.Right.Now. x.Date: Monday, August 15th x.Time: 11:37am x.Weight: 121.5 lbs. x.Calories: 250 (damnit) x.Feeling: Warm, sick x.Quote: "I'd like to say I'm honest, but why lie?"

.Entry. Alright, new plan. I think the scale is lying to me again, how can I be LESS after that huge binge last night? Why is it always like this? I eat a tiny bit and I gain a pound, but I eat enough to feed a third-world country for a week and I drop two pounds. Wtf? Anyway, I need to train my body for when school starts. That means that I also need to up my goal *cringe*. Instead of 110 being my goal for Sept. 1st, I'll settle for 115. If I reach 115 before school starts though (not likely) then I will continue on to 110. The plan is simple: -Monday: this will be my fasting day. I will drink only water and if I do eat something I must burn it off by running or biking. -Tuesday: instead of this being the fast day, I will consume 200 calories but no more. If more, must bike it off. -Wednesday: 400 calories, no more. -Thursday: 600 calories. -Friday: 800 calories (that shouldn't be hard to do, but I'm worries that it won't be on this day i.e. binge) -Saturday: 500 calories -Sunday: Um...Hm. No limit, but Monday will be hard after this. I will continue doing the 4 miles like I would until next monday. After that I'll cut that in half. Not sure once school starts, I'll see what my schedual is like. Now, what do I do if say, on Monday I eat 200 calories because I'm so hungry? That's simple, I go burn them off. No matter how cold it is outside. No matter how dizzy or tired I am. I will do this. This is my version of 2-4-6-8..2:34pm.Had sticky rice at about noon. Going to burn it off soon, but I think I'll wait until dad gets back from work before I go. Orn is sleeping and I odn't want to wake her up. Don't want to leave a note either because dad might think that I'm avoiding him. Whatever, I've already sent my "sorry I'm such a screw up, do you still love me?" email to my brother and cleaned out my computer files. Man, there was alot of old crap in there. I think that maybe I'll work on some new layouts or something..2:41pm. Oh Gods, I miss the dizzy rapture of starving so much...That's right. I miss it. I miss it all; the nausea, the blackouts (especially the blackouts), the paranoia over eating a carrot, the crazy dreams, the fading reality, everything. I still feel the same about myself when I was 10 pounds heavier. It will always be that way. And I realize too that 110 won't be enough for me. I don't want to be OVER 110, ever again. That means I'll need to be 105 in order to make up for late nigh binges and such. But sooner than I'll acknowledge, 105 won't be good enough. Nothing will ever be good enough. I wish that someone would lock me in a room and deny me food, love, and human contact. And they could watch me from behind a glass wall as I slowly starved to death. And when I was on the brink of death, they'd give me a plate full of meat-lovers pizza and choclate doughnuts and watch and I denied myself it. They wouldn't be able to save me. Because then they would realize that I was the one in control, not them from behind the glass. Wouldn't that be perfect?5:20pm.Did my 4 miles like I said I would. Burned off the sticky rice I ate. Only took 20 minutes. That's actually kinda bad. Usually only take about 18 or so. Must have been going slower that I realized 'cuz I haven't exercised (well, does shoveling food into my mouth count?) in a while. When I got back Orn and dad were sitting on the sofa crying. Well; Orn was crying. Not my dad. Dad said not to do anything so I changed my clothes and here I am now. My first thought was that she was pregnant, but that's not very possible seeing as how she has her period right now. And yes, I know she does. She tells me. She also tells me how much she weighs every morning too. Meh. She's not saying anything right now. Guessing that someone died, or is horribly sick. Hm. Guess I'll find out eventually. If it's bad, I hope I don't cry. Hope it's not about me. Gods; I hope it's not about me..5:47pm.Okay, it's not about me. Not about dad either. Nobody died. No one is sick. Well, just Orn is. She's always sick. Dad says she's "emotionally stressed about her business". Hm. Sounds like something Sheila would say. I've also realized that my brother and I have fallen into a pattern, a cycle of sorts. First we're okay and we bitch and complain about how horrible our lives are and how fat we are (most just me) and how ugly we are (mostly just him) and shit like that. Then one of us has a crabby day and doesn't want to be bothered (that's usually me) while the other is also having a crappy day and wants to cry, whine, and be pitied (usually him). After a yelling argument that lasts at least 30 minutes, I finally give in and listen to his troubles but he doesn't want to talk about it because now we've reversed roles. Now HE's the one that's having a crabby day and doesn't want to be bothered and I'm the one feeling horribly guilty for yelling at him and nearly in tears. Then I go away to calm down and cut while he does...I dunno. Stuff. Ugh. I'm so sick of this pattern. Why can't I just be there and be good? Why do I always have to let everything get out of hand? I'm a horrible sister and a horrible person. I can't even comfort Orn when she's crying! Hell, I can't comfort anyone when they're crying! I usually end up hurt and watching bloody tears fall from my razorblade because I fell so fucking useless to everyone. People think I'm so strong and that I don't need anyone, that isn't true. I need a lot of things. I need a home, and love, and yes...even food every now and then. The only reason why I appear so strong and independant is because I've never known anything else. I've never known how to appear weak and helpless. I'm always the strong one, the one who doesn't need anyone or anything. Not even food. Can't they see? I'm only strong on the outside! On the inside I'm breaking. And I'm going to break soon. I'm trying to hold on to everything, but everything is slipping away! Gods! Sarah! Anyone! What do I do now? I can't help myself, I can't save anyone. So don't you DARE leave me notes telling me to get help, because I can't. That would only make things worse. Horribly, horribly worse. And I'm not strong enough to deal with anything worse. It would crush me, much like the weight of my own thoughts are cruching me right now. If I live to witnes my own death, I'll be thankful. If I get though this, I'll be thankful. Hell, if I get though tomorrow I'll be thankful. Right now, I'm just taking one minute at a time. Breathe in. Breathe out. Just keep breathing. Keep surviving. Stay strong. After all, isn't that what I'm good at?7:56pm.Had a bowl of cereal 'cuz I was craving chocolate. And then I had a polish sausage 'cuz I was craving meat. So that's...what? 250 calories? Damnit. I can't even go the whole day without eating. I'll try again tomorrow.

.Right.Now. x.Date: Tuesday, August 16th x.Time: 10:33am x.Weight: Dunno yet. x.Calories: 200 x.Feeling: Tired, sick x.Quote: Had a hole in my heart so I threw away my plate. Nothing filled me up no matter what I ate.

.Entry.Here. Until I reach 115, -no cookies or brownies or cake or ice cream. basically, no dessert untl I've earned it -no deep fried foods (fries, onion rings) -no fast food (olive garden doesn't count cuz it healthy) -bike every day, min. 2 miles (after I finish the group fasting thing) -walk/jog too at least 2x a week, 1 mile each time -soda ONLY if I have 2 glasses of water first, and only diet soda -try to eat more fruits and veggies and cut down on the breads and meats (like that's actually gong to happen? Sheila wants to meet with me and the mediator tomorrow at the library. I don't think a library is a good place to meet by the way. Meh. More on this later I guess, I need to go take a shower. Oh, and because 6pm-8pm are the hardest times for me, I ususally always cave in and eat something simply because dad and Orn are, I'll go out and walk or jog. Sounds like a good plan to me. Bye for now..11:13am.Had a little fried rice [200]. Burn it off later..1:05pm. Had some more of that rice 'cuz it was so damn good. +200 calories = 400 currently. Eating a bowl of cereal. Craving chocolate. + another 200 calories = 600. Burn off 200 today in exercise = 400 caloreis today. Meh. I'm okay with it. I really am. I realize that this is my only chance not to screw things up for myself in this new school, which I will hopefully get to go to provided Sheila doesn't fuck things up for me. That means I can't be loud and stupid and a whore. I'll have to be invisible, and stay away from people. No friends. No close on anyway. I can't tell them I'm a Vampyre or anorexic or a cutter or anything other than ordinary. I can't tell them my mom is dead and my foster mom is horrible, not like regualar horrible parents, but real horrible. Like abusive horrible. I can't tell the judege what sh'e s done, they would believe me. Besides, I don't have any proof. Orn's my new mommy. If anyone asks, she's my mom. Step-mom. Second step-mom. But whatever. They aren't legally married. Yet. They ust live together, but already I think of Orn as the mommy I've never had. Even though she tells me how to do dishes, and she wants me to become a model and dancer. And tells me to lose weight. But I still like her, this is the best I've ever had it. And I'm not about to screw it up. .10:58pm.This is it, this has to stop. I can't go on feeling horrible like this anymore, and I'm sure as Hell not going to tel you die. Please don't die babe, I love you so much....8:55pm. Went for a walk, had to clear my head. Have bruises on my hand from punching a wall too many times. At least I didn't cut, right? Anything is better than cuttiing, isn't it? Currently have $600 in the bank, I'll have another $100 from lunch money by November 1st, plus I have like $30 stashed somewhere around the apartment. If I get a job working for Orn I'll have more money, but I doubt it will be enough. Maybe if I went as a carrier, or if I used Dad's credit card. But he'd kill me when he'd find out, so I better come back to America in a coffin. Need more money. Have to go save him. I'm no angel, far from it, but I can't stand to let him go. Can't let him die. Not after what happened with my sweet Kyle. I'll be in his arms, and we'll face Death together. Well, as 'together' as you can get in Death. It isn't like the faerie tale Pagan version where you spend time in the Underworld being cleansed and then are finally reunited with loved ones in the Summerland. It isn't like the screwed-up Christian version either. There is no Heaven and there is no Hell. No isn't anything. No light. No reunion with loved ones. Death is nothing, like being in the womb of a mother that doesn't want you. And you're so afraid, and so alone...And it's horrible, just horrible. I remember Keegan taking my little six-shot revolver (still have it too) and going out into the woods late one night. I was so young, maybe 12, and I didn't know what to do. A part of me knew that he wouldn't come back, which is true in part, but the other part prayed that he wouldn't leave me here alone in this house on the edge of reality. I didn't want to be alone, and I still don't. I watched him walk about 20yrds. from the house and load a single bullet into the gun. His back was to me, but I still could feel him close his eyes. He spun the chambers so that the bullet could be in any one of six place. And then with a flick of his wrist, so skilled with a whip, he shut the chamber with the magic little bullet inside. He hesitated for a moment, maybe he heard my rapid heartbeat, or maybe he was preparing himself to end it all. Whatever it was that was going though his head then he silenced the thoughts and then raised the gun to his head and pulled to trigger. Click. The sound seemed to echo throughout time. I think I actually stopped breathing in those 10 seconds between the time when he shot a blank and lowered the gun. He then opened the chambers, gave it a spin, fliped it shut, and raised the gun to his head. Click. Another blank, thankfully. But he didn't stop at that, he repeated the entire act many, many times in those 20 minutes. Finally, I think he just decided to give up, or maybe he took his luck as a sign and started back towards the house. Gods; I hate that night. I cried myself back to sleep, and I never told him what I had seen him do that night. It was one of the major turning points in my young fucked up life. Strange how I remember this but not much else. Maybe I'll go visit him sometime this week if I get the chance. Meeting with the mediator tomorrow. Sheila will be there. So will her parents. And Donna. 3pm, so Orn is taking me 'cuz dad will still be at work. I'm such a good actress when it comes to them, I should be awared an Emmey or an Oscar or something for putting up with all this for 90% of my life and pretending to like it. There's got to be an award for that. There should be. Right now I've replaced the little bunny necklace that I usally wear that Donna gave me with a key necklace. Actually, it's the key to a pair of handcuffs that I have. Shh. I infused with some of my energy and it represents...Well, everything. Thin, power, different realms, success. Everything. Okay, that's enough for tonight. I swear, I have a good excuse not to eat tomorrow and I'm not going to. It's pointless anyway.

.Right.Now. x.Date: Wednesday, August 17th x.Time: 9:21am x.Weight: ? x.Calories: None x.Feeling: Guilty, lost, depressed x.Quote: Just one I'd like someone to ask my how I am and when I say, "I'm fine" I want them to say "Tell the truth"

.Entry.Here. Gods; yesterday's quote is so true...I feel so...lost. Like, what the hell am I going to do now? Fuck it. I'll figure it all out later, my brian might explode.12:41pmWoohoo! I finally got Orn's template up! And I also made a new layout! Two layouts in two days! Woot! (I'm in a good mood now :D) If you want to visit her site (it's still under construction) please click here..11:51pm.Got myself dragged to court kicking and screaming. Ugh. Stupid people who think they're trying to "help" me. Can't they see how much I hate them for it, how much I can't stand to even bee in the same room as them? I hope they all die. Except for Donna, she has kids. Other than that, I hope they all die. If not, I'll kill them myself. It's a good thing I wore my pentagram ring and necklace. I should have woren the earings and bracelet and cuff too, but I didn't think I needed them. Wrong. I wore the pentagrams to remind me to not be an evil vampiric bitch, but as we can all see things didn't really go as I had planned. But at least I had the two pents on, otherwise I might have started killing them all with the fucking flowers they gave me. Me. Flowers. Wtf? Went back to apartment and burned them, was kinda fun. Smelled good. I could picture them all burning, and I greatly enjoyed their pain. Especially Sheila's. Thankfully the evil bitch appointed by the judge (her name's Janean) saw that I was about 4 seconds from a bloody serial murder and said that I could leave. Hehe. I got walked out by the cutest security guard. Gabe he said his name was. 24, working to become a DJ or band manager. Wanted to ask for his phone number, but Orn found me and we left. I don't really mind going back to the court house as long as he's there. Anyway, I'm going to bed. Again. Ugh.

.Right.Now. x.Date: Thursday, August 18th x.Time: 9:18am x.Weight: ? x.Calories: 300 x.Feeling: Still sick, distant x.Quote: Whenever people learn about my past, they always act as though I'm smarter than all that. Intelligence has nothing to do with it. I've always been hell-bent on some type of self destruction.

.Entry.Here. Layed on the sofa for an extra hour just because I didn't want to disturb the cats. Bro's at some music thing, he'll be back Sunday I think. So I have at least 3 days to do nothing but complain that I'm bored and lonely. Anyway, still sick. Ugh. Had a major binge last night. I can't even remember all that I ate, but it was a lot. A lot a lot. Now, I want to fast until Sunday, but I don't think that will be possible. But I'm going to try. I want to at least fast today. And tomorrow too. Hopefully. It's one of those cold, cloudy, looks-like-it-might-rain-any-second type of day. Whether I looked outside or into my soul, they would both look them same. I feel like the weather. Isn't that sad? Well, I think I'll go update my Open Diary and then work on Orn's website some more. I really hope I get paid for all this, but I don't want to bring the subject up. Hm. Well, later I guess..11:39am. Took a shower, I'm all clean now. Well; kinda. My stomach sticks out further than my boobs. That's so fucking sad now, don't you think? New rule: no eating until my guts sticks out less than my boobs. That might tak a while though. But I'll do it. I know I can do this. I just feel so...icky. I'm dreading the thought of weighing myself on Sunday. Wanted to be down to 115 by then, doesn't look like that will happen. Well, it could if I didn't eat. It's possible, isn't it? I think I'm at about 122 pounds, but I can't say for sure, and 115 by Sunday would mean... 7 pounds in 4 days. Meaning that I would need to drop 1.75 pounds per day. So, if I don't eat anything until Sunday I'll make my goal. Now, dad is getting Krispy Kreame doughnuts this Saturday (chocolate doughnuts; my ultimate weakness. well, that and pink bunnies) so I know I'll eat at least one, and that's about 300 calories. So I'll have to bike that day. Or one of these days. I think today and tomorrow will be the hardest for me, 'cuz the first day is always the hardest. And I ate a lot last night so today will be hard. And I can't go outside when they're eating supper, but I don't think they'll make me eat anything. Could just say I ate sticky rice...Wait. *throws away some sticky rice so it looks like I ate it* There. Now, who says girls aren't good with math? Give us a diet and we'll become a mathmatition. I think us "disordered" girls are the smartest of them all. We know how to lie, and hide, and we're so good at acting we even fool ourselves. Anyway, I threw out the last two brownies too, just to make it look good. Tomorrow I'll throw out the sweet chicken, and some more of the sticky rice. I can do this, I just need to reach down inside myself and be strong. If I feel weak I'll let Sarah take over for a while. She loves this stuff. I'm not sure who I am when I'm like this. It's like I'm a mix between Sarah and Osala, strong and determined, I won't let anything get in my way. Well, except for myself. I'll go do dishes now and then work on Orn's site some more. She wants to pay me, so does $20 sound good? Oo. And I can get her to take me to that one place to get my passport done. Now THAT plus $20 seems like a good payment to me, doesn't it?.12:49pm. Gave the cats my polish sausage. So, sticky rice [200] + two brownies [400] + polish sausage [250] = 850 calories. And I didn't even eat them! And the cats love me! This has been a good day so far. Oh, and I put the kitty litter on top of the sticky rice and brownies just in case someone were to look in the garbage (don't know why, but just in case someone does). Going to go work on Orn's site now. I'm on my messenger if anyone reads this any wants to chat..2:45pm.Damnit! I got my fucking period. It's a week early, so what the Hell is going on? Ugh!.4:16pm. My heart has fallen into my stomach, this is so creepy! I can feel it beating and it echos in my viens! WTF is going on with me???!!.5:38pm.Fell asleep for an hour, I'm still groggy and things are really out of focus. I APed though. Yay! That means Astral Projected for people that don't know. I did it for a total of about 3 minutes, and that's pretty good all things considering. I kept getting pulled in different directions though, I'd be standing in the middle of a huge crowd and then I'd be several feet away in some other place and it was kinda creepy. You know? Eh. Okay, enough of that. I'm not even sure where I was, but it was almost dark so it must have been far away. Or maybe it was someone's memory. I'm not sure. I'm not very good at APing to places, only to people. Sometimes I see things that aren't really true though, like if they set up some kind of shield. Like when I APed to Sangie, I kept seeing bugs crawl all over the wall and I knew they weren't there but it still scared me. That doesn't happen when I AP to Nite though, strange. Ugh. Whatever. I'm dwelling on this WAY too much..6:47pm. I get dizzy when I stand up now, I love this feeling. Dad and Orn went to the store to cash his paycheck, they're going to pick up the stuff to make Tanka-Tosters (patent pending). I've had a butter coconut cracker so far [50?] so if I ate a Tanka Toster (two pieces of bread + filling) = 220 + 180 + 50 = 450. That's good, right?.7:30pm. No Tanka Toasters tonight, Orn's making some kind of Thai dessert thing. Had a mini banana [100]. Semi-total is 150 calories. Woot. That's really good. Going to keep it under 300..9:09pm.Oh Gods; my stomach hurts like fuck. I don't know if it's 'cuz I didn't eat much or if it's cramps or if my pants are too tight. Ugh. Ow. I give up, I'm going to sleep.

.Right.Now. x.Date: Friday, August 19th x.Weight: I'll tell you on Monday x.Calories: 700? x.Feeling: Tired, creeped out, sick x.Quote: "Stay strong, stay in control. Don't break now, don't binge. You're so close, don't cave in now!" - Me, to myself

.Entry.Here. .3:55am.Woke up to go to the bathroom and I just felt so fucking weak that I had to talk myself into getting up. Holy fuck was I dizzy. I can't sleep on my side 'cuz my hip bones stick out. Most would be happy about that, but it's so hard to fall asleep 'cuz it hurts. I hate that the stick out even though I'm still fat. Well, fatter. I'm not fat and I know it. Just...ugh. My stomach feels a lot better now, but it still hurts so I can only sleep on my back and have my cats walk all over my stomach, which isn't fun. Eh. I'm gong back to bed, don't think I'll sleep, but it beats staring at the computer screen..9:30am. Had a dream where I was playing baseball with three guys and I kept falling asleep in the outfield. Wtf is up with that? Damn. Why do odd/creepy things keep happening? Gah. I'm going to go read other people's OD..10:43am.This is creepy, it looks like it's 9pm outside, but all the clocks say 11am. I think someone screwed up my internal clock. Why is everything so damn fucked up? But hey...It's raining out! I mean REALLY REALLY raining out! Like, downpour! I'd go out and dance in it, but I'd get more sick and I don't want to do that again..12:09pm. Strange how I'm not beyond tired, seeing as how I've only had...what? 4 hours of sleep? Give or take a little. Had a butter coconut cracker [50]. I really like them, and I SO need to stay in control. Can't binge today. Maybe Tusday I'll bring my limit up to 500 cals. but no more. Need to get down to 110, at least 115, by September 1st. I'll have to eat at least one Tanka Toster tonight for supper, and I like them so I probably will actually eat it. But I don't want to! No, I shouldn't! 50 calories is easy to burn. Hell, I'll burn that much just by breathing all day. But a Tanka Toster would be like 300 calories. And I can't do that! Maybe if I just had half, you know? And shared the rest with Orn or my dad. That would work, I could say that I ate a lot of sticky rice and sweet chicken. I should go throw some of that away to make it look like I ate some. Then if I only ate half I'd be up to (50 + 150) = 200 calories. I'd need to go for a mile walk or so at least, and that's only like 80 calories burned. But I really don't feel like riding bike this week. Yeah, that will be my plan for today. And I'll keep myself under control and I won't binge, I won't weigh myself. Gotta keep telling myself that. Keep it under control, don't binge, don't weigh yourself. I honestly don't think I've lost any weight, my pants still feel that same as they did yesterday. Of course, that could simply be because I've drank at least a half-gallon of water today, SO FAR. Well, okay. That's enough for now, I've got to wish dishes and then take out the garbage. Hell, as long as I'm outside I'll go for a walk. Later..3:01pm.Took the garbage out, but I'll go for a walk later. I promise, I will. But you know, for the life of me...I can't seem to remember where I put my razorblades. The unused ones that is. Meh. I guess I'll find them eventually, I hope. Before dad does at least. So ah...Yeah, that's all I can think of for right now. I guess I'll go work on Orn's website..5:27pm.Had some creepy looking noodles, kinda spicy. Okay, my tounge was on fire and I drank a 1 liter bottle of water. So, add about 50 calories to that. Damnit. Ach. I've got to wait at least two hours for Tanka Tosters and I'm trying like Hell not to go binge. Ugh. Gotta stay strong..7:31pm.Ach. Okay, I've had like four Tanka Toster's already...[+500] This isn't a binge, it's a um...Something. Shut up.

.Right.Now. x.Date: Saturday, August 20th x.Time: 9:03am x.Weight: 121.0 lbs x.Calories: Too many x.Feeling: FAT/full/stuffed x.Quote: "Mmm....Doughnuts..." - Homer Simpson

.Entry.Here. Had 3 chocolate doughnuts with sprinkles [260/each]. Yeas, three yummy chocolate Krispy Kreame doughnuts. Mmm. Shut up. I'd go throw it up but dad and Orn are here, I really would go throw it up. Maybe. I'd try to anyway. No more food today. I shouldn't have eaten them all at once. I should have stopped after the second one and waited until the "fat time" in about 10 hours. Ugh. When I take a shower I'll try to throw up. I'll try..10:06am. Weighed myself, I know I said I wouldn't but I also said I wouldn't eat so many doughnuts. I can't even break the 120's! I've been trying all week to get down to 115, and I can't even fucking make 120. This is so sad. It's pathetic. No more food today. None tomorrow. No matter what. I don't care what they make, I cannot eat! CANNOT eat for any reason! BUT, if I do, which I probably will, I will have to burn off DOUBLE what I ate. Ha! How's that for insentive? School starts in...Um...11 days. Fuck. 6 pounds in 11 days. That's .5 pounds per day. Do-able, right? I sure as hell hope so. I can do this. I'll be strong..5:47pm. I just finished my sixth doughnut. Ugh. I'm not even kinda-sorta full. Not even partly! I keep eating and no matter how much I shove into my mouth I'm still hungry. It doesn't make sense! What is wrong with me? I did so well for those few day. Weekends are always so hard on me. *sniffle* I'm not even fucking hungry! I should stop eating, but I'm not full, so I keep eating. It's a visious cycle. Fast most of the week, binge on the weekend no matter if I'm hungry or not. Fast, binge, fast. Like I said, it's a visious cycle and I just can't seem to break out of. Ugh. Enough of that. Talked to Sarah Rapking today, she's one of the girls from my old school. St. Peter. Woot. She's pretty cool, cutter too. Although she said she got caught and got her things taken away and has since been cut-free for about a month. Dad wants me to go and help him and Orn set up her office space. Shit, I do all the finances and computer work and set up the client's appointments and everything. All she needs to do is the massage part. Okay, I should give Orn more credit. She's a really cool person even if she is a little bossy. It's for my own good. Besides, anything is an improvement from Sheila. *shudder* I feel an urge to murder someone or at least set them on fire every time I hear mention of that horrible bitch's name. Dad ans Orn are talking about her, I can feel the hairs on my arms rise. Alright, they want to go now. Why didn't I envoke Sarah? Why why why? She would have kept me under control. Whatever. I'll consider this my binge day. I was good all week, wasn't I? I didn't go over the limit all week right? There I go again, justifiying my nasty binge habbits. I disgust myself. Tomorrow, no food. None. I don't care if it's still the weekend and if it's still Sunday. I. WILL. NOT. EAT. Nope, nothing. Not a thing. Water is fine. No food. No "what if..." or "I'll burn it off..." No. No food tomorrow. I. Will. Not. Eat. Keep me strong, little Sarah inside my skin, keep me strong and pure. Hear my prayer, little Sarah inside of me, help me to be perfect.

	.Right.Now. x.Date: Sunday, August 21st x.Time: 11pm x.Weight: ? x.Calories: 500 x.Feeling: HAPPY x.Quote: "Ashley Simpson, you suck more than Michael Jackson at a boyscout meeting!"
	.Entry.Here. Sorry, didn't get time to update this earlier today. I've been gone. Helped Orn get set up in her office, went school shopping at Hot Topic, Kohl's, and Victoria's Secret. Woohoo. Okay, enough for tonight. I weigh myself tomorrow morning, hope I didn't gain too much. I doubt I'm even 120 pounds. Shouldn't have eaten today, but I had to...Ugh. Good night all.