part II

--1--

"LAYTNER!" the chief screamed, causing Ryo to jump. As he waited for his new partner to appear in the office, his heart raced, and his brow furrowed. It couldn't possibly be HIM, could it? The blond man shut his eyes, torn with mixed emotions. Was he wishing that it would be someone else, or did he secretly want it to be the Dee he knew?

"Damn it! I told you, that wasn't my fault, Chief-!" Dee began, bursting through the office door. His speech was cut short as he glanced at the man standing next to the Police Chief.

Patting Ryo hard on the back, the squat man looked over to Dee and said, "Here's your new partner-"

"Ryo."

"Dee..."

The chief glanced between the two shocked faces. "Looks like you two already know each other! Well," the Chief said, irritating Ryo by slapping him on the back once more, "Welcome abroad!"

Dee took in the sight of Ryo after so many years. He was slightly taller, his shoulders were broader, but he still had that boyish vulnerability in his dark eyes. Those eyes that had looked at him with such passion and then left him. Damn it! Dee cursed inwardly at how quickly and easily those eyes could draw him in again. Ever since that morning years ago when he woke up alone, he had wavered between wanting nothing more than to be able to see this man again, convince him to stay this time, or hoping that he never had to lay eyes on him again.

Now that he was staring into those depths once more, he found himself at a loss.

Ryo had never expected to see Dee again, although it had crossed his mind that someday, maybe, it would happen. Now that he was face-to-face with him, he wondered if he secretly hadn't willed it so. No matter how much he told himself it was a small chapter of his life that he had closed away forever, a part of him had always wanted to pick up right where he'd left off.

But they both had to put these thoughts out of their minds as they prepared themselves to be partners now.

Dee held out his hand and did his best to try and look unaffected. Plastering a smile on his face he said, "Well, good to see you! Come on, I'll show you where your desk is."

"S-sure, thanks," Ryo replied, shaking the proffered hand, obviously shaken by their reunion no matter how he attempted to hide it. He also saw right through Dee's easy smile. How on earth would they get through the day, let alone every day after with so many things between them so unresolved?

In silence the blond man followed Dee from the Chief's office and down the hall. He was racking his brain trying to think of some way to open up a conversation, but nothing came to mind. Two minutes in this man's presence and he was an awkward teenager all over again.

Suddenly Ryo found himself pulled into one of the storage closets, Dee cornering him inside. "Dee!" Ryo spat out as the door was shut behind them. "What do you think you're do-"

"Talk," was all the dark-haired man said.

"Wha-?"

"Talk, tell me what happened to you because if we don't clear the air, we'll never get along as partners," Dee explained.

As loathe as Ryo was to drudge up the past, he had to admit the man was right. "I was just confused after everything that happened, so I left," he finally said, hoping Dee would let him leave it at that. It was hard to collect his thoughts with the man hovering over him so closely. He'd imagined that his attraction to him so many years before was just a fluke of his hormones, but it seemed that even now Dee could make his heart race. Taking in a steadying breath he continued. "I was only 19, Dee, I was young-I didn't know what I wanted then," he stammered, unable to look Dee in the eye.

"Young, huh?" the dark-haired man repeated, a bitter edge to his voice as he leaned close, entrapping Ryo with his body. "I was young too, Ryo, but I knew damn well what I wanted...and what I WANT... now..."

There was no need to finished the sentence, they both heard the implied 'you' as Dee slowly lowered his face towards Ryo's. The blond man watched Dee's lips dip lower as if he was seeing it all in slow-motion, outside himself... then...

"I'm engaged," Ryo said.

Dee stopped, silence filling the air between the two old lovers. Ryo watched as the man before him dropped his head, slowly shaking it and mumbling something like, "I should've known..."

In the next moment, Dee had stood up and breathed a deep sigh. "Well, I guess I'll just have to leave the past in the past, right?" he said with a casualness that neither of them really believed. "Come on, partner," Dee said, turning to open the door, "We've got work to do."

Ryo stepped out and followed Dee to his desk. He shook hands with his new colleagues and received everyone with a smile. But he had no more enthusiasm for his new job as he had had that morning. Sighing, he decided he had was going to have to confront these old demons sooner or later, so it might as well happen now. He could make this situation work. He had to.

--2--

The next couple weeks went by and, despite the initial tension in the first few days, Dee and Ryo found themselves falling into stride with each other. It wasn't always easy, Dee could be a real slacker sometimes, but Ryo started to remember how good it felt just to talk with the man. They seemed to move forward and get along with surprising ease. But they avoided many touchy subjects, steering away from Ryo's impending nuptials and Dee's torrid romantic history to stick with broader and safer topics. Still, they had a chemistry and connection that couldn't be denied.

And it didn't take long for others to notice it either. Particularly JJ Adams, another recently transferred officer who's obsessive crush on Laytner was known far and wide. His partner, Drake was often looked on with some pity for having to reign in the hyperactive newbie, but Drake rather enjoyed the man's enthusiasm.

Most of the time.

Ever since Ryo had transferred, however, he'd been worse than usual. Even as the four men sat to eat lunch together over Dee's desk, JJ was watching him like a hawk. They had been thrown together on a messy case and had to work through lunch to catch up on all the paper work.

Drake had been sent out to grab burgers from the nearest fast-food joint and had only recently returned. "Okay, who's got what again?" he asked, looking through the bag.

JJ jumped up like an eager puppy and sifted through the contents impatiently. "Who got the fish?" he said with obvious distaste, wrinkling his nose.

"That's Ryo's," Dee said, speaking for his partner who was too intent on the file he was reading to pay attention. The dark-haired man grabbed the sandwich for him and nudged Ryo, handing it to him.

After handing out the rest of the burgers JJ lifted out a rather smooshed bag of cheese fries. "Who's are these?" he said, his nose wrinkling again as the gooey orange cheese oozed out over his hand.

"Dee's" Ryo said, knowing the man's mouth was too full to answer even without looking up from his papers.

"But," JJ stammered to Dee as he handed the man his food, "I thought you were lactose-intolerant..."

"He just says because he doesn't like to drink milk," Ryo chimed in with a side-long glance to his partner.

Dee grumbled as he ate, staring daggers at Ryo, but didn't say anything to correct him.

Putting his hands on his hips, JJ's eyes narrowed as he looked thoughtfully between the two men. Why did Ryo know things about Dee that he didn't? JJ had made studying Dee's every habit practically into an art form and he still felt that, somehow, Ryo knew the man better than he did.

The silver-haired man studied the two men carefully now, examining their interactions: Dee handed Ryo his extra ketchup before he had to ask, Ryo tossed his napkins over Dee's lap absentmindedly just in time to catch the greasy cheese from his fries from falling onto his jeans.

"Hanks" Dee said around a mouth full of fries.

Ryo just nodded.

All this JJ watched with a growing frustration. When had they become so at ease with one another? he wondered. When the blond man had first been partnered with Dee, there had seemed to be a strained air about them and JJ had assumed that he would follow suit with all the other partners the overbearing dark-haired man had left in his wake. Hell, JJ had only been at the precinct a matter of months and Dee had changed partners several times since then. He had always assumed that the pattern would continue- until the Chief finally listened to his pleads and allowed himself to partner up with Dee.

But now it looked as if this Ryo just might work out. How was it that they had gotten along so quickly? Others might think nothing of the situation, but JJ had a keen eye for detail, a by-product of his rather obsessive personality, which helped to make him a good cop. And right now he knew something was up.

"How long have you two known each other?" he asked suddenly.

Ryo sent Dee a sharp warning look before burying his head in another folder.

"We've been partners for about 2 weeks, you know that," Dee said evasively.

JJ hadn't missed the knowing look Ryo had given. Leaning across the desk toward Dee he said sternly, "That's not what I asked."

Unconsciously, Dee shifted in his chair. He'd never anticipated this topic coming up and neither he nor Ryo was prepared to talk about it. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't say the truth, but he didn't know how much Ryo wanted him to lie...

Venturing a glance at his partner, Dee saw Ryo still intent on his reading and doing his best to ignore the entire situation. It gave him a brief urge to blurt out the truth and make Ryo face things for once, but he resisted it.

Dee shrugged, "We met once at camp... years ago... briefly." He squirmed again, his chair seemed exceptionally uncomfortable at the moment. It wasn't like he was a stickler for the truth, but he was always honest about himself and his life. It urked him to have to cover up for someone who couldn't face the reality of who they were. But he had to respect that everyone came to terms with this in their own time. Plus, well, how could he do anything to deliberately hurt this man? No matter how stupid he could be, Dee thought to himself.

"You went to CAMP?!" JJ squealed, all thoughts of Ryo forgotten as he hugged this new information to himself about the man he adored. "I went to camp too!" he said, eyes sparkling.

Snickering, Drake said, "I can't see you as the boy-scout type, Dee!"

"Never said I was a boy scout! It was a program through the orphanage," Dee explained, choosing to ignore the other man's ribbing.

JJ frowned. "Why was Ryo there if it was just for kids through the orphanage?" he asked.

"Ryo was a volunteer counselor!" Dee quickly lied, with some agitation. "Does that answer all of your nosy little questions!?" he added.

Looking like a scolded puppy, JJ pouted, "Sorry."

Drake sighed as he looked around the table, everyone now seemed tense or grumpy, so he thought he'd change the subject to what he thought would be happier, lighter matters.

"Hey, Ryo," he began, "Aren't you supposed to be going camping with your fiance this weekend?" Drake asked making the man look up from his files.

"Fiance?" JJ piped up, not even trying to hide the obvious satisfaction he felt at the idea that the man was taken and, therefore, not a threat to his pursuit of Dee.

"Uhh... maybe, we're not sure yet..." as he spoke he had to will himself not to look over at Dee. But it didn't matter, he didn't have to look at him, he could feel the man's body stiffen in reaction to this new topic.

"When are ya gonna bring her around anyway? I don't think anyone's met her yet," Drake said, oblivious to Dee's sudden coolness.

"Well, she should be stopping by sometime later this week. It's been so busy here I told her to hold off for a while..." the blond-haired man replied rather quietly.

"Really, Ryo?" Dee said suddenly after a pause, "Why not bring her around right now? Huh? Aren't you proud to be getting married? Why hide it?" There was an edge to his voice that everyone could hear and Ryo didn't appreciate it.

"I'm not hiding her, Dee; I just-"

"Whatever!" Dee interrupted, feeling stupid now at showing how sensitive he was about Ryo's upcoming nuptials. Abruptly, he stood and walked from the table, heading to the bathroom as an excuse to leave and get some space.

Ryo simply watched him go, his face a mix of emotions. Drake and JJ exchanged glances and shrugged.

The rest of the week Ryo spent in vain trying to get his stubborn partner to make eye-contact with him. And even though Dee knew he was being childish about the whole thing, he just couldn't keep himself from feeling hurt. Which only made his mood worse because he became angry with himself for still being so affected by Ryo's future plans. He didn't want to feel this way, didn't want to be the kind of person to hold on to something that didn't belong to him. He wanted to be bigger than that, but it really wasn't much use when it came to the dark-eyed, fair-haired man.

One day, after a particularly long bout of silence between them, Ryo decided that he was tired of being punished and that Dee needed to get used the the idea that he was getting married. So he stopped skirting around the issue.

"Dee, I wanted to let you know that Lizzy, my fiance, will be stopping by sometime today or tomorrow, and I'd appreciate it if you'd be pleasant to her" he said suddenly, rattling Dee out of his thoughts.

"Of course I'll be pleasant!!" Dee said in a tone that was anything but. Inwardly he sighed. This anger wasn't going to get him anywhere. If he wanted to keep Ryo as his partner, and he did, he was going to have to get passed this. "I mean," he began in a calmer voice, "I can be reasonable... sometimes!"

Ryo smiled now as he watched the dark-haired man try to sound so reasonable. But Dee still had a slight pout on his face and Ryo thought that he probably looked now just as he did when he was a little boy and apologized to his 'mother' for doing something wrong.

When the blond's features blossomed into that warm smile, Dee had to avert his attention back to his work- to anything but that beautiful face that wouldn't get out of his mind.

"So, camping this weekend, huh?" Dee said, reaching for anything that would move the conversation along.

"Y-yes," Ryo replied, a bit taken off-guard that his partner would bring this up. "I don't think my skills have improved much over the years, though. I'll probably end up with the tent collapsing...again," this last word of spoken softly, but Dee caught it and it sent his mind racing back to that night they had spent together.

Silence filled the space between the two men once more and Dee shifted in his chair.

"It was my fault," Dee said finally, grimacing, old guilt sending a pang through his gut.

"What? What do you mean?" Ryo asked.

"The tent collapsing... I deliberately left some of the support pegs in the ground really weak so you'd have to come to me for help," he explained, lowing his eyes.

"Oh, that!" Ryo said, surprising the man with a small laugh, "I realized the pegs were weak before I used the tent the first night!"

"What?!" Dee said, now staring at the blond with surprise. "You mean I've been carrying this guilt around with me for years and it really wasn't my fault at all?!" he cried.

Ryo's humorous smile was replaced with a reprimanding frown, "Well, you did TRY to collapse the tent, I wouldn't exonerate yourself of all guilt just yet!"

"But I never would've tried if I thought you might get stuck out in the rain like that! Come on, give me break!" Dee whined as Ryo rose to replace a file he'd pulled from across the room. "Besides, you DID fix the peg, so it wasn't my fault!" Dee added with finality.

"Fine, fine," Ryo said with his back turned, hiding the blush which had crept over his cheeks. The truth was, even though Ryo had noticed the weakened supports, he actually hadn't fixed them. He'd gotten the exact same idea Dee had. By the time the storm had started to roll in, Ryo had forgotten all about the pegs and didn't think to adjust them. Or had decided not to, he couldn't really remember. Either way, he was actually the one to blame for the collapse.

"It was a terrible storm that night anyway," Ryo said, his own feelings of guilt now eating at him. "I don't think it was anyone's fault," he said as he sat back down.

Something in Ryo's tone caught Dee's attention. "Really?" he said, raising to lean over the desk and peer down at his partner.

"Y-yes..." Ryo said, squirming uncomfortably under Dee's gaze.

"Ryo, by any chance, did y-"

But he didn't get to finish, as the door swung open at that moment.

"Lizzy!" Ryo said with surprise as a slim, petite woman walked into the office.

"I'm not interrupting you am I? You had said before that today might be a good day to stop by and see where you work so..." the woman said, looking tentatively between Ryo and his as-yet unintroduced partner.

"No, no! The timing's fine! Come in," Ryo said, motioning her inside. With a nervous hand about her waist, Ryo turned to Dee and said, "This is my fiance, Elizabeth."

Standing up, Dee took the woman's proffered hand like a complete gentlemen, saying, "It's nice to finally meet you, Elizabeth."

"Just call me Lizzy," she said with a warm, genuine smile.

Ryo let out a deep sigh of relief. Most of the time he could never tell what Dee was going to say or do. He'd been afraid that the man might do something rude, or at the least give a few vague, veiled innuendoes alluding to his night with Ryo so many years before. But he did nothing of the kind, simply stood and exchanged small talk with Ryo's future wife.

In a decidedly ironic twist, Dee's polite actions toward his rival stirred up feelings of immense gratitude and tenderness within Ryo, making him almost wish he could somehow be with this man so full of warmth and surprises. But in the next moment he realized where his thoughts had lead him and quickly averted himself from such unrealistic ideas.

After a quick lunch together Lizzy bade farewell to the two officers and Ryo was left once more alone with Dee.

"Than-"

"Don't," Dee said, cutting Ryo off.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't thank me," Dee said, his mood sullen, the total opposite of the facile, smiling face he had worn just a few moments before.

"But-" Ryo objected.

"Hey," interrupted Dee again, "I might be loud-mouthed and arrogant and a lot of other things, but I'm not vindictive; I wouldn't deliberately hurt someone like Lizzy by telling her about our past out of spite."

Ryo simply nodded as he watched Dee cross the room.

"That's why I'm giving you time to tell her yourself," he said with his back turned.

"But Dee!" Ryo protested.

" 'But' nothing! Do you want to start your marriage out by lying and keeping truths?" he said with some heat. "Even if you can't be honest with yourself, you can at least try to be honest with her!" he added.

"I don't see the need to disclose every little detail of our past to each other," Ryo said crossing his arms defensively and ignoring the implications implicit in Dee's words.

"I don't think its a minor detail, Ryo," Dee said, his eyes narrowing.

"It was a small incident that happened one night four years ago. It's not worth mentioning," Ryo said feeling cornered by the other man's persistence. He immediately regretted his words as he saw the look of pain briefly flit over Dee's features.

For a moment the raven-haired man looked as if he was going to spit fire, but instead of yelling, he marched out of the office, slamming the door behind him in his wake.

"Way to go, Maclean," Ryo muttered, berating himself for his stupidity. That night they had spent together would never be just a one-night-stand for him, but he'd chosen a different kind of life and he had to stick with it.

When Dee finally returned a half hour later, Ryo tried to apologize, but Dee silenced him with a look. He sat down and started working.

The rest of the day passed in a strained silence. Until, at the end of the day, Dee walked over to Ryo and rested a hand over his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Ryo," he said, again surprising the blond man. "The past is in the past and Lizzy is the future you've chosen. I have to get used to the idea and respect your wishes."

"Dee..." Ryo worded silently and watched the man leave. He'd as good as given his consent, but Ryo didn't feel any better for it.

--3--

"How did I ever get talked into this?" Dee said to himself as he ordered another drink. The tall man stood leaning over the small, and as he felt, rather inadequately-stocked bar before turning around to face the dance floor once more. It was the night of the Policeman's Charity Ball and Dee had promised himself he wouldn't go through the torture of such an evening, but the proceeds went to benefit local children's programs and his 'mother's' orphanage was among them. So how could he say no?

He'd thought about paying for the ticket and skipping the actual event; however Ryo had also pushed him to go, saying that it would give him an opportunity to get to know Lizzy a little better. Yeah, right, Dee thought, just what I'm looking for! However, he found he couldn't turn down Ryo, either. So here he was, standing alone at the bar after having to endure sharing a dining table with not only Ryo and Lizzy, but JJ as well.

But the worst part of the evening was the fact that he discovered he actually liked Lizzy. Earlier in the day he had consoled himself with the idea that he'd finally get to know all of the young girl's flaws, categorize all the reasons he could have to hate her for taking Ryo away from him. As it turned out, fate wouldn't even give him that small satisfaction. Lizzy was bright and vibrant and seemed, truth be told, more Dee's type than Ryo's, since she was often out-spoken and drank a little more than she probably should have. On the other hand, she was obviously kind-hearted and seemed genuinely eager to get to know Dee better. And to top it off, the woman was very pretty in an unassuming kind of way, with a petite frame and deep chestnut hair.

It all left Dee feeling very grumpy by the time they had finished their meal. If he just could've hated her, it wouldÕve made things so much simpler. Drowning his second manhattan of the evening, his eyes wandered out to the dance floor where Ryo and Lizzy were making a spectacle out of themselves. Ok, so maybe that was the wrong way to put it. The couple was dancing to a song with a strong Latino beat and doing a rather impressive version of the rumba across the dance floor. Dee frowned; the pair must've taken dancing lessons for the upcoming wedding. He'd heard of others doing the same thing. Although he never would've thought Ryo would be such a good dancer, he made a very alluring sight, swaying his hips in time with the sultry music. So enraptured was the dark-haired man with Ryo's movements that he didn't notice someone sander up to his side.

"I never figured you for the type," Dee heard JJ say, finally noticing the man.

Turning away from the sight of Ryo's dancing, Dee asked, "What do you mean? What 'type'?"

Nodding toward the object of Dee's fixation JJ said, "The type to fall for a straight guy."

Dee glared. He wanted to slam his drink down and yell 'He's NOT straight!', but he held his tongue, telling the silver-haired man instead, "It's none of your business."

Their conversation was interrupted by an outbreak of applause for the dancing couple and Dee watched as they laughed and comically bowed to their audience. There was something between them, Dee admitted, but it wasn't passion. No, it was... warmth maybe. Perhaps there even was a bond of love between them, but it was the kind of affection one felt for a sibling rather than a lover. All night Dee had seen it, in the way they talked together and in their body-language. There was an ease about it, but no fire. He knew why Ryo was trying to fool himself into thinking it was more, but he wondered why Lizzy- who seemed so self-assured- would try and convince herself that more lay between them.

"You'll only get hurt chasing after him, Dee," JJ chimed in.

"You're really starting to piss me off JJ!" Dee replied with some heat. "After all," he continued, "you've been after me for months and you know damn well you don't have a chance in hell!" The words came out more barbed than Dee had meant them to and he watched the other man's face crumple.

"Hey, JJ, I didn't-" Dee began, but he was interrupted by the sudden arrival of Lizzy and Ryo.

"Dee! There you are!" said Lizzy with a smile. "Come on, dance with me!" she coxed, taking his hand.

Dee tried to protest, looking back at JJ with an apologetic expression.

"Go on, I'm fine," the other man said, waving him off.

Of course, Dee didn't believe him, but there wasn't much he could do as he was pulled away.

As hard as he tried, Dee still felt a bit awkward around Lizzy and he couldn't shake the idea that the feeling was mutual.

"You've been pretty quiet, Dee; I was given the idea that you were something of a loud-mouth!" she said with a teasing laugh.

He shrugged, "Sorry, I guess I'm preoccupied." The words sounded lame in his ears, but what could he possibly say? "Sorry, hun, I'm just pining after your soon-to-be hubby, that's all!"

So he remained quite and prayed the song would end quickly. It didn't. Attempting to get his mind off the strained silence between them, Dee sought out Ryo over the crowd to see if he was still by JJ.

"Dee... I was wondering something," Lizzy finally said.

"Huh? What?" Dee replied absent-mindedly- he'd finally caught sight of Ryo. His brow furrowed as he watched JJ talking with him with- or rather, AT him. God what was the man doing now? When Dee saw a glass of liquor in the silver-haired man's hand, he knew it would only spell trouble.

JJ seldom drank, and for good reason; alcoholism ran in his family and the usually-pleasant man could turn sulky and solemn in a blink from drinking. Not to mention he could get more than a little mean.

As Dee tried to think of an excuse to slip away, Lizzy continued, "Why do you call Randy, 'Ryo'?"

That brought Dee's attention back. "What do you mean?" he asked, a bit confused. Did she think he was being too intimate by calling him by that name or something?

"I never heard anyone call him that before," Lizzy explained.

Dee blinked. Ryo had never told her? "Well, it's his Japanese name. I just sorta decided to call him by it... it's no big deal," he said, hoping to sound casual.

But Lizzy didn't look convinced, a slight frown gracing her features. "I wonder why he never told me," she said softly almost to herself.

"He probably just didn't realize it... you know how absent-minded he can be sometimes!" Dee said. God, he really did NOT want to be having this conversation! His eyes wandered back over to Ryo, who looked to be just as uncomfortable talking with JJ.

"You know Randy pretty well, don't you Dee?" Lizzy said, catching Dee off-guard as he tried to keep his eye on Ryo in case he needed to swoop-in.

"Well... you always get to know your partner well- you spend so much time together and everything," Dee said by way of explanation.

Lizzy looked as if she wanted to continue, but the song finally changed and Dee disengaged himself. He opened his mouth to thank her for the dance, but he was suddenly frozen in place.

"Dee?" Lizzy asked, seeing his stilled expression, "Are you alright?"

But the man barely heard her over the music, the sensual melody pervaded his mind and the words rang in his ears, the same words that Ryo had sung to him that night...

/Thrill me as only you know how, sway me smooth, sway me now.../

It was their song. THE song.

Over the crowd Ryo's eyes unconsciously sought for Dee and their gazes locked together. For a moment, Dee felt the connection between them, just as strongly as it had been that night so long ago. And his heart thrilled at the thought that Ryo felt it too.

But in the next moment Ryo hurriedly turned away, bumping hard into JJ in the process and spilling half of the man's drink across his shirt.

Without thinking, Dee rushed to follow the blond man as he dashed toward the restroom, leaving Lizzy alone on the floor.

"Ryo!" called Dee as he saw the man disappear behind the door. "Ryo, you ok?" he asked as he walked in. There had been something wrong in the way the blond had looked at him. It seemed to Dee that he had been running away from more than just the memory of their evening together; there was a pain in the man's expression and Dee wasn't sure what it meant.

"I'm FINE, just go!" came Ryo's curt reply when the raven-haired man rounded the corner to find him standing in front of the row of sinks.

"Hey, I just wanted to help!" Dee said defensively, stepping toward his partner.

"I don't need your help, I need you to leave me alone!" Ryo said, almost shouting .

Glancing at the stalls behind him, Dee was grateful to see all the doors open and stalls empty. "Mind telling me why you"re suddenly pissed at me? Does thinking about our past upset you that much?" Dee spat out.

"If I'd have known it was just another one of your conquests, maybe I'd feel differently."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dee retorted, but he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"JJ filled me in a little on you past 'history', so to speak," Ryo explained, soaking a paper towel and attempting to wipe the wine out of his shirt.

Dee gritted his teeth. When he got his hands on JJ...

"Ryo, you don't understand-" Dee began.

"You're right!" Ryo yelled, rounding on Dee and looking him in the eye for the first time. "I DON'T understand how you could sleep around with so many people, and especially how you could let JJ be one of them!" he said in an accusing tone.

Dee winced. "Look, that time with JJ happened when he first transferred and if I'd known he would take things so seriously, I never would've-"

"Of course not! Because sex is just a casual thing to you, right? I guess it was for us too, huh?" Ryo shot out- thankfully in a quieter tone.

"That's not fair, Ryo! And you know that's not true!" Dee said, his own temper flaring.

"Just how many conquests have you had anyway, Dee?" Ryo said with his eyes narrowed and his cheeks flushed in anger.

But Dee had had enough. "Since you're getting married in a matter of months, I don't see that it's any of your concern who I screw, now is it?" he said, his voice growing chill.

For a second, Ryo's face belied his true emotion and over his anger Dee could see a flicker of pain, but it was quickly veiled.

'You're right,"" he said in a bitter tone, pushing past Dee.

The dark-haired man stood there a moment, fighting with himself. Although he regretted saying the stinging words aloud, he /had/ meant them. After a second he cursed and then spun around to follow the blond out, "Ryo! Wait, damn it!"

But before he made it out the door, someone else barged through it and a mass of silver hair rammed into him before making a b-line for the stalls.

"JJ!" Dee growled, his attention now diverted to pummeling the troublesome man into a pulp. He walked up to the stall and found it still open and JJ leaning over the toilet, effectively emptying the contents of his stomach.

"JJ..." Dee repeated, but his tone had changed. Sighing, he said, "You know you can't drink, what the hell were you thinking?" He watched as the small man hacked up his guts and debated if he should leave him there in his misery... but he didn't have the heart.

As JJ continued to heave, Dee knelt down and put a hand over his back. After a few more minutes, the man finally slumped back, leaning against the metal stall. He still looked rather green, but it seemed the worst had past.

"I'm sorry, Dee," he said in a whispered voice, "I shouldn't have said all that to Ryo."

Damn right, Dee thought, but he didn't say it. Instead, he wiped a flew stray hairs from the man's sweaty brow and shrugged.

"Doesn't really matter,' he replied. "At least, it /shouldn't/ matter," he added. The whole damn affair was so hopeless.

Dee stayed with JJ until he felt well enough to stagger out of the restroom and get into a cab to head home. By then, of course, Ryo had been long gone and Dee made his own way home only to sink down in his couch and will himself to forget the entire evening.

--4--

Back in the precinct on Monday, things were pretty strained between Ryo and Dee, and JJ avoided them both. Work moved on quicker than usual since Dee concentrated more on his job and less on his partner. Drake noticed the change between them, but decided it was wiser not to get involved. So things went on that way for a while and before they knew it, another month had passed.

"Hey! You two!" the Chief called, pointing to Dee and Ryo, "MY office!"

The men glanced at each other and followed the older man to his office. "I need someone to go back to the old building and search for a couple files that might've gotten left in the basement. Guess who's going to do it?" he said with a vicious grin toward Dee.

"What, why ME?" Dee replied in his best whine.

"Because you screwed up the paperwork on that case last week, that's why!" he shouted back.

"Aww, come on! I've been SO good with everything else, give me a break!" the dark-haired man pleaded.

"Just because you used to screw up ALL the time and now you only screw up SOME of the time doesn't help you!" the Chief screeched, handing Ryo a set of keys. "Here, Maclean, you'll be escorting him there- since I don't trust this lughead to not get lost in the rubble!"

"But that building's not safe anymore! It could collapse! You might be sending us to ours deaths!" Dee whined melodramatically.

"I'll take that chance!" said the Chief, walking around his desk to open the door. "Get going."

Ryo simply nodded and dragged Dee out behind him.

A half-hour later the two men found themselves outside of what had, until a year before, served as the headquarters of their precinct.

"What happened to this place?" Ryo asked as they made their way as best they could through the roofless hallways toward the door of the basement.

"Some looney after the Chief set off a bomb in the place. Everyone got out, but it was a pretty close call," Dee explained.

They stepped up to the door and Ryo pushed it open as it protested with a loud, rusty squeak. "Ladies first," he said with a teasing grin as he motioned Dee inside.

"Hmpf," Dee muttered as he turned on a flashlight and descended.

It took a few hours, but they finally managed to recover a some of the missing files. By that time, the two of them were covered in sweat and caked with dust. The day had been hotter than anticipated and there was nothing they could use to cool down between the stuffy basement walls.

"Christ these New York summers can get hot!" Dee said, wiping his forehead with a grimy sleeve and smearing his forehead with dirt.

"Yeah, I'll agree with you there!" said Ryo, opening his shirt a few buttons further and blowing his bangs off his sticky forehead. "Let's get outta here and breathe some fresh air!" he said, motioning Dee to follow.

"Come on!" Dee called from behind when Ryo pushed at the door unsuccessfully.

"Just give me a second, the door shut behind us and I think it's stuck," Ryo said over his shoulder.

"Well, try the keys the Chief gave you," Dee said impatiently.

There was a pause from Ryo then he said, "I- I think I left them in the car."

"WHAT?" Dee yelled. In a moment he had pushed his partner aside and was shouldering the door in a vain attempt to push it open. It didn't budge. "DAMN it!" he yelled, rubbing his shoulder. "This whole place falls to pieces and we get trapped behind the ONE door that won't move!"

"I'm sure they'll send someone out here after a while when we don't respond to the radio in the car," Ryo said, in a voice calmer than he really felt. The heat was stifling and he didn't relish being stuck in it for another few hours.

One more try on the door and Dee sat down on the steps, defeated.

"Come back down," Ryo said as he walked down the steps. "It'll be less hot if we're lower."

Sighing, Dee nodded and they descended back among the dusty old filing cabinets and debris. He sat down and opened his shirt, leaning his head back against the wall. It took a few minutes for their eyes to adjust to the dim light seeping through a few small, grimy windows after Dee turned off the flashlight. But, eventually, Ryo could see Dee across the room from him, his chest rising and falling with heavy breaths. When he realized heÕ'd been staring at the man's bare chest, he quickly turned away.

'So," Dee said after a few moments of silence, "We might be here for a while, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Do you have to talk about something?" Ryo said, not sure where a conversation between the two of them would go at the moment and a bit frightened at what topics could come up while they were trapped together- alone.

"Well, it's kinda hard to talk about 'nothing'" Dee said with a little laugh, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

But Ryo remained silent and the time dragged on, the sun slowing setting and the room between them growing dimmer.

Finally, Dee couldn't take the silence any longer. He was tired of the tension between him and his partner and tired of dancing around the issues between them.

"Ryo," he said in a soft voice, "Why did you really leave that morning?"

Closing his eyes, the blond blew out a long breath, it was exactly the kind of question he had been dreading. But there was no avoiding it now.

"Dee.." Ryo began hesitantly, "that night...everything... it was too much for me; it was too overwhelming to feel so many emotions so intensely and suddenly. I had almost no experience before then, I was swept away by it all... and it left me wrecked and shaken on the other side."

As the man before him spoke, Dee finally realized that fatal error he had made that night when he set his mind on seducing this man. Ryo just hadn't been ready emotionally- no matter how ready his body had seemed. A bitter smirk crossed Dee's face. All this time, he had blamed Ryo for skipping out on him, for being too weak to face what was between them. But it was HE who had been weak- too stubborn and single-minded to realize the possible consequences of his actions.

"I'm sorry, Ryo..." the blond heard his partner mutter from the darkness of the other side of the room. "Sorry? Why?" he asked.

"I didn't realize... I thought you, well, I thought you wanted that as much as I did," he paused, "I didn't realize that it might overwhelm you; I never wanted to push you..." His words trailed off.

"Dee," Ryo murmured, a smile so sweet gracing his face that if the other man had seen it in the failing light, it would've melted his heart. "You didn't push me," he said.

"You say that but..."

"No, Dee," insisted his partner, scooting his way over to the other man until he was able to see his face. He raised one hand and gently brought it up to press his palm against Dee's face to find it wet with tears. "Oh, Dee, please don't regret what happened between us," he said. Then, in a barely audible whisper he added, "I never did."

But Dee caught these words none-the-less and looking up, he saw those deep onyx eyes piercing into him with a sincerity beyond his words. Was he a fool to take hope in those words? Dee wondered to himself. It was all he could do not to pull the man to him and press their lips tightly together.

Unbeknownst to Dee, Ryo looked at him and found the same urge welling within him. And he realized that this was the reason he hadn't allowed himself to be alone with this man. It became clear to him in that moment that, although he had told himself he had to be careful of Dee's overtures toward him, he had really been protecting himself from his own temptations.

"Do you remember it, Ryo?" Dee whispered, his face leaning forward so that the words brushed against the blond's cheek. When Ryo didn't protest he continued, "Do you remember the way our lips met that night?" Shifting his weight, Dee pushed back from the wall and brought a hand up to gently caress the line of Ryo's jaw, eyeing his parted lips.

"Do you remember my mouth moving down your neck?" he breathed heatedly, letting his hand drop and trace the column of the man's throat, feeling the pulse throb beneath his fingers.

Ryo remained silent, eyes shut, suspended in indecision. The very air around him seemed to pound in his ears in the silence between Dee's words.

"Or how I touched you and made you cry out my name?"

A barely audible whimper escaped passed Ryo's lips and he swayed forward. Not much, but enough for Dee to see that he was yielding, that with every breath he was closer to giving in.

"Do you want to feel that again?" Dee said in a hushed, seductive tone. When an involuntary gasp came from the blond man, Dee knew that all he had to do was take what he wanted and Ryo would be his. Until the morning anyway. At that thought the old feelings of anger and abandonment welled up within him, pulling Dee's lust in check.

Eyes shut, sweat slipping down his back from the heat and the anticipation for the kiss he secretly yearned for, Ryo waited. But he felt Dee suddenly move away.

Ryo blinked at the empty space before him, his mind slowly coming back to him and he shivered at the realization of how deeply he had been under Dee's spell just moments before. It was this feeling that with just a few words Dee was able to supplant his will with his own that frightened Ryo the most. That his true desires were fighting to surface was not an option Ryo was willing to confront just yet.

"Dee...?" Ryo called out into the now-darkened room.

"Ryo," came his voice, somewhere nearby, "I-"

"Well! There you are!!" a loud voice said, piercing the fragile air between the two men and casting a beam of dazzling light down into the room.

"Drake!" Ryo called, trying to sound grateful at his rescue. Dee merely turned away to grab his coat and avoided the other man's eyes.

"You guys ok?" the other officer said, leaning down the steep steps to look at them.

"Come on, hurry up!" they heard JJ call from the top of the landing.

"Yeah, we're fine...," said Ryo, starting up the stairs.

Behind them, Dee sighed. He decided then that he was either going to have to pine after Ryo forever and switch partners, or finally put the man out of his heart and move on. There was no way he could continue in this limbo of unrequited love. It was too painful and, if Ryo truly wanted his traditional life, it was too unfair of him to ask for more than the man could give. And then there was Lizzy, who he'd forgotten of as he rehashed old memories with Ryo in the darkness. Despite himself, Dee liked her, and chasing after Ryo would only cause her to pain as well.

Shaking his head, Dee decided, there was nothing for it. He was going to have to give up on Ryo.

Silence permeated the car as Dee and Ryo made their way back to the station. Each was lost in their own thoughts and a few minutes after they had returned the Chief told them they might as well head home, since it was technically the end of their shift.

When Ryo arrived home, he leaned back against the front door and surveyed the apartment around him. Lizzy was still at work; everything was dark and rather lonesome in the grey light. He put down his things then wandered around the rooms, not even bothering to turn on the lights. It didn't matter to him, the shadows seemed appropriate as he glanced at all the items- books, keepsakes and such- that he had collected over his short life. Each cast a shadow in his mind as surely as they cast shadows over the walls or floor. Each surrendered a different memory.

He thought he kept them to comfort himself with those memories, but now he wondered if he hadn't placed them about his rooms to try and somehow anchor himself to the life he was now leading. As if the memories they represented were the /proper/ ones, the ones he felt he /should/ remember, rather than the ones that actually haunted his heart and mind.

There was nothing he had kept from those few days with Dee. No concrete evidence that it had ever happened. But that hadn't stopped Ryo from reliving that time over and over, wondering if he had made the right choice when he left that morning so many years ago.

He'd done such a thorough job of convincing himself that his life was on the right track, that it was the life he wanted and had worked for. But being around Dee again had shaken all his firmest resolves, made him feel like that teenager again. So unsure of what he was supposed to do in life and feeling that spark of love for the first time...

Had it been love? Ryo mused, sitting down and wrapping himself in the dark, hugging his knees tightly to his chest and a familiar ache bound his heart.

Lizzy found him in the same position, hours later when she came home.

--5--

When Dee arrived at work the next day, he was informed that Ryo wouldn't be coming in. In fact, the blond man had asked for an entire week off. It was an unexpected turn of events, but perhaps it would be good, after all. A week away from the man might be just the time Dee needed to readjust and get him out of his system. Although it wasn't likely.

Work was slow and dull without him, though, and Dee really didn't know how things would be when his partner returned. The game of wait-and-see didn't bode well with the dark-haired man's inherent impatience, but he wasn't given much a of a choice. When he spotted Lizzy on the street one day, he decided he was curious enough for information on Ryo to face her.

"Oh, hi Dee," she said her voice sounding tired.

"Hey, I don't mean to bother you, but I wondered if you could fill me in on what's going on with Ryo," he felt like an idiot for having to ask, but he was desperate.

The girl's face fell a bit before she answered, 'I really couldn't say... we had a long talk a few days ago and he... well, I ended up asking him to move out."

Dee tried to hide his surprise as he asked, "What happened? If you don't mind me asking-?"

She sighed, saying, 'No, I don't mind talking about it, maybe that would actually make me feel a little better but, not out here. Is there anywhere to sit down around here that's quiet?'

Since Dee's own apartment was nearby, he suggested they walk over. Lizzy nodded and in a few minutes they were seated at Dee's small kitchen table as he poured her tea.

It was a bit awkward, but Dee did his best to be hospitable.

"Things never really were right between us," Lizzy said. "I wanted it to be, I thought it eventually would be, but..." her voice trailed off.

Dee decided to wait and let her continue at her own pace.

'Randy was everything I wanted in a guy. He was perfect. Hard-working, stable, gorgeous! And my whole family loved him,' she sighed. "I wanted it to work so badly, but... when we talked the other night, I knew that it would be wrong to try and force things to fit like that."

Staring down at the table, Dee merely continued to listen, not sure what he could say at this point.

"I knew Ryo would probably never break it off; he'd be too afraid of hurting me. So I finally told him he'd have to move out and move on," she paused. "I did the right thing, didn't I Dee?" she asked.

Looking over at her, Dee nodded, but he wasn't sure it was his place to offer condolences. After all, he had wanted Ryo for himself. And now, through her actions, Ryo was finally free.

So why didn't he feel better?

It wasn't too long until Lizzy rose and left, thanking Dee first for lending an ear. It left Dee alone to mull over his conflicting emotions. There was one thought he couldn't get out of his mind: Ryo hadn't been the one to make the decision to leave. Which meant that, even if he wasn't with Lizzy, it didn't mean he'd be willing to openly date men either. If he couldn't have his perfect, traditional life with her, he might just seek out someone else. Someone who was a woman.

Rubbing his forehead, Dee leaned his head to rest on the back of the couch and sighed. With all that had happened between him and Ryo, could they even start fresh now? And is that really what he wanted?

Yes, he wanted Ryo

But the man was going to have to do quite a bit to prove himself first.

The rest of the week dragged on and somehow Dee was able to keep his mind occupied. Ryo, uncharacteristically, extended his leave and Dee was temporarily teamed up with Drake and JJ. Which meant he was too busy dodging JJ's advances to spend much time moping over Ryo. He found himself in a new routine, but it lacked any spark or energy for him.

One night he found himself alone, arguing with his oven, which had just burnt his sad attempt at dinner, when a knock sounded on his door. He didn't hurry to answer, as JJ had been coming around 'to keep him company' lately.

The knock repeated and Dee yelled, "I'm comin', I'm comin'!"

His scowl changed to a look of shock when he opened his door.

Before him stood Ryo, head hanging, waiting for Dee to say something, anything. But Dee couldn't seem to form the words he wanted. In point of fact, he wasn't really sure /what/ he wanted. He'd imagined this scene so many different ways: Ryo crawling back to him, and he would tell him cooly that it was all too little too late; or he took him in, but made him get on his knees and beg. The only thing in common with every version was that they all involved some form of humiliation.

However, to have Ryo before him in real life was quite a different affair.

Suddenly, unable to stand the silence any longer, Ryo launched himself at Dee, his arms wrapping themselves about the dark-haired man's back. Resting his head over one shoulder, Ryo whispered against Dee's ear, "I'm sorry..."

Again and again, he repeated the simple phrase. As hard as he tried, Dee couldn't steal himself against the exquisite feelingof Ryo's chest against his, trembling slightly at the tears silently spilling forth.

As if some will other than his own commanded him, Dee's arms came up automatically to slip about the man before him, pressing him closer. "Ryo..." Dee choked out, finding tears slipping over his own cheeks. It was no use, all the anger and resolve Dee had fortified over the past month melted away in Ryo's embrace.

"Where have you been?" Dee asked, holding him tightly as if he was afraid the man might disappear as suddenly as he'd arrived.

"My Aunt Elena's... I needed time to think... and she helped to knock some sense into me!" Ryo said with a small laugh at his own stupidity over the last several months.

Pulling back, Ryo looked into Dee's brilliant emerald depths and said,"I realized that I've been running away my whole life... and I don't want to do it anymore. I want to face my life. I want to have a place I can call home that's built on something real. On love."

Dee wiped the man's tears away and looked into his eyes as Ryo told him, "I love you Dee."

Dee leaned down and answered Ryo with a smoldering kiss that seared his lips.

"Welcome home," Dee whispered.

Ryo's smile was radiant in reply.

"Tadaima," he whispered back.

Dee shut the door behind them and prepared to open another. A door to their future. Together.