From Part One: ‘Why does he hate me?’ ‘Who?’ ‘Onorato.’ ‘He doesn’t hate you Sam. He just tried to use you to get what he wants. Well, what his boss wants.’ ‘Does Toby hate me?’ ‘No Sammy, Toby doesn’t hate you.’ Sam looks devastated. Hair all mussed, beer drips on his white shirt, his tie coming undone. And hurt in his eyes. Blue eyes. I never noticed Sam’s eyes before. Note to self: Josh is a colleague, nothing more. Seeing me naked in the shower is not going to make him jump me in the men’s room. I mean, he’s dated plenty of women. He just happens to have a nice smile. From Part Two: ‘Sam, what the Hell is this about?’ ‘You always do this!’ ‘Do what?’ Sam’s as angry as I’ve ever seen him. ‘Take over. I do all the work, then you take all the credit. Or avoid any of the blame.’ ‘When did that ever happen?’ ‘Onorato? It was your thing, and he used me. And he insulted me. And you knew that he was gonna use Laurie, but did you tell me? No! You let me set myself up, then you and Toby laughed at me.’ From Part Three: ‘I stopped seeing Mallory because she couldn’t cope with the idea that I was attracted to other people.’ ‘You’re…’ Sam smiles sadly. ‘I’m not sure what I am Josh. I mean, the girls in the coffee shop do it for me, but so does the guy in the UPS ad.’ ‘You’re bisexual.’ ‘I guess that’s as good as any other word.’ ‘Josh, have you really never, ever, seen a man and not even wondered what it would be like..?’ ‘Maybe.’ ‘Any time you wanna find out, just let me know.’ ‘We work together.’ ‘We’re not the first gays in the White House.’ ‘I’m not gay.’ ‘Neither am I.’ From Part Four: ‘Josh!’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘Your cell’s ringing.’ ‘Tell whoever it is I’ll call ‘em back. I gotta fix this tap.’ ‘Josh Lyman’s phone.’ ‘Who the Hell is this?’ ‘Leo?’ ‘Sam, what the Hell are you doing with Josh’s cell?’ ‘He’s fixing a tap and I’m using his power.’ ‘You two made up then, huh?’ ‘Leo?’ ‘You and Sam. He was round at your place.’ ‘Yeah. He had no power and I had…’ ‘A dripping tap. Yeah, I heard. Now, did you read the report?’ ’Josh, nothing is going to happen between us unless we both want it, okay. You’re safe in my apartment.’ ‘What?!’ ‘Forget it. D’you wanna leave your stuff here or not?’ ‘I’m not gay.’ ‘I know, Josh. You told me.’ ‘So why do you assume I’d wanna sleep with you?’ ‘I don’t.’ From Part Five: ‘Okay, let’s do it.’ ‘Er, I’m…’ ‘Josh, go to bed.’ ‘Josh, wake up! Josh, come on. Josh!’ ‘Josh, you were having a nightmare.’ I had to touch him. I couldn’t have just woken him then walked away. Oh no. I had to unwrap him from the bedclothes. Then tidy his hair. ‘Hey, Sam? The pipes are fixed in my apartment.’ ‘So you’ll be moving out?’ ‘Er, yeah. Thanks.’ ‘Any time.’   Sexual Politics Part 6 – Testing times ‘So, where are these new pipes?’ I opened my front door and Sam was standing there, wine bottle wrapped in tissue paper. This was weird in itself. But wanting to see my pipes? Very weird. Still, Sam is…well, I’m not sure what wanting to see someone’s new pipes makes a person, but, whatever it is, he is it. ‘Er, in the bathroom. And the kitchen.’ ‘I thought we’d celebrate.’ ‘The pipes?’ He looks at me strangely as if there could be any other answer to that question. ‘Yeah.’ ‘Okay.’ ‘Hey, nice pipes.’ Okay, that’s it. ‘Sam, who the Hell wants to look at pipes?’ ‘I do.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Just because.’ I feel that is in no way sufficient explanation for Sam’s weirdness. ‘Because?’ He looks at the floor. ‘Because I couldn’t think of another reason to come over.’ ‘Does there have to be a reason?’ Reassured, he looks up, a slight smile eventually forming. ‘Guess not.’ I nod at the bottle he’s holding. ‘I’ll get glasses.’ ***************** ‘Josh, are you sure you want another glass?’ I nod. ‘Yeah.’ Sam pours a small amount of wine into my glass and, putting the half-empty bottle on the table in front of us, gets up. ‘I should go.’ ‘Stay.’ Where did that come from?’ ‘Josh…’ Sam is staring at me. ‘Stay. Here. With me. Please?’ He’s still staring at me. Josh…’ ‘Sam.’ ‘Are you sure?’ No. ‘Yes.’ Yes. No. Way to be decisive Josh. Dropping down onto the sofa beside me, he leans across. ‘We have to talk about a few things.’ ‘Okay.’ I have no idea what we’re about to ‘talk about’. ‘If we do this, we’re gonna be different. We can never be like we are right now.’ Suddenly, I’m scared. ‘What?’ ‘We’re colleagues, friends. If we’re going to be lovers too, we need to talk about it.’ Lovers. Sam and I are going to be lovers. ‘It?’ ‘How we’re going to behave. Are we going to be open about our relationship? Are we going to see other people?’ We haven’t even kissed, and Sam’s thinking about telling the staff about us? And cheating on me? ‘We have to talk about that now?’ Sam’s face is suddenly serious. ‘Yeah, Josh. This isn’t a one-night stand with someone you pick up in a bar.’ ‘At least I know you won’t kiss-and-tell.’ ‘Josh!’ I accept the rebuke. ‘Sorry. Okay. I don’t think we should tell anyone. At least not until…’ Sam is a little calmer now. ‘We announce the wedding date?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Josh, this is a big step. For both of us.’ Well, bigger for me. Being my first time. ‘Yeah, I know.’ ‘Josh, either I walk out of here now, or tomorrow morning you make an appointment for an HIV test.’ It only takes me a couple of seconds. ‘Okay.’ I can’t just walk up to Josh in the middle of the bullpen and ask: ‘Hey Josh, did you get your HIV test done?’ But he’s gone out, and been a while, so I guess he’s doing it. The blood test isn’t too bad. The young man who does it is quietly-spoken. I guess he’s around forty, and probably seen dozens, maybe hundreds of people in here for tests of one kind or another. I hardly even feel the needle go in, and within a few seconds the tube is full, and he’s telling me to press on the gauze pad under my fingers. A couple of minutes later and he’s filled two test tubes and peeling the back off a small round plaster. He swaps the gauze pad with its tiny red spot for the plaster and stands up. ‘All done. The results will be around three to four hours. Do you want to wait?’ ‘Er, no, I have to get back.’ ‘Do we have a number where we can reach you this afternoon?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Okay.’ He holds the door open for me and I walk out, breathing deeply, tasting the warm polluted air which is DC in the summer. He’s back. Again, no chance of any privacy at work, so I don’t even bother going into his office. ‘Josh Lyman. Okay…thanks.’ I get the call to pick up my results mid-afternoon. It’s been three hours since I came back from the clinic. Where I turned down the offer of in-depth pre-test counselling. I’m not expecting the test to show anything. So I manage to pass the time in-between the test and the result by going back to the office and working. Three hours of snapping at Donna, which is nothing new and therefore merits little response other than a few sulky looks. Three hours of not being able to do anything much except drink so much coffee I actually begin to feel light-headed. Three hours of having Leo actually give up asking me anything which requires anything more than the simplest ‘yes/no’ response. Sam’s been keeping clear of me too. I guess he wants to know my results almost as much as I do. But as we can’t exactly talk about it, it’s probably best that we keep some distance between us. At least until I know. ‘I have to go out. I’ll be a little while.’ Leo looks up. ‘Josh, you okay?’ ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ I may have a fatal and transmittable disease, but I’m fine. ‘Okay. Leave your cell turned on.’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Mr Lyman?’ The woman in the white coat, who may be a doctor, stands over me as I flick though copies of Time and Newsweek. ‘Follow me.’ ‘Was there a reason you came here today?’ ‘To get tested.’ She smiles. ‘I mean, a particular reason. Did you have unsafe sex with someone you believe to be infected?’ ‘No.’ ‘So?’ She waits, obviously wanting to know why I suddenly need an HIV test. ‘I’m starting a relationship.’ ‘Okay. You know your partner will need to be tested too.’ ‘He has been.’ Great Josh, tell a complete stranger you’re dating a guy. ‘And his test was negative?’ ‘Yeah.’ What is this? Is my result not back?’ She smiles. ‘Yours is too.’ I’m speechless. I feel sick. And dizzy. Probably the caffeine. And relief. A massive amount of relief. Definitely the test results. ‘Thanks.’ ‘You should still be careful if you or your partner see other people.’ ‘Yeah.’ They didn’t ask me if I wanted post-result counselling but I’m getting it anyway.’ ‘And you should be tested regularly. We’ll send you a reminder. Do you want it at the address you gave as your home address?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Okay. Go and tell him the good news.’ ‘Thank you.’ She smiles, getting up. ‘You’re welcome.’ ‘Josh, you okay?’ Now I can smile. ‘Yeah, Leo. I’m fine.’ ‘You gonna do some work now?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Okay. Come see me when you’ve read this.’ The cardboard folder is bulging with another report. ‘Yeah.’ I don’t even get onto the second page before I have to rush to the bathroom. I don’t care who hears me. Between bringing up my lunch and hyperventilating so badly I almost pass out, I must be making noise enough for the entire West Wing to hear. ‘Josh?’ Trying to catch my breath, I half-recognise the voice. ‘Leo?’ ‘Yeah. You okay?’ I force myself to concentrate on unlocking the stall door and coming out. ‘Josh, are you sick?’ I smile. ‘No, Leo. I’m fine.’ Leo looks at me as I look up at my reflection in the large mirror above the sink I’m holding onto. ‘Yeah, right.’ Shaking his head, he leaves me alone. Click here to go to Part Seven Home Send me feedback on this fic Return to the X-Files Fic Index Return to the West Wing Fic Index