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[The scene opens on the E! True Hollywood set. The credits are shown.]
Narrator: Alcohol, Drugs, Affairs, and Wrestling. All the things that can describe tonight story. Bob "The Mini Sutton" was born on April 5, 1997. Inciteful friend and owner of Mini Sutton, Josh Sutton gave his input on how Mini Sutton came to be. [The scene fades over to Josh Sutton sitting in a large seat, sorrounded by flowers. He is wearing a fake smile.] Sutton: People have always thought Mini Sutton was actually my son. But I'm here to tell you once and for all that the little bastard is no relation to me. Well it all started back in '97. Fellow road mate Tommy Kane and I were at a hotel. I found a cardboard box as I went to my room and I noticed movement inside. As I got a closer look and opened the box, a tiny creature that went by the name of 'Wet Willy the Wish Granting Wizard.' Now when I 'unlocked' this wizard so to speak, he gave me three wishes. Those three wishes were to know what Tommy Kane was doing in the room next to me. It turned out Kane was trying on women's lingere. The second wish was to know if I would win my match at the pay per view. And of course, I did. And my last wish, was to have a miniature version of myself. Now I must say this was the worst decision i've ever made in my life. But as much as I act like I hate the little guy, he's not a bad person.. Narrator: After his brief stint in Just Elecrifying Wrestling, Mini Sutton got caught up in drugs, alcohol, and...bitches? His friend/trainer Jack Riley comments. Jack Riley: I found Mini Sutton lost in an airport near Chicago. He told me who he was and I had trained his owner, Josh Sutton. So I took the poor little guy under my wing and gave him a place to stay. In the free time I had, I trained the little guy and tried to give him a little wrestling inspiration...but he sucked..he had no talent whatsoever, and that's just being nice. One day, I came home and he was gone. I didn't know until about four weeks later that he'd found my liquor cabinet, gotten drunk and wound up in a whore house. Sutton: During a tour with EWWL, I was venturing to a local bar. I noticed a guy laying on the side of the road in an overcoat. He looked pretty roughed up. I checked on him and it was a man from my past. I was horrified as I looked down and saw Mini Sutton, a mixture of puke and blood running down his chin but smiling all the same. I learned that my midget had somehow gotten 'stuck' in a trash can after the last JEW pay per view. I took him back in and gave him a place to live, not to mention a job. Narrator: Back with Josh Sutton, Mini Sutton began a slow change in his life style. He was back on the high horse of living, but the drugs and alcohol over powered him. Sutton: I caught Mini Sutton in my medicine cabinet. The little bastard had eaten three bottles of loritabs and was bleeding allover my new rug! I drug his ass to the hospital and thoughts had come to my mind to leave him to rot there. But in any event, I took him to rehab and he's currently touring EdW with me. Rehab Specialist: When Mini Sutton was checked into our rehab center, we were quick to sober him up. He was on his last leg so to speak. His craving was rising and had he not been put in, he would not be alive right now. I met with Mini Sutton a few months ago and he's doing very well. He's been sober for over six months and shows no signs of returning to old habits. Narrator: As a part of Mini Sutton's rehabilitation, he was forced to do a series of commercials for D.A.R.E. CEO of D.A.R.E: When we heard that Mini Sutton would be doing commercials for the organization, we were estatic. We've always been a fan of him. Our creative team quickly went to work on trying to come up with funny stunts for him to do. Narrator: The commercials never made air. We will now close this amazing story with some comments from some of his closest friends. Nik VanCore: I've always loved the little guy. I used to have to stick up for him when Josh Sutton used to pick on him. I mean sure, he screwed Sutton's wife, but that doesn't justify Josh picking on him. Long live Mini Sutton. Carl Cash: I didn't really know the little bugger that well, but what I knew of him, Josh Sutton absolutely hated him. He was constantly getting in Josh's way, or finding some way to screw Josh over. I personally found it funny and encouraged him to continue doing so. Sutton: I didn't hate him, well okay, I did. But I didn't want him to die...alright so I'm lying. I threw him in the trash can that night after JEW's last pay per view, and I'd do it again if I had the chance. He's been a thorn in my side since the day I wished his miserable existence into the world and I personally won't miss him.. (psst..Josh he's not dead.) Oh..sorry wishful thinking I guess... [Credits roll as the scene fades to...JELLY BEANS..no just kidding...the scene fades to...DANIEL SOMERS mother's HOMEMADE PORNO!...no again Im kidding it begins to...] [~FADE TO BLACK
| "To women, I am like a drug....They can't get enough of me. Men envy what I have while their children look up to me as their hero." - Josh Sutton |