Humor

Humor

This is just a collection of some supposibly funny emails i've been recieving. thought i'd put them up *shrug*

> Here is some text from a chinese dictionary 
> >Wai U Shao Ting---------There is no reason to raise your voice 
> >Dung On Mai Shu---------I stepped in shit 
> >Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu-------Let's sleep together 
> >Ai Bang Mai Ne----------I bumped into the coffee table 
> >Fat Ho------------------An unattractive woman 
> >Ar U Wun Tu-------------A gay liberation greeting 
> >Chin Tu Fat-------------You need a face-lift 
> >Dum Gai-----------------A stupid person 
> >Wel Hung Gai------------A man who is popular with the women 
> >Gun Pao Der-------------An ancient Chinese invention 
> >Hu Flung Dung-----------Which one of you fertilized the field? 
> >Hu Yu Hai Ding----------We believe you are harboring fugitive 
> >Jan Ne Ka Sun-----------A former late night talk show host 
> >Hum Hia-----------------Approach me 
> >Lao Ze Sho--------------Neighbours (Aussie TV Soap Opera) 
> >Lao Zi------------------Not very good 
> >Lin Ching---------------An illegal execution 
> >Moon Lan Ding-----------A great achievement of the space program 
> >Ne Ahn------------------A lighting fixture used in advertising signs 
> >Shai Gai----------------A bashful person 
> >Tai Ne Bae Be-----------A premature infant 
> >Tai Ne Po Ne------------A small horse 
> >Ten Ding Ba-------------Serving drinks to people 
> >Wan Bum Lung------------A person with T.B. 
> >Yu Mai Te Tan-----------Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you 
> >Wa Shing Kah------------Cleaning an automobile 
> >Wai So Dim--------------Are you trying to save electricity? 
> >Wa Shing Da Kah---------Carwash Attendant 
> >Wun Hung Lo-------------Well Endowed Man

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.  All of a 
sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish."  Suddenly the 
sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said 
"Because you have been faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one 
wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over 
anytime I want to."

The Lord said "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the 
logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to 
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I 
can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly 
things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish 
you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I 
have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said 
that  I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand 
women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when 
they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when 
they say "Nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy."

After a few minutes God said "You want two lanes or four on that 
bridge?"

This was a new one to me, but some of you may have seen it before.  Enjoy!

G :) XXX

Subject: WHO IS JACK SCHITT

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find 
ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, 
thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer 
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had 
one son, Jack. 
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple 
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, 
and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, 
Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 
15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted 
Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep 
her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock. 
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a 
son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other 
six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout 
childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. 
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens 
nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. 
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently 
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.

Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt