Act 5
The Ceremony
Superman: The Wedding Album
October 1996
Written by Dan Jurgans, Roger Stern, Karl Kesel, David Michelinie, and Louise Simonson
Drawn by Dan Jurgans, Jerry Ordway, Ron Frenz, John Byrne, Curt Swan, Gil Kane, Stuart Immonen, Tom Grummett, Jon Bogdanove, Barry Kitson, Paul Ryan, and a host of others.
'Superman' created by Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster
Cut to the next day, at Dooley’s Bar And Grill.
Outside, a sign is posted on the window. It reads:
Closed for private party
Lane/Kent wedding rehearsal dinner.
Inside, dozens of people are gathering. Clark and Lois’ friends and family introduce themselves.
CLARK: Welcome, one and all!
FRAN: walks up to Clark, accompanies by a man in an army uniform.
FRAN: Clark, you remember my husband Lamar…!
Clark and Lamar shake hands.
CLARK: Of course! Good to see you back in the States. How was the Mid-East?
LAMAR: Hot! It’s good to be back.
Meanwhile, Lois and Lori are standing at the food table. Lois is arguing with the chef, while Lori is staring at the shrimp on the table in absolute horror.
LOIS: Kevin! I specified ‘no seafood’ on the buffet for a reason! Lori is…allergic!
Jimmy stares at Lori.
JIMMY: (thinking) She gets sick at just the sight of shrimp?
Quickly, Jimmy grabs a fork and heads toward the seafood platter.
KEVIN: Sorry, Lois. I didn’t realize it was that big a problem, but I’ll get rid of ‘em right away!
Kevin takes the plate away, letting Jimmy’s fork land on the now-vacant spot on the table.
JIMMY: Hey, wait! I’m not allergic!
Jimmy sighs.
JIMMY: (thinking) Oh, well…I’d better get this over with.
He turns towards Lori, he looks at him coldly.
JIMMY: Uh, Ms. Lemaris…Lori? I want to…
LORI: …apologize for the story you televised, Mister Olsen? The one that accused me of trafficking in stolen antiquities?
Jimmy bites his lip.
JIMMY: Uh…well…yeah… That story…should never have aired. I was suckered by a bad source…but it was my responsibility, my mistake. Can you ever…
She smirks.
LORI: …forgive you? Yes, Jimmy, I can. I accept your apology. But in the future, try not to let ambition get in the way of the important things.
JIMMY: Ambition? Uh, sure…
She walks away, leaving Jimmy standing there with a confused look on his face.
JIMMY: (thinking)That is one strange lady! Perceptive…but strange. When she looked at me, I got the feeling she could see right into my mind!
A few feet away, the Whites walk over to Jonathan and Martha.
JIMMY: (thinking)Hey, is that Perry White?
Jonathan kneels down to talk to Perry’s son, Keith.
JONATHAN: There I was, 20,000 feet up in the air, and no parachute…but luckily I was wearing my ‘light fall’ suit!
Keith breaks into a fit of laughter.
MARTHA: Jonathan! I swear, that joke is so old!
Perry smiles.
PERRY: Not to Keith, Martha!
Jimmy walks over.
JIMMY: (thinking) It IS Perry! Gee, he’s lost some weight!
JIMMY: Chief?
Perry turns to face him.
PERRY: Olsen! Hoped I’d run into you here. Can’t turn on the tube these days without seeing your smiling face!
JIMMY: Perry? A-are you all right?
Perry sighs.
PERRY: I have good days and bad…blasted chemo treatments really knock the starch out of you, but I’m hanging in. Good to see you, Jim.
They shake hands.
JIMMY: Chemo? For cancer?!
PERRY: Uh-huh. But the doctors say I’m improving.
JIMMY: I didn’t know. There was no news!
Perry laughs.
PERRY: News?! Son, thousands of people undergo cancer treatment every day! My health is hardly news! Right now, I just want to feel well enough to attend this wedding!
Lois joins the group, bringing Lamar and
FRAN: with her.
LOIS: Jonathan…have you met
FRAN: and Lamar Johnson.
Jonathan and
FRAN: shake hands.
JONATHAN: Haven’t had the pleasure! Pleased to meet you!
MARTHA: ‘sakes, yes! It’s grand to meet so many of Clark and Lois’s friends!
FRAN: smiles.
FRAN: Lois is one of my oldest friends at the Planet. We sort of learned the ropes together, helping each other out of jams!
LOIS: Hey, you’ve covered for me more than I have for you!
FRAN: Well…
*****
Meanwhile, at the other side of the party, Clark walks over to the Hendersons with Pete and Lana in tow.
CLARK: This is embarrassing! We’ve been together all afternoon, and I still haven’t made all the intros! Lana and Pete Ross…Bill and Maddy Henderson!
Henderson turns to his wife.
HENDERSON: Pete’s a fellow usher, dear. We met at the bachelor party.
He and Pete shake hands.
PETE: An honour to serve with you, commissioner! I hope associating with me won’t hurt your political career!
HENDERSON: What political career? I’m just a cop who came up through the ranks!
Pete smirks.
PETE: Maybe, but if
FRAN:k Berkowitz runs for governor, and I think he will, your name will be on the short list of mayoral candidates!
Henderson’s jaw drops in shock.
HENDERSON: What?! You’re joking!
CLARK: I don’t think so, Bill. If anyone could follow Berkowitz…
Suddenly, Sam Lane appears behind Clark.
SAM: KENT? You and I need to talk!
Clark sighs.
CLARK: Uh, will you folks excuse me?
He walks towards Sam, while Lana watching him leave.
LANA: (thinking) Clark looks so harried! Lois confided in me that he’d lost his super powers! I don’t know how he does it…trying to run a wedding with that on his mind!
She looks towards Pete and smiles.
LANA: (thinking) When I think of all the years I wasted, pining over Clark before I came to my senses and married Peter! Well…I hope that he and Lois can be as lucky in love as we’ve been.
*****
Clark follows Sam into the middle of the floor. Suddenly, without warning, Sam pokes him in the chest.
SAM: Hope you know how lucky you are, Kent! ‘specially after the way you’ve treated my little girl!
CLARK: I beg your pardon?
Sam looks at him angrily.
SAM: You know what I’m talking about! After you broke up with her, she left the country to get away from you, for god’s sake! And now you’ve finally decided you want to marry her, huh? What makes you think you’re such a prize?
Clark tries to reason with him, with no success.
CLARK: Actually, Sam, Lois broke off our engagement…!
SAM: DON’T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!
Sam’s outburst causes several eyes to be drawn towards the two of them.
At the bar, Ron Troupe turns to Lucy.
RON: Your father seems awfully agitated, Lucy.
LUCY: He’s bent out of shape because Lois won’t let him give her away at the wedding. Daddy’s never happy unless he has something to complain about!
RON: Oh? Then I wonder how he’ll react if it ever sinks in that his younger daughter is dating a black man?
Lucy smiles at him.
LUCY: Don’t worry about that, Ron. There’s not a racist bone in daddy’s body! He’s very consistent…he’s hated ALL of his daughters’ beaus!
Meanwhile, Clark is slowly loosing patience with Sam.
SAM: She’s my li’l girl, dammit! I raised her! But now, because of you, she won’t even let me give her away!
LOIS: Would you give a son away?
Both Clark and Sam spin around to see Lois standing here, her arms crossed. She looks very angry.
SAM: Lois…!
LOIS: Don’t bother, Sam…I already know the answer to that one.
Sam walks up to her.
SAM: Now see here…!
LOIS: No, YOU see here! Yes, you raised me! You tried your best to make me into the son you really wanted! Well, you did a good job, Sam…I’m just as stubborn and independent as you. I love you, dad, but Clark and I aren’t taking any money from you for this wedding, and I’m not about to be ‘given away’. Not by you, not by anyone! I’m walking down the aisle alongside the man I’m marrying! I hope you can accept that, but if you can’t…too bad!
SAM: Well then, if you don’t need me, maybe I won’t attend! C’mon, Ella, we’re leaving!
ELLA: No, Sam! ‘We’ are not!
Sam’s eyes go wide.
SAM: WHAT?!
ELLA: It’s their wedding, and they can run it as they wish!
Sam’s eyes narrow in anger.
SAM: Can’t believe you’d turn against me! Fine! I hope you all have a swell time!
And with that, he storms out.
Clark watches him go, while Lois grabs her mother’s arm.
LOIS: I’m sorry, mom.
ELLA: No…he’s the one who needs to be sorry. I won’t let him spoil your big day, Lois. If he wants to be a fool and boycott his firstborn’s wedding, that’s his problem…but I intend to be there for you!
*****
Cut to the next day. Cars are pulling up in front of a church in Metropolis…it’s the day of the wedding. People begin piling inside, preparing for the ceremony.
USHER # 1: Good afternoon!
USHER # 2: Bride’s or the groom’s side?
USHER # 3: Right this way.
Suddenly, four women walk towards the entrance. They’re wearing jackets, sunglasses, and carrying guitars and keyboards.
Ron walks up to them.
RON: Uh…may I help you?
The leader smiles at him.
WOMAN: Hey, you know us, Ron-Do! We’re the Riot Grrls! Lucy hired us to play!
RON: No, no! You play the reception, not the ceremony!
*****
A few feet away, Jimmy is talking with his camera girl, Angie. She’s holding a mini-cam on her shoulder, and chewing bubble-gum.
JIMMY: How’s it going out here, Angie?
ANGIE: Everything’s copasetic, Mr. O…we’ve shot all our exteriors and we’re ready to go inside. This is a nice thing you’re doing, y’know? A video of all this’ll make a great present for the bride and groom.
JIMMY: Well, Clark and Lois mean a lot to me. Sure you brought enough tape?
ANGIE: No problem…we’re using GBS’s new micro cams! Each unit has a six-hour battery, and beams a microwave signal back to an editing console in the van. We don’t have to stop for anything!
JIMMY: You sure?
She blows a bubble.
ANGIE: Unclench, Mr. O! We’ve run a complete check. Just like in the studio…when the red light is on…
*****
Unbeknownst to the both of them, in LexCorp Tower, someone is watching through the video feed.
ANGIE: (on camera) …the cameras roll and the signal is live!
Lex Luthor watches the display through a dozen or so televisions mounted on his office wall.
LEX: (thinking) More ‘live’ than you realize, young lady…tapping into your system was child’s play for a man of my resources. I should have the best view of the wedding…small recompense though that is for not having been invited! To think…I once entertained notions of making Lois Lane the seventh Mrs. Lex Luthor. And I might well have won her over, if not for Superman!
He turns away from the screens.
LEX: (thinking) He came along with his flashy cape, his perfect head of hair, and everyone forgot who was the true power in Metropolis! Even Lois! I would have given her the world, but he turned her against me.
His eyes narrow in anger.
LEX: (thinking) I can’t believe she’s marrying another reporter! I thought she had some modicum of taste! The only thing worse would be if she were marrying Superman!
*****
Back at the church, several guests look upwards in surprise.
GUEST: LOOK! Up in the sky!
He points upwards at a blonde man floating downwards. He’s dressed in a tux, like everyone there. However, he also has a white cape. As well as a golden helmet tucked under his arm.
WOMAN: Omigosh! It’s the Alpha Centurion!
GUEST: Wearing a tux?
CENTURION: This is correct attire for a wedding, is it not?
He lands and walks inside the church.
WOMAN: (whispering) …heard he had quite a case for Lois once.
As he enters, Bill Henderson greets him.
HENDERSON: Bride’s side, Centurion
CENTURION: Yes. And to the rear of this temple, if you please. If I should have to leave early, I would not wish to disrupt the ceremony!
HENDERSON: (thinking) That’s just about everyone, except Sam Lane. Stubborn fool! Be a damn shame if he missed this.
*****
In one of the back rooms, Clark is attempting to do up his tie. His hair has now been cut short, just like it used to look.
Suddenly, Jimmy enters the room.
JIMMY: Quite a crowd out there, Clark. Hey, N-I-C-E haircut! When did you…?
CLARK: This morning.
Jimmy walks up to him and fixes his tie for him.
JIMMY: Here, let an expert help you with that! Not having second thoughts, are you?
CLARK: Not for an instant, Jim.
He finishes. Then steps back…an insidious smile on his face.
JIMMY: No kidding? Well, one thing’s certain, we know Lois is marrying the man and not the SUPERman!
Clark looks at him in shock.
JIMMY: You did tell her you lost your powers, right?
CLARK: What? You…? How…?
Before Clark can even ask, Jimmy’s body begins to deflate. He hovers in mid-air, as he suddenly becomes only three inches tall.
JIMMY: Relax, Clarkie, your secret is still safe from Olsen…
In a puff of smoke, Jimmy’s face transforms into a somewhat older one. A man with white hair extending from the sides, but bald on top. On top of his head is a purple derby hat. He looks…almost cartoonish.
It’s Mr. Mxyzptlk.
MXY: But not from ME!
Quickly, Clark grabs him by the collar.
CLARK: MXYZPTLK!!! You little demon, what’re you doing here? What have you done with Jimmy? Wait a minute! Are you responsible for…?
MXY: For your powers not returning? Now what would be the fun in that?
With one punch of his tiny hand, the imp knocks Clark into the nearest wall.
MXY: No, I don’t know what’s wrong with your powers, Clarkie-boy…SO BACK OFF!
With a puff of smoke, he disappears and materializes again standing right on top of Clark’s chest.
MXY: Oh, don’t look so disgruntled! I’m sure you’ll solve the problem eventually! See, ever since I figured out your secret, I’ve been keeping an eye on you…and you’re getting good at getting yourself out of scrapes. Really good! With or without powers!
CLARK: What’s your game this time, Mxyzptlk? You always have one!
Mxy pinches Clark’s cheek.
MXY: Aw, how’d a big lug like you get so cynical?
CLARK: Don’t be cute!
Another puff of smoke, and Mxyzptlk vanishes again. Clark picks himself up off the ground just in time to see him materialize again.
Only this time he looks different. He’s five feet tall now, and more muscled. He’s dressed in his usual orange jumpsuit, and has a very evil grin on his face.
MXY: Don’t care for the cutesy look, eh? Is this better?
Clark looks at him in surprise.
CLARK: Mxy?
MXY: Neither’s the real me, you know. You couldn’t even begin to perceive my fifth-dimensional form!
CLARK: What do you want?
He suddenly grabs a cigar out of mid-air and lights it with a flame from the palm of his hand.
MXY: What’s the matter…afraid I’m going to toss a stink bomb into your wedding party? Even I wouldn’t be that mean…though the idea IS intriguing!
He blows fire out of his mouth, which transforms into the image of an S-shield.
MXY: No, the way I see it, I’m about to get what I wanted the last time I dropped by! I couldn’t be happier that you and Lois are tying the knot!
He floats in mid-air, continuing to smoke.
MXY: Heh, heh! Just think of all the devilment I can cause a smart young couple like you two!
Clark approaches him in anger.
CLARK: Listen, if you dare to…!
MXY: Me? I dare anything! Better get those powers back soon, C.K….you’ll be needing them! See ya after the honeymoon! AH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HA!
Clark lunges for him, but all he manages to grab is open air as Mxy vanishes once again.
At that precise moment, the real Jimmy enters the room.
JIMMY: Ready, Clark?
He sniffs the air.
JIMMY: Someone been smoking in here?
CLARK: No. Not anymore.
JIMMY: Oh. Well, c’mon…we’re ready to start.
*****
Cut to inside the ceremony. Everyone has taken their seats by now.
GUEST # 1: Quite a turnout.
GUEST # 2: Didn’t realize they knew so many people!
GUEST # 3: Is that Mayor Berkowitz over there?
WOMAN: It’s true! Her father stormed out of the rehearsal dinner!
GUEST # 4: Who’s the minister?
GUEST # 5: Chaplain Herbert Fine, old friend of the family. I hear he presided over Lois’s christening.
The Whites arrive, and sit next to Ella.
GUEST # 1: Hey, isn’t that…?
GUEST # 2: Perry and Alice White!
GUEST # 1: All right! The chief made it!
GUEST # 2: They’re being seated with Mrs. Lane?
GUEST # 1: Only fair! He was more of a father to Lois than her old man ever was!
GUEST # 2: Shhh! They’re starting the processional!
The bridesmaids and ushers begin to walk towards the alter in pairs. First comes Lori and Ron…
GUEST # 1: Whoa! Who’s the bridesmaid with Ron Troupe?
GUEST # 2: Lori something…old friend of Clark’s!
Then Pete and Lana…
GUEST # 1: Those must be the Rosses!
GUEST # 2: Wasn’t he a congressman or something once?
GUEST # 1: Senator.
GUEST # 2: Oh, yeah.
Next comes Commissioner Henderson and Fran...
Over in the isles, a little girl turns to her father.
GIRL: Poppa? Who’s that man walking with momma?
LAMAR: That’s commissioner Henderson, Asheya.
ASHEYA: How come you’re not walking with momma?
LAMAR: Because I’m not an usher. See, the usher’s escort bridesmaids…I’ll explain later.
Finally, Jimmy and Lucy…the best man and the maid of honour…walk down.
GUEST # 1: Didn’t Lucy Lane and Olsen date for a while?
GUEST # 2: Yeah. Funny them winding up as maid of honour and best man.
Keith walks behind them, carrying a pillow with two golden rings rested on top.
ELLA: Keith makes a wonderful ring bearer, Perry. You and Alice must be very proud…
Perry smiles.
PERRY: As proud as if he were our own flesh and blood.
At the back, Clark steps out and grabs a slender hand in his.
CLARK: Well, this is it. Ready?
LOIS: As ready as I’ll ever be.
Arm in arm, Clark and Lois walk down the aisle. Lois is wearing a simple wedding dress, with a flower pattern on it. The veil is held on the back of her head by a bow.
She looks at Clark and smiles.
LOIS: You cut your hair!
CLARK: Do you like it?
LOIS: It looks nice. But I’d love you if you were bald!
They arrive at the alter, facing the minister.
LUCY: (thinking) They make such a wonderful couple. I never realized just how beautiful Lois is. I wish daddy were here to see…
The minister begins to speak…
MINISTER: Dearly beloved. We have assembled this day, in the presence of god to witness and to bless, the joining together of Lois Lane and Clark Kent in holy matrimony.
The eight ushers and bridesmaids smile as they watch the two of them smile at the couple.
MINISTER: The union of these two people in heart, body, and mind is intended by their creator for their mutual joy, for the help and the comfort given one another in both prosperity and adversity. Marriage, therefore, is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly…but reverently, and deliberately. Into this holy union…
Martha looks over her shoulder in surprise. She taps her husband on the shoulder.
MARTHA: Jonathan! Look!
Lucy turns towards where her mother is sitting. She sees someone walking towards her.
LUCY: Oh!
MINISTER: …Lois and Clark now come to be joined…
The mystery person taps Ella on the shoulder, causing her to turn around.
He smiles at her.
SAM: ‘Scuse me…is this seat taken?
MINISTER: …if any can show just cause why they may not be married, speak now, or forever hold your peace.
Sam sits down next to Ella.
ELLA: Don’t you dare!
SAM: No. Not for the world.
The minister turns to Lois.
MINISTER: Lois, will you have Clark to be your husband…to love, comfort, honour and keep him…and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
LOIS: I will.
MINISTER: Clark, will you have Lois to be your wife…to love, comfort, honour and keep her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
CLARK: I will.
MINISTER: Let us pray…o, gracious and eternal lord, look with favour upon Lois and Clark. Give them wisdom in the ordering of their lives. And make their life together a sign…that unity may overcome estrangement, and joy conquer despair. Amen.
Clark and Lois turn to each other.
CLARK: (whispering) Lois, your father’s here. (normal) I, Clark…take you, Lois, to be my wife…
LOIS: (whispering) Yes, I see him. Finally. (normal) I, Lois, take you, Clark, to be my husband…
BOTH: …to have and to hold, from this day forward…for better or for worse…for richer or for poorer…in sickness and in health…to love and to cherish…until death do us part.
Keith walks up to them, allowing the minister to take the rings and hand them to Lois and Clark.
MINISTER: Bless, o lord, these rings, to be a sign of the vows by which this man and this woman have bound themselves to each other.
They place the rings on each other’s fingers. Then they clasp hands.
BOTH: We give these rings as a symbol of our vows, with all that we are, all that we have…and all that we will be.
MINISTER: Now that Lois and Clark have given themselves to each other by their solemn vows, and with the joining of hands and the exchanging of rings…I declare and pronounce that they are husband and wife.
They kiss…a long, passionate kiss.
Behind them, people begin to applaud. Lucy wipes a tear from her eye, and Jimmy throws his fist up in the air in triumph.
Above them, hidden from every pair of eyes but our own, is the same image…only with Clark dressed in full costume.