RP Title: Hello Dolly... RP Concerns: Jake Keeton $w Win/Loss: 0-0 Last Opponent(s): None [...Another federation...Another match...Another Victim. This time it's Advantage Wrestling, and this time...it's Jake Keeton. A man from the past...A man that he's never defeated. He is good, and he knows it, but this will be quite a trivial task..indeed. He is Josh Sutton. Jake Keeton and Josh Sutton set to go into the rough divide on Advantage Wrestling's first actual show dubbed "Insomnia", in the main event none the less. Two men walk in, heads clash, and one man walks out the victor. A standardized old-fashioned wrestling shindig.] [The scene fades in to Josh Sutton & Co. arriving at the airport in Houston.] Sutton: Damn, what a dump. These god damn farmers and other local yokels need to...relax on the fertilizer. Ashley: Oh come on honey, you used to love Texas. Sutton: Ashley...I and Love aren't words I use too often and I hate Texas! It's a damn slap in the face for me to even wrestle for these bucktooth, bald headed hicks. Texans are nothing but imbred cowboys rolled in layers of pig vomit. Ashley: Josh! That's enough! You're going to get us in trouble again. Big, Mean Looking Redneck: Ya'll hear this city boy, he'ah. He'sa insultin' us Texans. [A second redneck walks up, a piece of straw hanging from his mouth.] Redneck #2: S'at right? Well'ah Chucky, whaddya say we show this city boy how we play down here in the south. Redneck #1: I reckon dat'id teach em' some manners. Sutton(whispering): Alright, Ashley you kick the big one in the nuts and I'll make a run for it. Sound Good? Good. GO! [Ashley stands still, looking at Josh in disbelief.] Sutton: Oh fuck this! [Sutton runs, narrowly avoiding a pregnant lady and escapes from the hillbillies. You can see Mini Sutton, almost waddle-running, trying to catch up to his master. Ashley looks around at all the rednecks sorrounding her, then slowly creeps away. The camera pans to Sutton, who's running down a port screaming and flailing his arms like a maniac. The camera pans down and you can see his midget, Mini Sutton doing the same. The camera waits and moments later, Ashley walks down the port, in a sophisticated manner. Sutton and his midget stand by the exit, panting. Ashley walks up and throws Josh the keys, staring at him with a bewildered look.] Ashley: I spoke too soon... Sutton: Sorry..I'm just extremely stressed out right now. I have this match with that pompous prick, Jake Keeton, and I'm having a hard time concentrating on that. I needed a stress reliever. Ashley: Well, we should probably get out of here before they catch up. Because if they do, you're going to need a pain reliever. Sutton: We can stand here another thirty minutes. Rednecks don't run, they considerate it working and the unemployment rate here is like 75%. Mini Sutton: Me tink we need go soon! Me hear dem come! [Seconds later the yells and screams of an angry redneck lynch mob can be heard. Sutton throws his hands to his cheeks and let's out a scream, Home Alone style. He makes a dash toward the door and smacks his face on the glass. Ashley reaches out and turns the handle, opening the door.] Ashley: Dumbass. Sutton: Honest mistake...really. [Sutton, his midget, and Ashley depart the airport and race to their vehicle. The only problem is...there is no vehicle.] Sutton: Is this the part where I say "Fuck me"? [The lynch mob burst through the door and race after Sutton and his family. Josh looks around in the parking lot.] Sutton: I GOT IT! We'll take a hydrogen compressor and a toothpick and make a bomb! Ashley: Okay Macguiver..We don't have a toothpick or a hydrogen compressor. Sutton: DAMN! Then I guess we... Mini Sutton: RUNNNNN!!!!!! F A D E O U T Will Sutton and his family escape the tortured souls of the redneck lynch mob? Tune in next week. Same asshole time, same asshole Place.