DATE:Monday, August 29th
WEIGHT: 120.0 lbs.
.12:03am. Yeah, I'm still up at this hour. Ugh. Have my meeting with the school today (in about 9 hours actually), can barely contain my joy (sarcasism). Using the "I'm too nervous to eat" excuse. I know I can use it for today, but what about tomorrow? I'll figure something out, take one day at a time...

.11:04am.

Well, went to the school Got lost as soon as I opened the doors. I'd forgotten how huge that place really is. Orientation is tomorrow, so I can still use the "too stressed out to eat" excuse. Two days of not eating. That's my plan. I haven't done that in so long, and I miss it. I want to grow so weak that I black out for longer periods of time. I miss it, I love that feeling of sinking so deep into yourself that you feel like you're drowning in a pit of black sorrow...I love that feeling. If I could feel that and nothing else, my life would be complete; perfect. I will be perfect someday, someday soon. Still weigh the same; 120.0 pounds. Surprizing, considering all I ate yesterday. My stomach hurts, and I feel like I want to throw up. But I'll get though it, I'll be strong, I'll be thin. Oh, school pictures tomorrow too. *cringe*

.1:30pm.

Had a hot dog [200] plus the bun [100]. That's 300 right there.

.6:54pm.

Ugh. Dairy Queen again. Two chicken strips and fries, plus a shake. Ughhhh. Where the hell do I put it all? My theighs. So...About, what? 500 calories? Ugh.
DATE: Tuesday, August 30th
WEIGHT: 121.5 lbs.
.5:59pm. I dunno what the fuck is up with my other layout, it doesn't show up, but I'll fix it later. Maybe. So, I've only had a stick of gum. Five calories. Yay. Dad's yelling at me to eat, but I don't feel like it. I weighed 121.5 pounds this morning, there is no way in Hell I am eating anything today. Or tomorrow. Went to school this morning, walked in circles, got lost, left. Came home, slept from about noon to four. Felt nice. Skipped breakfast, slept through lunch, skipping supper. I want to do the same tomorrow. Need to get my new website perfect, need to get my school supplies ready, need to go read a ton of new posts on message boards before I get too far behind. Again. .8:36pm. Yeah, it's still fucked up. Ugh. Head hurts. Stomach hurts. Should be 120 lbs. tomorrow. Then about 118.5 by Thursday if I keep fasting. I hope I can get down to 115 by Labor Day, seeing as how I can't do it by the time school starts. I'm such a failure. .9:35pm. I'm in love with this new layout though, deleted the other one 'cuz I got sick of trying to figure out what was wrong with it. I do that a lot, just give up when I can't figure shit out. But enough of that. I need to go fold laundry. Good night people. .11:29pm. Had a can of chicken noodle soup [160] and a can of diet Mt. Dew [0]. Pretty good, huh? Yay for me. So much for fasting the whole two days though.
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Sunday, September 4th 2005
Sorry, paper journals are a lolt easier now days. Since school started again, you know? Ugh. Anyway, it's been raining for almost two days straight. I'm afraid of drowning, I think it's a horrible way to die. It's starting to smell, the streets are flooded slightly, and I saw a few dead rats earlier. No school tomorrow, Labor Day. Weighed 122.0 pounds this morning. Ugh. I think my psychic powers are getting better. No; getting stronger. Something like that. I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting better at predicting my weight without counting up calories. It's strange, I dream of blood and power. And when I get kicked out of bed at noon, I find myself fat and weak. I hate this. Every night I tell myself, "I feel so fat, I never want to eat again." and what do I do the next morning? Eat, eat, eat. I'm so disgusted with myself. Oh, and the cat clawed the Hell out of me. Ow, damnit..8:09pm. I just can't stop eating. What is wrong with me? My face looks so huge and square. I hate it. I hate this. I'm so fucking weak.
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