I find myself thinking (to myself), "You know, Julie, there's no way you can know everything. There's no way you can do everything. So why even bother dear? You're just going to drive yourself nuts!"
And then I think, "NO! I can make myself as good as I want! Don't tell me what I can't do!"

I just get so frustrated, I fight every day to not let all the little sadly unavoidable injustices get to me. I get so mad at myself for not being able to defend everything I believe in because I don't know enough about it, and just for simply not knowing what I want and need to know. I get mad! What have I really learned? I ask myself. I feel like giving up sometimes, like sliding in with the majority of my peers who don't seem bothered one bit by all the things that bother me. I don't see that many of them worrying about things like violence, war, safety, environmental problems, equal rights, good education, self-respect, or even justice. I don't know why these things don't seem to affect them. But I bet just not caring is much easier than living with all these beliefs and thoughts that you have such a hard time explaining when people don't understand you. For example, I can't explain why I don't believe in war, not to a blood-craver's satisfaction. And I want to, I want to. But I just don't know enough to convince them.

So I vow once again to make myself better. To go to the library and read books. To find speakers who can help me understand how to put my own thoughts into words. To read news magazines. But it's so hard because practically all of my time is spent in school. Where none of my friends really care about this stuff. So lucky them. It doesn't bother them day in and day out, all the small little injustices carried out on us, on mankind, and on the Earth everyday, that no one will stand up for loud enough for to say, "Hey. This has got to stop."

But I guess I am grateful that I still have enough spirit and fight in me to care and be driven mad by these things.