Part 1: Changed
Year: 1877
Pain. Pain was all Brian thought about after losing his sister, Colleen. Pain that he didn’t have a sister to admire; pain for his family; and pain for a guilty conscious that urged at his heart. Brian felt the pain of the devastating death of Colleen, which killed his heart to the edge of life.
It had been two years since her death. But things at the Sully household didn’t change much! At least not to Michaela, but it changed immensely to Brian. She was gone and there was nothing that could cure the pain within his tender heart. It was different without the sound of Colleen’s humorous, spunky voice, yet it echoed through the house as if she was there.
‘Brian, come here,’ came the weak voice of Colleen’s before her sudden death. ‘I want you to be strong for me, help Ma and Pa with the homestead, and…and-.’ She was cut short, took a deep breath, and continued. ‘-Please take care of our younger siblings and…’ Colleen’s breath took her to heaven’s doorstep. It was a huge burden set upon Brian’s shoulders. She knew he could handle it…and she took her last breath happily.
“Do ya hear the voice?” Questioned Brian, still in deep thought about his sister’s death, and becoming more depressed each hour passed.
“No, son, what did you hear,” came Michaela to answer Brian.
“Colleen,” Brian said in total astonishment.
“That cannot be true, she died!” Dr. Mike replied. “Brian help me care for Colin, if you don’t mind,” she asked, trying to change the subject.
“Ok,” Brian said, forgetting about the occurrence. He helped until it was time to go to school. Brian always looked forward to school. He would see Sarah, his best friend.
“Good-by Ma,” screamed Brian. “I’ll see you later tonight. I am going o’er to Sarah’s house. Ok!” He was already heading toward town, but waited for his younger sibling.
“Bye, Mommy!” Katie said, wishing she didn’t have to go.
“Ok, Brian.” Dr. Mike responded. “Come here littl’ Colin!” she said, distracted from seeing her young son stroll out the door.
“Mommy, ya need me for anythin’,” asked the young child.
“No, sir. But please be a bit more cooperative and respectful to Mrs. Grace. She is really kind to you.” Michaela pronounced to her Luke.
Dr. Mike strolled into the house followed by her four-year old son. “Colin, let mommy hold you!” exclaimed Michaela.
“Mommy!” came the joyful little sound of Colin.
“Want some food?” she asked.
“Yeah, yeah, me h-hungury.” He said, trying to pronounce “hungry” right.
“Ok, sweetie!” Dr. Mike started talking to herself. “Then we’re going into town to get supplies, drop you two off at Grace’s, and begin working in the Clinic.”
Brian loved school. He always had, but things changed after Colleen’s death. Though Brian still occupied himself with writing, he also became very distant and aloof. One way to occupy himself with writing was becoming one of Teresa’s helpers in his favorite subject, English.
“Brian, may I speak to you for a moment,” the schoolteacher acknowledged to him the week before. “I want you to tell the class about the new assignment in writing. Do it with great honor and courtesy, if you may.”
“Today, class,” Teresa told the group of kids, “we are starting a new assignment. Brian, may you tell the class the rules of creative writing assignment.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Brian answer. “This writing assignment is to be about any experience you’ve had. Something that’s changed you in some miraculous way!” exclaimed Brian. “And something that you will always remember.”
“My story is called, “Through the Years”.” Brian continued faithfully. “I’ll read it to y’all if Mrs. Slicker lets me.” He told the class.
“Yes, you can!” She answered. The class was overjoyed. ‘Anyway,’ they said to themselves. ‘He’s the best writer we’ve got in Colorado Springs! He’ll be able to teach us techniques for writing,’ their thoughts grew knowing his artistic ability in writing.
This is the story “Through the Years” Brian wrote:
“Through the Years”
Ten year ago my life changed from the influence of Dr. Michaela Quinn. She came in search of a job, not any job, but a doctor. Dr. Mike became the town doctor in 1868.
She helped our town grow, and I thank her for it, for if she didn’t come I would have revoked as soon as my mother died of snakebite. Dr. Mike didn’t have the easy way out but the hard, restless way. She had a family to care for, a career that she dreamt of doing as a full-fledged job, and to begin a new life in Colorado.
The first incident that changed my life was when the town had an influenza epidemic. Dr. Mike had the courage, hope, and persistence any doctor needed to cure the ill townspeople. She wasn’t like a usual doctor in a town; but knew everyone and cared for any injured or sick person, and she healed me several times. For example, that same year I was severely injured when I fell from a tree. She had to operate on me and feared the worst, which I wouldn’t come out of the coma.
Another time, my father and stepmother took Colleen and me into their custody resulting in Colleen’s fatal pneumonia, which Ma helped cure. Now, Dr. Mike has custody of me. And then, eight years ago, my brother’s fiancée died from a rabies-bite from my dog. And six years ago, two bank robbers who threatened to kill us held Dr. Mike, Katie, and me hostage, but from our quick thinking we survived.
But overall she’s helped the town most, not just me. She continues to be a great mother to me. And countless times saved the town from despair. The most memorable experience I’ve had is Colleen’s death. She died of heart failure, which took her by surprise. I can always remember the sound of her voice, the trouble she got in, and the help she brought this town. And I honor this paper to Colleen Cooper-Cook, my beloved sister.
“Great job, Brian!” praised Teresa. “Isn’t that a wonderful story, class?” She asked the others. “Yeah, it was, though it was a bit sad!” Many of the children answered.
“Well, thank you very much Brian for sharing it. Now, class please open your readers and turn to page twenty-seven.”
“Ah,” whined the children. The assignment was fairly easy for Brian, since he worked at the Gazette office with Dorothy Jennings. And he would help Mrs. Slicker anytime, if she needed him too.
School ended three hours later in the heat-of-the-day, three o’clock. Katie ran out into the openness glad to be out of school for the short day she had left. Brian, on the other hand, had felt differently. He wanted to go somewhere quiet and peaceful.
“Katie, I am goin’ over to Sarah’s house ok.” Brian told his sister. “I’ll brin’ ya home then go. Come on let’s run.” He continued, offering a challenge.
“I can beat you any day, Brian. I am faster,” bragged his younger sister.
They ran all the way home and into the house out of breath. Katie, having won the race, sat down at the nearest chair and allowed herself to cool down.
“What a run you’ve had. How was your day at school, Katie?” asked Dr. Mike patiently, wanting to know if Katie liked school or not.
“It was ok, Ma, but I like it at home better with my younger brothers,” answered a bored, worn-out girl.
“I’m goin’ to Sarah’s now. I’ll see you at dinner time.” Broke in an also worn-out teenager. “I’m brin’ Taffy wit’ me too.” And Taffy galloped away getting farther and farther to see.
“OK, but no later!” yelled Mike from the door.
That night passed unexpectedly to Michaela. For two hours she laid awake in bed, afraid of where Brian might have wondered off. Where is my boy? I love him so much. How can Brian frighten me like this? Michaela thought. On the other hand, Sully was fast asleep at her side until he heard her stirring in bed.
“What’s the matter?” questioned Sully.
“I was just thinking of Brian. He should have been back by now; it’s past dinner-time.” A worried look arose on her face and she began to cry. Soft, frightened tears rolled down her cheeks in hope that Brian hadn’t roamed far. Sully, who was the only person in her life that could take away the pain from the years past, only comforted Mike.
“I will look for him tomorrow, so please let us go back to sleep.” But all of a sudden a small cry rose in the household. “I’ll cuddle Colin back to sleep. I love you Sully!” exclaimed Michaela.
“Ok. I love you too, Michaela.”
Three weeks past…Brian still hasn’t returned
“Sully, what if Brian never comes home again?” asked Dr. Mike suiting up for another day at work in the Clinic.
“Don’t lose hope, Michaela. He will come home when he’s ready…” Sully said to comfort his wife.
“How can I? I feel desperate to have Brian back…he’s part of this family and I won’t stand to lose him like I lost Colleen!” exclaimed Mike, worried.
“What?”
“Ever since we lost Colleen a part of me has left my soul. Andrew is back on his feet because of us, now our chief concern is Brian.” She paused, continued: “…Though I don’t know a way to speak to him.”
“Let Brian take this matter into his own hands!” argued Sully. “He knows how to take care of himself and he’s old enough too.”
“How can you say such a thing, he is ONLY SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD,” yelled Mike, waking up the sleepy household. She barely got that angry with her own calm husband, but Sully was quite respectful of her wishes.
“Mama, what were you screaming about?” began a frightened Katie. “Is it about Brian, because I miss him just as much as you do.”
“You do, honey. Why so?”
“Because…because Brian used to play with me and…and I love him so much, mommy!” sobbed Katie. “When will Brian be back…I miss him!” Matthew suddenly walked in the room and said: “Oh, Ma, ever since Colleen died it has changed…” He paused thinking of words to say to comfort his ma. “…We continue to love her, though she’s no longer here, and Brian has no clue how to act. We have to work together to guide Brian in the right direction…what can we do, Ma?”
“We all do, Katie. Lets pray for the guidance of God to lead Brian home.”
“Ok!” They said together.
“Dear God. I pray for the safety of all the children lost, especially my Brian. He needs your prayers and ours, and together we can bring him home, guide Brian back again. We love him so much!” Michaela prayed with her family standing beside her.
With that they left to accomplish their everyday duties in the town. Michaela left to work at her Clinic, Katie went to school, and Sully sent the youngsters to Samantha and performed his job as a surveyor. Matthew also continued his job as sheriff of the town, only to dream of his younger brother’s mistake.
Brian, being up on a mountain for weeks, felt exhausted. He was skinny, torn up from thickets, pale, and sickly from starvation. He barely ate anything for his meals. The only thing Brian would eat were berries, which he traveled to find. Ripe, strong berries of any kind to lift up his spirits to meet with Colleen again in dreams.
“I can barely stand up, let alone eat another berry.” Brian thought. “I must find my way home, if I can!” He said losing hope of ever seeing the homestead again. It began to drizzle. Then, no later, came a deluge of rain falling heavily upon Brian’s back setting an extreme burden on him.
Brian dragged himself through the rough, mountainous slopes off of the mountain called Pike’s Peak. Many years before, Michaela, Dorothy, Grace, and Myra journeyed the arduous terrain. Ever climbing to reach for the gold, the peak of the mountain. Now, Brian was enduring the hardship of spending the rest of his life in the silent woods, ever thinking of the past, never the present. ‘Why did Colleen have to die,’ he thought, imagining the pain, which she tolerated. ‘I miss her so much!’ exclaimed Brian. “Now I must continue and make it home,” came his rasp voice from little food and water.
The rain forced Brian to cry upon an empty grave in the wilderness, which he made in memory of his beloved sister. You could see no tears upon that face, but the droplets of water in his sweet, teary eyes. The gravesite consisted of a tiny stick cross, flowers, and a boy, soaked from head to foot, mourning over his loss.
“Brian,” screamed Sully, seeing nothing but pitch black in front of him. A faint cry came from behind the trees upon the peak. ‘Who could that be?’ thought Sully. ‘It must be Brian, he is the only one up here.’ He continued up the tree-some forest to a deserted mountainside, and found the son he missed for an extended time.
“No, I-I.” He coughed a long, breathless cough, which took his words away. “am s-star-ving,” he continued, breathing heavily.
“Let’s go ‘ome and let Dr. Mike examin’ ya. Ok, son…” Sully paused, knowing his son was weak from the expedition he had made three long weeks ago. He picked Brian up and placed him on Taffy and guided them home again, with a burden laying down on him. Sully thought of a special scripture verse, Jeremiah 33:8, reading: “And I will cleanse them from all their iniquity, whereby they have sinned; and whereby they have transgressed against me.”
“Yes, --I miss home.” Coughed Brian.
Sully felt guilty of his selfish words to Michaela and began to whisper to himself this: “Oh, God! Please forgive me of my sins on which my son might loose his life…I bring it upon myself that Brian could be dead because of me, a selfish father.”
“NO, it was not-.” The cough came again trying to torture Brian to death. “not your fault…” He cleared his throat, and continued. “It was me…I should not have ran away.” And his voice broke down to a whisper. “Sorry, father!”
“Don’t be, Brian…we should have looked after you more.” Sully said, feeling guiltier.
For that they stopped and walked or rode silently back to the homestead. For two hours the two struggled in the wilderness, and struggled at home, for the family was having dinner.
“Michaela, I found him…come here!” exclaimed Sully. He walked in carrying Brian, for he was a weak child in the dark. He placed him on a bed and led the other three children upstairs to their separate rooms. “I am taking the children upstairs. Matthew come with me.”
Once Sully returned, Michaela asked:
“What’s he moaning for?” asked Dr. Mike, in a position that worried her. “I must check him…Oh, I wish Colleen were still alive.” She mumbled to herself.
“I don’t know, but he had a hard ride home on Taffy’s back…is he goin’ to pull through.”
“I don’t have any answers right now, Sully; but I will soon,” responded Dr. Mike, in a panicky rush. She found what Brian needed, food and water. Though that wasn’t the most important thing Brian needed. It was love, forgiveness, and understand. “Sully, could you dish up some of the dinner we have had and find water…Brian is dehydrated and is slowly falling into a sleep we cannot take him out of!” ordered Mike.
“Yes, ma’am.” He came back with a pall of fresh stream water and a plate of everyday provisions that could bring nutrients into the body.
“Here give it to me.” She asked. Mike gave the dehydrated boy the glass of water and food, begging him to eat something.
“I can’t Ma,” responded the boy. “I feel ill.”
“You must…just eat a little.” Said the stern voice of Sully’s.
“You’ll feel better honey,” begged Dr. Mike. “Honest!”
“Ok…but I will do something else to get back at you.” Brian’s angry voice whispered, not knowing what to do next.
The following week Brian was himself again, well sort of. He still had the urge and guts to act out upon his rising anger, but felt that unnecessary. Changed from his wilderness experience, he began anew, changing his life-course and future.
Something would change his perception soon, distorting his attitude and nature of work…but what could it be.
Morning brought dazzling light into the rooms, only to be interrupted by a dreadful screech. The nightmares crept up to the homestead, and stole the soul in Brian. He startled, awoke, and fainted while thoughts of Colleen arose to meet him. Sully only found a helpless boy staring in a trance.
What is that noise, thought Sully; only to realize it was Brian. Not Brian again, he’s gone through enough. He can’t be having another horrifying nightmare of his; he continued slowly and cautiously walking to Brian’s bedroom.
“Ahhh! Noooooo!” Brian was screaming, remembering everything that happened to his mother and Colleen: the snakebite, the death that followed, the weakness of Colleen’s (since she had heart failure), and the death that followed.
“Michaela, come quick! Brian’s having another nightmare.”
Sweat was pouring down Brian’s burning face, he felt a tug on one side and moved, and it did it again on the opposite side, switching time after time. What’s happening? Questioned Sully’s thoughts, hoping it wouldn’t end horrifically.
Michaela finally arose out of bed, aroused by the tremor of the house. “What is the problem, Sully!” exclaimed she, running to the bedside to grab hold of Brian and bring back the boy out of his trance.
“He’s been flinchin’ and stuff, what is it?” he questioned, worried for Brian, but knowing his duties he left to check on the others.
“I don’t know, it could be side effects from his memories on Pike’s Peak or…”she stopped cold remembering the nightmares he had about his mother. “…Or it’s a nightmare of Colleen…I can feel it in his tight grip!”
“What could we do, what can I help with?” he asked.
“I don’t know, maybe take care of the children, Oh, and get Matthew’s help.”
“Ok.”
“Thank you,” she said relieving herself of the burdens resting on her shoulders. Thinking, What do I need to do, now, to help Brian get better? First, find a diagnosis; then, follow up and cure him. And with that her deepest thoughts ended, and she saw with that a new hope of living and of surviving from the trauma of nightmares was anew like the sunrise.
“Ma, what happened?” He asked weakly, not realizing he scared Dr. Mike.
“You’ll be fine, I promise, but you had another wicked nightmare.” She told him. “How can the nightly ‘mares take you away from us so long?”
“I can’t tell you. They come to me so rapidly I don’t know what to think, but I do not like them.”
“I know, I know.” She said to comfort her son, “But I cannot do anything for the nightmares, though I want to help.”
Changing the subject, Michaela told Brian, “That’s been the most intense nightmare you’ve had in a while. Are you ok?”
“Yeah, it’s just a bad memory that flows back into my small mind and destroys my train of thought; and I can’t stop them.”
“Well, get dressed and come downstairs for breakfast…I am going to fix your specialty.”
“Sure, Ma. I love ya too, don’t forget.”
“I will not, anyway you are a child of mine.”
Breakfast was served after a short prayer. Brian hardly ate anything. He remembered the vivid images of Charlotte Cooper at her deathbed and Colleen’s at hers. How could God take them from me, they were family to me? Not only family but also my mother and sister, Brian told himself, holding a memory of Colleen closer than his mother.
‘Believe, and you will find the way,’ said a mystical voice hiding in the house. ‘Who are you,’ he asked, allowing himself to think on what the invisible being was saying, and allowed life into his soul again.
The day passed swiftly on while changes were occurring within the town. The store opened its doors, people were roaming about on the streets, and school was beginning.
Dr. Mike stopped the wagon to send the children their separate ways; Katie went to school, Luke and Colin set out to Samantha with their mother, and Brian followed a long path to the churchyard.
He thought of the good times he and his sister had, and the bad, which were many. ‘I remember the epidemic, influenza it was. Oh, you were so strong though it, Colleen, and you stayed with Ma the whole time, never giving up hope.’ Brian stared upon the gravestone engraved with these words of joy:
He then placed an assortment of flowers on the dusty grave, replacing the tattered, old ones. A tear broke lose from his heart-broken soul, many followed. Brian forgot where he was, the time, all, focusing on his sister, her death, and many other things. He questioned fiercely to God, “Why have you taken my only sister away?”
Sarah saw Brian in the tiny graveyard, and said: “Brian, you will always have her in your heart, but it’s bad to relentlessly fall back into the past. You have to forget it and come to the present.” She said it bravely, allowing only a few words slip.
“Have you ever lost someone close to you?” He asked, anger piercing his thoughts. “Yes, my mother, and I was this rebellious then, and I don’t want you to be,” she tried to get out, yet barely could. Brian bolted into the woods. He was in a nightmare and there was no getting out. The woods surrounded him everywhere. The trees gave him comfort and hope he would change, yet he didn’t believe.