Michaela was seated at the dining room table with her three children around her. Alex and Kat were eating there dinner quietly, but Samuel was having problems with his fork. William was sitting at the head of the table having a drink of brandy.
"Mama I can't do this.",replied Samuel as he dropped his fork to the ground and began to cry.
"How are you gonna learn to be a man if you never stop crying Samuel. You need to grow up like a man!",replied William angrily.
Michaela stood up and spoke to her children,"Uh Alex why don't you take Kat and Samuel into the parlor and play a game with them."
Alex did as her mother told her and took her little brother and sister in the other room. Michaela went over to her husband's side and spoke to him in a soft voice.
"William you don't need to yell at him. He is just a little boy. He was only getting frustrated."
"Frustrated! You think he is frustrated. I am frustrated! I am sick of coming home and never getting to have peace and quiet. I can't even spend time with my children without having to fight you on everything. Always thinking what I am doing is wrong. Never once listening to what I have to say. All I do is work and fight with you anymore. Well I tell you I can't take it anymore!"
"You make the choice to drink and work all the time. William look what you have become. You aren't the same person I once knew. Is this how you wanted to turn out? A man who isn't happy with his life in any aspects. A man who beats his wife."
William looked into her eyes. He saw fear and pain. Her emotion was clearly standing out on her face. He became angry and raised his hand and slammed it hard across her face. Sending her to the ground hard. He immediatly regretted his actions and fled the room.
Michaela came too when her daughter was shaking her. Michaela sat up and then it all came flying back to her. Alex stared at her mother. She had seen her father beat her mother right in front of her. Michaela had blood coming from a gash on her face. The skin around it was black and blue and a large hand print could be seen on her face.
"Mama you can't let him hurt you anymore."
"Oh sweetheart I just fell that's all. I just need to freshen up and I'll be fine."
"Mama I get scared when you fight with father."
"Oh honey we just fight all couples do. You remind me so much of your father. So caring and gentle.",Michaela said as she stared into her daughter's deep blue eyes that were so firmiliar to her. She missed her old life were she was safe and secure and no one ever harmed her.
Her spirit and fire had gone out. William had beaten it out of her until there was nothing left but fear and pain. She had no where to turn to. A wall had slowly built it's way up around her and now it wouldn't budge no matter how much she tried to tear it down. She was beginning to feel like that wall was getting smaller and smaller until it would finally break her and there would be nothing left.
Michaela went upstairs into the powder room. She took a cloth and soaked it in cool water and cleaned up her cut. She was looking in the mirror to make sure she got all of the blood off when she stared at herself.
She looked at the once beautiful face she had. Now it had a bruise on it. She had many bruises on her face from her husband. The woman that stood up and faced a challenge who had fire and never gave up was no longer their. She had gone many years ago. William had beaten her until she finally was gone. Now a woman who was lying to everyone and to herself, who was so pale and thin, who had no spirit was left.
Michaela fell to the ground and screamed out,"Why! Why did This Happen!",she screamed and cried. The anger and desperation so clear in her voice and on her face. She couldn't take being beaten and batered every time he came home and got angry. She just couldn't take it anymore. She pulled her knees up to her chest and lowered her head into her knees and cried.
Michaela woke up. He body covered in perspiration. She had been dreaming of that horrible nightmare once again. Only it wasn't a nightmare. It really did happen. She got up out of bed and dressed to start a new day.
After the children had gone to school and Sully went off to work Michaela set to work of cleaning the clinic from top to bottom. She was on her hands and knees scrubing the floors when a flashback hit her.
Michaela was sitting in the parlor when William came home. He slammed his hat on the front table. Then he went over to the cabinet and got out a bottle of brandy and started to drink heavily.
He got angry and threw the bottle against the wall. Sending it smashing into hundreds of pieces. Michaela jumped when she heard the glass shatter. She went into the room to see what had happened when William spotted her.
William went up to her and grabbed her by the arm. Michaela tried to break free from his grasp but he wouldn't let go of her arm. He only held onto her tighter. He led her into the other room. Where he forced her down on the ground. He tried to remove her clothing, but Michaela kicked and screamed. He hit her until she stopped.
A little while later Michaela lay on the ground with her dressed all wripped up. She went upstairs and got dressed and fixed herself up. She knew that they would be having company later on that night for dinner.
Michaela stood in front of the mirror. She stared at the makeup on her dresser. She started to put makeup over the bruises and the marks. Covering up all of the pain and suffering with it. She never let on that her husband beat her. She always wore losts of makeup and long sleeved dresses. She finished pinning up her hair and then went downstairs.
Soon their guests arrived for dinner. Among them were Dr. Johnson and his wife Mrs Johnson. Andrew and Colleen also had joined them for the evening. Colleen noticed that her mother wasn't herself. She didn't look like or act like she normally did.
They all sat down to dinner. William and Dr. David Johnson started to talk about cases that they had been dealing with at their clinics. Mrs. Sandra Johnson felt a little out of place when everyone started to talk about being doctors.
"Mrs. Burke you work along side your husband at his clinic right?"
"Yes I do."
"Thats quite an accomplishment for a woman, I bet you husband is proud."
"Well I am not sure that he always notices me when I am working."
"Yes it must get very busy there making it hard for you to spend time with each other. Then when you come home you have your two little girls to keep you busy."
"Yes Alex and Kathie are quite a bit to handle. Do you have any children?"
"Yes two boys and a girl."
"I love children and I can't wait to have another little one which will be very soon."
"Ma your pregnant?",asked Colleen.
"Yes I am."
Colleen hugged her mother and Sandy sent her best to Michaela. William gave Michaela a look that said cut out the noise or get it later. Michaela immediatly left the room to get dessert. As she left the table William noticed and he excused himself and followed her into the kitchen.
"What was that all about?"
"I only told them about the baby"
"The dinner table was no such place to discuss such a thing. Next time you distruped me I will punish you."
"I am your wife William not your horse that needs to be punished if I don't obey you. I am a human being."
"You are my wife and that makes you mine, and you will do what I tell you or there will be severe consequences for you. Never talk back to me. Got It."
"Yes."
With that he left the kitchen and went into the dining room. Michaela threw the plate that she held into the door. It fell to the ground and broke into tiny pieces. Michaela looked at it and felt like that was her. That was what she felt like inside. All broken up and falling to pieces. She wiped the tears from her eyes and brought the desert into the dining room. She sat quietly through tht rest of dinner. Not saying a word, but screaming inside for someone, anyone to help her. But she stood there silent and did not say what her body was telling her in every way to say.
Michaela came out of her flashback and tried to concentrate on her work but the memories just kept coming back to her, making her relive them all over again. She couldn't bare to remember her life with William anymore. To many bad memories filled with hurt and pain.
Michaela got up from her chair and began to move around the clinic. She went to the front of her desk several pictures were there. A picture with her, Sully, and Katie taken at her christening. Another with Matthew, Colleen, Brian and her taken so long ago when they had first become a family. A new one had been added to her desk. A picture with her, her husband, Damion, Victoria, Alex, and Samuel taken only a few months ago. Then a picture caught her eye. It was one of her, William, Alex, Samuel, Kat, and Rebecca. Taken only a month before Sully came back into her life.
Michaela stared at the family in the picture. It didn't look like and unhappy family with a drunk father and husband who beat his wife. It looked like a happy normal family. But Michaela knew behind the smiles of that family were pain and fear and so much anger caused by the drinking and the beating and the fighting that continued on for too long.
Then Michaela looked at Sully's image on the photograph. He looked truly happy. Michaela felt like she made him spend six years of an unhappy time. But she didn't know that he was really happy with his life with Anna and their children. Michaela felt like she had destroyed the happiness they had built. But she also knew that Sully was never complete without her heart. Because they were soulmates and soulmates need each other to survive.
Michaela looked into his eyes. She had never told him the depths of her heart. How much pain and fear that she had locked away inside of her. Now it was tearing her up inside. Driving her farther and farther away from him and their life together. She needed to tell him everything. To stop the pain and make the hurting just go away. But how do you tell someone you love so much how much pain another person caused upon a person that they love.
Later on that night after the children had gone to bed and she and Suly were sitting in front of the fire place. She stared at him as he was reading a book. Sully looked up from the book and noticed that she was staring at him. He stared back at her. He could see a yearning in her eyes. A yearning that was tearing her up and she was fighting it with every ounce of strength. She looked tired, tired of fighting it.
"Michaela, honey is everything alright.",Sully asked her concerned.
"He caused so much pain for his family. He didn't know he had a good thing at the time and by the time he did it was too late. The damage he had caused them was so deep and so much that his actions were irreversable. He never knew how much pain he really caused them. His wife was so scared for her life and she trapped herself inside of her body. Now she is suffocating and unable to get out. Everything is beginning to fall apart and it is slowly killing her."
Sully saw the tears fall from her eyes. Knowing that she was talking about her and William. It hurt him so much inside to see her have to relive the pain from the past. He wanted to kill William for taking all of the life and spirit out of her.
"Sully I need to tell you what happened. For my sake I need to tell you what he did, what I did. I have to let the past to rest finally and let the dance be finally behind me."
He nodded for her to continue the awful nightmare that she lived for six long years and to tell him what all happened and what she lived through for such a long time. Michaela took a breath and began her tale.
"After the divorce papers were signed William made promises to me. He made me believe that we could live together and be happy in work, love, and as a family. I believed him. I thought if I got away from you and Colorado Springs and everything that reminded me of Katie I would be fine.",Michaela told him as she felt tears falling from her face.
Sully touched her face gently,"But you weren't fine were you."
"No. I put everything I had into my marriage and my work. At first everything was fine between us. He knew about Alex and that she was yours. He told me not to tell you. He encouraged me not to tell you. I wanted to tell you so much that you had a beautiful daughter created out of our love. But I just couldn't bring myself to face you. I was a coward and I couldn't bare to face you and see the pain in your eyes from our loss of Katie."
"Michaela you are a wonderful person and I never regret any of the decisions I have made, and you shouldn't either. It doesn't matter how we got where we are. What matters is that we are here together."
"I built my life around William, then after Alex was born everything changed. William payed less attention to me and more to her and to his work. Then he started to come home drunk. The first night that he ever raised his hand to me was when he were hoasting a party. William had way too much to drink and opened fire on the crowd. One person was shot. Then after everyone left he raised the gun to my head and told me that if I didn't do what he said he would kill me right then and there without hestiation."
"It must have been terrible for you and the children."
"It was pure hell Sully. What that man made me and my children live through, no should have too. He never cared that his marriage was going done the drain with every drink. And with every drink he didn't care that he took a little more life out of his family."
"I will never let anyone hurt you again. I promise you that. Not anyone."
"You are the kindest man I have ever met and I could never ask you to be anything less. But I do know one thing. I am never going through that again, not ever. I will never have to worry for my life and I will never live in fear again. I have seen that side of life and it is not pretty. I hid in the dark for too long. It is much warmer standing out in the sun."
Sully leaned in and gave her a long tender kiss filled with love and passion. He needed her now more than ever. She needed him more than he needed her. There clothes were set aside and soon they became one in perfect melody. Their bodies becoming one not being able to tell where one starts and the other ends. It was a night of great passion. Michaela finally let his love fully into her heart. She did not pull back, but she opened the door all the way to the light.
She felt so much love and peace going into her heart. The pain and fear seemed to be gradually going away. Finally allowing her soul to go through the healing process and finally become one with herself and with her one true love.
Alex pulled her knees up to her chest and layed on her side. She cried. She cried all night long. As she listened to her mother's painful words they cut just like a knife, cut so deep it hurt. Alex now at the age of ten remembered the painful screams heard all night long. The screams of anger filled with hatred heard by her innocent ears. It all had impacted her.
She turned quiet and distant and never talked back to William or her mother. Her mother would always she was a little lady, but Alex knew that her fear kept her from being a child and running around and having fun.
Since her real father had come into her life he had opened her up.He taught her that your fear should not overcome you, but encourage you to overcome your fear. He showed that it was okay to have fun and run around. She also saw a difference in her mother. She had been filled with life instead of the spiritless woman she once was.
She knew that her father loved her and her mother very much. She also knew that he loved all of his children very much. He showed them every day the he loved them. Alex never wanted to go back to the past. Never to relive it.
Michaela woke up in Sully's arms. She had never been filled with so much love and courage as she sid at that moment in all of her life. She never wanted to go back and relive the horrible nightmare she had lived for so long. Just then a flashback came to her and she was transported back to the past.
Michaela walked out of the clinic. As she was walking over to the Gazette to talk to Dorothy she heard someone scream. A woman was pointing toward the second floor of the clinic. There was Katie flying from the balcony to the ground. Michaela saw her daughter's body free falling in the air and then hit the ground with a thud.
"Katie!!!", she screamed out as she ran to her daughter.
"Kaaatttiieee! Come Back! Don't leave me! Don't leave me."
Michaela woke up to Sully giving her a firm shake. She held onto him tightly. She didn't want to relive the moment that caused her daughter's death.
"Michaela Katie's gone. She's been gone ten years."
"No! I can't keep reliving it. I can't see her like that anymore. I thought the nightmares had finally stopped."
"Michaela you just upset since you and I were talking about your past. That's all it is."
"No it's not. You didn't know what it was like to watch your daughter fall helplessly before your eyes and not be able to do anything. I felt like I killed her Sully. No matter what you would have said before wouldn't have mattered I was punishing myself for the pain I caused you and the kids, and myself."
"You didn't kill Katie. It was an accident. It could have happened to anyone."
"But it happened to me Sully. To me. I am suppose to prevent things like this from happening I was suppose to protect our daughter's life. But I let her down, and I let you down. But more than that I let myself down."
"Michaela you are human. Human make mistakes. You can't be perfect all the time. You have to let your self make mistakes."
"Sully I don't want to talk about it anymore. Just hold me please and never let go. Never."
"I won't let go of you ever again."
"Promise me"
"I promise you."
He held onto her as tight as he could. Not wanting to ever let her go. Wanting to take away her a pain. To make her believe everything would be alright. He held onto her as she cried and cried.
Michaela sat in front of the fireplace. She looked up at her wedding picture on the mantel. It showed a woman with love, fear, and courage. She wondered if she would ever become that woman again. Would she ever be able to feel strong and have the fire she once did. Then Michaela went upstairs into her bedroom. She quietly opened the hope chest at the end of the bed. She pulled out all of the pictures of Anna, Sully, and their children.
Michaela looked at the picture of Anna and Sully's wedding day. Anna had on a white dress that had a long train. Her hair was curled and let loose to fly in the wind. Her blue eyes showed love for the man that she married. Sully smile made Michaela wish her wedding day to William had been that happy. The love between them could be seen in just one photograph.
Michaela pulled out another photograph. It was of a christening at the church. Anna and Sully sat holding their child smiling. She turned over the picture it said:May 10, 1876. Damion James Sully. Michaela saw how happy they were. She envyed the happiness they had shared.
She pulled out more photographs. One of Sully and Damion. Another with Anna, Damion and Victoria. Each one showed her how much Anna loved her family and how much she was dedicated to them. At that moment she understood why Sully wanted his children to know about their mother. She was such a kind and innocent woman who had so much passion for living.
At that moment she was glad Sully had kept the photographs. It made Michaela believe that she could be truly happy once again and no matter how bad her past was that it didn't mean her future had to be the same way. She vowed that she would never allow herself to go back into a dark world of pain, fear, and anger. That she would live each day with passion and spirit.
Anna had helped Sully overcome his past and his loss, and now she was helping Michaela work through hers. She looked up and saw her face smiling down upon her. Michaela smiled back at her. At that moment she knew that Anna had been her guardian Angel and had kept her going those six years even when Michaela so desperatly wanted to give up. She kept her a whole person and for that Michaela was truly thankful.
Sully woke up. He got out of bed and went to the end of the bed. His wife was on the ground clutching photographs to her chest and tears falling from her face, but they weren't tears of past pain, they were tears of future joy. He saw that she was finally at peace with her inner tormoil. He went to her and held her in his arms. How much he had wanted to finally take away the pain and it finally had happened. Now she could finally let go and live the future in joy and not in fear.
Later on that night they all sat down to dinner. Alex hugged both of her parents as did Samuel and Victoria. Damion who had not accepted Michaela in his life finally hugged her and accepted her. He let his tears fall as he held on to this woman his father loved, this woman he had come to love as his mother. Anna had helped him see that even though his real mother was gone it didn't mean he couldn't have someone on earth that was like his mother who loved him and protected him.
They all had gone down a long road of pain and tears. A long road that started with Katie's death and finally ended with Michaela finding peace within herself and others. The death of Katie, Anna, their children and so many others had been hard on all of them but they had survived and gone on in life even when they wanted to give up and end their lives they didn't. They went on.
They all ate and shared stories from the past that made them cry and laugh. They each shared a part of their hearts and from that night on they finally became a family after a six year seperation they had finally been brought together as a whole family. That would love, cry, and even feel pain together, but the whole point was they would face it together, not alone, but together.
All these years I have spent living as someone else. The woman that I had become was not me, but someone else who was living in a nightmare. A nightmare that could not be stopped. A dance that lasted for six long years. Those six long years were filled with anger, hate, pain, and fear. And when the last dance was done my pain and fear and anger was still left behind. Now I am beginning to work through my past and too resolve the inner pain I feel and bring peace to my body, heart and soul. So that I can love my one true and love and thus recieve his love.
-Megan J.P. showing Michaela's POV.
For so long I walked in the dark. My heart closed off all emotions. The good as well as the bad. I told myself it was better not to feel and not to be hurt. I built a wall around me. He hurt me physically and I thought that he could not reach my heart and soul, but he did. He forced fear, pain, and anger upon my heart and soul. He turned me into a helpless creature wounded by it's predator. I would have died if I hadn't gotten out. Now I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and to move on with my family and my life. But I must relive the long dance that I did for six long years. I must relive the pain and fear and go back to the darkest place that I had retreated too and let the light back in.
-Aislinn E. Porter showing another of Michaela's POV