A good pun is its own reward
"Two guys sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too."
"Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils."
"Bessie stopped giving milk the other day; She's an udder failure"
"A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw. "
"A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."
"Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I'm positive!"
Pilot - "Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!"
"A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree and reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest and writers cramp."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
"Once Thomas Mood, a great punner said he could pun on any subject. Someone said, "king", to which
Mood replied, "But he is not a subject".
"Why aren't fishmongers generous? Their business makes them selfish."
How about the dermatologist who started his practice from scratch?
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