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Title: Face value Putting aside his newspaper, Josh looked across the table to where Leo sat, brow furrowed, completing the crossword. `If I say something, will you promise not to get angry?' `Depends what it is.' `It's about us.' `Oh?' `Promise?' Frowning, Leo nodded. `Okay.' `The other night, when Fox was here.' Josh stopped talking and Leo sat back, folding his paper closed, dropping it onto the table. `Yeah.' `You promise, right?' `What have you done?' `Nothing. I…um…well…' `Josh!' Almost shouting, Josh said quickly: `You hit me.' Leo took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Speaking slowly and deliberately, Leo growled: `I.Apologised.Remember?' `Yeah. But that's all you did.' Leo scowled. `And you want me to do what?' `Tell me why?' `I was angry.' `You've been pissed at me before. You never hit me.' `So?' Josh's nerve almost failed him. Did you want to see what it was like? To hit someone?' Leo almost laughed. `I've thrown the odd punch Josh.' `This was different though, right?' After a long silence, Leo nodded. `Yuh.' `So?' Uncomfortable with the self-analysis Josh seemed to want, Leo got up. `It's done. It won't happen again. I told you that. Now go find yourself something to do while I finish the crossword.' `No.' `What?!' `No. I want to know why you hit me.' `Were you not listening just now?' `Yeah. But I still don't understand.' `Understand what?' `Why you hit me.' Shaking his head, Leo got up. `That's it. Josh, I hit you kid. Get over it.' `Until the next time?' If he understood Josh was baiting him, Leo didn't show it. `There won't be a next time. Now go watch TV or something.' `You're turning into your Dad. He drank, he hit. What else are you gonna do?' As he spoke, Josh realised he'd gone too far. Leo was clearly furious. Grabbing his coat, he slammed the door as he left. Scared, and not sure what to do, Josh dropped onto the couch and stared at the blank TV screen until he dozed off. ************* `Thanks.' Leo took the coffee Jed handed him, realising that Abbey must be around somewhere, but not seeing her. `Where's Abbey?' `She's meeting Zoey and Charlie for dinner.' `Why didn't you go?' `Cos you're upset.' Leo sighed, getting up. `It's not that important. Go to dinner.' `Siddown Leo.' `I hit him.' `When?' Leo noticed Jed didn't ask who he had hit. `We had a houseguest. Josh said something stupid, and I hit him.' `And?' `He accused me of turning into my father.' Jed took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, giving himself a few seconds thinking time. `Leo, I'm not sure I can help.' `I don't need help!' Leo snapped. `Did you talk to Catherine?' `No.' `I think you should.' `I think I should go.' `Yeah. Walk out. You've walked out of your apartment, my home, where next Leo?' Leo looked at his friend. Then he dropped his head into his hands. `I dunno.' `Anger management?' Jed suggested. Leo's head snapped up. `What?!' `I was just checking you were listening. Hang on.' Bartlet walked to the door, had a quick conversation with the agent in the corridor outside, then came back in. `Have some more coffee while we wait.' `Who are we waiting for?' `Josh.' Leo frowned. `He's not gonna come here.' `The President has just summoned his Deputy Chief of Staff. He'll come.' Leo sat back on the couch, sipping at the strong coffee. ************* Looking a little dishevelled, and more than a little bewildered, Josh got out of the car. Ron Butterfield met him as he walked towards the building. Following the President's specific instructions, Ron said: `Hi Josh. The President's in the Residence. You can go straight up.' `Thanks Ron.' `Sir?' `Hi Josh. Come on in. Coffee?' `Thanks. What's going on?' `I thought we might have a talk.' `What about sir?' `Oh, how about the past?' Lost, Josh nodded. `Okay.' Bartlet sat in the armchair, cradling his coffee. `Leo told me what happened.' Josh felt his face colour. `Sir, I didn't mean what I said. I was upset.' Bartlet frowned, hoping his lie sounded convincing. `He didn't tell me you'd said anything. Just that he'd slapped you.' Remembering, Josh's face tightened. `It was my fault.' `That may be true. But it doesn't excuse what Leo did.' `No. But tonight, I accused him…' `Of turning into my father.' Josh turned in his seat as Leo's voice came across from where he'd been standing in the doorway. Immediately, Bartlet got to his feet. `I've got some stuff to do.' `It's not true. You're not. You're really not.' Leo looked thoughtful. `Yeah, Josh. I am. I was. I won't. Okay?' `Fox said getting hit turns him on. It just hurt.' `It's different.' Josh stared. `How would you know?' Giving Josh a `we're not going there' look, Leo said firmly: `You're just gonna have to take my word for it.' `I deserved it. That night.' `You deserved something. Not that.' `Would you rather have someone like Fox?' Leo frowned. `That's what this is about?' Staring at the floor, Josh nodded. `Yeah.' Leo smiled. `I want you. I have you. You're mine.' `But would you dump me if something better came along?' Josh persisted. Trying to convince Josh he was serious, Leo said carefully: `No. Never. Ever. Okay?' Slightly reassured, Josh nodded. `Okay. And don't hit me again. It really hurt.' `I will never hit you again kid, okay?' `Okay.' Leo noticed that, although he looked convinced, Josh was still sitting several feet away from him. `Come here.' Josh got up slowly, warily closing the distance between them. `Sit here.' Leo pointed to the couch next to him. `Now, you can ask me anything. I'll try and answer. Anything you're not clear about, anything at all. Well?' `Why did you tell the President about us?' `He noticed you were different. He asked me. I told him.' `Have you ever hit anyone like Skinner hits Fox?' `Once.' `Why only once?' `I couldn't control my temper.' `You were scared you'd hurt them.' Although it was clearly a statement, Leo replied anyway. `You must never discipline someone when you're angry.' `You didn't hit me cos I'd behaved badly. You hit me cos you were angry.' `Yes.' `You weren't being Leo, DC's best top. You were just being Leo.' Leo smiled. `Yeah. And I can't be. Not when we're in the apartment.' `So you never, ever, get a break?' Leo shook his head. `No.' `No-one could manage that.' `Believe me, kid, all over DC and everywhere else, right now, people are managing just fine.' `You've been on the scene for years. What made you make a mistake?' `Anger.' `You never get angry when you're being Leo the top?' `No.' Josh was impressed. `So I made you lose your temper for the first time ever?' `Yeah.' `Wow.' Leo laughed. `It's not an achievement you should be proud of, kid.' Quietly, Josh muttered: `I know.' `Anything else?' Josh nodded. `Yeah.' Leo poured them both a coffee refill. `Well?' `What do you get out of it?' Leo sighed. `I get to have you around.' Josh frowned. `That's not it.' Leo sat back, silent for a few moments. `When you behave really well, it reflects well on me. People are impressed.' `So you do it for recognition.' `Yeah. No.' Leo realised what he'd said wasn't quite right. `I…you…' `What?' Josh persisted. `You've seen Skinner. Fox is…perfect.' `You have me around to make you look good?' Leo laughed. `No, it's more than that.' He sighed. `I dunno.' `Yes, you do.' Leo got up, pacing the room. He heard a quiet voice from the doorway. `Tell him the truth Leo. He deserves it.' Josh turned quickly. `Sir?' Bartlet came across, his hand resting on Josh's shoulder. `You've been here thirty minutes, and you're still confused, right?' `Yeah.' `Want me to help you out Leo?' `No.' Leo growled. `Then get on with it.' Bartlet groaned. Stopping his relentless pacing, Leo stood with his back to the window. `One day, kid, you're gonna be in this room. And you're gonna be in a hole. There'll be some problem, some disaster, and only you'll know what to do.' Josh looked up at Bartlet, totally lost. Bartlet smiled. Quietly, just for Josh's ears, he said: `It's coming.' Leo took a deep breath. `You can be so much more Josh. And you will be. And I want to know I helped you.' `You have. You do. I…' Josh felt the hand on his shoulder squeeze slightly, and he stopped. `I'm proud of you now. We both are. But we'll be so much more proud of you when what you've learned tells you the right thing to do. For you. For your country.' `What if no-one agrees with me?' Leo shrugged. `Fuck `em. You're the President.' `But how am I gonna know that I'm right?' Bartlet's hand moved slightly. 'You'll know.' Then the contact was broken and he was walking away again. Josh sipped his coffee. `I still don't get why you hit me.' `What?!' Leo couldn't believe what he was hearing. `What did you think all that was about?' `Not about you hitting me!' Leo made a pained noise. `Are you ever gonna forget about that?' `No. It hurt!' `I know!' `So why did you hit me?' `I am not going there again.' `Why not?' Finally, Leo snapped: `Because you got what you deserved!' The agent outside the door recognised one of the voices. Chief of Staff McGarry. And he guessed the other one was the Deputy Chief of Staff. He knew it wasn't Bartlet. Whatever they were arguing about, and he couldn't hear clearly, they were both really angry. Josh's chest was heaving, his face reflecting the confusion and hurt he was feeling. Leo slammed his fist into the wall, then turned round. Carefully, he said: `I told you I was sorry. I told you it wouldn't happen again. Now I'm telling you to get past it.' `Or?' `Or leave.' `You really think I deserved to be hit?' `That night? Yeah.' `Does anyone deserve to be hit like that?' Leo's gaze dropped to the floor. `No.' `But you did it anyway.' `You were a brat.' `You were a bully.' Leo nodded. `Yeah. I…should have…reacted…differently.' `Yeah. Like not hitting me.' `Yes.' `Next time, just send me to bed.' `There's gonna be a next time?' Josh shrugged. `Probably.' `Okay.' `You should hug me now.' Leo smiled. `Because?' `I deserve it.' `What did you do?' `I forgave you for hitting me.' `Get over here!' Josh didn't move. `Don't shout.' `Don't tell me what to do kid.' `Don't hit me ever again.' Hugging Josh to him, Leo said: `I won't.' `I know.' Leo frowned, pushing Josh away. `When why in Hell are we having this stupid conversation?!' Josh smiled. `Do you really think I'm gonna be President?' `Don't change the subject!' `I thought you wanted to.' Leo groaned, dropping onto the couch. `How is being hit erotic?' Leo wondered where the question had come from, but answered anyway. `It can be. If it's done right.' `I'm lucky I work in the White House and not in the Hoover Building.' `Why?' `Cos I might have ended up with Skinner.' `Trust me kid, you would never have ended up with Skinner.' If he realised he was being made fun of Josh didn't show it. Leo put an arm around Josh's shoulder as the younger man's head rested on his chest. `There's something else, isn't there?' `What's it like? Being hit.' `Hurts.' `And?' Josh persisted. `If you're lucky, and the other person is skilled enough, you reach a point where it doesn't hurt any more. Endorphins kick in and you just…' `It was like that when I was shot. It hurt for a bit and then it didn't. I thought I was dead.' `But you weren't.' In a quiet voice, Josh asked: `When they wear off, does it hurt?' `Yeah.' Still nervous, Josh said: `And you have scars.' `No. If the skin isn't broken, after a few days the marks fade.' `If you ever let Catherine hit you again, I want to be there.' `What the Hell for?' `To bring you home afterwards.' Leo tightened his grip on Josh. `Believe me kid, you wouldn't wanna see me when I got home.' `Promise me.' `Josh…' `Leo, I'm braver than I look.' Leo laughed quietly. `I know you are kid. Maybe there won't be a next time.' Sighing, Josh shook his head. `It's me we're talking about. There'll be a next time.' Leo groaned. `Thanks kid. Now I have something to look forward to.' Realising what he'd said, Josh backtracked. `I mean…I might…' Leo rubbed Josh's arm gently. `Yeah kid, you probably will.' `Why keep me on if you know I'm gonna do that to you.' `Masochism.' `Liar.' `Careful.' Hearing the warning tone, Josh moved to lie with his feet on the couch, his upper body resting on Leo's. `Thanks.' `What for?' `Knowing I'm gonna be President.' Sure that wasn't what Josh had been going to say, Leo decided to let it go. For now.   An hour later, Leo was dozing, his arm wrapped around Josh's shoulder. Josh was lying with his head on Leo's chest, smiling as he slept. Jed walked quietly into the room and stared down at the two men. Leo's eyes opened quickly. `Hi.' `Everything okay?' `Yeah. Everything's fine.' Looking at his watch, Bartlet frowned. `Hey, it's almost midnight. You wanna stay here?' Leo came fully awake, moving as little as possible, careful not to wake Josh. `Nah. We'll go home.' `Home.' Josh mumbled, still half-asleep. `Yeah Josh. Home. Come on kid.' Leo pushed Josh gently upright, waking him fully. Seeing Leo's huge yawn, Bartlet said firmly: `I'll find a driver for you.' **************** Settling Josh into bed, Leo leaned down, mussing Josh's hair. `Night kid.' `Night Leo. Leo?' `Yeah kid?' `Thanks.' `Anytime.' `Really?' Hoping Josh finally understood, Leo nodded. `Yeah. You're mine. Forever. So, anytime.' With a contented sigh, Josh snuggled down under the heap of bedclothes. Leo had said it. His favorite word. Forever. He just wished he hadn't volunteered to go with Leo next time he went to Catherine's. Perhaps Leo would forget his offer. Yeah right. End Home Send me feedback on this fic Return to the West Wing Fic Index