brpost5

Kelly's biggest mistake

by: BROWNIE 4/11/00 12:46 am

You have no idea how bad of a position you put yourself in by saying you'll do anything for a funny post. On the other hand, I have a couple of great positions I can think of putting you in. HEY ROB, WE MIGHT GET PICTURES OF STUFF!!!
I don't really know what to write about to make you laugh. I'm not really in a funny crazy mood. The truth is, I'm really tired and my body aches. I am getting to damn old. But anyway......

So the Frow Dawg gets this new cat. His name is Tumor. Or if that upsets Alicia, we'll call it Cancer Bag. What the hell were the people who sold Tumor to the Crow family thinking. We'll have that pussy smoking and drinking in no time. Let's face it, the Crow's are not good with animals. Except midget sheep, God he's adorable. But anyway, back to the subject of Frow's family killing animals. How have the weasels lived so long? They haven't. They've been dead for at least 6 months. Have you ever really seen them out of their cage. Not too often, because they're as dead as Jesus.(may go to hell for that) Next time you do see them out, look closely around the room and you will notice a very complex system of pulleys and wires that Concerned Bob has developed to make the weasels seem to be moving around like they're alive. Nope!!!! They are as dead as Rich's hopes of losing his virginity by the age of 30. **note to Kelly: I better see some stuff for that because it was funny, now back to the message***** How did the weasels die you ask? Well, it all started when Aloicious got his hands on some steroids. The steroids didn't make him buff or anything, but they made his little captain bigger than Matty's (actual size: 1.1 in.) So the weasels thought this was sexxxy, duh. And they ask the little sheep to give it to them until they were raw. He did. But he didn't stop when they were raw. He just kept going and yelling "Yeah, take it all bitch! *slap slap* Until the weasels were dead. This is when the male weasel, whom had hope to breed with his sister got pissed. We all had hoped of this because let's face it, a retarded weasel would be fucking funny.
But as the male weasel soon realized, you don't mess with a midget weasel hung like that.
Back to retards now for a moment. They are scary. That's it. Fucking frightening. I am very nervous around them. I would rather deliver pizza, unarmed, to the "bad" part of Compton than take a pizza to a retard home. Even if I could drive there in a tank which shoots ninjas. They just make me uneasy.

So I guess what I'm saying is...Frow's family would be better off buying pets which are already dead. They would be way cheaper and Rob would like to play with them more. Just imagine the look on Alicia's face on Christmas morning if she opened the box to find.......a dead puppy. It would be so great. You could take him for drags. And he could be helpful at the bowling alley. Just think, towel, carrying case for ball, and lucky hat all in one. I bet that next year all the kids will be asking for a dead puppy. Alicia could use him to apply make-up, Andy could use it a hood ornament for his kart, Bob could use it to scare children while driving the semi, Frow's mom could make it smell horrible and yet taste good, and the Frow Dawg could use it as a sacrifice to the Sun God for a good harvest. The list goes on and on. But I will not.

That is all for now. Let me know how I did y'all. If you have any ideas for a funny story, let me know. For God's sake don't try to write the story yourself because you suck at funny. So just post it like this:
**idea for Brownie: (insert idea here)**
and I'll get to it ASAP.
Oh yeah for all those who are clever don't be funny and write this
**idea for Brownie: (insert idea here)**
If you do, you're a dumb fucker. Put in an actual idea or I will devote all my power into making fun of you for everything that you've ever done.
Hey Kelly, how about some stuff?
Brownie