Category: NCIS slashy/humorous ficlet.

Rating: R this part (physical abuse)

Characters: Gibbs/McGee - Ducky/Abby (both briefly)

Series: No – standalone – came to me in traffic this morning

Spoilers: None intended but anything might get a mention

Summary: Gibbs finds a creative solution to a problem

Archive: Just tell me where it's going

Additional `stuff': WARNING: Mention of violence

Title: Sauce for the goose…

Gibbs scowled and closed his phone. Ducky's cryptic comment at seven- oh-five was as unwelcome as a call telling him one of his ex-wives needed…whatever. `Drop by the morgue on your way in. And don't stop off for coffee.'

*****************************

`Ducky?' Gibbs crashed into the morgue and looked around. McGee was sitting on one of the autopsy tables, head down, shoulders slumped, hand on his cheek.

`Jethro.' Ducky said both in welcome and warning. He knew only too well that a caffeine-deprived morning Gibbs was not the personification of calm reason.

`McGee?'

The agent looked up slowly and Gibbs' mouth fell open. `McGee…what happened?!'

Ducky slipped out quietly, heading for the coffee machine.

*************************

`McGee?' Gibbs demanded a little more firmly.

`I'm okay Gibbs…uh…Sir…uh…'

`Shut up and tell me why the side of your face is caved in!' Gibbs snarled.

McGee attempted a smile. `Ducky wouldn't let me look in any mirrors.'

Gibbs frowned. `McGee…What.Happened.To.Your.Face?!'

`I was a club…with Abby…and…uh…I went to the men's room…well, not the men's room exactly…they just have…one…room...'

Gibbs lost patience. `You were attacked in a restroom?'

`Oh no…I…came out and…Abby was…kissing a woman.'

Gibbs wished Ducky hadn't left. `And?' He prompted impatiently.

`We argued and she…um…she hit me.'

`With a brick?' Gibbs asked, lifting and turning McGee's face with a fingertip.

McGee blushed. `Felt like it. I've never been hit by a woman before.'

Gibbs sighed. `I have. But it never left a bruise like you're gonna have.'

McGee bit his lip. `She said…never mind.' He slid off the table and tried to get past Gibbs.

Gibbs frowned. `She said *what* McGee?' He put his arm out, blocking McGee's exit.

McGee whispered: `She said she wouldn't mind if *I* kissed a *guy*. That it wasn't that big of a deal. That I was making a…'

Gibbs got the idea. `Abby's been working hard McGee. And she's always been a little…'

`Hinky?' McGee offered.

`Yes.' Gibbs smiled. Then his smiled faded. `You've gotta know. I mean she sleeps in a coffin.'

McGee sighed. `I don't know…that kind of…stuff…' He bit his lip, squirming. `I mean…she's younger than me, but when we're at the club or…other places, it's like I'm the kid. I just follow her around.'

Gibbs mentally checked the date. It wasn't April first. If it had been, right about then Abby and Ducky would have leapt out. But it wasn't and they didn't.

Gibbs smiled, his voice dropping to a whisper. `So Abby did say it would be okay if you kissed a guy.'

McGee gulped, eyes wide.' Uh…yeah, but…'

Gibbs smiled and pulled McGee close, leaned down and kissed him. He felt McGee squirm and wriggle in his grip and he released him almost immediately.

From the door, Abby's voice echoed in the room. `Hands off Bossman. He's mine. All mine.'

Gibbs walked to the door, stopping at Abby's side. `Hands off McGee, Abbs. Hit him again and I'll fire your ass.' His voice was soft but Abby understood it wasn't an idle threat.

McGee stood, mouth open, eyes wide, chest heaving, watching them both. 'Ohhhh…'

As the doors closed, Gibbs heard Abby's voice, full of worry. `Oh baby…I forgot I had on the chain-mail gauntlets…'

End