Sexual Politics: Part Three – Truth and consequences From Part One: ‘Why does he hate me?’ ‘Who?’ ‘Onorato.’ ‘He doesn’t hate you Sam. He just tried to use you to get what he wants. Well, what his boss wants.’ ‘Does Toby hate me?’ ‘No Sammy, Toby doesn’t hate you.’ Sam looks devastated. Hair all mussed, beer drips on his white shirt, his tie coming undone. And hurt in his eyes. Blue eyes. I never noticed Sam’s eyes before. Note to self: Josh is a colleague, nothing more. Seeing me naked in the shower is not going to make him jump me in the men’s room. I mean, he’s dated plenty of women. He just happens to have a nice smile. From Part Two: ‘Sam, what the Hell is this about?’ ‘You always do this!’ ‘Do what?’ Sam’s as angry as I’ve ever seen him. ‘Take over. I do all the work, then you take all the credit. Or avoid any of the blame.’ ‘When did that ever happen?’ ‘Onorato? It was your thing, and he used me. And he insulted me. And you knew that he was gonna use Laurie, but did you tell me? No! You let me set myself up, then you and Toby laughed at me.’   ‘I’m talking to CJ, then I’m talking to you.’ As Toby and I walk towards the Oval Office, he continues to rant at me, refusing to accept my resignation which I’m happy to give him, rather than the President. Who is gonna fire me anyway. And I never would have gone to see Laurie if Josh and I hadn’t rowed. And the British papers wouldn’t be sharing the same grainy picture of me kissing Laurie. And Toby wouldn’t be yelling at me. And the President wouldn’t be… ’That’s all.’ ‘Thank you Mr President.’ I’m completely dazed. The President didn’t fire me. He seemed more concerned about Laurie than me. That wasn’t the scary part. That would be Toby defending me. Toby. Defending me. Me. When I’ve just caused the administration the biggest embarrassment, well, ever. I walk across to Babish’s office, following the President’s instructions. He’s already waiting for me. At least he’s smiling. ‘I bought you a sandwich.’ I look up. ‘Thanks.’ Josh isn’t sure what to say. Eventually, he settles for: ‘How did it go?’ We both jump at the loud shout. ‘Sam!’ ‘I’ll tell you later.’ I can’t remember ever being grateful for being called into Leo’s office. But I am now. ‘Siddown.’ ‘Leo…’ ‘Sam, did Toby tell you not to go to Laurie’s graduation?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘And did you imagine that meant you could still see her? After I specifically told you not to? Do I have to give you detailed instructions for everything? Cos I can. It’ll make your life Hell, but then that’s pretty much what you deserve.’ ‘I know.’ As I sit and listen to Leo rage at me, I realise something. I’m more scared of him than I am of the President. A lot more scared. ‘Leo…’ ‘Shut up Sam! This is gonna be all over the papers tomorrow, and no-one’s gonna care about our numbers cos they’re all gonna be reading about you and a call-girl!’ ‘Laurie.’ ‘What?!’ Although Leo’s gone beyond angry now, I repeat myself. ‘Her name is Laurie.’ If it’s possible, his voice is louder. ‘I don’t care Sam. I don’t care. Do you get that yet?’ ‘Yes.’ As usual, Leo’s anger dissipates as quickly as it built. ‘Okay. Then get out and write something about the new Ambassadors. Or polling numbers. Or anything. Just get out.’ I can see Josh sitting on the edge of my desk but I don’t want to talk to anyone right now, and I walk down the hallway, locking myself in one of the stalls in the men’s room. I manage not to cry. Until I come out and Josh is standing in the doorway, looking at me. ‘Hey.’ I hear my voice cracking as my vision blurs. ‘Josh, I don’t…’ ‘I got you a bottle of water too. I left it on your desk. I’ve got a meeting over OEOB.’ Splashing water on my face helps, and I look up. ‘Thanks.’ ‘Sam, it’s gonna be okay. If we do well in the polls, and we find out who has the stupid memo, no-one’ll care about you and Laurie.’ But we both know it’s not true, and I don’t answer. After a couple more seconds, Josh closes the door as he leaves. ******************* ‘We went up nine points.’ CJ’s smiling. Everyone’s smiling. The President is silent for only a second before: ‘Okay what’s next?’ Well, Sam and I have to talk. And not about the numbers, or Laurie, or the new Ambassadors. Us. We have to talk about us. I look at Sam until he looks at me and we leave with everyone else to go back to our offices. Only we both go back to mine. ‘I wanna apologise.’ ‘What for Sam?’ ‘The things I said.’ ‘Sam, it’s okay.’ ‘No Josh. I was outta line.’ I shrug. ‘Who cares. Sam, we went up nine points. We need to celebrate. Toby, Leo, you coming?’ Sam picks up his coat and briefcase. ‘I’ll meet you outside. I gotta couple of things to do.’ ‘Okay. Toby, I now know, prefers to not socialise with us, so his refusal to join us is no surprise. And Leo’s still angry with Sam. So I pick up my coat and backpack and, after a brief conversation with the President, follow Sam out of the building. He’s waiting by his car. ‘Let’s not get drunk. Let’s go out and eat.’ ‘Okay, you know that pizza place near that coffee shop where the women all wear those tight little t-shirts?’ Sam smiles. ‘Yeah. I’ll meet you there.’ ‘Okay. And Sam?’ ‘Yuh?’ ‘Dinner’s on you.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Cos you yelled at me the other night.’ He shrugs. ‘Okay.’ ***************** Okay, I admit it. The food is nice. And Josh when he’s calm is great company. He’s almost bi-polar in the office. Completely up one minute, rushing around. Then shutting himself away and being totally still the next. But here we’re just talking. About clothes. ‘I mean, coincidence. Us both wearing the same things.’ I smile. ‘Josh, we wore jeans and sweatshirts. That’s not coincidence. That’s just…’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘Us.’ ‘Us?’ ‘Guys. What we chose to wear in our free time.’ ‘I don’t think I have any of that.’ ‘I came close to having a Hell of a lot of it today.’ ‘Sammy, it’s done now. Forget about it. Okay?’ He waits until I look up and I see his encouraging smile. I force a smile, just to reassure him. ‘Okay. You want the last piece?’ ‘No. You?’ ‘Split it?’ ‘Okay.’ Now, I admit this is not one of my strong points. Tearing pizza. And, sure enough, we end up with a large almost rectangular piece, and a smaller, triangular piece. Without asking, Josh snatches the larger piece from me. ‘Hey!’ ‘You yelled at me.’ ‘I was angry.’ ‘With me? I have to admit: ‘No.’ ‘Then why..?’ ‘Cos you were there, okay?’ Josh waits until I look at him. Again. ‘Sam, I wanna be there for you.’ I just know I’m blushing. Perhaps he’ll think it’s the beers. Sam’s blushing. Do I have a switch which goes off every few minutes when we’re talking which makes me say a really stupid thing? I think I do. I wonder how to turn it off. He really is cute when he’s embarrassed. ‘You ready to go?’ Josh’s voice breaks into my thoughts. Which were all about Josh. Being there for me. Which, of course, I already knew. Cos the other night he said he and Toby would take care of me. Although I’m fairly sure Josh used the wrong word then. And he’s doing it again now, without even realising it. That would be why we’re both looking so uncomfortable. ‘Yeah. See ya tomorrow.’ ‘Okay.’ **************** ‘We’re all going up to the Residence. The President wants to see us.’ ‘Now?’ Leo looks at his watch. ‘It’s a quarter to nine. Why is he up there already?’ Charlie shrugs. ‘Dunno Sir. But…’ ‘Okay.’ Leo pulls himself up from his chair. Sam and I are already in his office and CJ is bringing Toby across. ‘You know what this is about?’ Leo looks at CJ, who manages to look wholly innocent. Without actually saying anything. ‘Okay, let’s go.’ We follow Leo out and CJ drops back to walk with us as Toby ends up walking beside the other man whose birthday it is today. ***************** The party is fun. Somehow, Josh and I make it through almost three hours being in the same room without spending more than a few minutes together. This obviously suits him. The party is a little different from the one we planned. Apparently, the President vetoed the Karaoke machine, but the West Wing-shaped birthday cake he organised is great. ‘Josh, you and Sam had a row?’ ‘Leo?’ ‘You’ve been ignoring each other all evening. Something up?’ ‘Nah. We’re fine.’ Leo is no more convinced by my reassurance than I am. But in a roomful of people, I don’t want to provoke Sam into another argument, so I let him avoid me. **************** Amid much clapping and cheering, Leo and Toby open their presents. I’m not sure what they got. I was watching Josh. Well, not watching. Just wondering why he didn’t, as usual, have Donna on his arm. Unlike the senior staff, a number of the assistants have changed. Donna’s wearing a three-quarter length black velvet dress. Josh must be really, really, tired if he hasn’t noticed. I know it’s his favourite. He’s told me often enough. ************** Mallory and Sam are feet apart. I expected them to at least be next to each other, probably touching, but they’re not. I hope they haven’t had a row. Mallory’s wearing a blue silk shirt and matching trousers. I know Sam always says he likes her in blue. ***************** I see Sam just about to get into his car. ‘Hey!’ ‘Hey Josh.’ He looks up, smiling. But he’s alone. No Mallory. ‘Great party.’ ‘Yeah.’ Donna said she was getting a lift home with Bonnie. I didn’t argue. She’s a terrible back-seat driver, and grips the dashboard every time we break even a little sharply. As I pull into a space in front of my building, I can see Sam sitting on the stoop, huddled against the Autumn chill, his coat pulled tightly round him. If I hadn’t stopped for milk and bread, we probably would have arrived here at the same time. ‘Sammy?’ He looks up at the sound of his name. ‘Hi.’ If he’s ever looked more miserable, I don’t remember it. ‘Sammy, what is it?’ ’You were right. We have to talk.’ ‘What about?’ ‘Us.’ **************** ‘You wanna beer?’ Sam shakes his head slightly. ‘Josh…’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘You know why I stopped seeing Mallory, right?’ ‘No.’ I knew their relationship was kind of on-off, but I didn’t realise it was off. ‘Josh!’ ‘Sam, I have no idea.’ Sam slumps onto my couch and I drop next to him, only realising what a bad idea that was when he moves as far from me as he can without actually getting up. ‘Back in college, we did stuff. We experimented…you know, tried different things.’ I remembered the one and only time I’d tried smoking pot, I’d been sick for two days and had never touched even a cigarette since. ‘Yeah, so?’ ‘Drugs, sex…’ I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. Drugs, yeah, well once. Sex, no. Well, yeah, a lot of sex. But none I could describe as experimental. Not in college anyway. I was over the experimental part by the time I started High School. I guess it’s possible Sam waited until College. ‘And I worked out who I was. Josh, I’m not…I’m…’ I’m moving from ‘uncomfortable’ to ‘panic’ now. ‘Sammy, what are you trying to say?’ ‘I stopped seeing Mallory because she couldn’t cope with the idea that I was attracted to other people.’ He looks at me for a long moment. ‘She wanted it to be exclusively her?’ Another long pause. ‘She wanted it to be exclusively women.’ The light finally dawns. ‘You’re…’ Sam smiles sadly. ‘I’m not sure what I am Josh. I mean, the girls in the coffee shop do it for me, but so does the guy in the UPS ad.’ ‘You’re bisexual.’ Sam shrugs. ‘I guess that’s as good as any other word. ‘How long have you known? Since college?’ ‘Nah. I probably realised it when I met you.’ Sam watches me carefully for my reaction. And I’m careful not to show it. ‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ ‘You’ve never seen me naked before.’ ‘When did I see you naked?’ ‘In the shower.’ I’m not sure what to say, and settle for. ‘Oh.’ ‘You were embarrassed. I wasn’t.’ I’m forced to defend myself. ‘I was not!’ Sam smiles. ‘Yeah you were. Cos you were thinking the same thing I was.’ ‘Which was?’ Sam shakes his head slightly. ‘Tell me.’ I take a deep breath. ‘I was wishing I was in there with you.’ *************** It’s our quiet time. I’ve started to drop by the Residence before even Charlie arrives, just to get a few minutes alone with Jed whenever I need to. And today is one of those mornings. ‘I’m worried about the kids.’ Bartlet smiled. ‘Leo, are you gonna still be calling them ‘the kids’ when Josh is President and Sam is Chief of Staff?’ I stare at the President as if that was a really stupid question. ‘Yeah.’ ‘Why?’ ‘They’ve had some kind of row. And they’re avoiding each other.’ ‘Leo, they’ll get over it.’ I’m unconvinced. ‘Okay.’ ‘You want me to talk to them?’ ‘Why?’ ‘We can’t have something like this.’ ‘I know. I’ll do it.’ ‘Today, Leo.’ ‘Yeah.’ *************** ‘Sam, Josh, get in here.’ Toby looks up as I call Sam away, but doesn’t comment. He’s noticed the atmosphere between them. I know, cos he told me this morning. ‘Siddown.’ As they sit, I notice that Josh takes the armchair and Sam the couch. ‘What is this?’ ‘Leo?’ ‘Josh, quit playing around. This…whatever it is, has got to stop. What happened between you two? Fall out over some girl?’ For some reason, I get a sinking feeling. This is more serious than fighting over who gets served by the blonde one with the large…plaits in the Mess. Which they do. Often. I know. I’ve seen them. ‘Leo, this is none of your business.’ ‘Yeah, it is Sam. I’ve noticed it. Toby’s noticed it. And the President’s noticed it. Now do whatever you have to do to get past this. But do it in here. And do it now. I’ve got a meeting over OEOB. When I get back, I wanna know you two are okay, got it?’ Neither speaks, and, late for my meeting, I leave. **************** ‘I’m not gay.’ I almost laugh. ‘I know.’ ‘How?’ ‘You flirt with Donna.’ ‘You slept with Laurie.’ ‘Yeah?’ Did he not remember what I told him? Then Josh sighs, remembering. ‘What do we do?’ Weirdly, for the first time in years, I feel in control of our relationship. ‘We do as Leo says. Get past this.’ ‘But, the shower…’ ‘Josh, have you really never, ever, seen a man naked and not even wondered what it would be like…’ Looking at Josh as I speak, I realise I just answered my own question. No. Never. Ever. No way. But his head drops into his hands and his fingers rake his hair. As he lifts his head up, he looks at me. ‘Maybe.’ I get up, smiling. ‘Any time you wanna find out, just let me know.’ ‘We work together.’ I let it go for a second, then: ‘We’re not the first gays in the White House.’ Josh’s voice is sharp. ‘I’m not gay.’ As is mine. ‘Neither am I.’ Sam walks out first, leaving me to sit in Leo’s armchair. I’m still sitting there twenty minutes later when Leo comes back. ‘You two okay now?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Okay, get out of my office.’ Continued in Part Four Home Send me feedback on this fic Return to the X-Files Fic Index Return to the West Wing Fic Index