Category: NCIS humor non-slash fic.

Rating: PG/13/R for content

Characters: Gibbs/DiNozzo/Ducky

Series: No - standalone

Spoilers: None – not canon

Summary: Tony's dress sense gets sorted out. Finally!

Archive: Just tell me where it's going

Additional `stuff': Nothing I can think of except Tony does get nekkid ~smile~

Title: Dressing Tony

Tony sat in the back of the cab and looked from Gibbs to Ducky. Both wore enigmatic smiles. `Where *are* we going?'

Ducky shook his head. `Tony, Tony. Patience dear boy.'

Gibbs just stared out of the window. `Here'll be fine.'

The cab jerked to a halt and Gibbs handed the fare through the small slit in the probably bullet-proof divider between them and the driver. `Thanks.'

`It's just down here…' Gibbs nodded into the alleyway between the dry cleaners and the noodle bar.

Tony walked in and wondered briefly if he was on the set of Harry Potter. The place was a tailors shop. An old-fashioned tailors shop. A very old-fashioned…

`Mr Gibbs, Dr Mallard.' The white-haired shopkeeper smiled. `And this must be young Anthony.'

Tony looked from the guy who seemed to have stepped out of a British black-and-white movie to Gibbs.

`Hello James.' Ducky smiled. `Indeed it is. Can you do…anything?' He shook his head, casting the older man, tape measure slung around his shoulders, a despairing look.

Tony turned around as the old guy began to measure him. `Hey!'

`Is for horses dear boy.' James said politely.

Tony watched Gibbs and Ducky settle into wing chairs, still warily watching the tailor as he was evaluated.

`Suits. And shirts. And ties. And some…off-duty things.' Ducky requested. `Nothing too pale…it drains him.'

Tony's eyes widened. `Drains?!'

Gibbs nodded. `Yes…you're…'

`Autumn.' Ducky confirmed.

Gibbs nodded again. `Colors are *so* important to your clothes Dinozzo.'

The elderly man taking his measurements frowned. `It would be more accurate if he were in less layers.'

Gibbs nodded. `Tony, lose the clothes.'

Tony laughed. `Yeah, right. I'm just gonna strip off.'

Ducky smiled kindly. `Tony…we spend our lives around naked men. You don't have anything we haven't seen before.'

`You haven't seen *me* naked Ducky!' Tony protested, his voice climbing an octave.

Gibbs chuckled. `You don't use the showers at work Tony?'

Tony frowned, sensing an answer he wasn't going to like. `Uh…yeah.'

Ducky exchanged a look with Gibbs. `And he believed that the cameras only watched the lockers.'

Gibbs smiled. `For a former cop, he's toned.'

`*Well* toned.' Ducky confirmed.

Tony groaned and began to undress. His shirt and pants were relatively easy. His undershirt, shoes, socks almost as easy. But his shorts…

`Do you need a hand young man?' The tailor asked softly.

Tony's hands slid into the waistband immediately and he was naked an instant later.

Tony's cheeks were as red as the curtain he stood framed by. `*Please* tell me you like this one!'

Ducky and Gibbs both smiled. Two nods followed, an instant apart.

`Thank you.' Tony sighed, exhausted by the endless changes of clothes over the previous hours.

`We'll take one in bottle green, one in navy and one in black. For… special occasions. Shirts, ties, underwear, socks to match.'

`Uh…boss…I can't afford…'

Ducky frowned. `Our treat Anthony.'

`You're…buying me…uh…suits?' Tony queried.

Gibbs nodded. `Yes.'

`And what do you expect in return?' Tony asked warily.

`That you wear them!' Gibbs hissed.

`Nah…there's gotta be a catch.'

Ducky sighed, his tone sadly disappointed. `The boy doesn't appreciate our gift Jethro.'

Gibbs nodded. `It's our lot in life Ducky. Underappreciated.'

`Uh…it's not that I don't…um…appreciate this…but…no-one's ever bought me clothes before…well, not since I was a kid.' Tony qualified.

Gibbs and Ducky nodded understandingly. `You've never had a boss who cared about your sartorial elegance.' Ducky sympathized.

Tony frowned. `How you dress Dinozzo!' Gibbs translated.

Tony flinched at the sharp tone.

`Don't take the shine off it Jethro.' Ducky scolded gently. `We want the boy to have…pleasant memories of today.'

Gibbs accepted the rebuke, dropping his gaze instantly.

Tony swallowed hard at the scene he had just witnessed. Gibbs. Silenced by Ducky.

`Thank you.' Tony said, unsure of the protocol of your boss and his friend buying you clothes.

Gibbs got up, sliding a platinum credit card out of his wallet. `Thank you James.'

The tailor smiled. `It was a pleasure Sirs.'

Tony woke with a start. //Gibbs…Ducky…suits…that British tailor…//

`DINOZZO!!!!!!!!!'

`Uh…boss?'

`If you can't sleep at home, get a room in a hotel!' Gibbs snarled, standing beside him, coffee in one hand, keys in the other.

`You…bought me…suits.' Tony managed hoarsely.

Gibbs sighed. `In your dreams Dinozzo. In your dreams. Gas the truck. We're outta here.'

Tony groaned, lifted his head and stared into Gibbs' impatient face. `Yes boss. Is…Ducky coming.'

Gibbs huffed. `He buy you suits too Tony?'

Tony nodded, then stopped when he saw Ducky watching him from the doorway, a gentle smile on his face.

Tony groaned. `Last time I let you convince me anchovies belong on a pizza boss.'

Gibbs frowned. `I didn't. Kate did.'

Tony's eyes tracked blearily across the desks to Kate's amused look. `Change your clothes Tony. You've been in that suit since yesterday.'

`Suit?' Tony frowned, sitting up.

Kate grabbed her backpack and joined Gibbs and Ducky. `Gap midnight sale Tony, remember?'

Tony ruffled his hair, yawned and headed for the bathroom.

As he passed Ducky, he heard: `We'll visit the barbers next Jethro.'

He stopped mid-stride. `You say something Ducky?'

Looking up from his clipboard where he had been double-checking he had everything he needed, Ducky shook his head. `No Tony. You might want to run a comb through your hair though.'

Giving up, Tony headed for the bathroom.

End

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