" Nick, do we know what we're doing? " I smiled as he played with my hair.

" Umm, I think we do? " Nick grinned and continued kissing me.

" Oh well. " I shrugged and let Nick control my every thought and desire.

As we were about to fall asleep, Nick gently kissed me on the lips and whispered in my ear. " I love you..." The words resonated in my ears until I fell asleep.

*~*

I rolled over the next morning, realizing that I was in someone else's bed. I gently put my hand to my forehead, hoping to ease the throbbing pain that I was experiencing.

There was a hand draped over my bare stomach and I groaned in pain. " Aw shit. Now what the hell did I do? " I didn't remember much from the night before, so I grumbled some more and took a glance around the room.

I actually recognized the place and then slapped myself in the forehead before yelping in pain.

" Owww. " I shut my eyes in anger, knowing that I was in Nick's room and in his bed. I looked at the hand before removing it from my stomach. Sure enough, it was Nick's hand.

" Damn it. " I slowly got out of the bed and started collecting my things. My clothes were in various places, so I held onto the sheet that I had wrapped around me because I was only wearing a big undershirt.

I figured that came from Nick. I went into his bathroom and changed back into my clothes. I splashed some cold water on my face and went back out into Nick's bedroom.

He was still sleeping soundly and I almost wanted to run to him and touch his face gently, just to make sure he wasn't an angel. However, I resisted my urge and headed for the door. As I was turning the knob, I heard a hushed voice.

" Lauren..is that you? " Nick sat up in the bed.

" Yeah.." I dropped one of the things I was carrying of my own and turned around slowly. " Yea, it is, Nick. "

" Oh...you were gonna leave without saying good-bye? " Nick looked slightly hurt.

" Um, I dunno. " I let my stare remain attached to the floor. " Look, Nick, we were really wasted last night and I'm sorry if I did anything that may have caused you to think that we, well that we, " I searched my mind for the words that wouldn't come out of my mouth. " That we were back together, but I.."

" You what? " Nick looked at me with a confused expression.

" Nick, I'm sorry. " I paused and slowly moved towards him.

" Lauren, you have nothing to be sorry for. " Nick glanced towards me. " It was my fault that we actually ever went through problems. " He paused. " Do I get the chance to explain now? "

" You deserve it. " With that comment, I sat down on the bed next to Nick.

" I guess I don't really know where to start.." Nick stuttered.

" The truth would be helpful? "

" Okay..the truth.." Nick put a sincere look on his face. " Well, I know I told you this, but you have to understand, when I chea--, when I--, " Nick stopped. " There's no decent way to put it. I cheated on you and that's that. I'm sorry...and I'm sorry a thousand times over. " Nick stifled back his emotions.

" I know you're sorry..." I still wasn't ready to say that I forgave him.

" But I was so drunk off my ass, I didn't know what I was doing. I don't remember what she looked like, who she was, where I met her, hell, I don't even know what her name was. But, Lauren, don't you know that if I could do it all over again, I would never ever do something like that to you again? " Nick's voice began to plead.

" We can't live in the past, Nick. " I glanced into his glossy eyes, trying not to break down.

" I don't want to live in the past. Can't we just start over? "

" No, Nick, we can't. "

" Why can't we? Why can't we just forget everything that happened? "

" Nick, you try to forget when the only person you have ever loved came to you, saying that they cheated on you with some cheap bimbo in a moment of heat. " My eyes were fixated towards his.

" I'm trying to forget about her and I remember everything about you. " Nick's hand gently touched my face. " I remember how I used to hold you in my arms in the morning and sing to you so that you would wake up and I could see your beautiful smile and eyes shining back at me. I remember the first time you met my pugs and they started jumping all over you, but you weren't afraid of them. In fact, I've never seen anyone be so gentle with them before..." Nick smiled slightly.

" Nick.."

" I remember how your voice would perk up whenever I called just to tell you that I loved you and that I was all right. I remember looking at you in the middle of a concert and singing the words, knowing that you were out there, listening to them, hearing them, and knowing that I meant those words to you. But worse of all, I remember your face when I told you what I did. I felt like such an asshole. Your eyes were filled with sadness and I knew your heart was tearing into a thousand pieces, but you were so hurt and I couldn't do anything to reach out to you. Everything I tried was unsuccessful. Every time I tried to call you, I just got weaker and weaker. I would look at pictures of you and me, together, and I would cry. I'm not ashamed to admit that...I cried, Lauren. Over you and only you. "

" Nick.."

He continued despite my interruptions. " Up until a while ago, I could never say that I was truly in love. I was always waiting for my dream and then you walked into my life and I'll never be the same because of it. I'll never be able to remember anything involving love, unless it involves you. Tell me you don't feel the same? " Nick finally looked for a response from me.

" Nick, I can't do this right now...you know that..." I turned my head away from him once again.

" I know a lot of things. " Nick took my hand. " I know I've been a fool. I know I don't deserve you, or a second chance with you. But, " He took a deep sigh and brought my face towards his. " I also know that I can't be without you. "

" Nick, don't say that. " I turned my head and let a single tear fall.

" Why shouldn't I say it? " Nick looked at me and I couldn't answer. " Damn it, Lauren. I don't understand what you want me to say? I can't apologize anymore! "

" I never asked you to apologize..." I looked into his eyes through tears. " I don't want you to say anything in particular, I just want...aw hell if I know what I want. " I stood up to walk out again, but Nick placed a gentle hand on my arm.

" Please don't walk out on me again.." Nick looked at me and I saw a tear fall from his eyes. " Lauren, I don't think I can do this again. I don't think I can tell you everything that I'm feeling inside so that you can just take my emotions for granted. "

" Then don't, Nick...just don't. " I wiped another tear away from my face, stood up, and walked out of Nick's room, and most likely, his life.

Nick simply watched as I walked away and collapsed onto his bed, crying softly into his pillow once he saw that I was really gone.