He did his arguing with heat, with energy, with violence; and I did mine with the reserve and moderation of a subordinate who does not like to be flung out of a pilot-house that is perched forty feet above the water.
"Is Shakespeare Dead"--Mark Twain

Always remember to pillage before you burn

Things you never hear people say: "Hand me that piano"

I'm out of my mind right now, but feel free to leave a message.....

The world is run by idiots because they're more efficient than hamsters.

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
--Mark Twain

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

It's a poodle. Put it on delicate.

Don't put your tongue in a socket. The taste of power is too refined for you.

Enjoy your job, make lots of money, work within the law. Choose any two.

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world; those who know binary and those who don't.

In Googlis non est, ergo non est. (If it is not in Google, it does not exist.)

It's bad luck to be superstitious.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

The government, like diapers, should be replaced frequently and often for the same reasons.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is.

I wish I had a nickel for every time duct tape prevented someone's violent death at terminal velocity.
--thelenm on Slashdot

Today's Sesame Street was brought to you by the number e

It is best for a leader to be both feared and loved. But since this usually cannot be done, it is safer to be feared.

Give a man a fire and you keep him warm for a night. Set him on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. The impossible just takes a little longer.

Work Harder. Millions on welfare depend on you!

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance"
--Derek Bok

Under capitalism man exploits man. Under communism it's the other way around.

if pro is the opposite of con, then the opposite of progress would be....

Don't worry, you're not paranoid. We really are out to get you.

The entertainment industry has been brought to you by the letters F and U

Hurry up and jump on the individualist bandwagon!

"History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme."
-- Mark Twain

Innovation is a wildflower; you cannot choose where it will blossom, you can only choose where it will not.

Information wants to be anthropomorphized.

DSL is LSD backwards.

Alcohol and Calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

Ineedanewkeyboardasthespacebarisstuckonthisone.

'Life is like a spoonful of Drain-O, it feels good on the way down but leaves you feeling hollow inside'

Hands-free mobile phones - blurring the distinction between schizophrenia and technology.

I'll see your senator, and I'll raise you two judges.

'Hello World', 17 errors, 31 warnings

100 bugs in the code, 100 bugs, take one out, compile it again, 101 bugs in the code...

2+2=5 for large values of 2

A TRUE Klingon warrior does not comment his code!

A bird in the hand will leave quite a mess...

A chicken is an egg's way of making more eggs.

A picture is worth a thousand words, 1000 words takes about 5K, therefore no picture should be larger than 5K

A rhinoceros is a horse designed to military specification.

A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

All I need is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.

All generalizations are false.

All that glitters has a high refractive index

Be different. Think.

Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.

Be ready for the y3k bug.

Be wary when walking down the path to madness, all such paths invariably lead to madness.

Bus Error: Passengers dumped.

Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye!

Clones are people two

Do I frighten you? Do you want me to?

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

Everyone brings joy to this world - some by arriving, most by leaving.

For sale: 1 Year 2000 countdown clock and 1500 cans of lima beans.

Heads you win, Tails I lose.

Hey, look! A computer that writes on paper instead of to a screen!

I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.

I'll bet you five bucks that you won't give me $10.

I'm not a man! I'm a free number!

If debugging is the process of removing bugs then programming must be the process of putting them in.

If the world was made for jellyfish, things would be entirely different.

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate.

Is it one of those dreams where you're standing on a pyramid in sort of sun god robes with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you? Why am I the only one who has that dream?

Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?

It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

It hung in the air the way bricks don't.

It is too late to work within the system and too early to kill the bastards.

It's hard to look in eyes of truth. Especially if it's naked...

Kind of makes you wonder why we stopped using slide rules, doesn't it?

Lets have a monthly meeting every Monday

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Masochist to Sadist: "Hit me!" Sadist to Masochist: "No."

Never program your computer to kill you. Just a piece of advice.

Never put the words "diabolical master plan" on a resume

No one can accuse you of looking at dirty pictures when you're using Lynx.

Only a mediocre person is always at his best

Party like it's 1899!

Perl: the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption

Rehab's for quitters.

Running's not a plan - running's what you do when a plan fails!

Say something witty and the world will remember you forever -- Anonymous

Stop Repeat Offenders: quit re-electing them.

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

That which does not kill me has poor aim

What does not kill me just postpones the inevitable.

The World Wide Web is like its namesake: dirty and full of bugs.

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.

Therapy helps, but screaming obscenities is cheaper.

There are no stupid questions, just inquisitive idiots.

There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.

There is nothing to fear but fear itself... and the monsters under your bed.

There we stood: two against a thousand...and they were the toughest pair we ever took on!

They don't make nostalgia like they used to.

This is an ancient Aztec death curse. All who see it will die horribly. Too bad if you looked!

This is not a self-referential headline.

This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

Very funny Scotty... Now beam down my clothes!

Vini Verdi Visa: I came, I saw, I charged it.

What color is a chameleon on a mirror?

What did people do to cause accidents before cell phones?

What part of "evil super mario brothers" don't you understand?

What's with this Y2K thing ?? There weren't any problems at the last millennium change either...

Where the leading edge meets the lunatic fringe

Why #define PI 3.14159265358979? In case the value of PI ever changes.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

You are depriving a village somewhere of an idiot

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

You know how dumb the average person is? Well, by definition, half of 'em are dumber than THAT.

You know you've been using Linux too long when you wish your car were as reliable as your computer.

eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

if you save everything 'til the last minute, it only takes a minute

Democracy: When two wolves and a sheep vote about what they should have for dinner...

So that's what an invisible wall looks like.

What is the speed of dark?

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Say a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Cats know what we feel. They don't care, but they know.

I've discovered a pattern in pi: 42, lots of random numbers, 42, lots of random numbers, ...

If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, what does it mean when I can't find my desk?

I have NOT lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere...

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it

"The sooner you fall behind the more time you will have to catch up."

Read the two paragraphs on the attached page. One is from Lyotard's The Postmodern Condition. The other was generated by the Postmodernism Generator. Which is which?

Support your local medical examiner: die strangely.

Reunite Pangea!

"Other than that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?"

I think I see a trend here. Maybe for them it really would be easier to muzzle the entire internet than to produce praiseworthy software? --Black Parrot

Like any talented dog, it can do flips. Like any talented cow, it can do precision bitmap alignment.

My VAX 6420 will crush all of your PCs--literally.

"Bother!" said Pooh. "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb!"

Peace Through Superior Firepower

Batteries are included -- best of luck finding them.

Caution: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people.

A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head.

"People will believe what you say if you tell them I said it first." -Ben Franklin

I/O, I/O,
It's off to disk I go,
a bit or byte to read or write,
I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O

Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.
--Ovid (43 BC - 18 AD)

The difference between a bad student and a good student is that a bad
student forgets all the material five minutes before the exam, while a good
student five minutes after it.
--Hugo Krawczyk

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried
it.
--Donald Knuth

The American Republic will endure, until politicians realize they can bribe the people with their own money.
-- Alexis de Tocqueville

The direct use of physical force is so poor a solution to the problem of limited resources that it is commonly employed only by small children and great nations.
--David Friedman

Caller: I just installed Windows 95 on my computer.
Tech Support: And...?
Caller: It's not working.
Tech Support: You already said that.

Two computer people discussing those old stories about Bill Gates' name
adding up to 666 in ASCII:
"I hear that if you play the NT 4.0 CD backwards, you get a satanic
message"
"...That's nothing. If you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!"

TO BUY A NEW CAR WOULD MAKE YOU SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE.

"You can get so much more with a kind word and a two-by-four than you can get with just a kind word."

"Outlook not so good." That magic 8-ball knows everything! I'll ask about Exchange Server next.

"You can never have too many elephants on your team."

That's the second-biggest monkey head I've ever seen.

WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann??

Gun control means hitting the target.

Captain Sublimation - He can turn Solids into Gas

To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.

Don't exploit artists by stealing music. RIAA hates competition.

Q: What is the plural of 'virus'?
A: It is a latin word, so it uses roman numerals:
2 virii
3 viriii
4 viriv
5 virv
...
--heikkile on /.

We know Saddam has weapons of mass destruction, coz we have the receipts.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but so would a 80 pound carrot.

I gave up and discarded my cold fusion research; I could never get the reaction to go below room temperature!

If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up.

"Welcome to the new millennium - it's gonna be a long one."

Insanity is the last line of defense for the master diplomat. But you have to lay the groundwork early.

I want to whack something with a sword, and set something on fire. Does that make me a bad person?

It was a brave man that ate the first oyster

I am a nobody. Since nobody is perfect, that means that I am perfect.

Earth is 98% full.... please delete anyone you can.

The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out.

A diagnostic is someone who doesn't know whether there are two gods.

"I find this most intriguing... Please continue with your petty bickering." --Data (Star Trek: TNG)

The best things in life are free. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Therefore, lunch is not one of the best things in life.

Barney the Dinosaur sings! You faint... Barney sings! Barney sings! --More--
You Die... --More--

"Why does the Universe give you a sign AFTER you do it?"
-Calvin

"Endorsing products is the American way to express individuality." -Calvin

"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you."
"You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."
"Get used to disappointment."
The Princess Bride

You are in a twisty little maze of standards, all conflicting.

"The entire concept of daylight savings time is like trying to make yourself taller by cutting off your head and standing on it."
-- Usenet Oracle

Intel: Where quality is Job Number 0.999972561

What would you see in a room-sized mirrored klien bottle?

In addition, some things deserve prompt action, which a committee can NOT
provide. I prefer the current tactic: a semi-responsible individual steps
forward, and takes action. If the masses disapprove, they pound him into
oblivion, and the process repeats itself. -Arthur Bernard Byrne (1995)

Cursing was invented as a compromise between fighting and running away.

Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?

"The Internet is better than TV: you can brainwash it back."

Don't worry about it; having seen you in action, our expectations are hardly insurmountable.

I'm sorry if the correct way of doing things offends you.

I'm sorry to say, however, that September isn't quite over: it's only the 1379th day. -- Simon Slavin 6/11/1997

A slipping gear can let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.

Can you answer this questions with a negative?

C -- most of the power of assembler, and almost as easy to code!

A behaviorist is someone who pulls habits out of rats.

Ignorance _is_ bliss, if you're the one exploiting the ignorant.

So the Ether bunny goes hippety hopity down the garden path, waylaying innocent fieldmice and anesthetizing them, so he can sell their teeth to the tooth fairy to support his milk-and-cookies habit.

Trust the computer industry to shorten "Year 2000" to Y2K. It was this kind of thinking that caused the problem in the first place.
-- Charles Bryant

"Just a few months ago, we were arguing about whether children should be taught about sex by their parents or by the schools, when our innovative President found a third solution." -- Clint Bolick (1998)

If the invisible unicorns tell you they're pink, you should believe them.

I had a UPS delivered by UPS the other day.

I'm hoping Unix will no longer be the dominant operating system by the year 1141709097.

I love the way Microsoft follows standards. In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou.

Just *what* can you contaminate fecal material with?

Hey, Ghostbusters was pretty good. Even if Cthulhu did turn out to be
a giant marshmallow man.

If USENET is anarchy, IRC is a paranoid schizophrenic after 6 days on speed.

You need to upgrade your goat.

In fact, the only think I can think of that can both affect and effect people is sex.

In today's climate, you can get promoted for saving $10 million, even if you are building a skyscraper and that money was for the foundation.

But hey, what possible harm could a few typos do when you're inscribing magical runes?

Actually, HTML is very useful. As a flag to say "you don't need to read this email".

I'm not paranoid. The word simply isn't strong enough.

I predict my death occurring at the end of my life.

If brute force doesn't work, you're not applying enough of it.

As movies, Harry Potter isn't only not in the same league as FotR, it isn't even playing the same sport.

"Mr. President, we've determined that survival of the planet is not economically feasible. Push the button now and have some fun while you can."

It's most disconcerting to have several pairs of eyes watching you from a bowl of milk.

"A brave man likes the feel of rain on his face."
"A wise man has enough sense to get in out of the rain."

The two rules for success are: 1) Never tell them everything you know.

No matter how subtle the wizard, a knife between the shoulder blades really cramps his style.

The only reason all cover-ups appear to fail is that you never hear about the ones that succeed.

Don't be so open-minded or your brains will fall out.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

My interest is in the future, because that's where I'll be spending the rest of my life.

Right. No, your other right. No, the other other right.

I wish I could hear the soundtrack to my life. That way I'd know when to duck.

By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you.

"TEACHER! Johnny colored his apple purple!!!" CaffeineAddict2001 /.

You can usually make something more idiot proof. However, nature can always make a better idiot.

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

Some of us simply flit stealthily from shadow to shadow, watching, observing, plotting nefarious schemes, until we can no longer contain the powerful, mounting darkness inside and thus burst forth with echoing, raving, maniacal laughter, striking fear and dread into the hearts of mortal men...
And then we feel better, sip our sugar and caffeine-laden soda, and go about the rest of our daily business. jtdarlington

I'm not easily impress...WOAH! A BLUE CAR!!! --Homer Simpson

0 1 - just my two bits

Censorship is a government's admission that its arguments are so unconvincing they must be imposed by force.

Why use one word when two polysyllabic agglomerates will do?

All of whose base are belong to the what-now?

Save a tree. Eat a beaver.

If the government wants us to respect the law, it should set a better example.

When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a skull.

We do not make software releases. Our software escapes, leaving a bloody trail of designers and QA people in its wake.

"I am sorry sir, but there is nothing we can do for you. Have a nice day."

There once was a man who claimed nothing was true. He was later found to be lying.

Geek used to be a four letter word. Now it's a six-figure one.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am

It's like putting a clown in your room. You just don't do it. It would stare at you.

I am an expert in electricity. My father held the chair of applied electricity at the state prision.

Integrity is the key. Once you can fake that...

"It take 9 months to bear a child, no matter how many women you assign to the job."

Tact, n.: The unsaid part of what you're thinking.

I hope you're not pretending to be evil while secretly being good. That would be dishonest.

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right, But Three Lefts Do.

Most people are looking for intelligent life in space. I haven't given up Earth yet.

No man is an island, But if you take a bunch of dead guys and tie them together, they make a pretty good raft.

"For a list of the ways which technology has failed to improve our quality of life, press 3."

Keep your friends close, and your enemies in a small jar on your desk.

I bet that's a real nice ship now that the rats have left

I'm not surprised that there are Unix clones. How else can Unix reproduce? -- Liquor

Death to all who oppose--oh, look! A bunny!

Never hesitate to exploit the superstitions of others.

If you're going to betray someone, start by killing them. It'll save trouble later.

Planning for failure makes success seem rewarding, but it also makes you unprepared.

Any data file of crucial importance should be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.

unfinished: (adj.)

All I want is more than my fair share.

For everyone willing to pay you to do a job, there's someone just as willing to pay you not to.

The Roman Rule: The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.

What you do today will cost you a day of your life.

You think the worms here on Arrakis are large? Wait'll you see the robins.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

A man defects from the then-communist eastern Europe to the west.
His friends in the west ask him one day:

Q: How was the food there in the east ?
A: Can't complain.

Q: How did the police treat you ?
A: Can't complain.

Q: and what about the economy there ?
A: Can't complain.

Q: Then why did you defect ?
A: Well, here I can complain ...

Work is so much easier when you don't

There isn't any problem that can't be solved by a small, low yield nuclear device, is there??

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

This adds another dimension to the shaved monkey tragedy

I do not know what WW3 will be fought with,
but I know what WW4 will be fought with,
sticks and stones - Einstein

An empty mind is a loyal mind.

Corruption's a lot of fun. Are you sure you don't want to try it?

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me. It's the sudden stop at the end.

Please Support D.A.M. -- Mothers Against Dyslexia

Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.

It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.

That's all very well in practice, but will it ever work in theory?

Every day it's the same thing -- variety. I want something different.

E-Mail message to support: "I cannot read or receive email"
E-Mail answer from support: "Yes you can"

Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.

If it isn't broken, take it apart and find out why.

They have sagas about their heroic lawyers.

So in conclusion, the writers are clearly not buffoons, and your neighbor IS a vampire.
QED.

It's not the bullet with your name on it you have to worry about. It's the twenty-thousand-odd other bullets labeled 'Occupant'.

The worst thing about being stuck in a loop is being stuck in a loop.

The worst thing about clawing your way out of the coffin is realizing that they buried you in a suit you wouldn't be caught dead in.

The worst part about being God's newly-ordained Angel of Death is that the police never believe your story.

Quid quid Latine dictum sit, altum viditur: Whatever is said in Latin sounds important.

"Any pointers to digitized images of short, cute aliens holding power tools would be greatly appreciated."

In the immortal words of Socrates, "I Drank WHAT?!"

The experience of exploring an unlit, long-abandoned, strongly-tilting, partially-flooded, pirate-ship-turned-restaurant is eerie and wonderful.

It would make an ideal playground for children, if not for the whole wander-too-far-and-fall-eleven-storeys-to-your-death thing.

If you send someone to save the world, you should make sure they like it the way it is.

I didn't do it, judge, and I'll never do it again.

I am working on a wind-powered fan.

Don't worry, being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep in a giant blender.

and whose cruel idea was it to put the letter "s" in the word "lisp"?

A recent survey shows that 100% of people are willing to complete surveys.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Although it's just 3 dots, I put a lot of thought into it.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

They say only the good die young. If it works the other way, I'm immortal.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

Heisenberg might have slept here.

UNIX was not designed to stop you from doing stupid things, because that would also stop you from doing clever things. -- Doug Gwyn

Many people wouldn't know a good OS if it bit them on the -- OW! HEY! Where'd that penguin come from?!

It's easy to stand out when the general level of competence is so low.

At the most fundamental level, there is no most fundamental level.

University - a box of academia nuts.

Input error. Replace user and press any key to continue.

This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one. -- Arthur Clarke

The great thing about multitasking is that several things can go wrong at once.

An ounce of prevention is worth two in the bush...

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't want to rule the world... I just want to be in charge of mayonnaise.

When you don't know where you're going, any path will take you there.

If you haven't seen every episode of the Simpsons at least fifteen times, you're obviously obsessed with real life. Obsession is bad. You clearly need help if you are obsessed.

You know you have been playing DOOM too long when...

...going to sleep you open the bedroom's door and instead of turning lights on you fire a missile into the room.
...you sleep with a chainsaw under your pillow, and justify it with 'you never know what lurks in the dark'.
...going into a room or getting off an elevator, you run in and out quickly to see what follows you out.
...you don't worry so much about getting hurt, since you'll probably pick up one of those blue spheres somewhere.
...watching someone come out of an elevator makes your mouse finger twitch.
...the dog growls and you dive over the couch while reaching for a shotgun.
...you find yourself strafing around corners from time to time.
...you push on a wall as you walk down the hall looking for secret entrances.
...you rush for a neon-blue down vest in K-Mart.
...you reach for your chainsaw when your wife's cold gives her the sniffles.
...you search for a radiation suit before going into a swimming pool.
...you instinctively target trash cans while walking around campus/work.
...you look for sniper spots above you when getting in an elevator.
...you can't stop squinting as you walk around your house.
...you think you can actually walk through walls.
...you start making chainsaw noises if you hear a strange noise.
...you wish you had a chainsaw, just in case.
...you buy a radiation suit and Infra-red goggles, just in case.

Maintain thine airspeed lest the ground come up and smite thee

Want to Make $$$$ with your Computer? No Risk! Simply press shift-4 four times in a row

The way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus.

Why give in to the butterfly for $25 a month when you can flip 'em the bird for free?!

I'd love to be a lawyer. That way I could indulge my love of money and hatred for mankind in one easy step.

". . . the fully armed nuclear warheads are, of course, merely a courtesy detail."

Recipes are for the weak!

You were just kidding about it exploding, right? right?

Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Hollywood representatives have publicly stated that skipping commercials is "stealing."

A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

If it's not on fire, it's a software problem.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness,' but it doesn't work.

Math problems? Call 1-800-10x(24+13)-(64-16)/2^14E2.

Never play leap frog with a unicorn.

Operator, trace this call and tell me where I am.

OUT TO LUNCH - If not back at five, OUT TO DINNER.

Smile - it makes people wonder what you're up to.

The future isn't what it used to be.

Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its students.

Treat each day as your last and one day you will be right.

We are all born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.

Never drink from the mainstream.

Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.

Memo to T.H.E.M.:
Our slogan, "Death to everyone!", is not supposed to be taken literally. To clarify, it does not apply to you, or anyone else working for T.H.E.M. (The Hideously Evil Minions). Anyone caught attempting to kill themselves in order to fulfill our slogan shall be immediately executed for extreme incompetence.

Ol' Ted suddenly realized that they weren't here to look at his Big Book of Newspapers Clippings. They were here to take it. Like all the others, they had to die.

Yes, I know how to work; I sure didn't get hired for my looks.

I am not a number! I am a man! And don't you ... oh wait, I'm #93427. Ha ha! In your face #93428!

prairies, n.: Vast plains covered by treeless forests.

MSN 8: Now Microsoft even has bugs in their ad campaigns.

Priority List
1. Create list

The Fires of Mount St. Helens rumbled in faraway Washington, signaling the rise of the Dark Lord Gates and the writing of the One OS

The job of the scientist is thus to question everything.
Why?

The beatings will continue until morale improves

If he learns from his mistakes, pretty soon he'll know everything.

I'll see your 5 cents, and raise you 5 million dollars.

At least mafia-owned pizzarias make excellent pizza. Compare to Bill Gates.

You are in an open shire west of a little, white house with a rounded front door. To the north stands your old pal, Gandalf.
> N
Gandalf appears glad to see you. "I am glad to see you," he says, "I hear you were given a ring. Could I see it?"
> I
You have:
Flask of ale
Bread
Contract for three movies
One ring to rule them all
> SHOW RING
I don't know which ring you mean.
> SHOW ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL
Who are you showing the ring to?
> SHOW ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL TO GANDALF
You are eaten by a grue.

This has been the shareware version of the Apocalypse. To order the full version, please call 1-800-666-SATN

At this point you realize that you have no feet.

I consider turning my head into pure energy but think better of it.

Only useful for weird things.

Thou art testing my patience with these fine weapons close at hand.

Remember kids, it's all fun and games until someone commits wholesale galactic genocide.

The more I think about it, the more disturbing it gets.

There's a reason there's a banana in my ear, I'm trying to lure the monkey out of my head.

From that point on I ran only attack neutered mutant zombies.

This was only a test. Had this been the real thing, you would have been dead by now.

Never use "RIAA" and "not stupid enough" in the same sentence... It's bound to get you proved wrong.

Fleener's Law: 80% of conspiracy theories come true in time.

"We in the government knew when we got an e-mail titled 'ILOVEYOU' that something was wrong"

As he plummeted towards the earth's core, he had only one thought.
"I should have picked door number 3."

Sanity is just your excuse for being boring.

I mimic normal people, but most people figure it out after not too long.

Anyone who can turn a Pikachu doll into something even more disturbing should get a medal.

Live dangerously.. lick things!

Google results 1-10 of about 65,400,000 for b. Search took 0.04 seconds.

Ever tried to throw away a garbage can?

I gave the angry man an eyepatch. it seemed appropriate.

Very clever, but you've forgotten about the coordinate transformations of relativity.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" whilst looking for a rock

-- CZ --
10 PRINT "Waiter, there's a bug in my loop" :
20 GOTO 10

Drink blood--50 trillion mosquitoes can't be wrong.

At Eastern Airlines, world domination is just part of our master plan.

Economy slumps.
Music sucks.
Downturn. . .
Must be piracy.

As a computer I find your faith in technology amusing.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Would you do it for some scoobie crack?

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this. -- Emo Phillips

My big endian will EAT your little endian!

That seems a perfect consumer target: cheap, glowing, quickly obsolete.

It seems that Finnish equivalents of American RIAA, Teosto, which represents songwriters and publishers, and Gramex, which represents music producers and artists, want to force Finnish day nurseries to pay royalties every time nursery staff sings along with kids.

Finland's Supreme Court has ruled taxi drivers must pay royalty fees if they play music in their car while a customer is in the backseat.
The order even applies to the radio.

"You can keep me from teaching and singing songs to people by cutting my throat."
"Your terms are acceptable" --RIAA

The obvious mathematical breakthrough would be development of an easy way to factor large prime numbers. --The Road Ahead, Bill G.

All you really need us WD40 and duct tape. If it should move and it doesn't use WD40; If it moves and it shouldn't use duct tape.

I'm pretty sure this is true . . . I wouldn't bet my life on it, but I'd bet yours.

Kent: Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President Clinton?
Kang: It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!
Kent: Well, a refreshingly frank response there from senator Bob Dole.

I love hearing "hey, life's not fair." It's usually being spouted by someone who is busy trying to make it more unfair.

During the making of this software, the programmers consumed 2700 hamburgers, 1503 pizzas (276 vegetarian, 1227 containing meat or meat by-products), 16204 cans of soda (assorted), 790 bags of microwave popcorn and 1 office chair. No animals were harmed...Oh, hang on, I forgot about the ones in the burgers & pizza.

Instead, it's tried to play both sides. As a member of the Consumer Electronics Association, Sony joined the chorus of support for Napster against the legal onslaught from Sony and the other music giants seeking to shut it down. As a member of the RIAA, Sony railed against companies like Sony that manufacture CD burners. And it isn't just through trade associations that Sony is acting out its schizophrenia. Sony shipped a Celine Dion CD with a copy-protection mechanism that kept it from being played on Sony PCs. Sony even joined the music industry's suit against Launch Media, an Internet radio service that was part-owned by - you guessed it - Sony. Two other labels have since resolved their differences with Launch, but Sony Music continues the fight, even though Sony Electronics has been one of Launch's biggest advertisers and Launch is now part of Yahoo!, with which Sony has formed a major online partnership.

The virus spreads using a Microsoft vulnerability known as "SQL Server"

If you could move back about 2 or 3 feet, and face the window, that would help me a lot. Thanks.

Go away, or I will replace you with a very small shell script...

NT, Networking, Security: Pick two.

When planets run around in circles we say they are orbiting - when people do it we say they are crazy...

This is why people o.d. on pills.

Never take a Dustbuster into the forest. Nature abhors a vacuum.

If life gives you lemons, put the juice into squirtguns and shoot people in the eyes.

If you eat a live toad in the morning, nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

Its abuot QUALiTY Stuped!