Pawtucket Patriot Beer. If you buy it, hot women will have sex in your backyard. Ugh, typical male fantasy, women drinking beer. I guarantee you a man made that commercial. Of course a man made it Lois: It's a commercial, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

Dad, nobody gives things away for free. That's not true, I know plenty of people that give things away: I'll take it!....hello, China? I have something you may want, but it's gonna cost ya....that's right, ALL the tea...

Well, at least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner St. to get a boat.....aw man, even Della Reese is gettin a boat.

Not so fast Lois. A boat's a boat, but the mystery box could be anything....it could even be a boat! You know how much we wanted one of those!

Uh Peter, maybe you shouldn't do this. You've never had much luck at telling jokes. Alright, how many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a light bulb? One dirty stinking ape to screw it in, and two dirty stinking apes to throw feces at each other.

Okay, why do women have boobs? So you got something to look at while you're talkin to them! Hehehehe. ...so you got...

Alright, first of all, if I can speak in my own defense, all I did was tell a little joke. And second of all, women are not people, they are devices built by the lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment.

A film on employee relations has been a mandatory part of our personnel training for 50 years: Irrational and emotionally fragile by nature, female coworkers are a peculiar animal. They are very insecure about their appearance...be sure to tell them how good they look every day, even if they are homely and unkempt.... ...And remember, nothing says "good job" like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind.

Thank you Ms. Ironbachs, you are a valued member of our business team, and I will give you a raise tomorrow if you come to work without a shirt on.....I'm sorry, that came out wrong, lemme try again. Nice ass. You haven't heard a word I said! Now that's not fair, I've heard everything you said. It's just, you know, there's some subtleties to the rules that aren't so easy to understand. Honk Honk.

Uh Uh, they spotted me.

Cmon, it's only child birth, how bad can it be?? Peter, it's like taking you bottom lip and stretching it over your head to the back of your neck.

Hey Quagmire. Hey Peter, what's up. Not much.... W-well, what do you want? Nothin, just calling to talk. What are you thinking about? What do you mean what am I thinking about, you called me?!

Are you insane?! You can't have a baby! Well I don't have a lot of options, Lois, I'm Catholic!

Oop, I know where this is going, Lois, and I'm already Semi-there...

I'd like to say a couple of thruthes to the men in this audience. It's YOUR fault we have so much crime in this country, and it's YOUR fault we have so much violence in this country. You are ruining our society and you should be ashamed!

Holy crap this is hot. Lois, we gotta go!

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