THIS was an older piece that I pulled for a couple of weeks, due to one or two sentences that could be misinterpreted and probably offend a lot of people. BUT, after working some real shitty HOLIDAY hours I thought the piece is still relevant. Although now I have people calling me a "fucking asshole" because they can't get their hands on the X-BOX or the Nintendo GAMECUBE... 

There is a certain madness that I see in people. A madness that is blatantly obvious around certain times of the year more so then others. The experts call it Holiday Madness, others call it that the black magic of Capitalism!!! Maybe it’s even a bit of both. Whatever it is I don’t think there is anything good that comes out of these madness weeks that are usually in synch with Christmas and other Christian holidays. You’ll also find that humanity on the brink is mysteriously linked to school holidays like Winter recess, Parent’s Teachers Conference. You get the idea.

How these days became more important than others is a beyond me. What I think is extraordinary and certainly worth addressing is how there is one commonality between all these holidays, and that’s how people celebrate them. They CONSUME products. They spend, spend. Cash, Check, or Charge it!! Why? because if ol’ Honest Abe were alive today, he’d spend his birthday out binge shopping.

I personally can’t think of a better way to celebrate something like Veterans day by buying all products that are made in the very same communist and former communist countries that these Vets fought against. So you don’t think I’m a flag burning commie or something, I would like to take a moment to thank our Veterans for making the world safe for capitalism!! Now I can get $14 Airwalk knock offs at the local Wall Mart. Of course the week after Veterans day they get marked back up to that whopping $15. The Vietnam Wall Memorial serves as a reminder that we as Americans have more rights than anyone, anywhere. We have the rights to choose! Of course winners choose PEPSI! and nine out of 10 dentists choose Dentyne. You should know by now that Mom’s choose Jiff.

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t support 99% of what the Military stands for. The 1% of which I do support are the soldiers themselves, not the powers that be that dictates the particular causes they are instructed to fight for. I do think it’s a shame that so many soldiers get misinformed about the exact motivations that leads them to the frontlines of battle. I mean if these guys knew they were fighting to make a safer environment in which businesses can manufacture dirt cheap shoes and clothes in third world countries, do you think they would be gladly and willingly giving risking their lives?

One of the funnier occurrences I was so lucky to witness during Veterans day was when some guy in fatigues cuts an entire line of mothers and their whining brats waiting to purchase what ever bullshit cds that they were buying. Some lady starts throwing a fit, he yells back at her “Hey I’m a Vet! Bitch!!” and the lady looked stunned, she didn’t know what to say. Then she says, “I guess they didn’t teach you any manners in the military.” He looks over his shoulder and with this huge menacing, Nicholson like grin ala The Shining and says, “No they taught me to kill!!!” I was fuckin’ rollin’.

It might sound sick but sometimes I like watching consumers start getting into arguments and near brawls over absolutely stupid shit. In a lot of ways it’s like getting revenge without having to get your hands dirty. When two people who think their shit is yogurt go at it, man, that really makes my day. Unfortunately I’m the only intimidating looking character at where I work so that means I usually have to get in the middle by yelling at both parties and say “Either both of you shut your mouths now or else I’m gonna have to toss ya’ outahere!!! This ain’t the WWF!!!” Why someone would throw a shit fit over the fact that the we were out of stock of Hanson calendars or Backstreet boys posters is beyond me.

One of the best times to witness consumer Madness or should I say STUPIDITY is during Christmas. If you want to experience everything that is wrong with the human race firsthand then I strongly suggest you get a retail job from they day after thanksgiving to about the second week of January!! This is why a lot of anarchists discourage work, if you were to see how bad people can be, you start caring less and less as to what happens to them or the world for that matter. I mean there are times when I become Mr. Hyde and Scrooge all rolled into one. Now I don’t believe all the masses are asses, or sheep following leaders and that whole mindset. But during this particular time period I’d have a hard time debating the issue.

Simple things that people should understand for some reason start becoming like quadro Physics (I think that’s what they call it). People just can’t grasp the simple fact that I’m a shit worker, the bottom of the barrel, lowest of the low. I don’t have any say in how the store is run or how the corporate chain operates. I have no say in what records are sold, or what shit ass posters and bullshit we sell. It’s as simple as that but try explaining that to some asshole Mother who wants an N-SYNC t-shirt in medium and not XL.

One of the coolest remarks I got to make at my job was when I some costumer complaining about the lines. So I did my best Jello impersonation and said something like “Hey this is the system you help perpetuate!Now go stand in line like everybody else, and deal with it!!!”

There is this notion that some people have. They feel that being a consumer makes them special. If you embrace this philosophy, I have one thing to say, lose it fast!!! If you think that because you are buying a Pepsi or a bucket of chicken that you’re granted the right to abuse any of the store’s employees then I swear I hope you choke on that Pepsi. I so hope to god that you have a fatal car crash exiting that drive thru, because you DO fuckin’ deserve it!!! If you think you have to survive by fucking other people over than I hope that what goes around comes around and you get so royally fucked that you have to sit on one of those donut cushions the rest of your life.

I think in general Americans support that old walletful of tyranny mentality even after it has so often backfired. You think they’d learn their lesson but i guess it’s a process of conditioning that maybe 5 generations down the line people will finally get it right. You see people totally thrown into a daze when their Bosses and their mighty wallets speak and decide that they want to become mightier. To allow this to happen they in turn decide to shut down the American factory and relocate to somewhere overseas. The Americans get the boot and they realize all the faith in god isn’t going to save them from the fate they’re to meet.

People don’t realize that capitalism takes precedent on this continent. America and Americans are secondary. If we continue to follow this pattern we are going to witness our selves pushed further and further down the grid and eventually erased. The earth, the environment and all it’s inhabitants will be viewed as mere bullshit. The small trivialities that one has to deal with in order to obtain wealth and power.

For a few seconds I’m going to play the role of the skeptic. People would never allow this to happen, people won’t sit silently and watch their lives reduced to something less than an ant turd. The workers would rise up and revolt! To this I ask would they? They’re allowing themselves to be steamrolled now!!! Little by little their lives are infact being reduced to something less than irrelevant. I see this happen each and every so called “holiday”. People were fist fighting at the Kay-Bee across from where I work over Tickle Me Elmo! and some new Takagachi thig-a-ma-jigs. See people don’t learn! How many people were trampled to death over Cabbage Patch Dolls??? No, No we will not allow the powers that be to use us as their little fuck puppets...Swallow?Yes sir I will!

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