, heh. No, it isn't."
Mike: "Larry, you're a dullard."
A highlight of this episode is when Mr. Hall stretches a rubber band to illustrate some point, at which point the rubber band flicks free of his thumbs and shoots across the room. The two lovestruck teens are flabbergasted by this development.
"It's gone!" "Where did it go?" Crow: "We're gonna die!"
Mr. Hall moves on to a new subject.
Servo: "But where's the rubber band?!"
Mr. Hall's rubber band theatrics are accompanied by this unfortunate narration: " When you two met, there was probably an early physical reaction. A romantic attraction that pulled you together. A love appeal that hits you sort of...b-o-o-i-i-n-g..."
Basically, I could type out a word-for-word transcript of the entire short, without MST3K comments, and it would be hilarious. But we should really move on to disc four.
DISC FOUR:
TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE (1959): Another classic episode (in my humble opinion). David Love portrays the 25-year old teenager Derek, who comes to Earth in a spaceship, accompanied by the captain, portrayed by King Moody, who was the original Ronald McDonald. He's not so nice in this film, however, as he spouts one of the most famous lines in MST3K history:
" When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you to TORTCHA!! (torture)"
Derek doesn't appreciate the way the crew begins offing the indigenous lifeforms on his new planet, so he runs away, only to meet up with the Morgans, Betty (Dawn Bender) and Grandpa (Harvey B. Dunn). It's a Harvey B. Dunn box set! No, wait; this is the only Harvey B. Dunn movie you'll find in this set. In order to throw a Harvey B. Dunn MST3K marathon, you'll have to acquire copies of Bride of the Monster and The Sinister Urge, neither available on DVD (at least, not as MST3K episodes). Anyhoo...
Harvey B. Dunn's Grandpa is a delightful old feller who loves to take naps and never has anything other than a cheerful word for anybody. He rents out a room to Derek, who never shows any indication of an understanding of money at all. Then, he naps while Betty and Derek go swimming and get pursued by Derek's alien associates. One of the aliens turns up at the house, and is greeted by Grandpa, who gives away the location of Betty and Derek. After murdering several people, the alien returns to the Morgan house and is greeted by Grandpa.
Grandpa: "By golly, you missed them at the pool, huh?" Joel: "On a killing spree, huh?"
The jokes in this episode are very silly indeed, but they had me laughing out loud quite a few times:
Thor's gunshot wound is being treated.
Derek: "Thor." Servo: "Yeth, it ith. Very thore."
A nurse pours an unknown liquid from a familiarly-shaped bottle.
Joel: "Wesson oil? On a wound?"
Servo: "She's not Florence Nightingale, she's Florence Henderson."
Servo makes no less than three Citizen Kane references (by my count), which is great, because where else would you see a film this bad compared to the film that consistently wins the Sight & Sound poll of top films of all time?
VIDEO and AUDIO QUALITY:
Hey, what do you expect? You know they're not going to clean up the video and audio quality of the films themselves, because it would spoil the effect of the show. The host segments, however, have never looked better.
EXTRAS:
None. Although, I must say, whoever designs the menus is clearly a fan who has watched the shows.
What can I say? This is the best box set so far, with the possible exception of The Essentials, released a couple months back. Go buy it, already.
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