RESULTS :
BACK TO MAIN
HEEL IN A CELL
BACK TO MAIN
Dudley Boyz vs. Rodney Mack & Chris Nowinski w/Theodore Long
They show a backstage skit from hit where Nowinski tries to piss D’Von off. He asks him why his white brother always makes him get the table.

Mack & D’Von start with D’Von in control. Mack throws him into the corner, D’Von moves and gets a couple clotheslines for one. Jawbreaker by Mack, tag to Nowinski. Drop toehold on Nowinski. He slaps Bubba in the face, who gets tagged in. Lock up, shoulder tackle by Bubba and he works him over in the corner. Long distracts him, Mack gets a clothesline while standing on the apron. Nowinski gets chopped in the corner by Bubba. Back elbow, followed by punches. Mack comes in illegally, Bubba cleans house and splashes both of them in the corner. They clear the heels out of the ring. Snapmare by Bubba brings Nowinski back in. D’Von tags in, clothesline on Nowinski, splash by Bubba for two. Into the corner, Nowinski misses and D’Von hits Mack. Mack trips up D’Von and pulls him groin first into the post. Tag into Mack.

Chinlock by Mack. D’Von gets up, punches out, but Mack catches him in a spinebuster for two. Tag to Nowinski, he gets a splash for two. Not a good splash. Second rope elbow is missed. Hot tag brings in Bubba, clothesline on Nowinski and backdrop. He takes care of Mack, throws him out and gives Nowinski a sideslam for two. Full Nelson slam is blocked, Nowinski runs into a boot and cross body for two. D’Von comes in to take care of Mack. Kick to the face, Nowinski takes off his mask, swings and misses. Mack in the ring, he gets the Blackout submission on Bubba, but he fights out. Wassup Drop by the Dudleys. Bubba tells him to get the tables, then Teddy Long asks him why he has to get the tables all the time. Crowd wants tables. D’Von goes after Long, he ducks. Mack clotheslines D’Von out. In the ring, Nowinski drills Bubba with the mask for the victory after 8 minutes. *1/2

Triathlon (Round One) Part One: Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff
Backstage, Terri is in the GM locker room where they have the Burping Contest. Bischoff does one that lasts about three seconds, but isn’t very loud. Austin does one that’s about five or six seconds long. Clearly the better one.

Round Two: Bischoff does another one similar to the first one. Austin does one where he does three little burps that sounded a little wet. Austin even said that it “was a wet one.”

Round Three: Bischoff does another one that is a little better than the first one. Austin takes a drink again, then hypes the third and final effort. Deep breath and he unleashes a last one. It’s clearly fake. It lasted about ten seconds long, Austin made it look real, but there’s no way that was real.

Austin is declared the winner. Bischoff tells Austin to see a doctor.

Scott Steiner vs. Test – Winner gets Stacy
Test comes out first to big heat. Steiner comes out next to a big pop. Stacy comes out last. My prediction is that Stacy turns on Steiner to join Test.

Stacy does the bend into the ring, but Test pulls her out. Steiner attacks him on the floor. Clothesline by Steiner, elbow. Taunting pushups. Test goes outside to get some time. He pulls Stacy in front of him, shoves her into Steiner and punches him in the face. He throws Steiner shoulder first into the ring steps.

Back in the ring, he flexes for her and pounds on Steiner. Loud “You Suck” chant for Test. Clothesline, body slam and Test does the Steiner pushups. He gives Stacy a wink. Into the ropes, he gets a sleeper. Two minutes in the match and they’re already going with a sleeper spot? Steiner breaks after about a minute, shoves Test into the corner and then when he runs in he eats a back elbow. On the top, Steiner catches him and gets a sick overhead belly to belly. KO spot already. Two clotheslines by Steiner, Test goes for a leapfrog, but it’s reversed into a powerslam. Steiner chops him in the corner a bunch of times. Steiner gets the ten punches in the corner.

Test fights out, full nelson slam gets two. Big boot missed, reverse DDT for Steiner (called a “slam” by JR) gets two. Test fights back, Pumphandle Slam gets two. Stacy is clearly cheering for Steiner. She gets up on the apron, Test grabs her. Steiner charges, she stops him, he gets a big boot for two. Another cover gets two. He goes outside, picks up a chair. Stacy grabs the chair, and gets knocked down. In the ring, his chairshot misses. Steiner gets a Flatliner for the victory after seven minutes. *1/2 Post match, they do the spot where Steiner watches her ass as she bends through the ropes.

IC Title: Christian vs. Booker T.
Christian comes out first to huge heat. Booker comes out next to a HUGE pop. I’m looking forward to this match. I’m thinking Christian will win by cheating because they’ve already said he’s the underdog and I think he’s got a better future carrying the IC title. JR said if Christian wins it will be a “miracle.”

Armdrag takedown by my boy Christian. He taunts. Shoulderblock by Booker, armdrag and bodyslam by Booker. He grabs a side headlock, then takes it to the mat for a two count. Christian gets control in the corner with some shoulder tackles. Booker fights back, huge back body drop gets a two count. Into the ropes, Christian holds on. He charges, big spinebuster by Book. Thumb to the eye by Christian followed by draping Booker’s neck over the top. He throws Book headfirst into the ring steps. He rolls him back in for two.

Back in the ring, Christian hits a chinlock. I don’t like when he does this. Crowd starts a huge “Booker T’ chant, which helps him up. He fights back, but Christian gets him with a back elbow. On the second rope, Christian leaps but is caught into a flapjack by Booker. KO spot after only four minutes. Back up, they exchange punches, Booker misses a clothesline and gets a flying forearm. Sidewalk slam gets two. Chops by Booker, reverse sidekick gets another two. Booker drops Christian’s neck onto the top, pulls him back and gets a drop sleeper for two. Into the corner, Booker goes for a rollup, but Christian reverses and gets two using the ropes.

Back in the middle of the ring, Christian hits a Rock Bottom! JR called it a “Christian Style Bookend.” Booker gets a quick rollup for two. He gets a clothesline, Christian gets his head draped over the middle rope, Book gets a scissors kick. Missile dropkick gets two. Into the ropes, Book gets a jumping sidekick. Spinaroonie time to a huge pop. Kick to the gut, but Christian just slides out of the ring, grabs his belt and starts running up the ramp. The referee, Jack Doan, says that if Christian doesn’t get back to the ring before the ten count he will lose the match and the title. The whole crowd chants to nine until Christian gets back in and slides out of the ring. Booker chases him, Christian picks up the belt and drills Booker in the face with the title right in front of the referee. The match is called a disqualification after nine minutes. **1/4

Redneck Triathlon Part Two: Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff

This, of course, is the pie-eating contest. Jerry Lawler is in the ring as the MC. Bischoff comes out first to huge heat while Austin comes out next to the biggest pop of the night thus far.

Austin says that he gets to pick which flavor of pie that Bischoff gets to eat. I’m guessing it’s Mae Young. Austin asks Bischoff if he remembers the discussion they had where Bisch said he was into mature women. Austin asks what makes him think he can pleasure a woman. Bisch says he was born with it. Austin says from what he’s seen they should call him Eric Jerkoff. They show the four hot girls. He asks the crowd if the women are hot they should give him a HELL YEAH! They do twice. Austin says the four gorgeous women are not going to have their pie eaten by Bischoff. Austin says he’s going to introduce Eric to the pie he will be eating. The music hits. Uh oh, it’s Mae Young and Moolah coming out to a big pop.

What a shock, eh? I dunno who it was that predicted this happening to me a few days ago, but they were dead on. King says they wanted pie, not cheesecake. That’s a good line. Austin says Mae looks wonderful. Mae starts sticking her tongue out at Eric. Eric says he won’t do it. Austin asks him if he refuses and he says yes. Mae grabs his ass. Austin says that this means he’s the winner of the Redneck Triathlon. King starts to announce it, but Bischoff cuts him off and says that he’ll do it because anybody can top the pretty ones. Bischoff kisses Mae for about ten seconds. He tells Austin to top that.

Austin tells him that it’s not a kissing contest, it’s a pie-eating contest. He tells Mae to go get him. She kicks him in the nuts, he collapses in the corner and she yanks off the bottom of her pants to reveal a thong. She gives him a bronco buster in the corner for about five seconds. Bischoff says he did it, so now it’s Austin’s turn. Instead of “eating Mae” (I never thought I’d type that), he gives her a Stunner to very little heat. Guess the crowd loves Mae. Austin forfeits the contest, making the triathlon 1-1 with one more event left.

Tag Titles: Rob Van Dam & Kane vs. La Resistance

Challengers come out first to some big heat. Next up is RVD on his own. Will Kane show up? Yep, there he is. The pyros go off. RVD & Kane are already arguing. You think Kane will turn? I do.

RVD starts out first with Rene Dupree. Dupree shoves him off, and then does his happy skippy dance to taunt him. Lock up, cradle gets two for RVD who proceeds to celebrate. Another lockup, but RVD fights off with a step over heel kick. Springboard crossbody gets two. He turns to look at Kane, who just stares back at him. Back on offense, he gets a couple of punches and then a rollup for two. Turnbuckle handspring by RVD blocked by Grenier, who drops him over the top rope. DDT by Dupree for two because Kane broke it up. Grenier comes in illegally to pound on RVD a bit. Tags in Dupree, who is welcomed with a USA chant. Snapmare by Dupree followed by a chinlock and a hair pull. He grabs RVD by the leg, who then gets an enziguri. Hot tag to Kane.

Kane comes in, clears the heels with the usual kicks and heels. He throws Grenier into the corner, pounds on him a bit. Dupree goes to the top, Kane turns around and catches him. Double choke on Dupree. Slam on Grenier gets two. To the top, the patented Kane clothesline gets a two on Grenier because Dupree broke it up. Yeah, because that clothesline is deadly. Double team by La Resistance doesn’t keep Kane down as he gets a double clothesline. He brings in RVD, who does a kick off the top onto Dupree. RVD takes care of Grenier on the outside. RVD goes for a running flip over the top (a tope, I believe), but instead of hitting the heels he gets Kane. They pull RVD back in, get the double team flapjack and pin RVD after 7 minutes of action. *1/4
Winners: La Resistance

Chris Jericho vs. Bill Goldberg
We get a long video package highlighting the Chris Jericho/Bill Goldberg feud. Jericho comes out first. Time check shows that it’s 9:15pm with three matches left plus the final part of the redneck triathlon. Here comes Goldberg to a nice pop.

Goldberg charges, Jericho sidesteps and celebrates. Strong headlock, they go through the middle ropes. Goldberg takes control, Jericho slides back in. Into the ropes, Goldberg clotheslines miss and he gets a face first slam. He tosses Jericho into the ropes, then does a high hiptoss. Knee to the gut, into the ropes and Jericho holds on. Into the corner, Jericho moves and starts working on Goldberg a bit. He no sells everything, then tosses him out. Big press slam by Goldberg plants Jericho onto the top ropes, groin first. Another press slam, this time onto the ring barrier on the outside. The crowd isn’t really cheering Goldberg that loud. Jericho’s standing in front of the security wall, Goldberg charges and Jericho slides out of the way. Goldberg is in the crowd selling the shoulder.

The ref tells Jericho to get back in the ring. Chris is smiling now. He comes to the floor to attack Goldberg and tosses him right shoulder first into the ringpost. Goldberg’s head is bleeding as well. What’s he bleeding from? A padded security wall? Jericho gets a missile dropkick for two. He works on the shoulder by draping it over the bottom rope and yanking on it. Jericho gets a single arm DDT on Goldberg followed by an armbar. Too bad he didn’t bust out the crossface. Goldberg tosses him into the corner with one hand. Jericho springs off, but Goldberg kicks him in the gut. Into the ropes, Goldberg gets a left-handed shoulder block. Atomic drop by Goldberg and a standing sidekick. Goldberg goes for an armdrag, Jericho gets a leaping DDT/armbar takedown for two.

Back up, Jericho gets an elbow to the face. Goldberg does a big hiptoss and they’re both down. Jericho ducks a punch, standing dropkick. Facebuster by Jericho. Lionsault. One…two…no. The crowd is not responding to Goldberg that much. Another facebuster by Jericho. Lionsault onto a standing Goldberg is blocked. He picks him up with one hand and gets a take down with his left hand. Goldberg is up for the spear. He does the spear with the right shoulder. He sells it. The crowd starts a “Goldberg Sucks” chant. The announcers don’t even mention it. “Y2J” chant starts up. Jackhammer blocked, ref gets hit and Jericho gets a lowblow that Charles Robinson never sees. Walls of Jericho! Goldberg fights it off after about 30 seconds. Back up, Goldberg gets a spear with his left shoulder. I’d say 60% of the crowd is booing. Jackhammer gets the victory after about 11 minutes. ***

Ric Flair vs. Shawn Michaels
WHOO! This is the match that I want to see more than any other. Long video package to start. I’m marking out at the video package. This is gonna rule. Flair comes out first in a gold robe. JR says that Flair dominated the ‘80s while HBK dominated the ‘90s. I don’t think that comment is too far off. Here comes HBK to a huge Texas sized pop. Shawn is wearing the red tights while Flair is wearing the black.

Lockup to start, Flair shoves him off and gets the big WHOO. HBK wins the next shove, then walks on his back, slaps him in the face and gets a WHOO of his own. Waistlock by HBK, they roll on the ground a bit until Flair gets the ropes. Another slap by HBK. Drop toehold, front facelock. Flair shoves him off, HBK gets another punch to the face. Clothesline over the tope rope, HBK gets a crossbody over the top onto the floor. Flair backs off into the corner and gets a kick to the gut. Chops, HBK fights off and shoulder tackle. Into the ropes again, Flair goes down and Shawn grabs a headlock on the mat. Into the corner, Flair gets control with a couple chops. HBK gets three of his own followed by three punches in the corner. Atomic drop blocked by a Michaels right. Earl Hebner pulls HBK off, Flair springs out of the corner and gets a shoulder tackle to the back of the knee. Now the masters go to work.

Flair gets the running knee drop of the left knee of HBK. Flair gets some kicks to the knee. He runs his knee into the back of the quad. He drapes the knee over the bottom rope and splashes his butt across the knee. Figure Four by Flair after only five minutes. Huge “HBK” chant starts up. Shawn’s shoulders get pinned down, but he gets up at two. Another two count. After about sixty seconds he gets to the ropes. Earl Hebner shoves Flair.

Flair gets a chop to knock down Michaels, then gets a kick to the knee. He grabs Michaels by one leg, but he gets an enziguri out of it. Into the corner, Flair gets chops, but HBK comes out with some punches. Big back bodydrop by HBK. Cross corner whip, Flair catches Michaels coming in with a back elbow. Flair goes up, the announcers even call it not working and of course HBK throws him off the top. Sweet chin music is caught by Flair, inside cradle by Michaels. Figure four by HBK! Flair gets the thumb to the eye to break it. Ha, that was great.

Flair goes for a back suplex, Michaels reverses. Hebner gets bumped for a sec, HBK gets a rollup, but Flair counters that by grabbing the tights for a long two. Flair takes the Flair Flop bump in the corner, then runs to the top in the other corner. He comes off with a chop, but HBK clotheslines him on the way down. To the top, HBK gets a superplex. Shawn rolls to outside, gets under the ring and sets up a table on the floor. He tries to get back in, but Michaels blocks it. Flair tries to suplex him through the table. Shawn blocks it, they go to the floor and he puts Flair head first into the ring post. He plants Flair onto the table. Randy Orton comes out of nowhere in his street clothes and eats a superkick. Shawn climbs the top ropes, comes off the top, turns in mid air and gets a splash through the table. Man, that was fucking great. What a leap. Flair’s back is bleeding.

Back in the ring, Shawn drapes an arm over Flair for the two count. Into the turnbuckle, Flair is stomach first against the turnbuckle. He does a backwards mule kick lowblow that takes out HBK and Hebner. Shawn gets a chop, into the ropes, back bodydrop. Nip up by HBK. Slam on Flair. To the top, HBK hits the patented elbow drop onto the chest of Flair. He warms up the band, Superkick! Here comes Randy Orton with a steel chair and he drills HBK in the head with it. The ref never saw it. He rolls Flair onto HBK, here’s the one…two…three for the victory after 15 minutes. ***3/4

Redneck Triathlon: Part Three: Steve Austin vs. Eric Bischoff
Eric Bischoff comes out to start the last part of the triathlon. He says he’s going to sing his theme song. He’s just lip-synching though. Austin interrupts, calls him Milli Vanilli and makes him start again.

Bischoff starts again without the words. It’s horrible. Crowd boos, Austin says he sucks and he should shut up. Austin says they should spin the wheel again. He spins it about two spaces, lands on Pig Pen and they have to do the third part of the contest where the winner of the triathlon is the man that tosses the other guy into the pig pen that they had near the ramp in the arena. Bischoff tried to run away, but an obvious fan plant (a guy from a furniture store in Houston) throws him back.

Austin comes out, punches him in the face. He throws him into the ring, stomps a mudhole on him in the corner. He picks Bischoff up, he’s standing there stunned, kick to the gut and a Stunner by Austin. Austin takes Bischoff to the top of the ramp where the pigpen is located. It’s on the other side of the ramp, not near Jim Ross.

Austin throws Bischoff off the ramp into the pigpen. He gets all muddy. None of the pigs go near him. Austin is declared the winner of the Redneck Triathlon. He celebrates with some beers.
Winner: Steve Austin

World Title: Triple H vs. Kevin Nash – Mick Foley is the special referee
Long video package to start. Kevin Nash gets introduced first. I’m booing already. His pop is not that loud considering he’s the number one contender. I wonder why. Oh yeah, I remember. He’s a boring babyface and a shitty wrestler especially at this age. Triple H comes out next in blue tights and boots. JR is trying to sell the rivalry, but it’s just not there. They hyped this feud up so poorly. Nash never got to talk, never won a match to warrant this position. Lastly, Mick Foley comes out to the biggest reaction of the three. They lower the cell. It’s 10:13pm at the start of the match, so I’m guessing this will go 25 minutes or so. I hope I stay awake.

Hunter gets a kick to the gut. Into the ropes, Nash gets a big boot. There’s one of his four moves. On the floor, they fight a bit. Back in the ring, Nash gets a couple of “big forearms” according to JR. Triple H does a drop neckbreaker on the top rope. Nash shoves him off, he goes into Foley, who gets up quick. Nash works him over in the corners, then does his three elbows. Another elbow. Clothesline over the top. HHH gets a knee to the gut, Nash fights it off and pushes him back first into the ring post. Nash throws him back first into the cage. Another whip into the cage. Nash gets a punch, then another whip into the cage followed by a back bodydrop onto the concrete floor. Back in the ring, Nash gets some more shitty forearms and elbows. Into the corner, HHH bounces back and Nash gets a sideslam. There’s move number two. Two elbows get two. The crowd is not reacting at all.

Nash slides out of the ring and grabs a chair. Chair to gut followed by a strong shot to the back. On the floor, Nash picks him up and rams him back first into the cage about five times. He throws HHH headfirst into the steps. Crowd barely reacts some more. Nash picks up the ring steps, tosses them at HHH, but he slides out and it misses him. HHH gets up, throws a punch and puts Nash headfirst onto the ring steps. Nash gets control again, he tries to do a powerbomb, but HHH fights it off and beats him down with punches. He reaches under the ring, gets a toolbox. He pulls out a hammer, then drills Nash in the knee with it. He follows that up with a shot to the head. Foley takes the hammer away. HHH shoves him, Foley shoves back. After ten minutes, that shove is by far the biggest pop of the match. Nash tries to come back, but HHH knocks him back down. Nash is bleeding. Oh no, Big Kev, what about your hair! You might mess up your hair now! HHH rakes his head across the cage. He throws him headfirst into the cage a bit more.

Nash gets in the ring, HHH picks up the screwdriver out of the toolbox. Nash blocks an attack, but HHH manages to choke him with the screwdriver. Yeah, sure he did. JR apologizes for the graphic nature of the move. How about apologizing for the boredom that I have? Triple H slowly goes outside, grabs some barbed wire 2x4 from under the ring. He gets a gut shot with it. Nash blocks his second attempt with some punches. He gets the barbed wire and drills HHH in the face (well, into the hands) with it. As expected, HHH is bleeding. When does he not bleed? Nash gets another shot with the wire.

Nash secures the barbwire in one of the top turnbuckles. He works over Triple H with some right hands into the corner. Whip, clothesline. Repeat. He picks HHH up on his shoulder and does the snake eyes (move #3) onto the barbwire. That gets a two count. Man, HHH is bleeding big time again. Nash rolls to the floor, grabs the ring steps and tosses them into the ring. HHH slides out, Nash comes after him and Hunter drills him in the face with a wooden box that breaks in half upon contact. Hunter gets the sledgehammer. Foley grabs it from him. Hunter punches him in the face. He runs at Nash with the ringsteps, but Nash does a drop toehold that leads to HHH taking a face bump into the steps. Foley recovers to count the two. Man, Hunter’s blade job is epic. I give him props for that. Triple H gets a kick to the knee. He grabs the chair and drills Nash in the head with it. Then he drills Foley with it! Foley is busted open now too. He pulls out Mr. Socko.

He puts the Mandible Socko Claw on HHH. After about twenty seconds, HHH counters it with a groin shot. Nash picks up the steel steps, runs (well, at least at his speed) and hits HHH & Foley at the same time. He goes for the cover, but Foley is down. On the apron, Foley’s back is facing the cage. Nash tries to help him, but HHH shoves Nash in the back and that sends Foley back first into the cage. Nash gets a slingshot that puts HHH headfirst into the barbwire. Gut shot, Jackknife Powerbomb (move #4). Here comes Foley to count one, two…no. Good nearfall. The first good one of the match. They’re all bloody and they’re all on the ground. Nash goes after HHH, but he eats a sledgehammer shot to the head. Pedigree by Triple H. He hesitates a bit, rolls him over for the one, two, three. Triple H retains the title after 22 minutes. ***1/2 Post match, Ric Flair & Randy Orton come down to celebrate with Triple H.