Title: Learned behaviour – Part Four – First cut is the deepest ‘I wanna go home.’ Sarah sighed. A familiar statement which always featured somewhere in their sessions was becoming harder to dismiss lightly. ‘Mulder, you’ve only been here a short while.’ ‘Six weeks.’ ‘I’m not sure you’re ready.’ ‘Just for a week. Please.’ Unused to Mulder’s well-practised routine, Sarah was caught off-guard by the pleading voice and puppy-dog expression. ‘I think we need to compromise. How about a long weekend? Friday to Sunday.’ Realising that in the several seconds of silence which followed the offer, he wasn’t going to get anywhere, Mulder sighed. ‘Okay.’ **************** ‘Mulder, you do know it’s only five o’clock?’ Turning at the sound of the doctor’s voice behind him, Mulder nodded. ‘Yeah. Couldn’t sleep.’ ‘He’ll be here Mulder.’ ‘Yeah. Can I use the phone?’ ‘In an hour or so. If you wake him now, I don’t think he’ll be too happy. Wait an hour or so.’ Mulder nodded resignedly. ‘Okay. But at six, right?’ ‘Will he be awake?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Very well. Now I think you should go back to bed.’ ‘Okay.’ Sarah hoped Walter Skinner hadn’t forgotten he was taking Mulder home for the weekend. Switching off the kitchen light, she walked slowly back to her office. ************** ‘Skinner.’ ‘Walter?’ Skinner couldn’t help the note of anxiety in his voice. ‘Fox. Is everything all right?’ ‘Yeah. I couldn’t sleep.’ ‘Me either.’ ‘Sarah says you can come whenever you’re ready.’ ‘I’ll leave now.’ ‘Okay.’ Replacing the receiver, Fox smiled. ‘He’s coming.’ Sarah nodded. ‘I thought he just might be.’ As he walked out to the car, Skinner’s phone rang a second time. ‘Skinner.’ ‘Mr Skinner? It’s Dr Hillier. I thought I’d save a little time when you arrive. Mulder is a little anxious to leave.’ Mulder stood by the window facing the car park, anxiously scanning the occasionally-arriving vehicles for some sign of Walter. After a few minutes, he tired, and dropped to the window sill, perching there until he saw Walter getting out of his car. Stiff from sitting in the same position for almost an hour, he got up awkwardly and walked to the front door. Cautiously, Walter smiled. ‘Hello Fox.’ ‘Walter.’ Skinner was relieved that Fox appeared totally different from the last time he’d seen him. ‘Ready?’ Mulder nodded eagerly. ‘Yeah.’ ‘We’ll just tell Dr Hillier we’re leaving.’ ‘Okay.’ ************ Sarah watched the car pull away. ‘I hope we did the right thing Andy.’ The man at her side let out a slow breath. ‘Who knows?’ Sarah looked at him, frowning. ‘Want to try that again and this time be a little more reassuring?’ Laughing quietly, Andy shook his head. ‘Nope.’ ‘If Fox Mulder comes back on time and without a scratch on him, I’ll swap next weekend with you.’ Andy stared at Sarah. ‘Deal.’ *************** Skinner unlocked the front door and Mulder wandered in slowly. He walked around the apartment, remembering things. And smelling a recently-cooked breakfast. ‘You hungry?’ Mulder jumped, startled, as Skinner’s voice broke into his thoughts. ‘Yeah.’ ‘Go and put your things away. I’ll make something.’ ‘Okay.’ Mulder tidied away the few things he’d bought with him, and was sitting on the couch within a few minutes. He watched Walter preparing toast and coffee, loading it all onto a tray. *************** They were like strangers. Each trying too hard not to upset the other. By mid-morning, the atmosphere was strained. Reaching for his coffee, Mulder’s knocked the mug, tipping the contents onto the coffee table. Instantly, Skinner righted the cup then grabbed Mulder’s hand. ‘Did you hurt yourself Fox?’ Mulder shook his head. ‘I’ll get a cloth.’ Skinner got up and walked into the kitchen. Moments later, he heard the bathroom door slam shut. Walking past, Skinner could clearly hear Mulder’s sobs. ‘Fox?’ Without turning round, Mulder whispered: ‘I want to go back.’ Calmly, Skinner nodded. ‘Okay.’ ‘I’m sorry.’ Slowly, Skinner walked up behind Mulder. ‘Fox, don’t apologise. I’ll take you back.’ ‘I wanted this so much and now I’ve ruined it.’ ‘No Fox, you haven’t. You just weren’t ready.’ ‘What if I’m never ready?’ ‘You will be. In time.’ Mulder turned a desolate look on his face. Skinner only just managed to keep his face blank. ‘Am I crazy?’ ‘No Fox. You’re not. You’ve been through a rough time is all.’ As he spoke, Skinner noticed Mulder was cradling his wrist. He pulled at Mulder’s hand and the small cut on Mulder’s wrist was suddenly visible, along with more blood than he had been expecting. Then he heard the slight sound of something falling onto the tiled floor. One of his razor blades, stained with Mulder’s blood, glinted in the bright light. Skinner lifted Mulder quickly to his feet and pulled him from the bathroom, only releasing him to drop him onto the couch. Moments later, first aid kit in hand, Skinner dropped next to Mulder. ‘I’ll patch this up, then we’ll get ready to leave.’ ‘I want to stay.’ Skinner shook his head firmly. ‘I can’t spend the next three days worrying about you every time you’re out of my sight Fox.’ His emotions on seeing Fox’s self-induced wound tinged his voice with a sharpness he hadn’t intended. Cleaning and dressing the wound were heightening those feelings and Skinner didn’t know how to cope. ‘If I go back they’ll know…’ ‘Know what Fox?’ ‘That I cut myself.’ Skinner sighed, packing the first-aid kit things back into the plastic box. ‘You can stay until after lunch. I don’t want you fainting in the car.’ Mulder half-smiled. ‘I’m sorry.’ ‘It’s my fault. I should have made sure they were packed away.’ ‘Have you hidden every sharp object?’ ‘Most of ‘em.’ Walter joked, relaxing a fraction. Mulder moved closer to Skinner, leaning into the familiar embrace. As the strong arms closed around him, Mulder said quietly: ‘I won’t do anything else like that.’ Tightening his grip until Mulder gasped, Skinner leaned down and whispered into Mulder’s ear: ‘You’d better not Fox.’ **************** Mulder dozed, head on Skinner’s chest while he read out loud from what had become Mulder’s favorite book. Three men in a boat. Skinner smiled occasionally as he read. Mulder stirred slightly as Skinner laughed. ‘What?’ ‘Nothing Fox. But it is late. Bed.’ ‘Okay.’ Mulder pulled himself up and headed for the bathroom. As he opened the bathroom door, Skinner wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing. Mulder turned immediately. ‘It’s okay. I’m just cleaning my teeth.’ ‘Okay.’ Skinner joined him, then, finishing more quickly, closed the door behind him, and walked into Mulder’s room. After a couple more minutes, Mulder walked back into the bedroom. ‘I told you I wouldn’t do anything stupid. Don’t you trust me?’ ‘I’m responsible for you Fox.’ Still not happy, Mulder climbed into bed. ‘I’m not a kid.’ Angry with himself more than Mulder, Skinner sighed. ‘I know.’ Gently, he lowered himself onto the edge of the bed and stroked Mulder’s cheek. ‘It’s all right Fox. Sleep now.’ Mulder snuggled under the bedclothes, turning onto his side. Skinner got up, switching out the light. ‘Goodnight Fox. Sleep well.’ Skinner was a heavy sleeper. Often working long tiring days, he had changed from a Marine who woke at every slight sound to an FBI AD who could sleep through a thunderstorm. So it wasn’t until he turned over and stretched out to grab the bedclothes that had moved off him that he realised he wasn’t alone. And probably hadn’t been for most of the night. Hence the absence of blankets. Mulder was lying with the bedclothes tucked tightly round him, leaving Skinner with the very edges of the sheet, blanket and comforter and little else. Continued in Part Five Coming soon… Home Send me feedback on this fic Return to the X-Files Fic Index Return to the West Wing Fic Index