Trying each one in the front door, Mulder said: ‘They were a present.’

Skinner caught movement out of the corner of his eye. ‘Fox, there’s someone home.’

Mulder knocked a couple of times on the door.

The door opened a crack and Skinner’s eyes narrowed angrily.

‘Krycek!’

‘Hi sir. Hi Mulder.’

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I got an email.’

‘Alex, where the Hell have you been these past three weeks?’

‘Don’t ask sir. But we’re here now. Come on in.’

Sighing, Skinner walked slowly into the house. The two cats he walked past seemed more interested in sleeping than investigating the visitors and lay back down on their blanket as the three men moved from room to room.

****************

Fox held up the sheet he’d been reading. ‘There’s someone else. Susanna.’

‘They’re the same person. I checked on her website. She uses the name Susanna sometimes.’

‘Two identities. Why would she need them?’

‘Jeez. Did you read this?’ Fox looked up at Krycek, who nodded. Fox handed the sheet to Skinner.

Skimming it, Skinner frowned. ‘Is that possible?’

Mulder took the sheet of paper from him and read. ‘I could do that.’

‘Not with me.’ Skinner growled.

Mulder pulled a disgusted face. ‘Eww! Not with you!’

‘And I don’t growl.’

‘You just did.’

‘When?!’

‘When you said ‘‘not with me’’.’

Crossly, Skinner snapped: ‘That was my normal voice.’

Mulder smiled, reading from the sheet. ‘Skinner growled in full alpha male mode.’

Ignoring him, Skinner read another sheet. He handed it to Mulder. ‘Is that legal?’

Mulder considered the paragraph for a moment. ‘I guess. If the Rat consented.’

‘Consented to what?’ Alex had made a full a full search of the tidy and evidently recently decorated apartment and found nothing to indicate where the owner had gone or how long she was likely to be. He had found several packs of Morley’s, some opened, some not.

He walked back into the living room just in time to hear Mulder’s answer.

Mulder tried to hide the sheets of paper. ‘Um, nothing…’

Alex came round and tried to snatch the sheets from Mulder’s hand. But as the hand stretched above his head, he stopped. ‘You win.’

Skinner frowned, looking up from another pile of paper. ‘You always win Krycek. By whatever means.’

Alex waved the sheets he held. ‘Do I? Maybe on paper, but not in the real world.’

Mulder picked up a sheet. ‘Alex wore yet another of his extensive collection of last season’s Wal-Mart off the peg.’

‘Shut up Mulder!’ Alex said crossly, his emerald green eyes flashing anger.

Skinner sank down onto the couch. ‘I guess we should stop reading this stuff Mulder.’

Mulder stayed where he was. ‘Okay. You’re the boss. And you always call me Fox.’

‘Yeah. That’s another thing. How come I’m always the dominant one?’

Mulder and Alex looked at each other. ‘You’re the oldest?’ Mulder offered, withering under Skinner’s steely stare.

‘You’re the tallest.’ Alex offered, which seemed to annoy Skinner less. ‘And the fittest.’

Mulder seemed put out. ‘Only on paper. Your ‘washboard abs’ and the Ratboy’s ‘emerald green eyes’ come up again and again. I’m fit. I run. And you only have a couple of inches on me.’

Alex made an angry sound. ‘Did you just call me ‘ratboy’?’

Mulder held out the crumpled sheets he’d been holding. ‘No, she did.’

Alex skimmed a handful of the sheets of paper. ‘Jeez, we sure get hit a lot.’

‘Spanked, Krycek. I never hit. Well, not you two anyway.’ Skinner corrected looking up from yet another pile of paper.

Alex flicked through the sheets he held. ‘If we did all this stuff in one day, we’d never get any work done. And you should call me Alex.’

‘Don’t push me Krycek.’

‘What’cha gonna do, *Walter*? Spank me, huh?’

Skinner read on. ‘It’s no wonder I have to hand out so much discipline. You two behave like a couple of kids around each other.’

‘That’s why we keep out of each other’s lives.’ Mulder said firmly.

Alex read another sheet. ‘According to this, you took me in and I kinda grew on you.’

‘Like mould.’ Mulder said grimly.

Alex was reading another sheet. ‘How the Hell does she know that happened?’

Mulder took the sheet from Alex’s shaking hand and skimmed it. He looked at Skinner who came across to Alex. ‘Krycek?’

Alex stared at the floor. ‘I didn’t tell anyone about that.’

Skinner sighed heavily. ‘Don’t you get it yet Krycek? She makes it up. She’s a writer. None of this ever happened.’

Pale and nauseous, Alex said softly: ‘That did.’

Skinner took the sheet from Mulder. He read it quickly, concentrating on the dialogue and not the descriptive paragraphs in between. He realised Krycek had made a dash for the bathroom. Hearing Alex throwing up, Skinner said firmly: ‘Stay here Mulder.’

Grateful he didn’t have to go near Krycek while he was vomiting, Mulder nodded. ‘Sir.’

*************

After a few minutes, Alex appeared in the doorway. He nodded at the paper-covered floor. ‘According to that, you should have come and sat with me then handed me a wet washcloth then hugged me until I felt better.’

‘I’d as soon hug a rattlesnake Krycek.’

‘I keep telling you. Call me Alex.’ He waved a hand over the sheets of paper. ‘You always do.’

Skinner didn’t reply.

*************

‘Come on in Dana. Make yourself at home and I’ll…’ Catrina stared at the three men. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Did you write this?’ Skinner crumpled the sheets he held. Catrina smiled. ‘This must be you in full alpha male mode.’

Skinner looked like he was ready to explode. ‘Agent Scully, what are you doing here?’

‘I’m about to help Catrina pick out a new colour scheme for her apartment. Why are you here?’

‘We got an email.’

Catrina smiled. ‘I wanted to meet them. I couldn’t think of another way.’

Dana looked up. ‘You could have asked me.’

‘I didn’t want to bother you.’

Excusing herself, Dana said quickly: ‘I’ll make some coffee.’

When they were alone again, Mulder said: ‘I’ve just thought of something.’ Catrina smiled politely. ‘Which is?’

‘Why doesn’t Scully appear in any of this?’ Mulder gestured at the floor where dozens of sheets of paper were scattered about.

‘I don’t write het or gen. Only slash.’

The three men looked at each other. ‘Het or gen?’ Skinner asked.

‘I don’t think I wanna know what slash is.’ Mulder said crossly.

‘Why does Skinner get to be in charge?’ Alex asked.

Catrina patted the couch next to her. Alex sat down quite happily. Mulder settled for perching on the arm. Skinner stayed on his feet and folded his arms, stretching his perfectly ironed white shirt across his broad chest. Catrina smiled. Which made Skinner frown. Which made Catrina laugh. ‘I knew it.’

‘Knew what?’ Skinner hissed.

‘The way your biceps bulge when you fold your arms.‘

‘They do not.’ Skinner snarled, instantly uncrossing his arms.

‘I’ll bet you growl too.’

‘I do not!’ Skinner snapped, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

‘Yeah, sir, you do.’ Mulder said mildly. ‘You did earlier. Remember?’

Catrina giggled again. ‘Damn, and I missed it.’ She turned to Alex. ‘Still, I was right about one thing?’

‘Which is?’

‘You *do* have gorgeous eyes.’ She looked at each of them in turn. ‘Actually, you all do.’

Skinner made an exasperated sound. ‘I was married. If flirting were an Olympic sport, he’d win gold.’ Skinner nodded at Mulder who pouted.

He nodded at Alex. ‘And we don’t like him. Why d’you have us all living together?’ Alex was too interested in the answer to be offended at Skinner’s words.

Catrina smiled. ‘My mind just works like that.’

Alex pushed a handful of sheets of paper at her. ‘How did you know about me and Spender?’

Reading the first few lines, Catrina said: ‘I made it up.’

Alex snapped: ‘You’re lying I want to know!’ He moved to stand over her, his hand reaching into his pocket.

Suddenly scared, Catrina leaned back against the couch. Skinner stepped between Alex and the couch. In impressive full AD/Marine mode he snapped: ‘Krycek, stop it!’

Alex sat back down and Catrina relaxed slightly as Alex asked: ‘Does any of this stuff have a happy ending?’

Catrina looked up. ‘It all does. I only do happy endings.’ She looked round, frowning. ‘Look at the mess. Couldn’t you at least have kept the pages together? Would you like it if I came to your apartment and made this kind of mess?’

Shyly, Alex asked: ‘Which is your favorite one?’

Catrina got up and walked over to her PC. ‘This one. I keep it by me when I’m writing. It helps me remember how you all behave. Dana, come on into the bedroom and see which colour scheme would look best.’ She looked across as she got up. ‘You might at least make an effort to tidy up some of the mess you’ve made.’

There was silence in the living room for a while as the men read their way through the several sheets of paper.

‘Log cabin?’ Walter muttered, his jaw clenching.

‘I get hit *again*.’ Fox protested, his eyes filling with tears at the injustice.

‘We have sex together.’ Alex’s green eyes flashed amusement at the words and the reassurance of the happy ending.

***********

When they came back in the room, Dana saw that the three men were sitting on the floor, slowly making neat piles of the scattered sheets. She nudged Catrina gently. ‘You should put that in a story. Three former FBI guys willingly doing paperwork.’

Catrina laughed softly. ‘Actually, two doing it, one watching.’

As she continued to watch Dana realised Catrina was right. Skinner wasn’t actually moving any paper. But he was watching the other two while they worked. And he did not look happy. He looked up as she came in. ‘Do you make a living at this?’

‘Writing? No. I just do it for fun.’

‘How long does it take to make something like this up?’ Skinner was intrigued in spite of himself.

‘It depends. A few hours, sometimes a few days. If I get an idea, and it grows, I can be working on the same storyline for weeks.’

‘How do you know all this stuff about us?’

Smiling, Catrina said cryptically: ‘I have my sources.’

Skinner scowled and turned his attention back to the other two.

***************

The three men walked from the building. Blowing out a deep breath, Skinner’s relief was evident in his voice. ‘We did it.’

The other two smiled at Skinner. Alex nodded. ‘Yeah.’

Fox sighed. ‘Let’s go home.’

Skinner opened his car door. ‘I’ll meet you back there. I have a few things to do. When I get back I expect to find you in your corners thinking very hard about what you did wrong today.’

Both men stared at Skinner. Fox was first to speak. ‘You came over too!’

Skinner nodded. ‘I didn’t break any laws.’

‘You went through the manuscripts.’ Alex protested.

‘One more word out of either of you, and it won’t be my hand. It’ll be my belt. Understand?’

The two younger men nodded miserably.

Skinner drove away leaving Fox and Alex standing on the pavement by Alex’s car.

‘How many d’you think we’ll get?’ Alex asked crossly.

Fox sighed. ‘At least fifty.’

‘Fifty!’ Alex was horrified.

‘Yeah.’ Mulder shrugged. ‘That’s what we got the last time.’

‘Last time? I haven’t done this before.’

‘According to Catrina, we do stuff like this a lot. I saw Walter reading one story where we did something like this and we each got corner time, the belt and lines afterwards.’

Getting into his car, Alex swallowed hard. ‘Maybe I could get lost on the way home.’

Mulder shook his head. ‘Not worth it. He’d find you and it’d be ten times worse.’

Alex shuddered at the thought and closed his car door. He waited until Fox pulled away from the kerb, then followed him.

*************

‘Catrina, it’s late. Come to bed.’

Catrina turned in her chair and smiled at the man in the doorway, naked, a cigarette dangling from his mouth. She got up and followed him into the candlelit room. ‘This is nice.’ She looked round appreciatively, hearing the soft music in the background.

‘What, you didn’t think I could be romantic?’

He pulled her close and she looked up at him. ‘Let me tell you about my day.’

Taking her in his arms, Spender lifted Catrina and carried her over to the bed. Covering her lips with his, he murmured: ‘Later.’

End

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