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Chapter Five Now, I lay in my bunk, wondering, yet again, how I had gotten myself into this. But, more importantly, I was plotting how I could get myself out. Most people live their lives dreaming of fame yet never having the chance to realise it. They always wait around for the right door to open. For me, I was avoiding the 'right door' yet it had pulled me in. I wasn't looking, but I had found. So, I figured that what I needed to do to get out of this was become eager. That was the opposite of how I had been going into it right? No, I knew that plan would just dig this hole deeper. As I was thinking of how to get myself out of this, Blondie came to the back of the bus. He hopped up onto his bunk, as I watched him. He knew I was watching him. He knew I would be able to see him, since his bunk is directly across from mine. "Are you following me?" I asked. He ignored me and continued reading his book. "That's a no?" I asked again. "No. Dan wanted to listen to music. You can go back to your being in a bad mood." "It's not a mood." I replied, simply. "What? So you mean, you were just born bitter?" he was getting brave. "Bitter? I wouldn't call it that. I can just see through shit a lot better than most people can. Your little act may work on everyone else, but not me." "Fuck off. You seriously have no idea what you're talking about. You just think you're perfect and everyone else is fake." "That's not true." I responded, simply. "It is." he countered. "Bullshit. If I thought I was perfect, I wouldn't be so scared to go on stage each night. I wouldn't be here, because I would have found a way to make someone sing my songs, I wouldn't be singing them myself." "You think you made this huge career mistake. Did you ever stop to think that maybe things were supposed to turn out this way? Maybe you're better off." he hadn't yet taken his eyes off his book. "Look. I've gone through some stuff, and I know how I want my life to be, and this isn't it." "You don't know that. You just won't give anything else a chance." "Whatever." "I don't want to be tiptoeing around you for the rest of the tour. It's only day three and we have six months together, so I'm going to be blunt. I can't make you wake up and have a new outlook on life, but I can tell you that your outlook is not going to affect mine. I'm going to be a happy person, whether you bitch about it or not." Needless to say, we had gotten off on the wrong foot. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm really not a bad person, Ashley. I'm not, but apparently you're stuck with that impression." "Why don't you prove me wrong then." I will. You'll see, Ashley Ward Parker Angel. I'll WOW that blonde hair right off of you. Oh, who am I kidding? I won't. Because, there are some things that make me feel this way that you could never know about. Some things that no one knows about, and probably never will. Secrets I've kept locked inside me for so long I don't know what it feels like to be without them. You'll never know. Next... ********************** 
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