11 feb 2003, tuesday


"I want to fly, I want my voice again" terami, what you think I need

Sometimes I realize how much I rush through things and just how much I miss by doing that.

But sometimes I don't miss things because I'm rushing, sometimes I really see them.
I always have to walk quickly to get to Lit. class in the morning because I have to park in the big parking lot, and my classroom is in a building that is a little ways away. And I'm always running behind.
But sometimes I take the time to notice, actually notice just exactly what my body is doing. I can actually feel every muscle and blood in my veins and I'm amazed that I am walking without even realizing it. It's just really amazing how much my body is capable of.

My body can heal itself. It may not always be pretty (like the scar tissue on my knee), but it's healed. I can bruise my legs and the bruises will go away, I can fall off my bike and scrape half my face off (this happened in seventh grade) and I look at my face now and can't even see any obvious damage.

And bodies can make new humans, they can withstand sickness, they can feel emotions. Emotions sometimes hurt more than physical pain, which doesn't seem like it should be possible. But it all is happening inside a body.

Heck, my body houses me. That's pretty amazing! Bodies are like homes for spirits, for individuals, and they talk for us and make funny faces for us and live for us. Sometimes I look in the mirror my mind tells me I am not what I see in the mirror, and it is the oddest of feelings because I feel completely seperate from my body at that time.

And sometimes I feel like I am my body, and my body is everything, that I am completely one with my body. This usually happens when I'm running.

It is just amazing how much and how complex and simple and nothing that our bodies are all at once.
Sometimes I allow myself the time to stop and revel in these thoughts. Something as simple as feeling my muscles working as I rush to class can start me thinking for a really long time...

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