Act 2
Preperations
Superman: The Wedding Album
October 1996
Written by Dan Jurgans, Roger Stern, Karl Kesel, David Michelinie, and Louise Simonson
Drawn by Dan Jurgans, Jerry Ordway, Ron Frenz, John Byrne, Curt Swan, Gil Kane, Stuart Immonen, Tom Grummett, Jon Bogdanove, Barry Kitson, Paul Ryan, and a host of others.
'Superman' created by Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster
Cut to Clark’s apartment. Clark is in the living room, lifting weights. He’s obviously straining himself.
CLARK: (thinking) Used to take this much effort to move a small mountain! I wish…
In the kitchen, Martha is standing on a chair, looking in the cupboard.
MARTHA: Clark, you’re sure you have tea bags?
CLARK: Back top shelf…unf…on the right! Wait, Ma, I’ll get them for you!
He puts down the barbell and heads towards the kitchen.
MARTHA: Nonsense! I see them now! Though if your powers don’t come back soon, you might consider getting a stepladder! Don’t jump up, son! I can just reach…
Just as she reaches the shelf, the phone rings.
MARTHA: …the phone?!?
Surprised, the looses her balance and begins to fall. Luckily, she manages to catch the cupboard door.
MARTHA: (thinking) Thank heaven!
However, she accidentally knocks the coffee pot onto the ground. It shatters.
CLARK: MA! Are you all right?
MARTHA: Nothing damaged but my pride…and the pot!
She answers the phone.
MARTHA: Hello?
Clark begins to look worried.
CLARK: (thinking) I saw her falling…moved as fast as humanly possible…but there was nothing I could do! Worse disasters are happening…real disasters. And without my powers, it’s like I’m deaf and blind to them! And helpless…
Martha hands him the phone.
MARTHA: It’s Jimmy Olsen, Clark.
CLARK: Huh?
MARTHA: On the phone.
He takes it.
CLARK: (into phone) Hi, Jimmy! What’s up?
Just then, Jonathan walks into the kitchen wearing a tuxedo. A very old and faded tuxedo.
JONATHAN: Would you look at this, boy! I was married in this tux! It’s a little snug, even with all the weight I’ve lost.
Martha snickers.
MARTHA: A little moth-eaten too, Jonathan.
Jonathan slips off the jacket and tries to put it on Clark, who’s still talking to Jimmy.
JONATHAN: Thought maybe you’d want to wear it for your wedding! It’d save you a bundle in rental fees! Here! Try it on!
JIMMY: (on phone) Since I’m going to be your wedding photographer, Clark, I’ll need to know what shots you’ll want…indoors…outdoors…whatever. I mean, I know I’m a big TV star now, but for you…
Clark moves the phone to the other hand, but his forward motion causes the back of the jacket to rip.
JONATHAN: Oh no!
CLARK: Pa…I’m sorry!
MARTHA: Oh, it was ready for the ragbag, anyway!
Martha looks at her watch.
MARTHA: Land sakes, look at the time! I’ve got to get dressed! I’m supposed to keep Lois occupied till it’s time for her surprise bridal shower.
Martha leaves, and Clark continues his conversation with Jimmy.
CLARK: Jimmy, forget the camera for once. We’ve hired a photographer. Guy with a big-shot job like your is too important to be lugging a camera around! Listen, Jim, I’ll catch you at the tux shop tomorrow.
Clark hangs up the phone.
Jonathan looks at the ripped tuxedo jacket and sighs.
JONATHAN: Guess we’ll both be hitting the tux rental place now…
*****
Cut to the WGBS news station. Jimmy Olsen hangs up the phone sadly, and turns towards his producer, Cat Grant.
JIMMY: Clark’s mad at me, Cat!
CAT: Mad? Why?
JIMMY: Maybe about the Lori story…or the Luthor fiasco. He was sarcastic about my ‘big-shot’ job here at GBS!
CAT: That’s not Clark’s usual style.
JIMMY: I know. And he…he doesn’t want me to photograph his wedding.
A surprised look crosses Cat’s face.
CAT: Oh, Jimmy. I’m sorry.
JIMMY: I know the Planet and GBS are sometimes rivals, but I didn’t think that would matter. I thought, no matter what, Clark would still be my best friend!
*****
Cut to Sam and Ella Lane’s home. Ella and Lois are sitting on the couch, looking at a floral catalogue.
ELLA: You kids do what you want, of course. But if you take my advice, the tulips look a bit…tawdry. In my day, a girl carries roses.
Lois sighs in frustration.
LOIS: Mom! I’m not a ‘girl’! And I hate roses!
Lois’ sister, Lucy, suddenly sneaks up behind them.
LUCY: Haven’t you both always liked lilies? I saw this wonderful arrangement…
Both of them stare at her.
LOIS & ELLA: LILLIES?! Lucy, this is the only wedding I’m/she’s going to have, and I want it to be perfect!
Meanwhile, Sam is sitting by the closet door, grumbling. He has a power drill in his hand, and is fixing something.
SAM: This whole marriage thing’s really getting to you, Lois! Sure you don’t wanna rethink it before you do something irrevocable?
The doorbell rings. Lois gets up to answer it.
LOIS: Dad, Clark and I have been engaged for ages! I love him! I know what I’m doing! It’s not the marriage that’s driving me crazy…it’s the wedding!
SAM: (muttering) Kent drove you off, can’t deny it! Made you cry! Can’t forgive him for making my little girl cry!
Lois opens the door to see Martha standing there, smiling.
LOIS: Martha! You’re here! That heaven…I mean…I’m so glad to see you!
MARTHA: Lois, it’s so good of you to help me pick out a dress!
LUCY: Yes, it is nice of her, isn’t it? She has great taste! Here’s your coat, sis!
She hands Lois her coat, and secretly winks at Martha.
LUCY: Get something pretty Martha! Bye!
As they walk out the door, Lois turns to her sister, a bit stressed out.
LOIS: Mom’s been nuts about the music, the food, the flowers…everything! She’s driving me CRAZY! I can’t take…
LUCY: Have fun! Bye!
She shuts the door, sighing in relief.
LUCY: So, daddy…don’t you have to go rent a tux or something?
SAM: In a while, baby! After I tighten those bolts and…
Lucy grins.
LUCY: Then you’re gonna, like, stick around for a while? Be here when the girls show up for Lois’s surprise bridal shower?
Sam’s eyes go wide and his jaw drops. He looks every which way, pointing at his drill…trying to come up with some sort of excuse.
SAM: BRIDAL SHOWER? But I, uh…was just gonna, um…I’ll get my jacket!
He runs off.
*****
Later on, a few women are decorating the living room. Ella walks into the kitchen, where Lucy is mixing some ingredients into a bowl.
ELLA: Lucy, dear, you haven’t got much time before your guests arrive! Maybe I can help! Where’s your menu and beverage work sheet?
LUCY: Work sheet?! Mom, I’m making onion dip…people are bringing stuff! It’s pot luck!
ELLA: Pot luck?! Really, Lucy! What will people think? You should have had the shower catered!
Lucy rolls her eyes. Then Ella turns her attention to the people decorating.
ELLA: Oh…my! The decorations and table settings are so vital to the mood and character of any festivity! What’s your theme?
LUCY: ‘Thank heaven they’re finally getting it over with’?
Her mother gives her a cold look.
ELLA: I don’t think that’s funny.
LUCY: Don’t worry, mom! We have a theme! One you’re gonna love!
*****
Cut to the street. Jonathan and Clark are walking by the window to ‘Mr. Mike’s Tuxedos’.
CLARK: I hoped Perry and Keith would meet us here, Pa! But Perry’s having a bad reaction to his chemo-therapy. He’s not even sure he’ll make the wedding.
JONATHAN: Perry’s a fighter, son.
CLARK: I know. And this may be the hardest battle he’s ever fought.
They walk into the store.
TAILOR: Mr. Kent! We’ve been expecting you! Right this way!
Jonathan notices a mannequin in the corner. It’s dressed in an aqua-green tux, complete with a ruffled shirt.
JONATHAN: (whispering) We’re not gonna end up looking like Liberace…are we, son?
SAM: (behind them) KENT!!!
They both spin around to see Sam Lane stomp towards them angrily.
SAM: So you finally convinced my little girl to marry you.
CLARK: I know how lucky I am, sir.
Sam just gives him a cold stare.
SAM: Far as I’m concerned, some people have more luck than they deserve!
*****
Cut back to the Lane’s…
Ella stares at the tablemat, shocked.
ELLA: Oh, Lucy! You’re not using paper?
LUCY: MO-OM!! Do you have to criticize everything?!
Lori Lemaris walks up behind Lucy and puts her hand on her shoulder.
LORI: (whispering) Give her a break, huh? She’s losing her little girl. She’s just trying to feel in control.
Lori then goes up to Ella, who’s looking in her cupboard.
LORI: Gosh, Mrs. Lane, do you really think cloth would be better?
ELLA: Certainly! And I have just the pattern! Irish linen!
LORI: How lovely! Oh! Just look at that crystal bowl!
Ella looks up at the top shelf, where Lori just pointed. She smiles.
ELLA: You know…we could put Lucy’s onion dip in that…
LUCY: (thinking) Mom’s actually smiling?!
Lori walks back towards Lucy.
LUCY: (whispering) Lori, are you some kind of mind reader…? How did you know what to say?
LORI: Other people’s families are always easier to deal with than your own!
The doorbell rings. Lucy goes to answer it.
Inspector Maggie Sawyer and Toby Raines are on the other side. Both girls are carrying Tupperware containers.
LUCY: Maggie! Toby! Come in! We’re almost ready!
MAGGIE: We come bearing fruit salad!
TOBY: Hope it’s enough!
ELLA: It’ll be fine! And I have a limoge bowl that will show it off to perfection! You know, this may turn out to be the loveliest bridal shower I’ve ever attended!
*****
And later…
Lucy tiptoes to the door, preparing to open it.
LUCY: (whispering) Everybody shhh! They’re here!
She pulls open the door to reveal Martha standing with an obviously-shocked Lois.
EVERYONE: SURPRISE!!!
*****
Back at the tuxedo shop, Clark, Jonathan, and Sam are all being fitted for their tuxes. One by one, the tailor is measuring their waists.
TAILOR: So what’s your waist size?
CLARK: 36.
He measures it.
TAILOR: Yep. 36.
Then he moves on to Jonathan.
TAILOR: How about you?
JONATHAN: 42…if I’m lucky!
He measures it.
TAILOR: 40!
Jonathan smiles proudly.
JONATHAN: Guess the old diet’s paying off!
Next to them, Sam’s being fitted for his tux by the Tailor’s assistant.
WOMAN: What’s your waist, dearie?
SAM: 42.
She measures it.
WOMAN: Waist 44…now don’t suck in, dear. No…46!
Sam scoffs and turns to Jonathan.
SAM: Reminds me of the time we were being fitted for new uniforms after we took Pyongyang and…you were in the army too, weren’t you, Jonathan?
Jonathan looks downwards, sadly.
JONATHAN: Yep. Korea. Nasty business, war.
Sam then looks at Clarks accusingly.
SAM: You never served your country, did you, Kent?
CLARK: (thinking) I used to…every day. I may not get the chance to serve like that again!
Jonathan gives Sam an angry look.
JONATHAN: (thinking) Right now, my boy probably needs all the discipline he learned as Superman, just to keep from kicking that donkey’s tail!
*****
Cut to the bridal shower at the Lane’s. Lois is opening the gifts, with all the guests standing around her.
He opens one, and reads the letter…
LOIS: ‘A little something to help you settle down to boring domestic bliss…’?
Lucy giggles.
LUCY: That’s our theme! That’s why I wanted you to open my present first!
Ella smiles.
ELLA: Domestic bliss! What a lovely idea, Lucy!
LUCY: I knew you’d like it, mom! Get it, sis? It’s a happy homemaker shower!
Lois lifts up the contents of the box.
LOIS: (sarcastically) Lucy, you shouldn’t have. Really. A crockpot?
Both Maggie and Toby smile at her.
MAGGIE: Lucy said you didn’t have many appliances. And Clark just had his mom’s cast-offs.
TOBY: See…you throw stuff in before you leave for work. By the time you get home, dinner’s done!
LUCY: Look inside! I included recipes from everybody!
Lois rolls her eyes.
LOIS: (sarcastically) Great. Gosh…thanks, sis. And I cook sooooo often, too.
Toby grins.
TOBY: Oh…you will now!
*****
And back at the tailors, the three guys are handed tuxedoes…that look exactly like the one on a mannequin from earlier.
WOMAN: You look like a 46 medium!
She hands Sam his suit, while the tailor hands one to both Clark and Jonathan.
TAILOR: Here. Try this!
They put on the suits. Upon seeing Clark, Sam slaps his forehead.
SAM: Kent, you look like Little Lord Fauntleroy! My daughter may be marrying a clown, but I’m not giving her away looking like one!
JONATHAN: I hate to agree with him, son, but…
Clark looks at his father, worried.
CLARK: But…this isn’t what we chose! There must be some mistake.
Just then, the tailor comes in carrying a trio of normal black tuxes.
TAILOR: Those old coats? No, sir! Just use them to get an idea of sleeve length and how the tux’ll hang on your frame. This is more like the model you’ll be married in!
Sam grumbles, while Clark just sighs in relief.
*****
Cut back to the Lane’s. Lois and her mother are staring at the table full of gifts…all of which are toasters, blenders, juicers, and other types of kitchen appliances.
Ella is smiling ear-to-ear. Lois, on the other hand, seems to be almost cringing.
ELLA: What thoughtful, lovely gifts!
LOIS: (bitterly) Aren’t they, though?
Lucy grins at her.
LUCY: It’s like, good-bye blessed freedom…hello dish-pan hands! Once you’re married, you’ll settle down…be like mom! With all the trimmings!
Lucy’s friend, Cindi, walks up to Lois and examines her hair.
CINDI: Lucy, quit teasing your sister!
LUCY: Who’s teasing? She even looks the part!
Lois looks worried.
LOIS: I do?
CINDI: Your hair’s fine for every day! But for a wedding…
ELLA: What’s wrong with Lois’s hair? It’s nice…very dignified and conservative.
LOIS: It is?
Lois turns to Cindi and smiles mischievously.
LOIS: So, Cindi…exactly what did you have in mind…?
*****
A few minutes later, Cindi has her sitting in the center of the living room. Both Cindi and her friend, Jeanette are helping cut her hair.
CINDI: Let’s see how it looks swept up and back…
JEANETTE: And later you go shopping for your gown, right?
LOIS: Yeah Jeanette. Why?
She smiles.
JEANETTE: Because I’m taking you to the bridal showroom! Every designer who’s anybody shows there! It’s normally open to the trade only. But, hey…that’s what friends are for!
*****
Cut to a few hours later. Lois is at the bridal showroom with Martha, Lucy, Ella, and Jeanette are with a group of designers, each wanting Lois to try something on.
LOIS: (thinking) ‘Happy homemaker shower’? Just because I’m settling down in one way doesn’t mean my life is over! Does it?
She tries on one dress.
DESIGNER: It’s cute, but…don’t worry, sweetie! If this one isn’t right, there are a lot of other styles to chose from.
It’s very tight, going up to the top of her neck. The shoulders are ruffled, and it has long sleeves. The veil covers all of her head but her face, and has fake flowers crowning the top. When she tries to walk, she almost trips over the dress.
Lois’s face falls.
LOIS: I look like something out of a bad fairy tale!
ELLA: So modest! And demure! I LOVE it!
Martha and Lucy look at each other.
MARTHA & LUCY: Nope.
*****
She tries on another one. This one is made out of reflective material. It’s strapless, with a veil attached to a headband. On the waist is a rose-shaped ruffle.
LOIS: So? It is very…sophisticated!
ELLA: It seems a bit…well, modern…for a wedding gown! Lois, you aren’t actually thinking of…
MARTHA & LUCY: Nope!
*****
She tries on yet another gown.
This one has no veil, is strapless, and contains a mini-skirt and a very low neckline.
Both Martha and Ella look as if their jaws are about to fall off.
LOIS: TA-DA!
MARTHA: Oh, my!
ELLA: No, Lois! You can’t! It’s…
Lois grins at her.
LOIS: Well…come on, mom…don’t hold back!
Lucy giggles.
LUCY: Tell you what you REALLY think.
Their mother stares at them.
Finally, Jeanette shows Lois something from the catalogue.
JEANETTE: So…what about something like this?
Lois’ face lights up.
LOIS: Oh, Jeanette! That’s perfect!
*****
Meanwhile, uptown, Clark is walking towards Harry Winston’s Jewelers.
CLARK: (thinking) Years ago, Pa Kent made a special trip from Smallville to get Harry Winston himself to design a ring for Ma. That was the ring Ma gave me to give to Lois. And while Lois wasn’t thrilled at parting with it again, even temporarily, I think she’ll be pleased with what Harry Winston’s son, Ronal has in mind for a very special inscription!
*****
And inside…
Clark hands the ring to Ronald Winston.
CLARK: Can you do it, Ronald?
RONALD: Certainly, Mr. Kent. Laser technology now allows us to actually etch the inside of a diamond! Your inscription?
CLARK: ‘To Lois, love Clark’. And, uh, could you add an ‘s’ shield? You know, like the one Superman wears?
RONALD: Well, yes. But why would you want to?
Clark smiles.
CLARK: Let’s just say…my fiancée thinks of me as her superman!
*****
Later on, Lois is walking down the street, talking on her cell-phone.
CLARK: (on phone) That’s right, hon…mission accomplished! I think you’ll get a real kick out of the inscription!
She sees a taxi driving by.
LOIS: I can hardly wait to…TAXI…read it!
CLARK: (on phone) Actually, it’s kind of tiny. In fact, you need a hundred-power microscope just to see it. But maybe we can scrounge one up after the wedding.
Lois smiles.
LOIS: Oooo, fun! I was wondering what we’d do to keep from getting bored on our honeymoon.
CLARK: (on phone) Sweetheart, with you and me on the same team, I think boredom will be the least of our worries!