Author's Note:How did they both feel following the events of Reqium..

For six long months you have been gone from my side. Our child continues to grow inside of me. But all of these moments that I spend without you are nothing to me. I keep on living and hoping you will come back to me.

So many I times I thought I saw you. But then I blinked and you were gone. So many times I needed your strong loving arms to embrace me along with all of my tears and pain. I have searched for you and I will continue to search, but my body grows tired and weak. I am not the strong person you once knew. That person has left so many months ago. Now before me is someone I don't know. Someone who is tired and has broken down.

For so many years I have relied on you to be my strength, my courage, my salvation. But now in the moments that I need you the most you are not here. I lie to myself and say your only away a short while,but then you will be back soon. But the lies have faded away just as you face does a little more each day.

I have looked at the stars so many times and I can see your smile, and somehow I know your up there and you are thinking about me just as much as I am thinking about you.

But what if you do return. Will you be the same person I know, or will you be someone else I don't know. Will you accept me as the way I am, or am I so different you could not love me because I am a stranger. Worse yet what if you never return and I am left to raise this child we created together alone. To face the unknown future all alone.

I told myself I would not cry. But I have given up on that, because I cry every single day you are not here safe by my side. I have given all I have to you, and know I am left alone vulnerable waiting for you. It will take only one small word and I could fall and never get back up. I am that weak and broken down inside.

Every moment, every hour, every day that passes makes you miss a little more out in my life, your life, and our child's life. Mulder I can feel so close, but yet so far away from me. I long for the moment you take me into your strong arms and hold me all night long. I feel like I am in the dark and I am stumbling with each step that I take. Even when I see the light, I can't reach. The light is the truth, and without you it is unreachable.

Everyday you are gone I go insane. I am screaming out inside. These terrible moments I scream, yell, and cry. I want to forget them, and the last six months. I want to forget that you are gone. I want to remember you face. I want to remember your kind words. But most of all I want to remember the courage you gave me to believe and be strong even in the moments of weakness.

And that will make all the difference for me. Even when I am weak and vulnerable I will not fall. I will turn to the courage you have given me and I will continue to believe that you will turn to me one day. I will continue to have hope. And that has made all the difference in my life of the moments you are not with me.