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| Sutton slows down the car and turns off onto a short narrow path into a large woods area. The terrain is bumpy and Keyser’s head smacks the hood of the car. Keyser: Damn, isn’t there another route? Sutton: Quit your bitching, you are the one who wanted to come. I don’t care how many times you smack your head on the hood, we aren’t stopping, turning around, or going home until I prove that I am not crazy. Besides, maybe if you hit your head on that a few times, It might knock some sense into that retarded head of yours. Keyser: What the hell are you doing?! Sutton: What? Keyser: Look! Sutton turns around and Mini Sutton is eating the back seat’s interior. Sutton slams on the breaks. Sutton: WHAT THE FUCK!?! This car is brand new. Keyser grab that little bastard and tie him down! Keyser: Why me? My finger is still bleeding. Sutton: You are worse than Tommy Kane, I had to do everything when it came to going on the road. Keyser: Fine, I’ll take care of it. Keyser crawls into the backseat and tries to grab Mini Sutton, the midget kicks and flails his arms in attempt to keep Keyser away. Keyser pins his head to the already half chewed seat. Keyser straps his head down with the seat belt and returns to the front seat. Keyser: That good enough? Sutton: Maybe you aren’t as stupid as I thought you were. Keyser: Thanks...I think. Sutton makes another turn. He hits another bump and Keyser’s head smacks the ceiling. Keyser gives Sutton a dirty look, Josh turns his head and you can see him laughing. Keyser: Bastard, You did that on purpose. Sutton: Whatever.. Keyser: Do you even know where you’re going? Did you stop to think about where you are going? Sutton: No, to tell you the truth Keyser, I’m using instincts. He said he lived in a magic mushroom kingdom, this is the only forest close to Chicago, I had a hunch that maybe I would find the little bastard here, is that ok with you? Keyser: I guess.. Sutton: Hey, It’s not like I begged you to come, you forced yourself into this. Keyser: I said whatever, let’s go find this wizard or whatever. Sutton slows the car down and it comes to a complete stop in a pile of twigs and grass. Keyser: What the hell are we stopping for? Sutton: We’re going to look around for Wildawanka. Keyser: Why can’t we just drive and look for it? Sutton: Because, we might run it over. I don’t know how big this place is. Besides, you need the exercise. Keyser: Haha. Not funny. Sutton: Actually, I found it rather funny. Get that damn midget out of my car before he eats more of it. Keyser opens the side door on the car and undoes the seat belt around Mini Sutton’s head. Mini Sutton rubs his head and then his beard. He tries to stand up in the car and smacks his head on the roof. Sutton grabs the midget by his arm and yanks him out of the car. Josh looks at the ripped and half eaten seat in the back and slaps his forehead. He looks at Mini Sutton. Sutton: Damnit! I should just leave you here for this! You’ve been nothing but a thorn in my side since the day I wished for you! First you sleep with my wife. Keyser: Then he bit my finger! Sutton: Thank you Keyser, but quite frankly I don’t care about that. THEN you tear up my baby. Oh my precious Jaguar! It’s ruined! What do you have to say for yourself? Mini Sutton: Me sorry? Keyser: Awww, I forgive you buddy. Sutton: I don’t, he says that every damn time he does something wrong, and he doesn’t mean it or he would stop doing things to piss me off. Keyser: Reminds me of someone else I know. Sutton: I hate you Keyser. Keyser: No ya don’t. Sutton: Yes I do, I’m through messing around. Let’s look for this damn mushroom kindgom and get out of here. Our flight for the MGM leaves tonight.
The 2 and a half men begin walking down the strait path. Sutton has a tight grasp on Mini Sutton’s shirt, insuring himself that he won’t run off. They come to a t-road. A turn left and a turn right. Keyser scratches his head.
| Keyser: Which way? Sutton: What the hell am I, the directions guy? Keyser: I guess, you’re the guy that brought us out here. Sutton: Hmmm..Ok smart ass, let me think. Keyser: We don’t have time to think, let’s go left. Sutton: Well, since most of the time everything you say is wrong, I say we go right. Mini Sutton: Me think we should go left. Sutton: Shut the hell up! You’ve caused enough trouble. Now we’re definitely going right. Keyser: Hey, he’s just a midget, he doesn’t know any better. Sutton: Listen to what you are saying...He’s a midget, a fucking small human being. He’s not a child, don’t treat him like one. He’s older than you, because he’s my age. Everything about him is the same as me, maybe that’s why I can’t stand him! Now come on, we’re going RIGHT. Keyser: Fine, but I'm laughing when you're wrong. Sutton: I won’t give you that pleasure Keyser. I’m going to prove to you and everyone who is everyone that I am NOT crazy. They take the right and continue their conversation. Keyser: So how do you plan to catch this dwarf as you say? Sutton: Hmm....Ya know, I never really thought about that, I guess the plan sounded far to great to think about anything else, I guess I’ll just grab him and stick him in my pocket. Keyser: You said he’s tiny, tiny like Mini Sutton? Sutton: No, No, No, this guy is small. Like the size of three paper clips length wise. Keyser: And he casts spells. Well I don’t think your pocket is going to hold him unless that pocket his magic resistant. Sutton: Then I’ll just use my backup plan. Keyser: Oh, and what’s that? Sutton stops and picks up a large stick. Sutton: I’ll take him the redneck way, I’ll hit him with a stick. Keyser: Very clever. Sutton: Yes, I thought so too.. Keyser: We’re going to end up missing our flight because of this. Don’t you have the slightest idea where this place is Sutton? Sutton: Hey, I was trying to get rid of the little guy, I didn’t think I’d ever be in search of him. Like I said, You wanted to come, I said we aren’t leaving until I find him. Deal with it, if you can’t go sit in the car. Keyser: Fine..Let’s try and make this quick.
Hours pass, still no sign of the Mushroom Kingdom Wildawanka.
| Mini Sutton: Me tired, me need rest. Sutton: Shut up! We aren’t stopping until I find it! I must find Wildawanka! Keyser: Settle down man, didn’t that doctor prescribe you some muscle relaxers? Sutton: Yeah, but I lost them. Keyser: Good job. Sutton: WAIT! shhhhh..Don't move. (Whispering)Keyser: What? Sutton: There he is. Stay here. Sutton puts down the stick and approaches Wet Willy, Willy seems to be picking berries from a small bush near a large patch of mushrooms. Sutton: Wet Willy? Is that you? Wet Willy turns around quickly and spills the berries to the ground. Wet Willy: Huh?! Josh!? What are you doing here. Sutton: There is no time to talk, You have to come with me. Wet Willy: Huh?! Why? I already granted your three wishes. Sutton: Everyone thinks I'm crazy now. Please. Wet Willy: How long will this take? Sutton: Not long, will you reveal yourself to the world? Wet Willy: Are you kidding?! Of course, I've always wanted to be famous. Sutton: Great, let's go. Wet Willy goes into his mushroom house and returns five minutes later with a small knap sack over his shoulder. He flies onto Sutton's shoulder and the scene fades to The 3(Mini Sutton and Wet Willy make 1) getting into Sutton's jaguar. ~FADE TO BLACK
| "To women, I am like a drug....They can't get enough of me. Men envy what I have while their children look up to me as their hero." - Josh Sutton
Josh Sutton and Ashley are copyright Sutton productions. |