Exeter College Darts

"3-9 To The Queen's College!"

DATE : 31-1-01 OPPONENTS : Queen's (a)
RESULT : Won 9-3 AUTHOR OF REPORT : Graham Hales

“The Exeter team are coming, and we’re a bunch of wankers. Are you glad we’re here? We’ve come to win your beer …”

Highlander is still hearing these words in his nightmares.

“Matty Baker, can he hit it? Matty Baker, no he can’t.”

Baker may never be the same man again.

Yes, Queen’s were outbantered in their own bar. Their darts weren’t good enough, their banter didn’t stand up to the test. 3-9 to the Queen’s College … Exeter’s best result in recent memory.

Here’s how it happened …

Leg 1.
Savory is several hundred points down to Highlander after failing to double in. Highlander leaves himself on double 3 after hitting 12 when on x9. Savory somehow wins it from nowhere by doubling out immediately. Leg 2.
Stevenson plays the same leg as Savory but against Matt Baker. But can Baker hit it? NO HE CAN’T!

Leg 3.
Clifford is beaten fairly comfortably by mibruvver Baker despite being much closer to him for most of the leg then Stevenson or Savory had been to their opponents.
Leg 4.
Fox : straight in, straight out. 17 darts. A captain’s performance. Cheese on Jordan. Now we’re singing “Can we play you every week?” Four wins out of four against Queen’s was on the horizon.

Leg 5.
Sparkes steps up and beats some bloke whose name I can’t remember. Cue “Why do birds suddenly appear…..?”
Leg 6.
Barkworth felt the pressure of the biggest match of his life and after doubling in quickly, faded and lost by a margin. He was soon to turn it round for the doubles though …
Leg 7.
A battle of who can take their banter : the “wife-beater” Lewton or “Big Al, shit darts.” It turned out to be Teehee, who was ecstatic with the result.

Leg 8.
Fads takes out Traynor himself before turning to Queens’ annoying darts birds and screaming, “That one was for you, you fucking ugly whores!” He did apologise later though.

Doubles.
Savory and Sparkes slip up to let Queen’s get to 3-6 … everyone knew that 9-3 was required to put Exeter top. Could it be done now? Might we even draw?

NO.

Clifford and Stevenson stepped up against Baker and partner, and Stevenson threw a textbook 2-dart 60 finish to start ecstatic celebrations. These were almost matched when Lewton and Barkworth, revitalised for the doubles (right) made it 8-3, before Fads carried Fox to a result made in heaven.