.Right.Now.x Date: Monday, July 25th
x Time: 10:12am
x Weight: 121.0 lbs. (WTF!??!)
x Comsumed: 450 (good girl!)
x Feeling: FAT FAT FAT (and tired)
.Entry.I miss having my little daily quotes up there, I'll need to fix that. Eventually. Ohh...Well, so far I've had a bowl of cereal [200] (CRAP! FUCK!) The place is a mess: two half-empty coolers are sitting right next to the bench press machine (one is half-full of water, the other half-full of empty beer can. I already spent 10 minutes this morning digging around in there, hoping to find one that wasn't empty. No luck though); hard, sticky dishes are sitting at random on nearly every surface (there's a cereal bowl on the floor about 6 inches from my foot, a glass in the bathroom, a few plates and forks in the bedroom, and a mountain of dishes in the kitchen. I can't even see the fucking counter top there's so many); the fridge was hanging open when I woke up at 3am; my collection of dried roses was on the floor and some were crushed (I nearly cried); I found clothes in the shower; and in the bedroom; and a pair of red panties was on the stove; I found the cat locked outside; and the kitten was in the bottom drawer of the dresser; little baggies that once held pot were (and still are) everywhere in sight; it smeels like puke (but nobody threw up, I know that for sure); my cats look permenantly damaged; and I have such a huge hangover that I can't even complete a paragraph without sounding like a physco crazy lady and it's really fucking with my head. Oh, hang on. I should really go take a shower now, otherwise I'll forget.

10:39am Okay, I'm good now. The scale Gods say: 121.0 lbs. I think I stood there staring at the numbers for a good 5 minutes. I didn't believe them; I still don't. The scale must be lying to me. I mean, to gain ONLY a half pound? ONLY a half pound! WTF! I thought I'd gained at LEAST 2 pounds. AT LEAST! Plus I had cereal today! What was I thinking? Fuck! Gah! I'm so confused! I swear, the scale is lying to me again. It is. It must want me to THINK that I've lost, when I've actually gained. Maybe it's being nice. Well; I need truth, no matter how cold or hard or brutal it is. I need TRUTH from my scale, it's the only thing I can trust these days...5:17pmHad a hot dog (was craving something warm) and an oatmeal bar (200 + 50?)=[250] calories plus the 200 from before = a total of 450 calories for today (i'll probably eat something else 'cuz I'm cold)6:06pmWent outside and danced in the rain for a good 10 minutes. Correction, I danced outside BAREFOOT and NAKED. W00t w00t!!!! I don't think I could have gotten any wetter if I jumped in the pool! Ohhh..Damn that was fun! I used the "I'm taking out the garbage" excuse (I DID anctually take out the garbade) and then I stripped down and danced my booty off! Woohooo! Okay, I think that's all..9:28pm Dad went to Orn's for the night, so I have the plce to myself until 4pm tomorrow. Woohoo. Party. Nite's here right now, he's trying to find all the beer and weed and sharp objects (bad things happen when I get drunk and high). So, more people should be showing up soon. I don't feel like partying, or having fun, or even being around people. I don't want to talk with them. I don't want to have to be there and interact with them. I don't want to be here. But I have to be, does anyone know why? 'Cuz I sure as Hell don't. I've been kinda bored for the past few hours so I've been sitting here taking fucking pointless quizzes. One of them is this little 'Eating Disorder Survey'. I scored at 208, which mean that there is something seriously wrong with my eating patterns. I already knew that. ("Scoring Breakdown: 201 to 303 -- It appears that an intensive treatment program is advisable, as it is most likely that an eating disorder is present to a significant degree. Please consult with an admissions coordinator for further evaluation.") But I contacted the center that made the quiz and told them I needed help. Actually, I took that quiz about a month ago and scored at 205. They never contacted me. Guess I wasn't important enough for them. I wonder what changed to increase my score my 3 points though...? Oh, okay. People are here now. I don't know them. And yet I let them come into my space, drink my alcohol, smoke my dope, and dirty my...well; EVERYTHING. I don't know why I put up with this. If I was more vampiric instead of the little anorexic pushover, I might do something about it. Okay, not MIGHT. I would do something about it. I'd grab the person closest to me and slice open their pretty viens while they stare at me in drunken wonder. What? Does it sound like I've done that before? (Maybe I have! But that doesn't matter now...)Is the imagry too much for you? (I'm sorry!) But this is the only place left for me now. All my other little havens were destroyed in one way or another. So now, all that I have left that I can call mine and safe is this little tiny dark corner on the net. Damn that's pathetic. Well; time for me to go drown my hangover in a beer can and pipe.

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.Right.Now.x Date: Tuesday, July 26th
x Time: 12:12am
x Weight: Don't fucking care right now (119.5lbs.)
x Comsumed: Beer, vodka, pot, ect.(1,000 cals.)
x Feeling: Fuck. Drunk? Stoned? Mostly just numb right now.
x Quote: Feed the soul and let the body starve.
.Entry.I passed out on the deck for a little while (I'm guessing about an hour), and here I am now. IWhen I stood up I didn't feel dizy or weak or faint. That's how you know, isn't it? You know you're fine and normal and healthy when the weak little anorexic girl can stand up and not fall over. I didn't even feel slightly dizzy, not even after everything I've swallowed and smoked. That's how you know you've failed, when you feel fine. *sigh* I dunno right now...There's three people within seven feet of me. I'm so tempted to slice open their flesh; or mine, I don't really care anymore. Just to see the blood. Taste it. Feel it. I don't think I even NEED it, I just WANT it. Want it like I've never wanted anything else. Want it more then I want thin. He's standing over there, my Nite, and he seems so normal - so utterly and entirely human - and it's just so...strange...I've never seen him like this; all 'human contact' and laughter and shit. Maybe he's just high. Maybe I'm just high. I don't know anymore. I don't think I ever did know either. Shit, man. I can't even concentrate long enough to finish my fucked-up thoughts. There's probably some drunk guy on my bed, I'll go see if I can find these sharp objects that Nite hid from me. Maybe after he's done playing human he'll come to bed. It'd be nice if he would hold me. I'd like that. I'd like to just be held for a while. Fuck, I'm going to start crying. I need to get a hold of this. I need to get control. I need...I dunno. Right now, I just need this....3:02am Okay, there WAS a drunk guy on my bed (must have been a sign...?). I couldn't find any of the sharp pointy objects (even the kitchen knives are gone), but then I remembered my razor blade (the one I had used to carve the 'Don't Break' shit into my thigh) in my black purse. Nite's still out here, talking to the people that aren't asleep. But I digress. Anyway, I took that out and...yeah...(okay, so I cut him up a little bit, but he's so damn wasted that he won't notice until next week). He's still in the bedroom, I just had to come back out and tell you about it. I've missed being all vampiric and all. It's getting hard for me to breathe, I'm not sure why. It feels like my lung is deflating or whatever, it's creepy, and it's happened before too. But I won't get into it at this time. It'd be pointless, much like my entry from yesterday. I mean, it's so fucking long. Sorry you had to read through all of that. Gah, I've heared this song (Conflict by The Azoic) at least four times already. Nice song, true; but...Four times in five hours? There must be something wrong with my playist. Whatever. Anyway, I think I'll go...I dunno...Maybe drink some more Grey Goose and cut up my little bloddy wonder-boy more. Maybe Nite will come in and join me. *sigh* What the fuck am I thinking? No; he wouldn't do that. It's like he and I have completely changed roles: he is now the human interactive nice person, and I'm now the evil bloodsucking whore. I think that's just the blod talking. Yeah, it probably is. Whenever I have I get all 'vamp-y' and shit. I think if Nite had some human blood he'd do the same thing. He really should have some, I don't want him to end up like Kyle. Maybe, in some small evil corver of my being, I want him to; but then I'd be all alone and I just can't deal with that now. Not ever. I have this huge fear of being all alone in the world, like everyone would desert me if I did something wrong or bad. That's why I've got to be good. That's why I've got to be perfect. I can handle the loneliness of my mind (very complicated place, by the way); but I can't deal with it if Nite up and left me or my dad died or something. I mean, if Nite left me, I know I could get another boyfriend, but I'd never have one who would understand me completely and...I'd have to hide my secrets from him, and I can only do that to the rest of the world for so long. Sometimes I need a break from being the perfect little girl they all think I am and indulge in a little hot Vampyre sex or a little bloodplay or a little fire dance or whatever. Anything to keep from vamping out. Anything to keep this small sliver of sanity that I still hold on to. *sigh* I'm sorry, none of this has any point to it. I'l just shut my fat face now and find something to drink, probably water, and go play with my drunk wonder-boy. Ohh...Thanks for reading this far *hands reader a half-empty can of beer and a pipe with a wink*. I should get to bed now, otherwise I won't get up until 3pm, and that would simply be bad news. But at least Nite doesn't need to run off in the middle of the night anymore for fear of my dad catching him here. He and I can sleep in, and then do horrible things with shaving cream and cat crap to the people unlucky enough to still be here when I wake up. Heehee. G'night all! .11:01am Okay, I'm really sorry about all that crap above, I'd erase it but that would be breaking my own rules. Anyway, the first thing I did when I woke up was weigh myself (119.5 lbs!!!). Yay! I can't remember the last time I've seen anything below the 120's. Anyway, the only person who was still here was this girl on the sofa without any pants. I woke her up, and helped her walk down to her car. Her name was Nikole, but that doesn't matter. Wonder-boy (found out that his name was Luke) was still dead on the carpet next to my bed. Nite helped me drag him downstairs to a taxi. I feel slightly evil, but that's alright, 'cuz I feel more...me. Nite went back to bed, he usually sleeps away most of the day, but that's fine as long as he's gone by 3pm. I get to spend the majority of my day cleaning up after people I don't even know. Yay. But I feel so wonderful and alive. And, seeing as how it's Tuesday and I'm full of rain and Luke's energy, today's quote is more than fitting. Yup. As long as I keep busy I'll be good. I'm just so awazed that I dropped 1.5 pounds. That's so...awsome! It makes me want to lose more. Later people..3:03pm Ohh. Orn took me out to eat at Applebee's (so much for fasting) and I had a chicken salad [600?] and apple pie [400?]. So much for my fucking diet. Damn it all to Hell! Anyway, after Orn and I ate we went and got our nails done. I feel pretty, oh so pretty...:p Anyway, my nails are a base of black with little white lightening bolts. Cool, huh? After I got done having my nails done I went and sat by Orn while Tony did her's. He asked me where she and I were from and if Orn was my mom and all. He was Vietamiese (sp?), and he guessed right that Orn was Thai. And he thought that I was Austrailian. He said it was because of my eyes, like they weren't like American eyes. At first I was offended, but I kinda like the things he said about my eyes. I've always loved my eyes. Anyway, I should go now. Strange how I don't feel overly guilty about eating out and stuff. Orn is really cool, she'd make a great mom for me. I really want to have a mommy..6:57pm Binged and had a bowl of cereal. Gods damnit; I do so well one day and then let everything fall apart the next! Ohh, that show...Empire I think it's called...is on tonight. It's really good, be cooler though if I was in it, eh? I'm craving pizza. I want pizza, the really greasy fatty kind...Mmm...Erm. Later. I feel so bad for eating now, I won't eat at all tomorrow.
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.Right.Now.x Date: Wednesday, July 27th
x Time: 8:25am
x Weight: 121.5 lbs.
x Comsumed: Nothing.
x Feeling: Very tired; yet I'm in love with my nails.
.Entry.Well. What to say? My nails look so fucking cool, I feel weired saying that I LOVE them so much. I don't even know why I'm up so early. I didn't go to bed until 2am, that's only 6hours of sleep. Wonder why I'm up? Orn isn't here (thank you thank you!) so I don't have to eat breakfast with her. Good. I'm not eating today. Not at all. Nothing! I've got to be strong! I will not fail again! If I try really hard, I could be at 115 before the court date (which is August 4th at 9am). It'd be cool then, because I'd be 15lbs. lighter then the last time Sheila saw me. I just want to drive a screwdriver through her heart for everything she's done to me. But I won't dwell on it, otherwise I'll get all pised off and mean. I'll go take a shower now. Bye people..9:27am. I currently weigh 121.5 lbs. See what happens when I eat?!!? I worked so hard, and then I go and destroy everything I worked so hard for if less than a day! No food today! Nothing. I went and took pictures of my stomach so I wouldn't be tempted to eat today. I look so...horrible, ugh. These pictures must never be seen by anyone but me. I'd just DIE if other people saw all that fal blubber *runs away crying*..11:08am Dad texted me and said that Orn would be here around 1pm. Great...Anyway, current stats: Threw in a pizza for dad (330 calories divided into 8 pieces = 41.25 calories a slice). Rounded up that's about 100 calories for the two slices that I'm going to have. That's all for today. Under 100 calories. Woot..7:09pm Been trying to book a flight to Belgium for the past half-hour. Not going to well, I might have to turn whore to get enough money. Damn. I swore I wouldn't do that again. Fuck it. I better go call a pimp or whatever. Just...fuck, my brain hurts. I've got plenty to say, but O don't feel like typing anymore. I just want to go throw on my pj's and hold my kitten.
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.Right.Now.x Date: Thursday, July 28th
x Time: 10:50am
x Weight: 120.0 lbs.
x Comsumed: 450? calories
x Feeling: Tired
.Entry.Had a really creepy dream where all my old cuts/wounds opened up and started bleeding again. Creepy, huh? Well, I'm going to go take a shower and weigh myself (*crosses fingers* I hope I dropped some!). I'll be back eventually..1:02pm I guess it's 'eventually'. Anyway, Orn made the most delicious pork dish with some good ol' sticky rice (I think this is my favorite thing she's made so far, very yummy). I had a small plate full (120 for rice? + 230? for pork) = [350?] calories for that + orange juice = 450 calories for today, give or take a little bit. I'm so stuffed, I don't think I could eat if I wanted to. Scale says I weigh 120 lbs. It doesn't make me feel any better though to know that I dropped 1.5 lbs. from yesterday. I need to drop another 5 pounds by next Thursday (for court). I have seven days to lose five pounds. If I continue at the rate of 1.5 lbs. dropped every day I eat under 500 calories, add in a day or to that I binge, and it will come out perfectly. Yay. I already got my reward, I'm going to close all the things I'm watching on Ebay (*sniffle* They're so cute though!) and save my money. I need AT LEAST another $300. And by January. Crap-oh-la. I know that if I save my lunch money I'll have $100, but that still leaves me $200 short! This sucks! This also means that I will FOR SURE have to resort back to my whore-ish ways. Or I could just steal it, like I did before...But I wasn't alone back then. Maybe I'll get Nite to help me. *laughs* What am I thinking? He wouldn't help anyone but himself. Oh...Just...Fuck it all to Hell..10:50pm I..um...Kinda like...um...walked in on my dad and Orn having SEX. Yeah...Anyway, I'm watching The Girl Next Door right now. Dad thought he had scared me, and I just laughed at him. Nothin' I haven't seen before...Well, I'll go watch the movie and hope dad doesn't question my virginity. G'night all.
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.Right.Now.x Date: Friday, July 29th
x Time: 9:23am
x Weight: 120.0 lbs.
x Comsumed: 500 calories
x Feeling: Hungover, but I didn't drink.
.Entry.Well; I'm up another pound (Damn! damn! damn!) but I kinda knew that would happen. Anyway, it's early and I'm tired and kinda depressed 'cuz I don't find anyone's number so that means that I'll have to go back to walking the streets and I hate doing that. But I need the money. This sucks. I need a job. I just need money. Anyone want to docate to the 'Help a Poor Girl Out' fund? Please?.12:29pm Okay, correction. I'm still at 120.0 lbs. and I didn't gain anything 'cuz I just weighed myself about 10 minutes ago. Seems like my entries keep getting shorter and shorter, doesn't it? Hm..4:07pm Dad went to the gym (he hasn't been there in like three weeks) so I'm sitting here alone and bored. Nobody's online so it's quiet here. Anyway, dad came home a little after 3pm and asked me a whole crap load of questions.

Him: "What did you have for breakfast."

Me: "I didn't."

Him: "Why not?"

Me: "There wasn't enough milk left for cereal."

Him: *sigh* "What did you have for lunch?"

Me: "I didn't."

Him: *sighs again* "Do you know what time Orn left?"

Me: "Yeah, around 9am or so. She must have woke me up 'cuz I got up at about 9:30am."

Him: "Eat something."

Me: *ignores him and turns on the TV, while silently thinking Yes, yes, yes. He noticed. Finally, someone noticed.*

He got me a can of Mountain Dew [170 calories], which he knows I like (it's like my morning coffee, I used to have a can before school everyday, it kept me going strong). Yay for caffine. That's all I've had (or will have) today.Orn's coming over later to move some things in, so I'll get plenty of exercise running up and down three flights of stairs. Later, people..9:53pm Had some popcorn [120?] and some beer [210?] = 500 calories.

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.Right.Now.x Date: Saturday, July 30th
x Time: 12:07pm
x Weight: 119.0 lbs.
x Comsumed: Going out with Orn's friends in a few minutes
x Feeling: Rushed/busy/Happy!
.Entry.Stepped on the scale and it said 118.5 (was happy, but I didn't believe it so I tried it again) and it said 120.0 (almost cried and I didn't believe it so I did it again) and it said 119.0 so I figured it was good and smiled. Only 4 more pounds! Orn's taking me and my dad out to meet some friends so lunch, bye for now..7:13pm. Spent four hours at the Olive Garden (one of my favorite places to eat, love the salad and breadsticks) with dad, Orn, and Sarah (Orn's friend who is 63 years old). Orn ordered a chicken dish with angelhair pasta (yummy chicken, but I was kinda creeped out when I found hair in the pasta, and I don't have brown hair!). Sarah had an eggplant dish thing (looked more like spigettii), of which I didn't have/want any. Dad and Orn got the unlimited soup, salad, and breadstick thing. They both got the same soup, and I really liked it. I had a big salad, about three or so breadsticks (best breadsticks ever!), and some of the soup and chicken that Orn had ordered. I didn't think it was too horrible a binge, but I ordered a fruit dessert. I couldn't finish all of it so I gave it to dad. Then we sat and talked for another two hours. I was bored out of my mind, but I oculdn't wander around the Astral plane 'cuz every now and then Sarah would try to invite me into conversation. Somehow or other we got talking about art and now if she comes to visit she wants to see my artwork. I've got to go peel shrimp, but I've got lots more to say. I'll be back!.7:55pm That was dull and icky. Anyway, we went to Orn's place and she gave me some of her old clothes (she'd gotten fat so she gave the skinny clothes to me, isn't that nice?). I tried them on, most are size 3, 5, 8, ect. All range of sizes between 1 and 9. So; there were a few shirts and they were so cool. Two skirts: a multi-colored mini, size 3; and a blue jean one, size 3 also. I got a summer dress too, a dark red color and I love it. There was also a pair of pants that I tried on, even though I thought it was pointless. They were so comfortable, and they were blue jeans (and a little stretchy too, that's probably why I got my fat ass in them). And get this: they were size 1!!! Holy fuck, I never thought I'd see myself in anything less than a size 3, let alone a size 1!. Even after I ate all that crap and the Olive Garden, they fit! They fit! Orn said as soon as I lost a few more pounds they'd look really good. BUt I was so happy then that I didn't care that she had told me to drop more weight. She wants to get down to 110 - 115 lbs. too. She even asked for me and dad to help her! Isn't that great? She said she wanted to look like me! (Ohh! FLATTERY!) Usually people tell me I'm a bad influance on them ('cuz of my ED), but Orn is actually ENCOURAGING it! I'm not sure if that's good or bad yet, but I guess we'll find out. *sigh* We're all going up to Carlton to visit Pat and Elmer (dad's parents) and we're cooking some sticky rice and shrimp and other stuff (no idea what it is) and some garlic pork and chicken and all other sorts of things. We leave early in the morning, about 7am or so, so I have to get up early (damn) on a Sunday (damn) and sit in a car for two hours (damn) and pretend to include myself in conversation (damn) and stay awake (damn, I don't see why I can't sleep on the way up). Just...damn. Anyway, I've come to find that I really love the smell of garlic, and I like the taste of it on the garlic pork that Orn makes, but just not a lot of it otherwise I feel sick. But I guess I feel that way with ever food if I eat alot of it. And alot to me is anything over 1500 calories in a day. Sad, isn't it? I can't even eat the minimum required calories anymore. And yet I let myself continue to sink. I want to be healthy, at least I think I do, but I also want to be thin. I'm afraid that this ED will eventually consume me entirely like I've heard so many other girls say. Gods; I just want to be thin. Maybe then everything will make sense.
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.Right.Now.x Date: Sunday, July 31st
x Time: 7:08am
x Weight: ?
x Comsumed: Nothing
x Feeling: Ow...
.Entry.Damn. I can't remember the last time I saw the sun this early. I hate it. My legs are all tight and cramped up, I know I won't get time to finish my thoughts in here, so I should stop right now. I'll update this tonight..9:42am.(typed the following on my laptop) In the car right now, on our way to Pat and Elmer's. Orn is with and we are going to make lots of Thai food, a kinda "meet the parents and make them fatter" type thing. I haven't eaten anything, and I don't plan to until about 1pm when all the food is done. So far I've had only a little water and some Diet Mt. Dew (for the caffine).
Stepped on the scale this morning and I was UP two and a half pounds (+ 2.5 lbs.) from yesterday's all-time low of 119.0 pounds, therefore making my current weight 121.5 pounds. Damn. I remember when I thought that it was light, but now it's not good enough anymore. I don't think it will ever be "good enough". I hope I can control myself a little better today, I want to get down to 115 pounds by my court date (August 4th). Correction, I will be down to 115 by Thursday.
But what if I'm not? How will I punish myself if I don't make my goal; if I fail myself yet again? No, leaving room for errors means that they will happen. But they'll happen reguardless of me planning them or not. I will not fail this time. I can't; I won't. I couldn't bare another failure. So, below are a list of things I will do on this trip to help me succeed at this disease:
-Count to 100
-Look in the mirror
-Offer to wash dishes or cook (I'm not a "nibbler" so it's actually a good idea)
-Drink water/Diet Pepsi (I hate Pepsi, btw)
-Watch TV (Yay for satalite!)
-Count all the calories I ate/will eat today
-Plan out all the food for today
-Two words: Family bonding (and NO tht doesn't mean bondage and leather whips!)
-Write/read
-Remind myself WHY I'm doing this: 1) Be healthy 2) Be seen as intereasting and beautiful 3) Be THIN (and that's the most important one)..10:31am Kinda bored, just turned off on the Willow River exit and this road is really crappy. I was reading through some of my older entry-type things I have saved on here and it struck me that I honestly can't remember in detail how I Awakened. I really can't. I can never remember the important things. Like how I met my friends, or what happened on this holiday or my birthday, or a religous/spiritual experiance, or even the single most important event in my life: my Awakening. Why is it that I remember all the horrible things, but I can't remember all the happy good things? Am I so internally depressed that it effects my clear thinking? Am I that fucked up? We're at our land now (500 acres, no one lives here, great place for a meth lab), so I'll go roll out the targets and shoot at things..11amWell, that was dull...Picked a bunch of rasberries (Orn's never had them) and set stuff on fire. That was kinda fun, until the wind blew out my flame. They're still out there shooting at a bottle. Only had one rasberry though, only one. But it was only like 10 calories, but now Sarah is screaming. Only 10 calories?! she yells That's 10 too many! It might as well be ten thousand! You'll never burn it off! You just keep eating, you never listen to me! It's no wonder you're fat and ugly and unloved! Oh...No matter how much she yells at me I still love her. I still love my little Sarah. How I need her. She's right, you know, I never actually listen to her. Most of the time I don't ever hear her yelling at me to PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN until it's too late. I need to let her be in control more often. No, correction; she isn't a domanant personality. Osala is. Cassondra (me!) is. Kitty gets her moments, just like Sarah does, but she isn't a "full time" personality. Get it? Mostly Sarah is coupled with Cassondra (me!) and sometimes with Kitty, I honestly don't think Sarah has even been in complete control, she's usually just a voice in the back of my head. True, she contributes to the thought process, but I feel that she's just too small and weak. She is the weak part of me.
Anyway, we're almost to Carlton, so I'll stop for a little while. Remind me to write down my conflicting viewpoints on this Vampyre-Lilith "myth"....7:18pm On our way back, finally. I hate how I don't elaborate on alot of my older entries; because when I read that I cut, I want to know what caused it so I can find a pettern so I can finally stop tis madness. I'll try to detail things more when I talk about them, beacause when I read I want to understand and I might now be in the same mind-set I was when I wrote it. Make sense? Anyway, we're at Wal-Mart to get Orn some Ny-Quil, be right back..7:36pm. Okay, I'm back. You know how by the pharmacy they have a lot of little "Health Pamflets (sp?)"? Well, they grabbed some, including one on ED's that I was just dying to look at but didn't want to ask dad why he grabbed it. Anyway, I honestly didn't eat alot, (compared to everyone else, no) but I fell like I had at least 2,000 calories. Three days of binging doesn't do the body (or mind!) good...I need to call Sarah Rapking too, reming me to do that that, 'cuz I want my pretty leather-Goth necklace back! It's worth $40 (but I stole it, so it was free). I want ti back so bad, it's my favorite piece of jewlery. Also, I need to find my unused razorblades. I can't remember where I put them. My Latin and favorite exercise pants are at Sheila's/my gramma's place too. Maybe I'll be able to talk dad into taking me down there before summer ends to grab that stuff and visit my frineds (not likely). Hm. I miss a necklace more than I miss my "friends". Isn't that sad?
Yeah, so I had garlic pork with sticky rice (my favorite food, next to pizza), a little nibble of chicken, two pieces of shrimp, and two glasses of milk (got sick of water). And that was it. Plus two pieces of candy. No dessert. Doesn't seem like all that much, but it is to someone like me..7:56pm. Oh, interesting story...While Orn was making the garlic pork my dad's and mine eyes started to sting and burn (think onions). Gramma Pat said that she didn't like it either, but it didn't bother her as much as it did me and dad. We liked that pork and ate it, but not as much as Orn and Elmer ate. They ate the most, but me, dad, and Pat liked it the best. I have a point in this, hang on. It was kinda funny while Orn was cooking it though 'cuz we were all sitting at the table about 10 feet away with red watery eyes and Orn asked, "There any vampire here?" and laughed. I didn't know whether to laugh along with her or hit her. I settled on sitting there and not saying anything. She wouldn't understand what I was talking about anyway. Now that I look back on it, it really isn't all that funny. But it realy got my little highly-advanced vampiric mind working again after so long. Actually, the theory was born the first time she made garlic pork for us back at the apartment. Dad got out of his truck after a long day of pertending to work and he could smell it the second he opened the door of his truck. There was no possible way that any human being could have done that, the patio dor was closed tight so the smell couldn't have drifted down to him.. I even walked outside to get away from the burning sensation in my eyes and throught (couldn't really breathe) and it took me aout two blocks of walking before I could breathe steadily again without much burning. But...I dunno, dad has a much stronger physical traits than I do, whereas mine are more of a mental-energy type based thing.
But yeah, it just strenghtens my "vampyre-garlic" theory. My theory is simple, it's about this "myth" that garlic will repell Vampyres. All myths do have roots in thrith, yes? And I think that this garlci thing is so true, at least for my bloodline. Anyway, I think that garlic IS actually a kind of weakness in Vampyres. The smell burns our eyes and throught, making is difficult to both see and breathe. We like the taste, but in moderation, and we know when to stop. Otherwise we'll get violently sick. So, that's my theory. Makes sence, don't you think so?
I'm actually in a really good mood even though our eyes are still burning/watering. I think I'll take a look at that little ED packet thing, and maybe I'll kinda "invoke" my little Sarah..8:50pm. Read the ED things, already knew everything so it was pointless. Bordum has officially set in...
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