Michaela got off the train. She looked at the home she had come to love. But Colorado Springs didn't make her feel any better. The pain, anger, and hurt was all inside consuming her up. She couldn't stop the pain.
Sully helped Katie off the train. He looked over at his wife. He saw so much pain in her eyes. He had never seen her so sad. He knew how she felt. When he had lost his mother at only ten years old it was almost the end of his world. She had meant everything to him. He put his arm around his wife to show that he cared. Michaela gave him a weak smile. She didn't feel happy at all.
After the luggage was packed in the back of their wagon they set off for the homestead. Sully drove the wagon at slower pace then usual. Hoping that the beauty of nature would lift Michaela's spirits. Sully saw a single rose. It was beginning to tilt over and die. Sully stopped the wagon and picked it. He gave to Michaela.
Michaela looked at the rose. She felt just like it. Alone and dying a little more each time. She put the rose in her book. She couldn't bare to look at something so beautiful die. Soon the homestead came into view.
The beauty of the homestead that once took Michaela's breath away. Make her feel even more sad. She lived so far away from her mother. Maybe if she had lived closer she could have done something. She knew that she could have stopped. If only she had lived closer to her. Michaela blamed herself for not preventing her mother's death.
Michaela whispered to herself as she choked back tears,"It's my fault. It's all my fault."
In Boston...
Colleen returned to her home with Andrew by her side. She felt herself falling apart. She had looked strong for her mother when she left to return home to Colorado. But the truth was that she was breaking apart inside. Her grandmother had meant everything to her.
Andrew helped her into their room. Colleen walked over to her dresser where a picture of her and her grandmother was. Colleen traced her grandmother's face with her fingers. They had become so close in the last few years since she had moved to Boston. Now she was gone and Colleen failed to see that her health was failing. In the last few months she had gotten so busy with school she had hardly anytime to visit her grandmother.
She picked up the picture and held it to her chest. Andrew came up behind her. Colleen turned around and wept on his shoulder. She cried and cried. No matter how much she cried she could not make her pain and anger go away. She felt like it was her fault that her grandmother was gone. She would never forget the look on her mother's face right before she ran out of the funeral. It would stay with her forever.
In Denver...
Matthew had thrown himself into his work. Working long days and late hours. If he kept busy he could stop his pain and hurt. If he kept busy he wouldn't have to feel it. He finally broke down and cried. He cried for not being there for his Ma and sister. For his brother. For his grandmother.
He hadn't seen her in four years. Four years he could have stopped what he was doing and sent her a telegram or go to visit her. Four years he could have been with her. He had become a stranger to her in the last four years.
He hated himself for not going to Boston when he had the chance. He had never would forgive himself from distaning himself from his family. It would be a decision he would have to live with for the rest of his life. A decision he would come to regret at that very moment.
Back In Boston...
Brian went to his room. He started to work on his next article he had been assigned to write. But the words would not come to him. His mind and his heart were blocked by his pain from the loss he felt. He knew that he would never see his grandma alive again. Never be able to hug her, or visit her again.
He could feel his tears threatening to fall on his desk. Here he was a grown man crying. He wiped his tears and told himself not to cry. He told himself he wouldn't cry at the funeral or when his parents left. So why start now.
Then his tears just came and they kept coming. They wouldn't stop no matter how much he tried. His mind had taken over on it's own. Finally he let them fall. Fall down to the ground. Fall upon his work.
In Colorado Springs
Sully finished getting ready for bed. He went to his side and got into bed. He looked over at Michaela. She was staring blankly at a book. She had tears coming down her face.
"Michaela please talk to me. I need you to tell me what your feeling. It is killing me to see you hurting so much inside."
"The more I think about her, the sadder I get. The more angry I become with myself for letting this happen. If only I lived closer or had gone to visit sooner. Only if I could have known I could have prevented her death."
"Michaela your mother is a strong and stubborn woman. You knew that she wasn't going to show weakness. It wasn't your fault that this happen. It happened for a reason. Everything does. You need to stop blaming yourself and find away to bring yourself peace so that you can move on in your life."
"How can I move on when it's was my fault. I hate myself for standing by and doing nothing to save her."
"Michaela some things our out of your power. Blaming yourself isn't gonna bring you peace, and it won't bring her back. You need to find a way to see that this is not your fault and someway to heal your heart. Because I know your hurting inside."
Over the next few days Michaela became more distant. She moved around in a daze. Her life was filled with happiness anymore only Saddness. No matter how much Sully tried to reach she only retreated deeper into her depression. Sully was beginning to think he needed help and he needed it now before she severed all contact with them and was lost in her depression for good.
He sent Telegraphs to Brian, Matthew, Colleen and Andrew. Telling them to come as soon as possible. That Michaela was beginning to withdraw herself from everyone and everything around them.
In Boston
Colleen went downstairs for breakfast. She flipped through the mail as she was eating. She found a telegraph from her Pa. She opened immediatly. But what she hoped would be good news was not. She informed Andrew that they would be leaving for Colorado Springs that afternoon. They both rushed upstairs to pack for the long journey that lay ahead.
In Colorado Springs
Soon they were all at home in the homestead. Michaela was upstairs sitting in her rocking chair holding her son John to her chest. She was humming to him, but her eyes were blank as if she was not their completely.
Sully went inside slowly. He watched her for a little bit. She wasn't the same person anymore, but he knew that the person her loved was inside of her some where.
"Michaela you've got visitors downstairs waiting to see you."
"Tell them I am not feeling very well."
Sully was about to protest when Colleen set her hand on his shoulder. He moved aside and let his daughter through. Hoping that she could reach Michaela. Because he couldn't and he knew that their children was his last hope to keep her hanging on to life. Because she was just barly hanging on by a thin string and anything could cut it at anytime. He was determined not to give up on her. He would will the life back into her if he had too. He would not loose his wife.
Colleen knelt on the floor by her mother. She gently put her hand on her mother's shoulder.
"Ma it's Colleen can you hear me?"
"Colleen I didn't know you were here. Is Andrew with you."
"Yes and so is Matthew and Brian. We came to spend a few weeks with you."
"You didn't have to do that"
"Ma we wanted to. Ever since Grandma's funeral you have never been the same. Your not taking care of yourself. You look so pale and skinny. We're concerned for you."
"I will be alright I just need a little rest."
"Ma, I know how hard her death was on you. It was hard on all of us. But that doesn't mean we crawl up in a corner and wait to die. We have to keep on living our lives and take comfort in knowing that Grandma is in a better place and we will be with her one day."
Michaela put her face in her hands and cried. The emotion she had been shutting out for. The hate, anger, frustration, the pain, the fear, and the love was all coming back in one big force and hitting her dead on. Colleen took her mother in her arms and the two of them cried.
In the days that followed Michaela spent time with her children and began to heal her heart after the loss of her mother. She discovered that such a loss should not destroy her but make her stronger. She realized that she wanted to live more than anything.
Michaela opened that book and saw the flower that Sully had given her the day they had come home. It was dead now, but it stood as a symbol. That every spring new life is born, every winter old things die, that roses bloom every sping. Showing her that even though something dies new life always happens and that we can not give up when someone we love dies. She closed the book and looked out her window where a rose bush was planted by her garden. It gave her a new hope for life. She was filled with spirit once again to live her life with hope and never give up.