Title: Sam’s alliterative illness It was Saturday afternoon. And we were playing Basketrubberball in the West Wing. The more sensible (i.e. older) senior staff was holed up in the Oval Office. Josh, Charlie, Danny and I were trying to get the little pink rubber balls Toby throws around his office into paper bins sat on top of the open doors to my office and Josh's. I was winning. Josh is a better player, but I'm faster. And Danny and Charlie just weren't trying. Danny was killing time waiting for CJ, Charlie was only hanging around until the President came out of his office and would let him leave for the weekend. Josh and I were just bored. The ball bounced into Toby's office, and I tripped, falling onto his briefcase, sitting open in the middle of the floor. I felt the metal catches dig into my back, then I didn't feel anything at all. ********* When I woke up, everyone was crowded round me. Not for long. Abbey's sharp tone melted them away, and she took charge. `Is the ambulance on its way?' Someone called out: `Yeah, five minutes.' `Did anyone move him?' Silence. `Sam, can you move your legs for me?' Silence. `I can't feel them.' There is a stifled gasp from someone, and I feel better and worse at the same time. Abbey holds my hand. `All right Sam. Don't try to move. Just keep still.' I want to tell her it's okay. I can't move. Well, not much. Just my arms. Not my legs. By the time the paramedics arrive, carefully moving me onto a rigid board, strapping me to it, I'm scared. As I overhear the paramedic on the radio in the ambulance: `Yeah, complete paralysis from…' I'm terrified. Leo hears it too. I can tell from the slight tightening of his facial muscles. His eyes don't leave mine. But his mind is elsewhere. ********** `Leo?' The doctor waiting for us recognises him. `Alex. Sam fell. He can't…' Alex nods. `Okay, get him inside. Hi Sam. I'm Dr Jamieson, I'm going to be taking care of you. Can you tell me what happened?' `I fell onto Toby’s briefcase.' ‘Flat or upright?' `Upright.' `All right. We'll do a few tests, try and work out what you've done. You just keep nice and still for me. Does it hurt anywhere?' I try shaking my head, but I can't because of the rigid collar round my neck and the strap across my forehead. `No.' `All right. Now, we'll get some x-rays, a scan of your spine and then we'll know what you've done, all right?' `Okay.' I hear her ordering the tests, then speaking quietly with Leo. He comes over and he manages a smile. `I'm gonna stay here till you come back okay? You want me to call Mallory?' `No.' `Your parents?' `Later.' He nods, understanding. `Okay.' The doctor's back. `Right Sam, they're going to take you upstairs now. I'll come and see you later, all right? Leo's going stay here and wait. Leo, go into my office and get a coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes.' In spite of everything, I can't help smiling. I've met Leo's new girlfriend, who speaks Latin and likes red roses and orders him about. No-one else. Just me. ********* `Hi Sam.' Opening my eyes, the doctor's standing over me, Leo a little way back. `We've got your results. It seems there's no permanent damage. You've given your spine a jolt, and it's going to take a while to recover. But you should be fine. You need to keep still and you'll have to stay here until you're better, but there's no indication from the tests that this is going to be a permanent injury. Now, is there anything you want to ask me?' `How long will I be like this?' It's the only question I have. `I'm sorry Sam, that's up to your body. All we can do is wait. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful. Now, we're going to move you into a room upstairs, and then in the morning you'll start physiotherapy to keep your muscles moving. I'll come and see you later, all right?' *********** Over the next two days, everyone comes. Toby, CJ, Danny, even Charlie gets let out long enough to visit. Then Josh comes. And I'm almost glad he's waited this long. I needed some time to work out how I felt, and by the look on his face, he still does. `Spinal shock. Trust you to have an illness which is also alliterative.' Then a thought occurs to him. `Sam Seaborn’s spinal shock. Even better.' I smile. `You know Leo's new girlfriend?' `Yeah?' `She's a doctor here.' `You've met her?' `Yeah, in the ER.' `What's she like?' I think about how to describe the woman. Then the door opens. And I don't have to bother. `Sam? I just thought I'd pop in and see how you were. Hello?' She looks enquiringly at Josh. `Hi. Josh Lyman. I'm…' She smiles as she finishes the sentence for him. `Leo's right hand.' Josh's eyes widen. `He said that?' Alex laughs. `Does that sound like something Leo would say?' We all laugh. `No.' She turns as a hand snakes round her waist. `We were just talking about you.' Leo's eyes are narrow and he holds his plastic coffee cup against his chest. `Oh?' `I was just telling the boys that if it wasn't for the dangerously large amounts of caffeine you consume, you would be lying next to Sam. Will you please go home and get some sleep!' Knowing he can't see, she winks at us. The sharp tone is just for effect. Leo scowls. `I'm not tired.' His tone tells her to stop fussing. `Leo, those aren't bags under your eyes, they're suitcases. Go home!' `Okay, okay. I'm outta here. Josh, you want a ride?' Josh looks at me for a brief second. `No thanks. I drove in.' `Okay.' Leo moves as if he's going to kiss Alex, then sees us both watching him, and changes his mind. `You need anything, Sam?' I can't think of anything, and if I do, I have Josh. `No thanks.' `Okay, I'll come by tomorrow.' And I know he will. `See ya.' ************* It's been a week. Seven days of no change in my condition. My parents are on vacation somewhere, and can't be reached. The President told Leo that the FBI could track them down if I wanted it. But I don't. My mother would fuss. And bother the doctors. My father would feel awkward. He's not into hands-on parenting. We would struggle to find things to talk about. And he and my mother would end up arguing. I'm okay with Leo and Josh being here. Most of the time it's one or other of them. Occasionally, at the beginning or the end of the day, they're both here. Now, late in the evening, its just Leo and we're doing the crossword together. I want to tell him how much I appreciate him sharing it with me. I know how possessive he can be with it. It's one of the things Alex told me. How she and Leo had their first row when she filled in the last clue after she came down one morning and found the paper lying on the couch. I guess that means they're living together. But I don't say anything. He wouldn't appreciate the sentiment, and it would make it awkward between us. This man's man who doesn't show affection easily. And as I stare at him, I realise he's noticed I'm paying him more than casual interest. `Sammy, six down.' His voice is gruff, his usual manner with added tiredness. I look away and he sees my smile. `What?' I'm saved from having to make up an answer when the door opens. `Leo, are you still here?' His answer is suited to her question. `Nope. I went home hours ago.' `Then I hope you put the dinner on. I'm starving.' Alex's comment makes us both smile. And I have just found out that they are living together. Leo gets up. `Wanna finish it?' He leaves the newspaper on the table over my bed. `Thanks.’ `Night.' It's as if a switch has been hit. The Leo of a few minutes earlier has gone. In its place is the usual Leo. Private. I want to say emotionally repressed. But I know he's not. I've seen the other side of him these last few days. And I know a little more of the real Leo McGarry. Kind. Understanding. Sensitive. If anyone else had used these words to describe him a week ago, I would have laughed. Now, I'm using them. Alex reaches for his hand and pulls him to his feet. Reluctantly he acquiesces. `Night Sam.' As he gets up, he smiles at me. Not his usual smirk. Not a sarcastic grin. Not any of the other versions of the McGarry mask. A real, proper, reflected in his eyes, smile. Alex's voice ends the moment, and the smile. `We'll see you in the morning Sam. Do you have everything you need before we go?' I look at the jumble of things on the table across my legs. `Yes, thanks.' *************** Somehow, Alex is walking in with the doctors who are waiting for any sign that the sensation is returning to my lower limbs. I know she's supposed to be working. Earlier when she came up to see me, she said she would drop by in her lunch-hour. But she's here. Toby is getting a coffee. He bought work for the first time today. And we managed part of a half-decent speech before a nurse, who told Toby he should wait outside until the doctors had seen me, interrupted us. `Hello Sam.' I half-recognise the doctor who seems to be in charge. But there have been so many people in and out of my room during the past few days that I'm having trouble remembering faces. `Hi.' `Sam, we need to have a talk.' I recognise the tone. Bad news. And I'm suddenly scared. I look around the blank faces until I settle on Alex. She gives me a half- smile, and makes her way through the crowd of people to settle on the edge of my bed, slipping her hand into mine. I don't realise how tightly I'm gripping her hand until I hear her soft gasp of pain and, instantly, I release my grip. `Sam, we're going to run some more tests today. Usually, in cases like this, we would expect to see some return of sensation within a few days. It's been…' He looks down at my notes `…eight days now, and we don't want to miss anything. We'll organise the tests for this morning, then I'll come and see you later with the results, okay?' I nod, desperately trying not to cry. They file out, and Alex says quietly: `I'll be back in just a second.' I can hear her talking outside the door, then Toby's voice, calm concern. The door opens, and Toby comes back in, coffee cup in hand. `Sam…' The coffee is forgotten as he walks across to hold me as I can't be brave any more. Later, I realise Toby and Leo are similar in one way. A deep veneer of apparent indifference. Protection against displays of emotion. But underneath, a bottomless well of kindness and understanding. I've tapped into both, and I know our relationships will have changed as a result. Toby lifts his briefcase onto the edge of the bed and flicks open the catches. We both need something else to think about, and the President's next big speech is just the thing. He pulls the heavy folder out, and the lid of the case slips, dropping onto my legs. As he lifts it back, apologising, the metal catch scrapes my thigh and I flinch. We look at each other and I can feel my heart beating faster. `Toby, do that again.' Toby is unsure, and I reach forward and grab the edge of his briefcase lid, scraping it across my leg. I draw blood. I don't care. It hurts. Not much, but enough. He looks at me. `I'll call a nurse.' I shake my head. I don't want to tell just anyone. `Toby, get Alex.' Toby walks to the nurses' station. `I'd like to find Dr Alex…' He stops as he realises he has no idea of her last name. And begins to walk back to my room. I call through the door: `Jamieson. Alex Jamieson. She's in the ER.' The nurse smiles. `Sure. I'll page her for you now.' Leo calls the President. He hands me the phone and I reassure him that I'm able to feel my legs, move them a little, and stand if I'm held tightly in Alex and Leo's firm grip. He wishes me well, then I hand Leo the handset. He shakes his head. `Call Mallory.' He jerks his head and he and Alex leave me alone while I tell the one person who didn't even know I had been hurt that I'm recovering. Her tears re-start mine, and I'm not sure she's heard my question. Until I hear her voice, soft with emotion. `Yes, I'll marry you.' As I end the call, I realise I have to tell Leo what I've just done. If he reacts badly, he may do me far worse injuries than I suffered nine days ago. But it will be worth it. Leo has Alex. I will have Mallory. And Toby's soft pink rubber throwballs will continue to bounce off the walls of his office, driving me crazy. Which is why we stole them all to have a game of Basketrubberball in the first place. End Home Send me feedback on this fic Return to the X-Files Fic Index Return to the West Wing Fic Index