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| (IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY MIDGET SEX, GO NO FURTHER, LMFAO!!!) 9:00 A.M: Josh Sutton arises from his slumber, yawning and brushing out his goatee with his hands. He curses the day as he throws on a shirt. As he walks out the door, he half throws his shoes on, with one hanging all the way off his foot. He gets tripped up on one of the shoe strings and topples down the stairs. In a quick motion, he picks up the shoe, curses it and throws it at the desk in the corner, knocking a vase over. Ashley enters the scene. Ashley: NO!!!!!! My mother sent those yesterday!!! YOU BROKE them! Sutton: I'm sorry. It's just, damnit, why do I have to goto this counselor. I am telling the truth, the only thing he is going to tell me is I have a problem, which is entirely false. He's going to subscribe me some muscle relaxers and tell me to calm down. He'll give me this little speech on how stress can effect the way a person thinks. I know this, I went to college. Ashley ignores Sutton, as she cleans up the flower mess he made on the floor, Sutton walks off into the kitchen, shrugging his shoulders. Mini Sutton is sitting at the table and gives him a look. Sutton: Don't you even start your shit, you little bastard. You're the reason I'm in all this mess. Sutton opens the refrigerator, in search of milk, but comes up empty. He hollars to the hallway. Sutton: Hey, Ashley who drunk all the milk. Ashley: Oh...the milk...Oh I made eggs this morning for you but, you weren't up so I gave them to Bob. Sutton: Man, first you get me in trouble, now you're drinking all my damn milk. Mini Sutton: Me Sor.. Sutton: Yeah Yeah Yeah, You're sorry. I've heard it all before. No milk, no eggs. Damn counselor. Hey Ashley, I'll be back later. Ashley: Bye Sweetie Sutton: *mocking* bye sweetie my ass. Sutton exits the house, shaking his head, he opens the door and gets into his car. No keys. He goes back inside the house. Sutton: Forgot my keys. Where's my head at today?! He grabs the keys and exits the house once again, he gets into his Jaguar and drives off.
10:00 A.M: Sutton opens the door of his Jaguar and walks up to the Counselor's office. He enters and goes up to the desk.
| Secretary: Hello sir, do you have an appointment with Dr. Lawter today? Sutton: Yes.. My name is Josh Sutton. Secretary: Ok Mr. Sutton, have a seat, I will let Dr. Lawter know you are here. Sutton takes a seat. The secretary opens the door and goes inside. A minute or so later, she returns. Secretary: Dr. Lawter will see you now. Sutton walks into the office, Dr. Lawter is facing away from him in his big reclining chair. He turns and faces Sutton, a bold smile across his face. Dr. Lawter: I've been expecting you Josh. Have a seat. Sutton: Let's cut right to the chase Doc. I am not crazy. Dr. Lawter: Sure you're not. Just take a seat, relax and tells me what's up. Sutton: Ok Doc. Last weekend... I was coming from the lobby, heading for my dressing room. Everything was going wrong, and it got even worse. I stumbled apon a box, and from it came a magical dwarf named Wet Willy. He called himself a Wish Granting Wizard. He told me he had to grant me three wishes or he couldn't see his family. After hesitation i made my wishes. Dr. Lawter: Ah, yes. Ashley spoke of something like this. She said it was a gnome. Sutton: No No... He was an annoying little dwarf. He kept me up all hours of the night, trying to get me to make wishes, and I awoke the next morning, thinking it was all a dream..oh what a surprise it was to open the door and see him standing there. Dr. Lawter: Well, Mr. Sutton if I might improvise here for a second, I think what your problem is, you are working to hard mentally. You are spending too much time doing certain things and wearing yourself out. I think the main problem with this is stress. I can prescribe you some muscle relaxers. Sutton: I don't want any muscle relaxers. I'm telling the truth and noone believes me. I have this midget at home as proof and everyone thinks I bought it. Dr. Lawter: Perhaps you were hallucinating. Are you on any forms of illegial substances, such as LSD, Marijuana, Cocaine? Sutton: No. I've haven't used an illegial narcotic since age 15. I tried acid. Dr. Lawter: Well, let's just say maybe it somehow effected your membranes inside your brain, perhaps that caused you to see this, what was it, Wet Willy creature. Sutton: I only took a small portion of it. There's no way. Look, I am telling you the truth doc. I made my three wishes and he returned to his home land, Wildawanka. Dr. Lawter looks at Sutton dumbfounded. Dr. Lawter: I will prescribe those muscle relaxers, get some rest, try not to get stressed. Come back in two weeks, if things aren't better by then, we'll talk. Sutton: You're wasting your time. If you don't believe me, why don't you just strap me in a straitjacket and send me off to the looney bin. Dr. Lawter: I never said I didn't believe you Mr. Sutton. Here, take this and go. Return in two weeks. Sutton: Damnit...Fine. Lawter hands Sutton the prescription bill and Sutton exits. Scene changes.
11:23 A.M: Sutton arrives at the local pharmacy called "Lovin's Pharmacy." He stares at the prescription slip he is about to get filled. He speaks as he enters the building.
| Sutton: What the hell do I have to do to get someone to believe me. The only thing these pills are going to do is rob me of money and all sense of feeling in my body. Ah well. Maybe they will do even better and make me stop feeling sorry for myself. Sutton approaches the pharmacist. Pharmacist: How can I help you today sir? Sutton: Here. Sutton hands the man the slip. The man looks over it. Pharmacist: Will this be all for you today sir? Sutton: Well i guess so unless you got some hard liquor that will help me drink away my problems. Pharmacist: Oh, sir. I don't think you are supposed to drink alcoholic beverages while under the influence of this medication. It can cause strange side-effects. Sutton: Do I look like a moron? I was kidding around. Pharmacist: Oh of course not sir, funny joke. Just have a seat while i fill your order. Sutton takes a seat. Minutes later the Pharmacist returns his his order. Sutton pulls out his wallet and hands the man a fifty. Sutton grabs the bag and starts to walk off. Pharmacist: Sir...you're change. Sutton: Keep it. Pharmacist: But I can't..It wouldn't be right. Sutton: JUST KEEP IT! ARGH!!!!! Sutton exits the building and stands outside his car. He tries to open the bottle of pills but it seems to be stuck. Sutton: DAMNIT! open! Sutton tries again and still it won't open. He throws the bottle onto the ground and stomps it, but as he stomps, it slips and falls down into a sewer drain. Sutton: FUCK!!!!....Oh well...I don't need the damn thing anyway! Scene changes.
12:00 P.M.: Sutton arrives back at his house. He enters his home and notices noone around. He tosses the keys onto the counter and heads up the stairs for a nap. As he rounds the corner, he hears loud moaning. He creeps up to the door and listens in.
| Woman: ooOOoh...Yeah... Sutton cracks the door open a bit and nearly screams at the top of his lungs as he sees his wife Ashley and his midget form, Mini Sutton, having sex. Sutton shuts the door and stands there blank faced for a moment. He returns to the downstairs and turns on the TV. Sutton: I don't believe this shit. Another wonderful day in the life of Josh Sutton....There willbe hell to pay.. TO BE CONTINUED... ~FADE TO BLACK
| "To women, I am like a drug....They can't get enough of me. Men envy what I have while their children look up to me as their hero." - Josh Sutton
Josh Sutton and Ashley are copyright Sutton productions. |