| J: But it’s actually very difficult. That circumventing can be very hard, you know. For me, it’s very hard because ever since I was small up till now, I have gotten used to my ways. Then because of the environment… maybe as an example, just like what I mentioned before, when I originally undertook my military obligation, at the same time I was just also about to become class president. That’s why there are some characteristics that make it easy for you to just directly go...go… H: I know… ( laughs) J: …when talking things out with people, but letting them feel you are ordering them. Video Clip: Girl with long hair talking: Actually, what he really cares about is how other people see him. Man with eyeglasses talking: I have truly seen him very much at a loss, so much at a loss as to how to take the next step. What happens in the future? Or be so much at a loss because of a media write up. He is that kind where “None really means none. Why are you committing that kind of slander against me?” For example, the media always has these reports saying his attitude is not… it’s just that when he interacts with them, he is not friendly enough; or not using the proper terms or words adequately. It’s like saying a new employee should be more respectful, in all things be very low profile, to be somewhat more… for example, employees who work with him, see him as kind of strict, and talks a bit loud. When discussing a problem with his own assistants, those nearby might cast him a glance and feel how come he doesn’t act in any way like a new employee? Like, why such a loud voice? Back at the studio: H: That anger of yours, that resentment, that hatred, have you let go of it? ( she makes an action of untying a knot because the word she used was to ) J: ( Looks down bitterly, as if in deep thought. ) Let go? No. H: Do you consider… J: Not totally. Right. I should say not totally. It’s like saying, up till now, I still consider myself an actor, so I don’t see myself as a managing artist. I treat myself as an actor. It’s just that I wish I was more able. That’s why I totally don’t treat myself as an idol or some kind of artist. For me, it’s all baloney. It’s nothing. I don’t consider it very important. There’s this artist, a new employee, who just recently became known but having to go through so much pressure. Does that mean to say that it truly served me right? Or say… H: I know… J: Right. H: To deal with those feelings… J: Actually, the company said it was more suitable for me to stay in Japan, not because of my physical attributes but because of my work habits. What you tell me today, I will do it. I will do it to the best of my ability, even to the point of doing it as my homework. Doing my work this way might possibly infuriate others, but in many things… we really have many motives, it’s only because I want to do things well. We may have finished some things today, and in a mother hen sort of way, I will say “How do you feel about what we did today? Are there some things that we need to correct? Or if I made a mistake, I can correct it. Let’s say for example, in a scene, I may have done an NG, I will tell the director: “Would you like to do it again? I feel that this time I can do better.” I would go up to him and say that. But sometimes, the workers would say, how can he be so annoying? Because in their position, they would just wish to clean up and quickly go home. Of course, I also wish the same… why should I be so nasty? Is my life so spiteful? Do I always have to tire myself out? I only wish that the things we did today would meet everyone’s expectations. I wish… possibly we did better than everyone would have possibly imagined, but I can say for myself.. I felt that I did my best. Even though having people scold me saying I cannot act, my acting was lousy, but I say, I am trying my best to improve. Narration: Unceasing from expecting more from himself, to let himself to become the specialized actor A- Shui, it never occurred to everyone that his not being able to make “slick talk” in his line of work was more of a challenge. In being given the nickname “Bao Long” and fondly named “Xiao Bai Tu” no one really knew that this inner struggle of the 2 names does exist in the heart of handsome A-Shui H: You know, when you just talked, you talked straight for 10 minutes. ( Jerry laughs, embarrassed) Do you know that actually, it must have been disheartening when you felt…right… it’s only right to exert effort. But why is it that being right in exerting one’s effort now seems wrong? Afterwards, fine… I did this… J: So at that time, you know it just became disgusting, your heart will end up having 2 sides battling each other. Fine… ok… you say one is Bao Long, the other Xiao Bai Tu. (Jerry gestures with both hands, left side being Bao Long, and the right Xiao Bai Tu) Bao Long says: ( he gestures to the left) “Why do you have to do everything right? Just open one eye and close the other. Why do you have to try so hard? Ok. For example, if everyone wants to be late, then let’s be late too. We don’t have to be so dedicated to our work.” Xiao Bai Tu would then say: (he moves his right hand this time) “But you can’t do this. I still feel I want to do my job.” …like that…you know, H: (laughs very amusedly, covering her mouth, then mimicking Jerry’s actions with her hands) You even have these actions… J: You always have these 2 sides, for example, one is the devil, the other an angel. They would keep talking to each other. What should I do? Having entered into this profession now, it wasn’t to…how would you say it? You said, working so hard to achieve fame and fortune or whatever. I felt possibly when I just came in…no mistake… we saw many people do this. They quickly achieved fame and fortune. But actually, when I came in, I started having qualms, because deep inside, I really wanted to become a specialized actor. You know, that, in the end, became my goal. I never cared to say, “Can you help me bring up my price a bit” or whatever. At that time, I even told the company privately, if this film is good, if the other person, possibly if the other person happens to be a very good actor, and maybe asks for a higher price or what, I told them I would rather lower my price. I can earn less and let him have my share. I felt I can learn a few things from him. For example, I really like this actor called Dai Li Ren. At that time I told Director Chai I would really like to work with this actor. I felt that if the situation should arise, then, if, supposing, fine… he is really famous, and possibly commands a higher price, I can really give up my share for him just so I will be able to work with him. Because I feel it’s like an investment for me. You know, I am not that eager to tell the company, I must have that much amount. But it now boils down to how the company looks at the artist. He may be anxious to just finish the task. For example maybe after becoming famous, in any case, it’s letting you go do your own thing. But I would wish that the company would see me as someone who wishes to go on. I did not come here to play around. Actually, I know I can face this profession happily if I adopt the attitude of just… “I’m coming in entirely just to earn big money then have fun.” Honestly, right now, it might be easy for me to achieve my goals, but I don’t think that way, that’s why it hurts. It hurts because I try very hard to do the role of one very good actor well. |