Popstar Chapter Nine Dan and I drove back to the hotel in silence. When we finally arrived, Dan walked me to my room. "Look, Kerr, about tonight... I'm sure Ashley didn't mean what he said, he was drunk." "It's okay, Dan, you don't need to cover for him. I know what happened and I know I hurt him and I know he's angry with me." "Okay..." he said, hesitantly. "It's just that, I mean, I haven't known Ashley that long, but I really got to know him and I know he's not like that." I laughed a little. "Do you want to come in for a bit?" I asked, as I opened the door. "Sure." He came in and sat down, while I changed into my PJ's and washed my face. I crawled under the covers and Dan came and sat next to me on the bed. "So what did happen with you and Ashley?" he asked, still somewhat confused. I sighed. "The first time we went out to that club, Midnight Sun, I was dancing with him and I was really drunk. Anyways, he decided to take me back to the hotel, and in the car, we kind of got into this discussion about my mom and it upset me and I started crying. Ashley was really sweet and everything, and when he got to my door, I kissed him. The next day, things just went downhill... I can't be with him, especially after tonight, Dan. I mean, I... I wish I could, because I really want to, but there's too many things that happened in the past." "Kerr, let the past rest. How will you know what can happen in the future, if you're always worried about the past?" "It doesn't matter now, Dan. Ashley is obviously over it, he has Mia." I laughed, knowing how foolish I had been from the start to think that maybe, just maybe he had actually cared about me. "Kerr, don't say that. Look at Mia, she's not Ashley's type. And you know that." "How would I know that?" I asked, confused. "Because you're his type. Ashley is not the go-out-and-party type of guy, I mean, I was surprised he even drank tonight, maybe it was because it's his birthday. But, what I'm trying to say is, Ashley's kind of girl, is not a hooch with a short skirt and tons of cleavage, she's someone like you. Someone who is smart, and caring and has a brain. Someone beautiful, inside and out. Like you, Kerr." I wiped the tears off my cheeks as I looked at Dan. "Do you really mean that?" I asked softly. "I do." he replied. I leaned in quickly and gave him a hug. "Thank you." I whispered. "No problem... and Kerr, I'll talk to Ashley tomorrow. And just remember, you can tell me anything okay?" I got out of bed to walk Dan to the door. He left and I closed it lightly behind him, before climbing back into bed. I fell asleep almost immediately. ********************** I rolled over and groaned, awaking once again to the sounds of a knock on my door. This time, however, it was only four a.m. I sleepily padded over to the door, where I opened it and went back to bed without even looking to see who was there. "Come in!" I yelled from my bed. I heard the door close softly and I saw a figure coming towards me in the dark, and suddenly, I was scared. I was fully awake and I had just realised how incredibly stupid it was of me to do that. "Hey...." I heard the voice say softly, as a man came out of the darkness. "Ashley." I breathed a sigh of relief, until it hit me again that he was in my hotel room, drunk. "Kerr..." "What do you want?" I asked, somewhat scared. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you." I reached up and turned on the small lamp by the bed. "You already have, Ashley. I think you better go, you're drunk and we're not going to sort anything out tonight. Besides, shouldn't you be somewhere with Mia?" That last remark had been cold, and I had meant it that way, but I'm sure it hurt me more than it hurt him. "She's gone home, I don't even have her phone number or her last name. I'm sorry I said that, Kerr. And for the record, I only had three beer. I'm pretty much sober now." "I don't believe you, and I have no reason to." "You're right." he sat down on the end of my bed. I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest. "Why do you always have to be so far away from me?" he asked, looking at me. I didn't say anything and he rested his head in his hands. "Look, I know I said some terrible things tonight. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry." he stood up and came to stand next to the bed. "Can you forgive me?" "No, Ashley, I can't. Because, you know what I've been through and you're the one who's treated me the worst." "I know, Kerr." He kneeled next to the bed, on the floor, resting his elbows on the bed. "I am truly sorry. I just, I can't take it. You probably won't ever understand how much I want to be with you." I smirked. "You have a funny way of showing it." Then, I noticed tears in his eyes, and I decided that being a bitch wasn't going to get us anywhere. "Look Ashley, tonight... I was ready to try it with you. But now, I'm not so sure." I reached into the drawer beside my bed and pulled out a package, neatly wrapped in gold paper with a blue bow. I handed it to him. "What is it?" he asked. "Your birthday present." He set it down on the bed. "I don't deserve it, Kerr. You should take it back." "Look, I can't take it back, so just open it okay?" I pushed it into his hands again. Slowly, he unwrapped the paper and I felt a little embarrassed about what I had given him. "This is.... perfect." he whispered, staring at the three Switchfoot CD's I had gotten autographed for him. I noticed more tears fill his eyes. "I can't believe how I treated you. I can't believe I could be that low. I hate myself so much." I just sat there, listening to him. I knew that I hadn't treated him as well as I could have, either. "Listen, Ashley... I haven't exactly treated you the best, either. Don't blame yourself, maybe it just means we weren't meant to be together." "No." he stated. "You can't say that, Kerr. I... I can't! I can't do that, not be with you." "Ashley...." "No, Kerr, please, please don't do this to me." He began to cry and I pursed my lips to stop my own tears. He took my hand. "Please, Kerr, please." he begged. "Ashley..." I sighed. "I don't know what to say to you." He stood up and I got off the bed and stood to face him. He took my hands in his. "Kerr, don't end things. Because, if you do, you'll never know how great things could be. I promise you, I will never hurt you ever again." I looked away, tears now streaming down my face. "That's what you said to me, that night on the bus. You said you'd never hurt me, but you did hurt me, Ashley." He gently turned my chin to face him. He wiped the tears off my face. "I'm sorry." he whispered. "That's all I can say." "I think you should go." I replied. **********************