Well kids, your grandfather has never been comfortable with the fact that I'm not Catholic...

You're coming to stay with us, no more excuses: I'm putting my foot DOWN.......geez, Brian, buckle up...

Ahh, kids always love a good bedtime story from the Bible. Yes, charming. Like when God told Abraham to kill Isaac?

Grandpa, we were watching that! I'll tell you how it ends. Laura burns the roast, and God kills her for parading her bum around in those pants!

Yes, the Rhode Island Cock Society will be sponsoring free checkups for this year's Cock Awareness Week.....although I don't know why they went with such a suggestive name, they could've just as easily gone with 'rooster'.

Hey, whatcha doin' with all them bathtubs, ya heathen dummy? Pop, why ya gotta be like that. We cut 'em in half, stick a Virgin Mary in them, and sell 'em as shrines.. That's my boy!...at least that's what your momma always tells me. Now gimme a hug before I give you a knuckle sammich.

My my, what a thumping good read. Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to 2x4's....I say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh. ...Please don't say poo...

Hey Peter, your dad stinks. I'm working triple shifts and I'm still not employee of the week. How am I supposed to compete with That??

Aw, Adolf Hitler, Al Capone, John Wilkes Booth, ...hey, what are you doing here? I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet, so I ripped her in half like a phone book.

Hmm. Hey, did you ever notice this? on page 375 it says "Jebus". That's supposed to be Jesus, right?

I'm set to dirve the Popemobile, and any slight bump on the head knocks me unconscious for a few hours....it's just so darn inconvenient. Even by the slightest tap, like this:...

Peter, this is the most reckless thing you've ever done! Cmon, Lois. What about that time I was on that airplane?

Mom?!?! .... Quick everyone, into the pod!

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