S W E E T D R E A M S
A Kyuuketsuhime Miyu/Yuu Yuu Hakusho crossover
by Rowan Emrys <argento@myrealbox.com>
----------< AUTHOR'S NOTES >
The third of the 'Oyasumi Nasai' series, just because. Sort of pro-Kurama-Botan, but being my usual vague self, it doesn't mean anything. Expect lots of angst and pointless rambling... oh, and not forgetting, inconsistencies.
Jenni has very nicely informed me that Miyu is a little harsh/OOC, and I can't agree with her more. Neither, I emphasize, neither can I capture the rest of the characters, so please forgive me while I blunder along.
BTW, the opening is trash. It's just there to help me to capture the mood I need for the fic ^_^'
Special thanks to Jenni for giving the much needed info on Kyuuketsuhime Miyu, tips and advice, though I don't guarantee that I listen to all.
----------< FIRST PROSE >
Please.
Take my sorrow and give me peace.
Please.
Take me to where I want to be.
Take me to the one I love most.
To find peace and stay with her.
Please.
Take my blood, take my life
Take everything.
Just send me to her.
I want to be with her forever.
Please
Tell me that you will take me to her.
Give me the peace that I desire.
Please.
Take me to her.
----------< YUME 1.0 : URAMESHI YUUSUUKE >
I stare at her glowing figure, bright against the gloom of the room. The candle flame, the only source of light, flickers. She smiles malevolently, her golden irises radiant with an emotion I cannot express. Her companion wraps his cloak around her protectively. I cannot see his face, set against the darkness and hidden behind a metal mask. Gleaming against the flickering light.
They stare at me, their faces impassive. We observe one another in silence, waiting for the other party to make the first move. I flex my fingers, hearing the joints pop.
I am determined not to be the first.
She bows and graces me a beatific smile.
"Atashi wa Miyu. Kyuuketsuhime Miyu."
Vampire Princess Miyu. I don't respond, only watching her advance toward me in silence.
"I can grant you peace. Will you accept my offer?"
A long moment of silence lapses. Amusement twinkles in her eyes as she studies me patiently. I gaze at her intently.
"What peace can you offer me?" I ask despite myself.
She smiles mysteriously.
"You will be in a place where you will be happy."
I understand what she means by those words. I will be free. No one will be able to hold me back. I will be with Botan again.
"Then... " I hesitate, unsure of the terms.
As if sensing my indecision, she replies smilingly, "And in return, I will take your blood."
My blood?
She's really taking her vampire job seriously.
"Will I die?"
She shakes her head.
"No. You'll just be somewhere else. You want peace, don't you?"
I nod my head slowly. Everything she says makes sense.
Even if I die, I will still be with Botan, won't I?
Better let her do her job then, whoever she is.
"Take my blood then, and take me to her."
Her smile widens a little as she bends down.
I notice that her eyes are clouded.
Her sharp fangs pierce through my skin, sinking into my neck. I feel her drinking my blood, sliding down her throat in one smooth flow.
There is no pain. No pain at all. Only a sense of sadness, loss and then they're gone. Replaced by bliss, a soothing warmth that numbs everything. Blocking out everything.
I close my eyes as sleep washes over me.
<Yuusuke ~! Yamette ~!>
Botan? Is that you?
Wait for me. I'll be with you shortly.
<Yuusuke ~! Please, stop! I'm begging you! Wake up now!>
Miyu's voice cuts through the darkness like a knife.
"Spirit, be gone. He has submitted to me already."
"Don't... " I croak, struggling to keep my eyes open.
"Don't chase Botan away... "
But it's a battle that I'm losing.
<Yuusuke ~!>
Botan, why are you crying? Don't cry, please, don't cry.
You promised me that you wouldn't cry...
Dry your tears, Botan. I don't want to see you cry...
<Let go of him now! Let go of Yuusuke!>
"He's *mine*," Miyu retorts.
I almost raise my hand to slap her.
Don't be rude to Botan. She's so much nicer than you. You should learn from her.
Botan's voice softens considerably.
<Please... >
No... your voice is fading away.
Don't go... Botan!
"BOTAN ~!"
I jerk myself, trying to keep my eyes open.
A hurricane erupts from nowhere. A heady scent fills the air. Peony, I think.
Miyu lets go, and through my semi-conscious state, I witness her being pushed back by... you. Pink peony flowers swirl around you as you scramble to my side. You shout my name, begging me to stay awake.
"Larva! Stop her!" shrieks Miyu, wiping the blood off her face impatiently.
Botan screams something incoherent. Or maybe it's me.
She struggles helplessly in Larva's arms, gazing at me with sad, horrified eyes. He holds her back by her arms.
Finally, she slumps against his chest exhaustedly, tears running down her cheeks.
Let go of her, you S.O.B! Let go of Botan!
Darkness closes around me rapidly.
I thought that I had lost you. Then, suddenly, in the darkness, you appear before me, smiling. Like your usual cheery self, your simple joy touches your eyes as you extend your arms towards me.
A half-voiced cry escapes from my throat as I run forth to embrace you. You envelop me in your arms, whispering that we'll be together, always. Nothing's going to separate us ever again.
You're right.
I'm never letting you go.
Never again, Botan.
----------< YUME 1.1 : YOUKO KURAMA &>
"YUUSUKE ~!"
That voice... it sounds like Botan.
Botan?! Screaming for Yuusuke?
In Genkai's temple?
Is she still alive?
I break into a run, racing up the steep steps leading to the temple. There's something wrong. Dead wrong. I can almost feel it.
The plants are worked up. They don't tell me why, just that I have to get to the temple.
I reach the top, following the direction of the wails.
"YAMETTE ~!"
What's wrong? Botan? Is that you?
Please, don't let it be a dream if it's really you.
"Yuusuke!"
I screech to a halt at the doorway. You kneel beside Yuusuke's fallen body, burying your head in your hands, trembling at every sob. Light blue hair spreads, draping over you like a silk sheet.
What's wrong, Botan? What's going on?
But I cannot ask. Dare not ask, lest you dissipate into thin air and we'll never see you again. If this is a dream, then may the gods grant me the wish of never waking up.
"Botan?" A strangled whisper shatters the emptiness of the temple. I recognise it as mine.
You tilt your head, peony-pink eyes fixated on me. I hold my breath. In fact, I can't breathe at all.
It really *is* you. But what are you doing here?
No. Don't answer that. Just stay.
"Kurama! Hayaku!" You struggle to your feet. I hasten to assist you.
I hold your hand in mine. They are warm. So is your breath. Your tears. Everything about you is real. You're not a dream.
God, I could just hug you. You're back with us, Botan. And this time, I won't make the same mistake again.
This time, I won't have any regrets.
But, I keep a leash on my emotions. Now is not the time. There's always a later. I won't wait too long, I promise.
"What's wrong?" I gaze at Yuusuke's serene face. How can he still sleep when Botan's back?
I shift my eyes back to Botan, noticing the wild look in her eyes. The frantic look stirs my blood, giving me a sense of urgency.
I gaze deeply into her eyes and repeat my words. "What's wrong?"
She chokes back a sob, barely.
"We need to see Koenma-sama. A vampire has taken Yuusuke's blood."
"What happened?" How can that happen? Yuusuke is not mortal and neither is he a Shinma. He's the result of a youkai and a mortal, so how can a vampire take him? It isn't logical.
But Botan's return is hardly logical.
"I don't know... I really don't know... " She sinks to her knees and begins weeping.
I gaze helplessly at Yuusuke. The glazed look enters his once bright, expressive eyes, indicating that he's lost to us already.
I give myself a sardonic smile. He was lost to us when the vampire first took his blood. Now he's trapped in his own world forever.
How ironic. Just when Botan has returned to us, he has to choose the alternate path, bringing us no closer than where we last left. Only further, stretching on for eternity.
He lies trapped in his own world with 'Botan'. But Botan's here, back with us.
Yuusuke, how stupid can you get?
Do you have any idea how much you have hurt Botan by pulling that stunt?
Will you just look at yourself?
I lift Yuusuke in my arms. He is unresisting, a permanent smile carved on his lips. As much as I hate to admit, he looks happier than he had last been. So serene, blissful, as though he has found peace.
I glance at Botan. She sniffles one last time, before a mask of composure settles over her face.
"Kurama, let's go.
"Let's return to Reikai."
A light giggle echoes in the air, but I cannot sense any youki. But somehow, I know who... what is laughing.
Kyuuketsuki. A vampire. The Shinma who took Yuusuke away.
Botan remains strangely unaffected. Perhaps she hasn't heard it.
But as she closes her eyes, a tear slides down her cheek, I begin to have second thoughts.
Perhaps she knows, maybe even more, than I do.
Has she always been so full of mysteries?
----------< YUME 1.2 : KYUUKETSUHIME MIYU >
Another one has been taken. His sorrow and pain is gone.
But he will never regain his senses, unless I allow it.
Larva, what do you think? Am I being cruel to him? After all, he's not a mortal.
No, not totally mortal. He has youkai blood in him. The blood is sweet, far sweeter than a mortal's.
Is it because of the power within him? The reiki and youki merging in one soul?
But his soul belongs to me now. No one shall take him away.
Just like no one shall ever take you away from me, Larva.
Is there any difference between a Shinma and a youkai?
They both hold powers beyond that of mortal capabilities, ne?
But a youkai has its own world. A world it can come and go freely. Not even Reikai can stop them.
Most importantly, they hardly pose a threat to the mortals. They simply can't be bothered with 'those irritating ningen'.
Shinma. They are different. They cannot return to the Dark without a Guardian. They will not return to the Dark willingly. They are far more powerful than a youkai. An A-class youkai cannot be compared with a Shinma.
God-demon. Are they gods of evil then? Gods no longer worshipped and degenerated thus?
Youkai is youkai, and shinma is shinma. Forever my prey, until I return all of them to the Dark.
Isn't it all so fun, Larva?
Laughter. So sweet, so clear. Like crystal. But this laughter, it's the laughter of a vampire. It's my laughter. It has no joy, no pain. Completely empty. It has nothing, no emotion except for sorrow.
The sorrow I take from others in exchange for their blood.
What is sorrow, Larva?
Losing my mother is a sorrow. Watching mortals suffer is a sorrow.
Why did I take that toushin's blood?
He says that he wants peace. I offered him peace.
To be in his own world, live in his own fantasies.
I took on his sorrow.
Botan. The cause of his pain, his search for peace.
She is strange. A Reikai Guide, but something else, something darker about her stirs my interest. The way she summoned the peonies. Those bright red blossoms. The colour of blood.
Who is she? She has power within her.
Not the ordinary reiki or youki. Something rarer. Like the power of Shinma, but suppressed. Like a flooded dam ready to burst.
I wonder how long she can hold on until the power erupts.
Powers like that can't remain dormant for too long, ne?
Let's keep an eye on her, shall we?
----------< SECOND PROSE >
PEACE
You wanted PEACE, didn't you?
Well, here it is. I'm offering it to you.
Will you take it?
Take it and be free?
Existing only in your own world
Where sorrow and pain will never touch you.
Never again.
Will you accept my kiss?
The last kiss you will experience...
It's PEACE, isn't it?
It's your wish, isn't it?
Will you take it?
Take it and lose yourself?
----------< YUME 2.0 : KOENMA >
Paperwork. More and more paperwork.
I really hate them. Hate-them-hate-them-hate-them.
They take up so much of my time. I don't even have time to sleep anymore.
I've been going like this since *she* died. I want to stop all this: the mental torture, the guilt, and the knowledge that I might have been the cause of *her* death.
But I can't. If I stop working, just for a while, everything comes flooding back to me. Losing *her*, the break-up of the Urameshi Team, after so many years... everything is gone. All that's left are just shreds and nothing more. The spirit that once bound all of us together is gone, along with *her*.
I'm so tired. I really want to rest, maybe even die.
But I'm dead already. I'm the God of Death, or at least, His son and heir.
Why do I still feel? Why do I still experience this pain that gnaws at my heart everyday? I want it gone. Out of my life.
I hear a frantic pounding at the door. I break out of my trance and look up. Before I can answer, the door opens and reveals a panicked George.
He bursts into the room, his eyes shining.
"Koenma-sama! You have visitors."
So? It's probably the Higher Powers demanding a full report about *her* death. Typical of them to realise that she's missing now. It's about time; a year has passed since that day.
That accursed day.
I shake my head and block out that memory. It's been so long.
"Who is it?" I said irritably. I guess I needed sleep more that I realise.
"Kurama, Yuusuke and... " he trails off, voice choked with emotion. I wait for him to continue, absently noticing the glimmer of tears in his eyes. No wonder they're shining in the light.
"Well?" I prompt, staring at him.
He sniffles and gulps a deep breath. "I think you'd better see for yourself."
I frown unhappily. He's being too secretive for my liking. And why is he crying?
I sigh. He isn't going to tell me, that's for sure. He wouldn't keep me in suspense for so long just to lose everything now. I'll just have to figure it out myself.
"Where are they?" I ask, though I knew where to expect them.
A huge grin breaks across George's face as he blinks. The glimmer in his eyes remains. He bows, more in jest than out of respect for me. I don't expect otherwise. He's been looking after me since I was a child. But ever since *she* left, he hardly showed any of his old humour. The rest of Reikai just picked up the pieces and went on with business as usual, but without the cheer that existed when *she* was with us.
"With your permission, milord."
I nod curtly. He whirls around and leaves, presumably to lead the guests. But Kurama and Yuusuke would know where to go by now. It isn't as though it's the first time they've been here. Before *she* died, they used to step down into the office. Not often, but enough for them to know exactly where to go.
Kurama and Yuusuke... they're the only members of the ex-Urameshi Team left in Japan. I guess just about everything fell apart when she |died|. The last straw was her request, that Yuusuke should give her the gift of death. I haven't forgiven her for that, for leaving us.
But sometimes, I can't help wondering whether it's my fault. If I hadn't handed *her* that Orb, the parasite wouldn't have awakened inside *her*. And if it hadn't awakened, *she* would still be alive. The Urameshi Team wouldn't have broken up then.
All for self-preservation... *she* sacrificed so much for Reikai. And all I did was to blame her.
Damn it all!
I shove the papers off my desk. Not that they're completed; I haven't read through two-thirds of them, but it's useless to do so. Resting my head on the desk, I inhale the fragrant wooden scent thoughtfully.
A knock on the door. I tilt my head slightly and see Kurama with Yuusuke. I gesture for them to enter. Kurama obliges, nodding his head in acknowledgement and literally drags the raven-haired student-delinquent into the office.
Yuusuke looks weird; he's grinning widely, something I haven't seen for sometime, ever since *she*... But his smile is funny. Dreamy, almost empty. As though he's living in his own world. Has he gone mad?
Maybe I shouldn't have left him alone in Genkai's temple. I should have paid more attention to him.
His brown eyes strike me most. Once warm and expressive, you could read his thoughts just by gazing into his eyes. They *were* the windows to his soul. But now, they have lost their brilliance. Unseeing eyes stare straight at me, chilling me to my bones.
What happened? What's wrong with him?
Kurama coolly gazes at me with jaded eyes.
"Koenma, we have a problem," he announces in a clean, precise tone.
I notice a third shadow behind them, hidden in the dark. I squint my eyes trying to get a better look, at the same time, noting the familiarity of it.
It -- she -- steps into the light. I stare, eyes widening at the sight of *her*, well and alive standing before me.
She smiles weakly, but her eyes are puffy, as though she has been crying.
"I'm back, Koenma-sama."
I feel light-headed suddenly. The world is spinning as I roll back my eyes.
I hear my face connect the desk with a loud thud. I can feel the pain. I wonder if I broke anything.
I can smell the metallic scent of blood mixing with the scent of wood. It is a peculiar combination. Musty and metallic at the same time.
I think I'm going to throw up.
"Koenma-sama ~!"
Rest. I must have rest. I'm imagining things. This is just a hallucination. Come on, sleep. You definitely need it.
"Koenma-sama ~!"
----------< YUME 2.1 : KOENMA >
I just had a strange dream. I dreamt about *her*.
In the dream, she had returned to Reikai with Kurama and Yuusuke. Her eyes were red, swollen as though she had been crying.
Why? Why is she crying? Why did I dream of her return?
I guess my mind is working overtime. Because of all the stress I'm under. That's why I dreamt of her.
But it didn't feel like a dream. It lacked the foggy quality that's always in dreams.
It still hurts, to think of her. But I have never stopped thinking of her.
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. George hovers over me, watching me with anxious eyes. I sit up and look around the room. My bedroom.
The light almost blinds me. I ignore it and sweep the room with a glance, searching for a sign of *her*. I sigh, but whether in relief or disappointment, I don't know. But I think I'm disappointed. That can account for the heaviness in my heart.
I almost believed that *she's* back with us. What a dream. I just wish it didn't hurt *this* much.
"Koenma-sama," George whispers. I hear the worry and sadness in his voice. I brace myself to look cheerful, and gaze up at him.
"I'm okay, George. Just tired, I guess."
He gives me a concerned look. "You shouldn't overwork yourself, Koenma-sama. You'll only strain your health."
I smile painfully. Overworking myself is the only way to block out the pain.
He offers me a glass of water.
"Arigato," I murmur. But I don't drink immediately. Instead, I stare at the glass, wondering when this pain will stop.
His voice cuts through my thoughts. "You miss her, don't you? I do too.
"But putting your health at risk would have hurt her only."
I have the sudden impulse to tell him of my dream.
"George, I just dreamt of her. I dreamt that she's back with us."
*Her* voice travels from the corner of the room.
"But I *am* back, Koenma-sama."
I whirl around and see her familiar figure standing at the doorway.
"Botan?!"
She smiles, and closes her eyes. Tears streak her face.
"Hai, Koenma-sama. Tadaima."
I blink back the tears threatening to form. Slowly, I rise to my feet, with the help of the George, and extend my arms towards her.
"Okaeri nasai, Botan."
----------< THIRD PROSE >
Return him to me.
Please, I beg of you.
Release him from your illusions.
Return him to the world of the living.
Let him be mine once more.
Release him from your world.
Break him out of his sweet reverie.
Let him see and hear the truth.
Let him know that I'm here.
That I'll love him forever.
Don't trap him in dreams.
Return him to reality.
Return him to me.
----------< YUME 3.0 : BOTAN > >
Yuusuke. My friend.
My closest friend.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I couldn't help you. I couldn't stop her from taking your blood. Taking your soul, your mortality. I couldn't reach you in time... couldn't pull you away from her hypnotic powers.
Gomen nasai.
I take your hand in mine. Your hand... it's warm, the warmth of a ningen. I remember the first time we met. I had to drag you all the way back to the Reikai after you regained your memory. The memory of your death. I remember thinking how warm your hand was, that you couldn't possibly be all bad. You are, after all, a ningen. Ningen are always capable of good. You proved that irrefutable fact repeatedly, with your courage.
With your virtue.
I rest my cheek against your palm. It still feels the same, warm and soothing. The calluses are medals of your various battles, the battles I watched you enter. You are still that brash ningen whom I met not so long ago. No matter what, you're the ningen whom I love.
Love. That's what everything is all about, isn't it? I love you. I know I do, but not in the same way as Keiko does. She loves you as her childhood friend, as her boyfriend. As her fiancé. She loves you to give up everything.
But you're my friend. My very best friend. No one can ever replace you. You're always there for me, whenever I needed you most. Even when I asked you to kill me, the hardest thing I ever asked of you.
Yuusuke, come back.
Come back to the world of the living.
Don't live in the illusions.
Open your eyes and see me.
Onegai...
A warm hand rests on my shoulder. I look up and see Kurama wrapping my shoulders with a blanket. He smiles that rare, sweet smile of his. Trying to comfort me, I guess. I've been weeping non-stop since the Kyuuketsuki took Yuusuke. I hate myself for this weakness, but I've never felt more helpless. In the past, Yuusuke always found a way out. Always he had escaped out of situations like this unscathed.
I should have more confidence in him, but somehow, the situation seems so hopeless to me. There is no spark of hope inside me, no matter how much I want him to awaken. Awaken from all the illusions the Kyuuketsuki trapped him in.
"Botan, you should get some rest. You have a lot to do tomorrow. Koenma-sama will have questions to ask you," says Kurama, as calm as ever. But then, he's always been the levelheaded one in the Urameshi Team, compared to Yuusuke and Kuwa-kun. Hiei was another case. I have never been able to fathom him and his strange moods at all.
I turn my head away and study Yuusuke. For some kind of change, I guess. Hopeless, maybe, but it's still worth a shot.
Yuusuke's brown eyes stare straight ahead vacantly. Wide open but unseeing. His blissful smile does not touch his eyes, as it once would. His face is dreamy, seeing not reality but his dream world.
"Yuusuke... " I whisper, hoping that somewhere in his dream, he can hear my voice, "wake up. Come back to us... "
His dreamy smile remains unwavering.
"But I'm happy here. There is no sorrow, no pain.
"I'm with Botan, Keiko, Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara, Koenma... everyone."
"But I'm here." I stare at him, my eyes blurry.
He nods his head, as if answering to an unvoiced question, and resumes his daydreaming.
Shakily, I rise to my feet and whirl around mechanically. Kurama holds me tightly as I erupt into sobs again. He does not let go until I regain some semblance of composure, and even then, his arms still wrap around me, murmuring comforting noises in my ear.
"It's all my fault! I caused this!" I wail. The blanket rustles as Kurama lets go of me, pulling the thick covers to my shoulders. Absently, I rub against it, feeling the fibres scratch against my raw cheek.
"No, it's not. Yuusuke chose this path by himself. He chose peace," whispers Kurama.
"Everything's my fault. If I hadn't... if I hadn't... " I cannot bring myself to continue. I hug myself and rock back and forth as tears roll down my cheeks. It stings but I welcome it. It's the only way I'm ever certain that I'm still living in reality, not trapped in animated suspension.
I shiver. The very thought makes my blood freeze in my veins.
"Stop that," he reprimands in his soft voice, "you can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong with this world."
I shake my head mutely. He doesn't understand. If I hadn't asked Yuusuke to... take my life, he wouldn't have willed himself to this state...
I'm so sorry, Yuusuke. I'm really, really sorry. It's all my fault, all mine...
Forgive me, Yuusuke, forgive me...
If I hadn't been so stubborn...
"You need rest," Kurama states decisively. "Come on, off you go.
"I'll guard Yuusuke tonight."
He gently pats my shoulder. I stifle the last of my tears and straighten my shoulders, tossing back sky-blue hair from my eyes.
I take in a deep breath to calm my nerves and smile. I have to put on a brave front, if not for myself, then for Yuusuke. I need to remain calm if I am to help him. I owe him this much.
"Hai. Oyasumi nasai, Kurama."
A smile spreads across his face. He's offering me one of those rare, gentle smiles of his to me.
"Oyasumi nasai, Botan."
----------< YUME 3.1 : KYUUKETSUHIME MIYU >
Sorrow. Pain. Loneliness.
They are my only friends other than you, Larva.
As a Vampire Princess, a Guardian, are friends important to me?
They betray you, they hurt you and you have to watch them die because of their mortality.
Immortality. I can grant immortality to those who wish for this gift.
Why would they want this gift, Larva? Immortality is part of loneliness. It takes away your laughter, your joy. It takes away the life within you.
Because you are immortal.
But they have illusions to comfort them, don't they? They're living in their own world. The world I give them. The peace I give them.
But by accepting this gift, they lose their mortality. They lose everything because they are no longer human. Yet to them, it's peace. The joy of being back with their beloved.
Are mortals silly then? To wish for something like that?
Let's go, Larva.
We have another Shinma to hunt.
----------< FOURTH PROSE >
Sleep my child.
Close your eyes and slip into the darkness.
Wander into dreams,
In your own fantasy.
Forget sorrow
Abandon pain
Embrace the dream
Find joy, freedom and peace.
Rest your soul
And never again awaken
To the world of the living.
----------< YUME 4.0 : KUWABARA KAZUMMA >
Has it been a year already? Has a year passed since she died?
I stare at the hulking Tokyo Tower, in the shadow of the structure that took away Botan from my life. Magnificent, towering and dark. Overshadowing life, just like the way it overshadowed hers.
This is where Botan's body rests in peace, wherever it is.
That was a year ago.
No... it's more than a year ago. I will never forget that day. The day when Urameshi told us that Botan's dead.
He *killed* her.
Because it was her last request. Her death wish.
And because of that wish, my entire world, the world that I believed was perfect, fell apart. Shattering before my eyes, blinding me with emotions of sorrow, grief, and pain.
But among these emotions, hatred dominated.
I hated Urameshi then. I hated Koenma, Hiei, everyone whom I had known during my time as a member of the Urameshi Team.
I hated them for taking her away. For taking away Botan.
Beautiful, sweet, gentle Botan.
How could they do this to you?
How could they rob you of your life with a snap of a finger?
Why did you have to die?
You are my friend. You will always be my friend, wherever you are. Wherever they might have taken you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't stop Urameshi.
He must've been insane.
I don't understand how he could find the strength to fire the Rei-gun at you. I don't understand many things; why you had to die, why Urameshi had to kill you, why I hate them so much.
After all, it's been a year already, ne? A year has passed, and I still haven't found the peace I want.
I guess I'm alone in this. I'll have to find the answers myself.
At worst, I will force myself to forget that Reikai ever existed.
But I'll never forget you. I remember my promise and I will keep it.
I will always remember you.
I will take good care of myself. Even in the worst of times, I'll find a way to pull through. I will never let you down.
But will I ever get over this? Get over the fact that you're gone?
It seems like you've been with us forever. It's hard to swallow that you're truly gone. Completely out of my life.
"Kazuma." I feel my sister's presence beside me. My sister's shielding has weakened or my powers have grown stronger, I note distantly. I knew exactly where she was before she even spoke.
Pulling away my gaze from the tower to look at her, I ask, "What?"
"You're late. Two days late."
I avoid looking at her. "So?"
"I want to know why."
"It's none of your business."
She pauses, standing beside me and looking up at the tower. I wonder if she sees the magnificence of it. The blinding magnificence that seem to hold Botan's spirit.
"It's them, isn't it? You still can't forgive them."
My nails dig into the flesh of my palm, but I remain silent. Let her assume for all she's worth. There isn't much she can do about it.
"They didn't do it willingly, Kazuma," says Shizuru without glancing at me, rapt with the tower that looms over us.
"It hardly matters anymore. I have nothing to do with them.
"Absolutely nothing... " I whisper, more to myself than to anyone else.
"It's not right, Kazuma. You're hating them for something that isn't their fault. And it's been a year. Surely you can forgive them!"
I growl under my breath. "Never."
Shizuru combs back her brown tresses and sets her penetrating eyes at me.
"Never is a strong word, Ototo. It means never forgiving them, you know."
I scowl darkly.
"I know what it means. I'm not dumb."
"But you're acting like a blockhead.
"Grow up, Kazuma. Hating them isn't going to bring Botan back to life. She won't rest in peace if you keep this up. Hell, *you* won't rest in peace. This hatred will eat you up whole without leaving anything behind," yells my sister, losing her temper. Brown eyes gaze at me steadily, lightnings of anger and rage flashing across the irises.
An acrid smile slowly forms on my lips, but I keep my peace.
"How can hatred eat me whole? It's not a youkai," I reply evenly.
She shakes her head helplessly.
"You're chasing away everyone close to you. Even Yukina has returned to the Glacial Lands. You know, the koorime whom you once loved? The one whom you were ready to sacrifice everything for?" she adds sarcastically.
"Hatred is the worst form of youkai. It takes away *everything*.
"Snap out of this, Kazuma. It's not worth ruining your life."
I step away from her and approach the structure, a bouquet of pink and white peonies in my hands.
Bending down, I gently place it at the foot of the structure and look up again.
Botan, this is my gift to you. Do you like them?
I chose them myself.
They remind me of you.
Your eyes and your last words.
I'm living on, just like you asked. Just that I'm never going to bother about Reikai and its problems ever again.
I am just a normal human, a University student receiving higher education overseas.
I am Kuwabara Kazuma, a young man who has psychic powers.
I have nothing to do with Reikai.
I don't know what Reikai is.
I have lost a very dear friend.
"My life is ruined anyway. Ruining it some more wouldn't make much of difference."
I can feel her eyes boring into my back but I ignore her, concentrating only at the tower, gleaming and tall.
Her voice is fainter than a whisper.
"You've changed, Kazuma. You've changed too much."
Doesn't everyone, Oneesan?
----------< YUME 4.1 : KOENMA >
Sumimasen, Botan.
I'm so sorry that I lied to you. I should have known that Yuusuke would not have been able to kill you. I should have told you about your heritage.
But I withheld information from you. I've been lying to you, ever since you became a Reikai Guide.
I want to tell you the truth, but I dare not. I fear that you might hate me forever and I cannot risk that.
I cannot risk that now that you're safe and back with us.
Forgive me with your heart, Botan. It's not my choice.
I no longer have a choice. Everything that was mine -- my freedom, my life, everything -- has been taken away, ever since I became the ruler of Reikai.
Now, I serve not myself, but the Higher Powers. Everything I did was wrong, but it's a fact I cannot change.
I'm so sorry.
"Koenma-sama, you summoned us?" Her voice travels from the doorway. So sweet, so gentle.
I arrange my face into my usual scowl and look up. It's easier to maintain the cross expression than a friendly one, even if a friendly expression puts most people at ease. But a scowl is so much better; it's like I have nothing to hide.
What a joke. I've so much to hide, so many secrets to keep.
See, I've perfected my scowl to the extent that even Kurama can't see the difference.
Her eyes are bright. Not with tears, but with cheer. Sombre enough, but still cheerful. She hasn't changed at all.
Me? I've changed too much to be the Koenma-sama she once knew.
I nod my head and gesture for them to enter. She steps in daintily, followed by Kurama.
"Take a seat."
Kurama shakes his head, then pulls up a chair for her. She gazes up at him, eyes wide with surprise before softening to a beam, accepting his offer.
"Arigato."
A warm smile touches his lips, but only for a brief moment before disappearing. Jaded green-eyes turn to me, colder than ice, harder than rock.
I stare at them, mesmerised.
"Koenma-sama, is there anything in particular you want to ask?" Kurama's soft voice jolts me back to reality.
His vivid green eyes lock with mine. I shift uncomfortably at his calculating stare. I guess he's never forgiven me for not telling him about Botan's condition. But I didn't know about his feelings for her then.
He hadn't realise it either. By the time he acknowledged it, it was too late.
Almost. She's back with us now. I hope he treasures this chance.
"Botan, where have you been all this time? After Yuusuke blasted you, we couldn't find your body at all. We thought that your soul had dissipated," I tell her.
She makes a face. "I don't really remember. Just bits and pieces of it here and there. After Yuusuke... " She stumbles over his name, throat clogged with emotion.
I nod my head. Even till now, I still feel a sense of detachment, that Yuusuke's still well, unmolested by the vampire.
But the memory of the hollowness in his eyes still sets me shivering, no matter how warm the temperature is.
She swallows hard. I do not move; neither do I speak, until she regains her composure and continues.
"After Yuusuke threw the blast at me, I had the feeling that I was fading. The Shiko-me," she presses her hand over her chest, where the heart is, in a subconscious gesture, almost as though it pains her to recall, "either died or fled from my body, I'm not entirely sure. I just remember her screaming." She shrugs.
"After that, I was caught in a limbo, on the borders of existence and non-existence. It was dark most of the time. Either that or I was asleep. When I was awake, I would occasionally catch glimpses of... Yuu... Yuusuke... in Genkai's temple and then, I would fade away again.
"I remember being asleep when the Kyuuketsuhime came. All the while, an insistent voice was urging to get up and hurry. The next thing I knew was seeing the Kyuuketsuhime taking his blood. Panic took control. I tried my best to stop him, but he didn't hear me.
"The next thing I knew, I had broken free of the darkness." She pauses and lowers her eyes. "But it was too late... she had him."
We sit in respectful silence, as if in mourning. She rubs her eyes, ruthlessly brushing away the tears.
Kurama leans over and murmurs something in her ear. She sobers and gazes at me with grave pink eyes.
"Koenma-sama, is there anyway we can break Yuusuke out of it?"
I started.
"Not possible," I admit, "such cases are rare, and when they do occur, they almost ever break out of it."
Kurama leans forward, his scarlet hair swirling all around him.
"Almost? Would you please elaborate on that?"
Damn. He's quick.
Reluctantly, I reply, "When the illusions are shattered, the casualty always dies in the end."
Botan gasps in shock.
"Isn't there any other way?" She leaps to her feet. Kurama restrains her by her arm, blinking deliberately and shaking his head.
Muffling a scream of frustration, she falls back to her seat limply, the wild look in her eyes suppressed.
Silence descends upon us once more, and suddenly, I'm even more aware of the hopelessness of the situation.
Damn it, Yuusuke. You had to get yourself into trouble again, didn't you?
"Yuusuke's immortal now, which means that he can't die through ordinary means. Furthermore, we're talking about a vampire. Yuusuke's trapped in her illusions because he wants to.
"What we need to do right now is to gather the rest of the Urameshi Team. We'll find a way, somehow." I muster a smile of confidence and wonder whether I'm fooling them.
"I'll inform Hiei," Kurama offers, slowly standing up. He dusts himself carefully, then turns to Botan. "Coming along? Or would you like to inform Kuwa-kun?"
"I'll inform him."
I nod.
"Good luck to both of you then. Now, shoo. I've got work to do."
A fleeting smile dances across their lips as they shuffle out of the office. I stare after them thoughtfully.
The Urameshi Team... they'll be back again...
All of them. Even Botan.
They'll find a way out of this... they always do. Yuusuke has died countless times, but he has always returned from the dead stronger than. This will not be an exception. He will return to us, and return to his usual loud self.
... wouldn't he?
----------< AUTHOR'S NOTES >
Jenni commented that Kuwa-kun sounded very much more intellectual than he usually is, but then, I reasoned that so would anyone if they had to face as much grief as he did. I mean, in the face of grief, how can anyone remain clueless and innocent? Hmm... I shall really have to reconsider my interpretation of Kuwa-kun...
----------< FIFTH PROSE >
If this is a dream
Then let me go on dreaming
Until the sands of time
Run out.
If this is a dream
Then I hope that
It will never end
Spinning forever
So that I can be with you
Eternally.
----------< YUME 5.0 : KOENMA >
Why am I doing this?
Why am I sitting in this room alone with you?
I guess I'm being stupid. I know that I can't wake you up... no one can, not even Botan. Our only hope is that you see through the illusions and come back to the real world. Here, with everyone. With Botan.
Don't stare at me with that pair of blank eyes. Where's the warmth, the life that used to be in them? Do you know how painful it is just to look at you now? Botan's just returned, revived from the dead. You didn't kill her, so please, stop tormenting yourself. It's not worth it. It just hurts everyone close to you. Have you forgotten about your engagement to Keiko?
"Botan... I'm happy here... Botan's with me... forever," you whisper, as though you hear my thoughts. Perhaps at some subconscious level, you can. Your voice is neither happy nor sad... just dead, without feeling. You have finally lost your sorrow, but at what cost?
At the cost of your life. Your emotions. Your sense of reality.
I turn away, and stare at the walls. Like your eyes, they are opaque, completely beyond my grasp.
Yuusuke... this is stupid. I know you will break out of this illusion. It's only a matter of time before you realise that it is just a dream. The real world is so much more wondrous, more complete. Especially when Botan is part of it.
All this... for Botan. We've all lost a part of ourselves when she died. You lost your will to live, to face the world, hiding in the temple so that you won't have to face the world. Kurama lost his love, a love he had never acknowledged until it was almost too late.
He has the chance now, and so do you.
So please, don't make us go through another cycle of pain. Don't make me feel grief and sorrow once more. I've had enough of it already. I've lost some of the most important things in my life. My freedom, my life... they're no longer mine. All that I have are memories, Kurama, Hiei, Kuwabara, Botan, George... and you.
I want to keep the memories pure. I want them to always be mine alone. Everything else can fall apart, but not you, not any of the Urameshi Team, not my memories. I will do anything to salvage them...
Anything...
Your eyes flicker. I almost leap out of my seat, trying to capture that brief moment. Hope surges within me; I can almost believe that that you've heard my thoughts, and slowly, you're awakening. Hope is a wonderful thing; but it's also a curse, a letdown, when I realise that your eyes are not really flickering. It's just the light reflection.
I almost laugh at my own stupidity. I should have known better than to expect a miracle. Miracles don't occur when the Lord of Reikai is around. The Higher Powers make sure of that for me.
I guess I'm being bitter, but there are just too many things beyond me. Knowing what is about to occur, yet unable to prevent it. Knowing the truth about Botan's heritage, but unable to confess. This is my life, my job, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Helpless. Powerless. They are the two words that aptly describes our situation.
... .I've to return to the office now, Yuusuke.
Oyasumi nasai, and sweet dreams.
----------< YUME 5.1 : BOTAN > >
Where could he be? I've searched everywhere for him.
If only he didn't dissolve whatever ties he had with the Reikai, and if Koenma-sama hadn't agreed to leave him alone, finding him would have been a piece of cake.
Where on Earth can he be? He can't possibly disappear from the face of the earth without rhyme or reason.
I guess everything is my fault. If I hadn't started the entire mess, the Urameshi Team would still be together, and Yuusuke would still be--
No, I have got to stop thinking about it. If I can't concentrate on this, then how am I going to find Kuwa-kun? How are we going to save Yuusuke then?
No. I must not be distracted. I *cannot* afford to be distracted. Not now.
Inconspicuously, I clasp my hands together, recalling the warmth of his hands. Even the Kyuuketsuki hadn't been able to take it away from him.
If only his senses were left intact...
I shake myself. It's too late for that. I have to find another way to save him.
I can't let him live in his own fantasies for eternity. How am I going to explain to Keiko what has happened to him? How am I going to relieve myself of this pressing guilt?
How can I abandon him, after all that he's done for me?
No, I can't give up.
Even if I'm no longer a Reikai Guide, even if I'm no longer the assistant of Reikai Tantei Urameshi Yuusuke, I'm still his friend.
I owe him this much.
The hair on the nape of my neck stand on their ends.
I back-pedal a few steps, startled by the sight of the Kyuuketsuki and her companion levitating before me. The vampire who took Yuusuke's blood.
There's nothing but silence as we watch each other warily. Her eyes glitter in amusement -- or is it blood lust? She seems so placate, so much like a child, that it seems near impossible that she is a vampire. One who takes the blood of mortals, and in return, gives them immortality and "peace".
Peace that is both false and everlasting.
"Who are you?"
She smiles, her amber eyes unchanging.
"Atashi wa Miyu."
Which means... her companion is... Larva.
I stiffen.
"You're Vampire Princess Miyu... the Guardian... "
Her smile is almost a smirk as she bows in acknowledgement.
Glaring warily at her, I demand, "Why are you here? Why did you take Yuusuke's blood?"
Calmly, without missing a beat or losing her composure, she replies, "You summoned me. Just like your friend. Both of you summoned me with your sorrow."
Sorrow... that's right, I remember Yuusuke being sorrowful... when I was trapped in the limbo, I remember sensing his grief. I tried to comfort him whenever I was awake, but most of the time, I didn't even know that I was alive. Or that I still existed.
"Release him. He doesn't deserve this."
"No one deserves anything. You realise that the world has never been fair." Her voice betrays nothing other than her amusement, most probably to annoy me.
I stare at her harshly, willing my determination to weaken her will.
"He's not just any mortal. He's a Reikai Tantei. You know that you are not supposed to touch him."
She shrugs nonchalantly. "Reikai Tantei or not, *he* summoned *me*. *He* accepted my gift. I gave him the peace he wanted. The bargain was struck and carried out." Her gaze hardens.
"Your interference was unnecessary."
Resting her feet lightly on the ground, she treads towards me.
"Now, tell me, who are you?"
I swallow hard and back away from her. Then steeling myself, I fire back, "Yuusuke's my friend. I want you to return him his soul."
She stops dead in her tracks. The expression in her eyes changes, before she lets loose a peal of laughter.
"Return him his soul? Now why would I want to do that?" She eyes me curiously, stepping back into the protective embrace of her companion. Her servant.
Then, almost as an afterthought, she leans forward suggestively. "Why don't you join him in his dreams? Then the two of you will be together forever."
"What the hell are you talking about?!" I flare.
"It was just a suggestion." Her expression is serious. "But I am not releasing his soul.
"He's mine."
As if to emphasise her words, she approaches me in a threatening manner. I refuse to back down.
"He's not yours! Yuusuke belongs to no one but himself."
Her expression becomes thoughtful. "He gave himself to me. That makes him mine!"
Unable to come up with a better response, I swear, "Damn you."
Her smile is chilly. "I am damned already."
She leans back into Larva's embrace before fading. I catch a glimpse of their world, and wonder how she survives in the bleak darkness. Nothing short of an immortal could live in a world where life barely exists. Not even Reikai can endure that.
But even then, I cannot stop myself from letting loose a scream of frustration.
----------< SIXTH PROSE >
I've found you at last.
Don't leave me without a word of goodbye.
Promise me that you will stay by my side.
Promise me that you will never leave me.
If you must then take me with you
Where we can be together always.
Take me with you where 'happiness' is.
----------< YUME 6.0 : KUWABARA KAZUMMA >
Darkness.
Once there was light, then there was night.
When there's light, there's always a shadow cast on the ground. No matter how bright the light is, the darkness will always be behind.
There's always a spot of shadow somewhere for the darkness to hide. And when the time comes, darkness and shadows will overwhelm light, over-casting in a world where light can never exist.
How ironic. Light will never survive if not for darkness; but darkness will always survive by its own, with or without light.
Darkness will win. They always win.
There was once a time when I thought that light will win. Then and forever. Shadows were always kept at bay.
All because there was light.
But I was wrong.
Shadows skirt at the bay not because they fear light.
And I never knew how wrong I was until Botan left.
I never knew that darkness was so welcoming. Drowning out the pain, numbing me of all emotions.
I became invincible, because I felt nothing.
I became immortal, because I ceased to relish life. What I once lived for with vigour, faded when she left.
But I lived. Because of her last words.
Her memory is what that pushes me forward. Living day after day, watching the world complete her cycle.
But whom am I living for? For Botan? Or myself?
It's late. I don't need a watch to tell me that it's past midnight. I should be at home, sleeping in my warm bed, dreaming nothing. Not even of Yukina-san.
I loved her before, and I still do. But I no longer find a need to express my feelings. If Botan, a Spirit Guide, a spirit herself, can still die, then what am I? What's the worth of living when at the end, I see nothing but a blank? My records cleared, leaving nothing of my past.
Just a blank sheet of canvas, waiting to be painted on with not colours, but life.
Painted by DESTINY.
Tokyo Tower. Beautiful, magnificent Tokyo Tower. At night, you look so different. Cold, devoid of life, like the lifeless building you're supposed to be.
The air is icy. My breath comes out in steams, but strangely, I feel less than inclined to warm myself. Maybe it's because my heart's as cold as ice, so cold that I hardly feel anything.
I smile. Maybe that's what life's all about.
I begin walking away from the tower.
I choose no direction, following paths only by pure instinct. I don't know where I'm going, or where I'm headed. I don't particularly care either. With my current abilities, nothing short of a youkai can take me down. This cold is nothing, compared to the lead in my heart.
Cold, heavy and dead.
I enter an alley, noting how quiet it is. The air is still, undisturbed. But why do I sense otherwise?
My neck prickles, sensing energy that is neither youki nor reiki.
What sort of energy is that? Where is it coming from?
I hear a voice, feminine but decidedly cold.
"For all the crimes you've committed, pray, tell me, what am I to do with you?" There is a teasing lilt to the voice, but I doubt she's joking.
Someone -- thing -- screams, an ear-piercing shriek that resonates through the alley, seemingly amplified by the closed walls. I'm mildly surprised that the entire city didn't awaken at the noise; it's loud enough to rouse the dead.
I turn in the general direction of the voices, and find myself in the presence of three peculiar people.
They aren't people, not in the normal sense. A young girl, hair braided and twisted into a neat bun, held together by a red ribbon, stands afloat in her white yukata, a red sash tied around her waist. On her ankle is a red ribbon, like some symbol of her authority. Whoever she is. Beside her is a cloaked masculine figure. Slim, like Kurama. His face is hidden behind a metallic mask. I wonder if he had been disfigured; why else would anyone, in the right frame of mind, take cover behind a mask?
My curiosity fades when he raises his eyes to look at me.
Those eyes... Scarlet eyes of someone whom I once knew... he was a jerk who seemed to hate me a lot. We never got along well, spending nearly the entire time trying to outdo each other. He hated my arrogance; I hated his haughtiness. There were other points about each other we didn't like but we were friends. Sort of.
I wonder if he knew the concept of friends in the first place.
The girl ignores my presence, despite the fact that I'm standing right in front of her. Her eyes flit over me unnoticeably for a second, before averting to her target.
I hold my breath. A youkai. Or at least, something that resembles one.
It certainly lacks the youki marking a youkai. But it has power. I can feel it. More power than the most dangerous youkai I had ever come across.
Flames erupt from the girl's fingertips. She stares coldly at the youkai.
"Shinma, return to the Dark!"
No, not youkai, but a god-demon.
A portal opens, drawing the screaming Shinma into it like a black hole sucking in light. I stare blankly at the scene, half of me aware that I'm witnessing something extraordinary, the other half, uncaring of the consequences.
The girl turns to me, a faint smile playing on her lips.
"Who are you?" I ask her.
"Miyu." A slow smile spreads across her face.
"Shi... a child of the Shi clan," she murmurs under her breath.
What child of the Shi clan?
"Who are you then?" she asks suddenly.
I fumble a bit. "Kuwabara. Kuwabara Kazuma," I add as an afterthought.
Her eyes light up with amusement. She turns to her companion as he covers her with his cloak. To cover up for her exposure, I guess. She giggles, half clinging on him, half staring at me.
"We'll meet again, soon," she promises, before fading into darkness with him.
"Chotto matte! What do you mean by child of Shi? What is all this about?!" I yell after her, running to the spot they have just vacated.
"What Shinma?"
Her voice resounds in my head, seemingly amused. "You'll know, in time."
What the hell does she mean by that cryptic statement? I stare at the darkness, squinting to catch a glimpse of them, though I know that she's gone. Not forever, but still gone.
Somehow, I know that there's more to this brief meeting than meets the eye. But just because I know doesn't mean that I have to like it.
Miyu... who in the world are you?
----------< YUME 6.1 : KYUUKETSUHIME MIYU >
I met a child of the Shi clan today.
He reminds me of Yui, yet he does not resemble her in anyway.
He does not have her beauty or her innocence.
He does not have half the power she possesses.
No, he does not resemble my beautiful Yui at all.
Yui. My beautiful sister, my beautiful child. She has the blood of the Shi clan within her, as well as that of a Vampire Princess. Just like me.
My blood runs in her. She has my blood, the blood I gave her mother before Yui was born. The blood I gave her to awaken her vampire blood as well as her Shi blood.
He has yet to awaken. I wonder who shall awaken the Shi blood within him.
How will he awaken? Like Yuki-hime? Or like Yui, given the blood of another, one from the Kyuuketsuki clan? Or will his Shi side remain dormant like Yui's grandmother?
Botan.
I met her today as well.
She is not my child; my blood does not run in her. But she has vampire blood in her. I can see it. The blood is not of my clan but of another, a clan that derives their powers from the peony.
Like Yui's clan, deriving their powers from the sakura. So much like Shi, but Botan is not one of them.
Like me, she is a Guardian of the Eastern Shinma. Like me, she is a Kyuuketsuhime.
But she has never been awakened. The blood remains dormant inside her, awaiting another of the same clan, of the same ancestry to awaken her. To turn her into a Kyuuketsuhime. A guardian who shall return Shinma back to the Dark.
Why hasn't she awakened? Why did the Elders allow Reikai to claim her?
Her clan members succeeded in stopping her awakening. She is free from the curse, the curse of being a Guardian like me.
But for how long?
There will be a day when the Elders will want her to be awakened. Her nature, and the fact that she is a vampire princess, will be her downfall. The Elders will want her to become a Guardian, banishing Shinma back to the Darkness.
How long before her true nature awakens?
I wonder.
----------< SEVENTH PROSE >
When I open
my eyes I
want to see
you again.
I want to
see your smile
and hear your
laughter.
I want to
see the twinkling
in your brilliant
peony pink eyes.
Together in this
world without
pain or sorrow.
I want to
see all of that
-- when I open my eyes.
----------< YUME 7.0 : KOENMA >
He materialises in a blur of black, dressed in his usual black garb and the white scarf wrapped around his neck. He scowls at me unpleasantly, his scarlet eyes glowing.
"Where. Is. She?" he enunciates, in a sotto voice.
Mutely, I point at the wall. "In the next room, resting."
He nods abruptly, a mild look of relief passing across his face. Then, he graces me with one of his infamous withering looks.
"What's going on, Koenma?" He doesn't point out that Botan is supposed to be dead. He doesn't point out that she's been missing for a year. Neither does he point out that I've made a big mistake by informing him this late.
He doesn't have to. One look of his says all. I wish that a hole would just swallow me whole as long as I don't have to face him ever again.
Even after all these years, he never fails to intimidate me. Maybe it's because he holds the Kokuryuuha, which tends to get even more dangerous by the year. Maybe it's because I know that I'm in a precarious situation with him due to my slight. Maybe it's because we haven't spoke to each other ever since Botan left.
Now that she has returned, everything has changed.
"Botan's back, but Yuusuke's in trouble," I tell him, smoothing all my fears. I know that he understands, because he was part of this team. Once. But even then, it can never erase the unforgettable times they have spent together. They've been through thick and thin, and only through death could they ever part.
Which was precisely what happened. Botan died.
"What trouble." He asks the question in such a way that it's more of a statement.
"He's trapped in dreams, illusions, and there's no chance of breaking him out of it alive."
He glares at me. "Then why have you gathered all of us?"
"Not all. Yet. Kuwabara is not here and Kurama has gone out to look for him," I correct him before I can stop myself. Hiei grunts and looks away.
Then softly, he says, "Can I see her?"
I blink. I never thought that he was concerned about Botan in the first place. He certainly couldn't care less when she was alive. But that was before. Before he realised that she could *die*.
"Well?"
"H-hai. She's in the next room," I repeat like a fool. He ignores me and flits off, in search of Botan.
I don't blame him. In a similar situation, I would have done the same myself.
George's voice blares through the intercom, informing me that I have a visitor.
"I don't want to see anyone today. Cancel all my appointments," I tell him curtly.
He stumbles over his words. "But... but... Koenma-sama, the Elders are here."
The Elders?! What are they doing here? Don't tell me they want to claim Botan? No. I can't allow that to happen.
I won't allow it. She belongs to Reikai, not to them. They gave up their rights to her when they allowed her to die, when they failed to stop her mother from ending her life.
No. If Botan is to become one of them, she'll die from her choice. Because she will not allow anyone to end up in the same fate as Yuusuke. She will ask for her death. I can't let her choose death. Not again.
But what choice do I have? Destiny plays cruel jokes on all, even on the Lord of Reikai, the controller of life and death. No one is free from Destiny.
Destiny took her away from us earlier. Will she again, snatch Botan away from us? Along with Yuusuke and the others?
Face up to reality. Face up to them, even if it means only one thing. Even if it means that I'm going to lose her again. I hate them. I really, really hate them. Why can't they leave her alone? Why can't they leave us in peace? Let us be together forever. Is it such an impossible request?
But there never is a forever. Even when the World began, it was clear that there never is forever. There is no eternity.
Not for me. Not for them. Not for anyone.
Damn it.
My heart breaks in betrayal as I smooth out my voice. "Send them in then, George."
Damn it. I can't stop them. I wish I was stronger, more powerful. Then I would demand that they leave us in peace.
I roll out the creases on my tunic, and take in a deep breath. Compose myself, and await for eternity.
What a joke.
The office fades into a black void, the sky bloody, streaked with black lightning. The Elders' choosing, *again*.
"Koenma," booms the voice, resounding from all corners. Unseen and unknown.
"Your Excellencies," I greet, kneeling on the ground, my voice emotionless, insincere. God only knew how many Elders are present, when they hide themselves in the Darkness so often. I don't even know their names. But then, I've only met them once before, when Botan first entered Reikai. I always felt uncomfortable around them, a sort of sick, queasy feeling squeezing my stomach.
Only today then I realise that it's hate. And fear.
But what do I have to fear? I have no life; I'm just a puppet, hung on strings and controlled by other Powers. The Higher Powers. I have no rights; that was taken from me when I became the Lord of Reikai. I guess I understand how Oyaji felt when he sat on the throne.
There is no such thing as free will.
"It's time."
I look up, shocked that my worst fears are confirmed.
"No!" I yell involuntarily, "You can't do that! Botan has not awakened yet!"
"She will, soon. When Miyu touches her, she will be awakened to her duty," intone the voices of the elders, echoing in the endless gloom.
"I won't allow it! Botan is a subject of Reikai. She will always be a Reikai Guide!"
"It has been decided. It is her blood that allowed her to live even after Urameshi Yuusuke took her. Her nature will awaken, and she will take her place as a Guardian."
"But you let her die," I protest, "she no longer holds such powers."
"We were wrong. Her powers are strong enough to remain dormant even in death. She will be a Guardian. It is her destiny. It was on a whim that we allowed her blood to be placed under seal, allowing her to think that she is normal. She has forgotten about her heritage, her ancestry."
Why shouldn't she? They put a knife through her before anyone told her the truth. That she's a Kyuuketsuhime.
"We believed that her powers were weak, but we were wrong. She has escaped oblivion, continuing to exist in a limbo despite her near-fatal injuries. She can control the powers granted to her clan, the powers of the Peony. She must become a Guardian and return the Shinma to the Dark. She will accept our decision."
I moan softly, praying that this is just a nightmare. But it can never be.
"Please, don't do this to her," I plead, gazing up at the crimson sky. "She doesn't deserve this.
"She doesn't deserve to be cursed in this way."
"She is born as a Guardian. It is her destiny," the voices state firmly.
"She will die then. Botan would rather choose death than to become a Guardian," I whisper, a deadly calmness washing over me.
"Then she will be like Miyu, immortal. We will not allow her to die."
"She will find a way. Before anyone can awaken her, she will end her life. This time, she will not return to us."
The voices laugh in one accord, a harsh grating chuckle that sets my hackles rising. "You are wrong, Koenma, and you are young. You do not understand our ways. She will not escape her duty."
That's what you think, but Botan will find a way. I know she will, and I fear the result. I fear that I will lose her again.
I met her today. In Ningenkai, when I was searching for Kuwa-kun.
She asked me to join you in your dreams but I refused without a second thought. I guess I was being silly. Instead of asking for a solution, I cursed her instead.
But she's damned already. She admitted as much.
I'm sorry. I don't know how to save you. I can't even do the simplest jobs; I couldn't even find Kuwa-kun. Because I was weak. I was shaken by the encounter.
She terrifies me. There's something about her that scares me, but she draws me to her. Unnoticeable, but definite. I don't know why, but it scares me.
The door closes softly behind me. I sense the presence of another, but I remain kneeling by the bedside, clutching Yuusuke's hands in mine.
"Will he be all right?" asks a familiar voice, raising an even more familiar question. Everywhere I go, only one question is raised: will he be all right? Many a time I feel myself losing control. I want to yell at them that no, Yuusuke's not going to be all right, that he's going to be trapped in this mindless state FOREVER. And that it's all my fault. I caused it.
Miyu was right. She was simply carrying out his wish.
I force myself to calm down, suppressing the rage I harbour within myself. This rage is nothing I can't handle. I won't keep it forever, just until the opportunity presents itself, when I can finally unleash it. Not only for myself, but for Yuusuke as well.
God, my throat is parched. Dehydrated, I guess.
Water. I need water, but somehow, I have a feeling that it won't do much to quench my thirst.
"Botan?"
"No, he won't be all right. Chances that he'll die is quite high," I say calmly, hardly recognising the voice. I no longer recognise the world around me; neither do I care to. But I desire. I desire something, but I'm not entirely sure what. Just something, and my need for it frightens me.
Silence.
"What did the idiot do to himself again?"
I wheel around sharply, covering my mouth in shock as Hiei stands before me, his expression set in a fierce scowl. My eyes widen.
"Hiei! When did you arrive?!" I can't help asking. Sooner or later, I'm going to pounce on him, even if he doesn't like it. He'll most probably use the Kokuryuuha on me, but I can't care less. He snorts rudely, carefully side-stepping my question. Nodding at Yuusuke, he asks, "How did he end up in this state?"
I hug myself bleakly. "A Kyuuketsuki took him. She trapped him in illusions."
"Break him out of it then," says Hiei bluntly. I laugh without humour.
"You'll have to kill him first. But he's immortal, so it's impossible."
He eyes Yuusuke critically. "Put a sword through his heart," he suggests.
"You'll kill him." I repeat dumbly.
"It's better than letting him remain in this state, isn't it?" Hiei fires back.
I shake my head, a numbness creeping over me slowly. "No, I won't allow it."
He snorts. "It's not your choice. Where's Kurama?"
"In Ningenkai, looking for Kuwa-kun."
"It's been over a year."
The numbness eases a little. "I heard that you've married Mukuro. Congrats. Have your twins been named yet?"
He shifts his foot uncomfortably. "Yes. The elder is named Sei, and the younger one Retsu."
"How's Yukina?"
"She's returned to the Glacial Lands."
"I always thought that she'll end up with Kuwa-kun in the end. They look like the perfect couple, almost like Yuusuke and Keiko. Inseparable until death." I chuckled humourlessly. "Guess it was just plain dreaming."
"She'll live."
I glance sideways at him, noting how welcoming his neck is to my eyes. I pause, forcing myself to look away; why am I having such morbid thoughts? It's hardly natural.
But nothing is natural. Not anymore. So much has changed, so little has remained the same. I don't know if I favour the change or not. I just know that I wish I could turn back time. But time moves in its own rhythm, its own beat. No one can change it, no matter how strong their will is.
Absolutely no one.
F I N I S
Copyright 1999 by Rowan Emrys.
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