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When we last left the crusaders of JEW, they were travelling down the expressway, heading into Sutton's hometown of Chicago, Illinois. The scene begins to fade into the car, where Josh Sutton & Tommy Kane remain til this very minute... Sutton: Can you believe that little punkass bitch Kris Kanton? Backing up his boyfriends at Pretty Crappy Wrestling. Are they going to hide behind him at the interfed-ppv battle royal too? I wish for just one second I could get my hands around Kanton's scrawny little neck, because that's all it'd take. Just no respect now a days. It's rediculous and rather insulting to know that I was once like that pompous punk. (Sutton looks over at Kane, who's fallen asleep. Sutton wakes up with a hard smack to the head.) Get your ass up, we got a long trip ahead of us and you have to navigate the map for me. Tommy: Can't we stop at a hotel and rest for awhile? My head is killing me. Sutton: Quit your bitching. I've heard enough of that from Kanton already. Tommy: Who? Sutton: Kris Kanton. Tommy: Yeah, I know that, but who is he? Sutton: Just some jobber from PCW who somehow won a title and let it go to his brain. Now he thinks he's elite like us. Funny, all the posers seem to be in PCW. I think i'll leave PCW's wrestlers in the ring til the end, I feel the need to punish. Tommy: Never heard of him. Sutton: Me neither, he just started dissin me. Dude what the hell are you waiting for, there's a turn up here that I'm supposed to take. Get the map. Tommy: Where the hell is it? Sutton: You're so hopeless. I can see why you can't get a girlfriend and keep her for more than a week. Do I have to do everything myself? Hold the wheel. Sutton digs in the back seat, through the empty soda cans and dorito bags. He pulls the coke stained map into the front seat and throws it onto Tommy's lap. Sutton: Happy? Now which way. Tommy: Can't tell, there's a pepsi stain or something on it but I think it's right. Sutton trusts Tommy and makes the right turn. Sutton: I hope you were right, because were low on gas. Tommy: Why the hell didn't you stop and get some back at the Philips 66 station before we left Chicago?! Sutton: Because you were asleep and I'm too damn lazy to get off my ass and pump it. Tommy: (Mocking Sutton) I have to do everything myself. Sutton: Yeah, Yeah, poke fun all you want, but I'll be the one laughing when I'm standing over the broken bodies of the PCW and all these other farm federations that fall underneath JEW. They can say what they want but I know the truth. Tommy: I thought you were finally going to say something sensible, like Tommy Kane would be the one walking out the winner, but once again you leave doubt in me about you Josh. Sometimes I just don't know about you. Sutton: To hell with you Kane. Don't make me pull this car over. Stable mates or not. The low fuel signal begins to go off as loud dings screech. Tommy: Can't believe you didn't stop for gas. Sutton: Just sit there and shut up. We'll make it to town. (Just then the car begins to slow down and it comes to a complete stop.) You've got to be fucking kidding me! Tommy: See, I told you that you should have stopped and got gas. Sutton stares at Tommy coldly. Sutton punches the steering wheel then looks at Tommy. Sutton: Get your retarded ass out there and start pushing! Tommy: Why do I have to do it? Sutton: The longer you sit there and ask questions the longer were stuck here, so get your ass out there and get to pushing! Tommy opens the door and slams it, walking to the rear left side of the car. He begins pushing it. You can hear Sutton yelling from inside the car. Sutton: Come on! Faster! Were never going to make it with your slow ass pushing it. Put some elbow grease into it. Come on you little pansy. Have you no guts? How are you going to win this battle royal if you can't push a car. Suddenly Kane stops and goes to the driver's side of the car. He opens the door and pulls Sutton out. Kane drags Sutton by his neck to the back of the car and points. Tommy: You think it's so easy, you do it then! Sutton: I myself thought you were doing a mighty fine job. I'll just be going back into the car now. (Sutton starts to walk away but Kane grabs him by his shirt and pulls him back.) Tommy: We're working together on this or we're not going to make it to town in time to get ready for the big interfed tourney. Now get your butt in gear and lets move. Two hours pass, Sutton and Kane continue to push the car with sweat running down their faces and the sun beating down on their newly burnt skin. Sutton stops and looks around. A mirage of a pool of water appears. Sutton: WATER!!!! WATERR!!!!!! Tommy! Water! Sutton runs with all the energy he has left and dives, hitting his head hard on the hot sand filled with prickly cactuses. Sutton lay there for a second. Tommy walks over to him. Tommy: Man your freaking out, get up. Your wasting time. Sutton looks over head and hawks are circling the air. He has a priceless face of fear. Sutton: We're gonna die!!!!! We're gonna die out here and those fucking birds are going to eat our eyeballs. Tommy pulls Sutton up and slaps him across the face. Sutton spits out sand and they begin pushing the car again. Sutton looks at Tommy. Sutton: Ma..man..what are we going to do? I am starving. We may have to fight and resort to cannibalism. Tommy: Man! You aren't eating me! Snap out of it dude. We just ate like 5 hours ago, remember? It can't be that much farther to town.. Sutton: Maybe you're right. Maybe we'll make it to town. Tommy: Hell yeah I'm right, I'm always right, I'm Tommy Kane. Another hour passes and just when they are starting to give up hope a car is coming down the rode. Sutton brings his blistered hands to his eyes and rubs them to see if it's real. He becomes over joyed and runs up the road, flailing his arms out. The car shows no signs of slowing down. Sutton runs in front of it and the driver slams on the brakes coming only inches from Sutton. Driver: Get out of that der road ya stupi' sum bitch. Sutton: Sir. Sir. Please...where's the next town at? I can't take much more. I'm tired, I'm hungry and worst of all I'm stuck here with this asshole (Points to Kane, who flips the bird at Sutton.) Man: About five miles north. Ain' much der, but they gots a gas station and de has a hotel that can be mighty compfy, specially if yas been out on the road all day. hahaha...Seeya later city boys. The driver slams on the gas as Sutton dives out of is way. They begin to push.... Will our uncaped crusaders make it to the town or will they just be another peck of bird seed for the desert hawks? Tune in next time. ~FADE TO BLACK
| "To women, I am like a drug....They can't get enough of me. Men envy what I have while their children look up to me as their hero." - Josh Sutton |